# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/181 "2015-05-13T11:53:52Z")
\*\*Quartz \*\*may have [Mother’s Day](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day) confused with [Mothering Sunday](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday). ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/182 "2015-05-13T15:11:44Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > \*\*Quartz \*\*may have [Mother’s Day](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day) confused with [Mothering Sunday](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday). It’s the same thing over here. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/183 "2015-05-13T15:20:26Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > Here is my advice as a non-mom and somebody who got called by my father this year to send my mother something for valentine’s day (seriously-do you send your _mother_ something for valentine’s day??I compromised and sent her an e-card to make my father happy but I refuse to capitulate further to the Hallmark conspiracy unless I am actually seeing somebody myself). No, you don’t send your mother something for Valentine’s Day. Maybe when you are in second grade. Otherwise, ick. The only way I could see it is if Mom was recently widowed or divorced. You might give her a call so she won’t feel lonely. But when dad is there, why is dad not doing something for valentine’s day? ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/184 "2015-05-13T15:54:23Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > …I also live in an area where same sex parents are considered normal–even a little cooler then opposite sex parents. I must lived a sheltered life because I am shocked by all the comments suggesting that this normal teenage behavior is due to the kid having 2 moms. (post shortened) I’m only attempting to clear up a possible misunderstanding, so don’t shoot the messenger. **tapu** said she didn’t know what the solution was as to why her 15, now 16, year old son forgets Mother’s Day. She finally chose to seek assistance from the SDMB. **tapu** then made it known that she is a lesbian. It seems to me that if someone is desperately seeking advice, there should be no reason for them to ignore the POSSIBILTY that the 2-moms issue MIGHT be an issue. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/185 "2015-05-13T16:13:10Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > No, you don’t send your mother something for Valentine’s Day. Maybe when you are in second grade. Otherwise, ick. My mom sent me valentine’s day cards for a looong time, yeah, kinda ick. She had a stroke when I was in high school, so social nuances were a thing. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/186 "2015-05-13T16:21:42Z")
This is my experience only, but generally, teenagers aren’t big on celebrating holidays like that. I don’t mean to sound snarky but typically life isn’t like a warm, family sitcom. ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/187 "2015-05-13T17:19:07Z")
So Mumsy Wumsy is “teasing,” shaming, manipulating, and basically bullying her son into paying tribute to her on her “special day,” and then wonders why he might not respond favorably? If it has to be coerced, how is it of any value? Here’s what the OP brings to mind: [IT'S MOTHER'S DAY WORSHIP ME!!!!! - mommie dearest - quickmeme](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p9t5w) As for the lesbian thing, refusing to allow for the slightest possibility that a teenager might be just a wee little bit sensitive to the fact that he’s different from most of his peers is naive at best, epic denial at worst. Ok, so same-sex couples are “a dime a dozen” in your community. But “gay” is still an insult to teenagers. I’m a gay man, FWIW - so no homophobia here. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/188 "2015-05-13T17:27:39Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Thank you all for these recent replies. All of it has been insightful and helpful. > > As for those that continue in the “it’s because you’re gay” vein, you are not helpful in your ignorance. Please take it elsewhere. Please? I’ve asked a couple of times. It is YOUR issue, not ours. And don’t get me wrong–I’d be the first to examine that suggestion further. It’s just that I have, and I know more than you. Can you try to let that in and drop your arrogance enough to at least take your bigoted opinions elsewhere? from page 2 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/189 "2015-05-13T17:31:03Z")
> [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](#): > > So Mumsy Wumsy is “teasing,” shaming, manipulating, and basically bullying her son into paying tribute to her on her “special day,” and then wonders why he might not respond favorably? If it has to be coerced, how is it of any value? Children quite frequently have to be taught by coercion about cultural and social expectations. There’s nothing surprising about that. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/190 "2015-05-13T19:36:37Z")
Did he just call me “Mumsy Wumsy”? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/191 "2015-05-13T19:44:04Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Did he just call me “Mumsy Wumsy”? No, you are Mumsy, and wife is Wumsy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/192 "2015-05-13T19:52:26Z")
Well then we’re not even going to be lesbians anymore. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/193 "2015-05-13T20:03:23Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Children quite frequently have to be taught by coercion about cultural and social expectations. There’s nothing surprising about that. Doing one’s best to ignore the gigantic commercial foofaraw that Mother’s Day is is a cultural and social expectation for some people. It’s overdone, overblown, and is meaningless. When it’s reached the point where two baseball announcers are saying “Happy Mother’s Day” _to each other_, something’s wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/194 "2015-05-13T20:11:14Z")
