# My 15 Year-Old Daughter Just Told Me She's BiSexual -HELP! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 12, 2018, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721 "2018-02-12T21:50:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/41 "2018-02-13T00:34:31Z")
> [@GreysonCarlisle](#): > > More people like your daughter would make the world a better place. > > Is she bi? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, the best support you can give is to shrug and say, “OK. Pass the peas, please. I love you.” Love it, thank you! ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/42 "2018-02-13T00:34:34Z")
I assume that you have trusted your daughter’s judgement before, and I’m pretty sure that you can trust her now. She isn’t getting into drugs or gangs, or whatever; she’s just trying to figure out who she loves. Honestly, the risks are also really low, almost certainly much lower than what could happen if she dated the wrong guy. Have you thought about going to a support group or a PFLAG meeting for yourself? I just talked with the health section of the Los Angeles LGBT Center, and they recommended [PFLAG LA](http://www.pflagla.org/) as well. Knowing how I felt going through some of this stuff, I suspect that all of this will seem completely alien at first. It really isn’t; it’s just people from all sorts of walks of life working together to have healthy lives. This is tough to say, but I honestly think that the only way that you could lose your daughter is by trying to stop her. If she rebels, then there goes your relationship. If she’s straight, then you may just be taking away her friends. That said, there’s a chance that she could be attracted to women. If she represses that, then there’s a chance that she could marry and be stuck in a loveless marriage with kids before she finally can’t take any more. This is actually common. I don’t get out much, and I’ve known one woman who lost everything while coming out and getting out of a marriage, and I know of another who eventually overdosed (I’m friends with the ex-husband. It’s awkward.) ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/43 "2018-02-13T00:37:43Z")
Here’s some great advice from [Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).](https://www.pflag.org/blog/parents-quick-tips-supporting-your-lgbtq-kids-and-yourself-during-coming-out-process) I’d strongly recommend checking for a local chapter near you. Thousands of your neighbors have been through this and can help. ETA: Well, shit, **cornflakes.** ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/44 "2018-02-13T00:38:32Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Aw, c’mon. What are the chances that a brand new account posting a story with a lot of details about the sexuality of a teenage girl and asking for opinions in a way guaranteed to rile people up–what are the chances that that would be less than sincere? > > So cynical, Dopers are. So cynical. Thank you for your reply, I just found this forum today and posted this, so yes, I left… ummm… because I don’t sit in front of the computer all day, ha ha… seriously, it is a genuine concern and I thank those who genuinely wanted to help me with advise. I am much more calm now and I appreciate you all’s help. I came from a very traditional and somewhat homophobic home and lost both my parents a few years ago, so it’s not easy raising kids alone in this day and age. And I don’t agree with my parents having been homophobic but that was then and this is now and I love my daughter… Thank you again! ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/45 "2018-02-13T00:47:22Z")
> [@cornflakes](#): > > I assume that you have trusted your daughter’s judgement before, and I’m pretty sure that you can trust her now. She isn’t getting into drugs or gangs, or whatever; she’s just trying to figure out who she loves. Honestly, the risks are also really low, almost certainly much lower than what could happen if she dated the wrong guy. > > Have you thought about going to a support group or a PFLAG meeting for yourself? I just talked with the health section of the Los Angeles LGBT Center, and they recommended [PFLAG LA](http://www.pflagla.org/) as well. Knowing how I felt going through some of this stuff, I suspect that all of this will seem completely alien at first. It really isn’t; it’s just people from all sorts of walks of life working together to have healthy lives. > > This is tough to say, but I honestly think that the only way that you could lose your daughter is by trying to stop her. If she rebels, then there goes your relationship. If she’s straight, then you may just be taking away her friends. That said, there’s a chance that she could be attracted to women. If she represses that, then there’s a chance that she could marry and be stuck in a loveless marriage with kids before she finally can’t take any more. This is actually common. I don’t get out much, and I’ve known one woman who lost everything while coming out and getting out of a marriage, and I know of another who eventually overdosed (I’m friends with the ex-husband. It’s awkward.) Wow, I am so sorry to hear that about those wonderful women in those situations… thank you so much for helping me, I don’t get out much either and have never dealt with something like this… you are so right and this is definitely helping me be more knowledgeable, so next time we talk (she and I) I actually know what the heck I am doing, and being supporting and loving, which we always are, but this was a surprise and though I remained calm, emotions came out later. I think it’s fear. I don’t know of what, but we are all raised differently and we can’t judge how others feel or think, so for those who made comments about why the heck I was on here asking for advise, I am new to the forum and have nothing to be ashamed of. I am trying to deal with this with the utmost respect toward another human being, my wonderful daughter whom I love more than anything, and I would never want to say stupid things the way my parents and grandparents did… and I did great and will improve thanks to those kind folks who truly cared to respond in a caring way to help me. Love it! Again, thank you and I will look into the above links, have never heard of it but will research. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/46 "2018-02-13T00:48:14Z")
> [@Colette8](#): > > Thank you for your reply, I just found this forum today and posted this Welcome to the Straight Dope! > [@](#): > > so yes, I left… ummm… because I don’t sit in front of the computer all day, ha ha… Cute, but we’ve got you now. They’re always so adorable when they’re new. Before you know it, you’ll be wondering where the days went. ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/47 "2018-02-13T00:50:49Z")
Thank you! I appreciate your kind reply! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/48 "2018-02-13T00:57:43Z")
For the record, **Colette8** , I sympathize. I was raised in a homophobic environment with no exposure to anything else, and live in terror that I will end up being all homophobic to somebody someday. (Similarly, racism. I try not to be! But if you _have no contact whatsoever with anybody of the minority class_, it’s hard to normalize your reactions…) All you can do is try to be better than your upbringing. ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/49 "2018-02-13T01:01:41Z")
Thank you. Please chill, buddy… I had to rush to pick up my other 3 kiddos… I don’t sit on the computer all day, but I did come back to some interesting advice which I appreciate. Have a nice night and if you don’t like the posts, keep scrolling… no need for negativity… ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/50 "2018-02-13T01:02:13Z")
Some of us here (me included) have kids who have come out as transgender. The best advice ever is to be completely loving and supportive. There’s really no other option. I’ve talked to the social workers and psychologists. Without family support the suicide rate greatly increases. Think about that option. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/51 "2018-02-13T01:05:44Z")
> [@Colette8](#): > > Thank you. Please chill, buddy… I had to rush to pick up my other 3 kiddos… I don’t sit on the computer all day, but I did come back to some interesting advice which I appreciate. Have a nice night and if you don’t like the posts, keep scrolling… no need for negativity… Pro tip: Use the Quote button to reply to individual posts so we’ll know who you’re responding to. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/52 "2018-02-13T01:07:43Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > For the record, **Colette8** , I sympathize. I was raised in a homophobic environment with no exposure to anything else, and live in terror that I will end up being all homophobic to somebody someday. (Similarly, racism. I try not to be! But if you _have no contact whatsoever with anybody of the minority class_, it’s hard to normalize your reactions…) > > All you can do is try to be better than your upbringing. That’s a valid fear, but I think that most people will recognize your good heart and overlook any faux pas you make. Relax. ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/53 "2018-02-13T01:08:21Z")
Actually, you are right. My parents were homophobic and I am not to that extreme, but you are RIGHT, YES, it’s fear. Fear of the unknown. I know nothing about this and that’s why I am here. Thank you for opening my eyes. Man, having grown up in a home where that is seen as wrong or evil really does a number on you, although I’m not as bad as my parents, I don’t make homophobic remarks but they do cross my mind, I catch myself and throw it out. I truly believe we are like computers, the thoughts and fears we have are based on how we were raised/brainwashed, if you will… and it’s not always easy to get rid of those thoughts or beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![Colette8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Colette8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colette8)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/54 "2018-02-13T01:09:50Z")
> [@GreysonCarlisle](#): > > That’s a valid fear, but I think that most people will recognize your good heart and overlook any faux pas you make. Relax. Thanks, so true. I’ll be a pro in no time on this board. I’m in diapers right now but will be running in no time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/55 "2018-02-13T01:23:26Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > **My 15 Year-Old Daughter Just Told Me She’s BiSexual** > > So? So, a parent needs advice on how to proceed on something they’re not prepared for. not some dismissive snark from an internet rando with no skin in the game. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/56 "2018-02-13T01:29:32Z")
Thanks. I’m sorry for coming on so strong with that last paragraph. My friend did lose custody and lost her house to a deadbeat stay at home dad, but the kids now visit and they’ve grown up a bit and can be more objective about their parents, and she’s now happily married to an incredible wife. Most importantly she has herself. > [@Colette8](#): > > …I think it’s fear. I don’t know of what, but we are all raised differently and we can’t judge how others feel or think Of course it’s fear! This is new stuff for you! I really like the idea of going to a PFLAG meeting or two. After all, the organization was started by a mom. And of course, your daughter is just experimenting. That’s really not a big deal. It’s just like the other crushes, daydreams and such that everyone does at that age. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/57 "2018-02-13T01:47:49Z")
> [@Smudge777](#): > > … > If you are concerned/alarmed/saddened by the idea that your daughter could have romantic love for both sexes, then (as the kids say) ‘that’s a you problem’. … Well, what the Italian kids say, anyway. Or, maybe a Marx Brother pretending to be an Italian kid. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/58 "2018-02-13T01:57:35Z")
You should soon have that all important safe sex talk. Do it without implications of your preference. I mean like this week. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/59 "2018-02-13T02:19:21Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > So, a parent needs advice on how to proceed on something they’re not prepared for. not some dismissive snark from an internet rando with no skin in the game. Maybe you misunderstood my advise. With 2 characters and a question mark I was able to say “don’t worry about it” and everything everyone else was so long winded about. Dismissive is exactly how she should treat this “problem”. More people need to ask themselves “So?” when they get all worked up over something. Often times that something becomes nothing. And if she didn’t want some internet rando’s advice, she shouldn’t be coming to the internet for it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2018, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721/60 "2018-02-13T02:25:48Z")
> [@Colette8](#): > > … I came from a very traditional and somewhat homophobic home and lost both my parents a few years ago, so it’s not easy raising kids alone in this day and age. And I don’t agree with my parents having been homophobic but that was then and this is now and I love my daughter… Thank you again! And it makes sense that this caught you off guard and is a stretch for you. The fact that your first impulse seems to have been unconditional acceptance of her, period, speaks loads to you as a parent. The tapes from your upbringing playing in your head? You may not be able to stop them from playing but you’ve seemed to keep their volume turned down and turned the “this daughter of mine is an amazing person” tape to eleven just fine. I don’t think there is anything wrong with openly sharing with her that battle of the tapes and how much louder the latter one is. You’ve guided her pretty well so far and it seems like you have good cause to trust her to figure out her sexual orientation and what her identity is. Your role is reinforcing that she is always feeling in charge of what happens with her sexually, that she always has the confidence with any possible partner to say what she _does_ and does _not_ want to do and the willingness to communicate clearly (in both directions) with possible interests. Straight, gay, bi? Teen age romance can get angsty. People can feel/be used or hurt no matter how they love. And of course yes reinforce being safe no matter what. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-15-year-old-daughter-just-told-me-shes-bisexual-help/808721.md?page=4)