> [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](#): > > So Mumsy Wumsy is “teasing,” shaming, manipulating, and basically bullying her son into paying tribute to her on her “special day,” and then wonders why he might not respond favorably? If it has to be coerced, how is it of any value? > > Here’s what the OP brings to mind: [IT'S MOTHER'S DAY WORSHIP ME!!!!! - mommie dearest - quickmeme](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p9t5w) > > As for the lesbian thing, refusing to allow for the slightest possibility that a teenager might be just a wee little bit sensitive to the fact that he’s different from most of his peers is naive at best, epic denial at worst. Ok, so same-sex couples are “a dime a dozen” in your community. But “gay” is still an insult to teenagers. > > I’m a gay man, FWIW - so no homophobia here. Perhaps a bit of self-loathing. With a dollop of misogyny… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/195 "2015-05-13T20:12:32Z")
I think it’s just the expectation. I call my dad once a week. When my mom first died, I called him every other day. I do this of my own volition. But when he complains, “You never call, why don’t you call more often?” I immediately shut down and then I don’t want to call him. It’s annoying. And I’m almost 40 and can rationalize it out in my head. He’s 16 and I know I hadn’t yet received my brain. All that being said, I think most teens could at least get their act together to buy a single flower and say “Happy Mother’s Day, mom”. But - he’s a good kid, honor student, all that. I’d just let it go. Who cares? He is being a good son in every other way. ---
**Author:** ![Fallen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@Fallen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fallen)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/196 "2015-05-13T20:46:02Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I think it’s just the expectation. I call my dad once a week. When my mom first died, I called him every other day. I do this of my own volition. > > But when he complains, “You never call, why don’t you call more often?” I immediately shut down and then I don’t want to call him. It’s annoying. And I’m almost 40 and can rationalize it out in my head. He’s 16 and I know I hadn’t yet received my brain. > > All that being said, I think most teens could at least get their act together to buy a single flower and say “Happy Mother’s Day, mom”. But - he’s a good kid, honor student, all that. I’d just let it go. Who cares? He is being a good son in every other way. What Anaamika said/says. … and adults (let alone teens) react in a pretty predictable way to criticism, or perceived criticism, and expectations of performance (regardless of whether one or two moms). Sometimes you figure if you’re in trouble for not doing X, you might as well stick with that and avoid the go-rounds of “you didn’t do X well enough/to my satisfaction.” The surefire way to irritate someone and make them more inclined to do the exact opposite of what you desire is to keep picking at it or doing that which can induce guilt (whether or not that’s the goal). It’s a lesson we humans have a hard time learning, however. I agree that the average kid has to be prodded by another adult to do X (whether it be birthday, Mother’s Day or any number of other “made up” days of recognition or celebration, including Christmas. They’re ALL “made up”. 🙂 Don’t get some women started about forced recognition on Valentine’s Day … ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/197 "2015-05-13T21:46:14Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Sorry, I mean we’re a lesbian couple. I think that calling this “…he has two moms…” to a group of strangers, without further explanation, shows where a lack of communication skills can be the problem. Also, calling somebody out on not noting an occasion isn’t quite a wise thing; however, you could have one of the moms say “Your [other] mom is kind of hurt…” ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/198 "2015-05-13T21:56:54Z")
I think the first thing is generational in some cases, and possibly geographical. I think the second thing has been noted a dozen times or more already. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/199 "2015-05-13T21:58:10Z")
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that, these days, most people would immediately understand that without needing it to be spelled out. Two moms, lots of “we’s” sprinkled in referring to the moms as a set. What’s more likely? A same sex couple or a mother and a stepmother comparing notes on Mother’s Day gifts? ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/200 "2015-05-13T22:59:42Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Regarding being embarrassed in front of his friends–quite the opposite. All his friends think it’s cool to have two moms and they spend more time and are more relaxed here than I’ve ever seen teenagers be. This is an aspect of living in a gay-acceptance community with schools that uphold that. When Asa was 4, we moved here specifically because it offered a better environment for us and our son. Wait, you say you moved into an area just because you as a lesbian couple would feel more accepted? You mean things like taxes, climate, jobs, etc… none of that mattered? And you chose schools that are noted for “gay-acceptance”? Not the quality of its academics, its music program, its science labs, it’s SAT scores, or even its sports teams but just based on that kids from lesbian couples would feel most accepted? Ok thats fine for you but do you realize what happens when this occurs to the kids? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=11)