# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/301 "2015-05-16T22:40:31Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Who was included in the control group? Children of single parents! And children of mixed-sex heterosexual parents, who made up the majority. They compared lesbian parents to straight parents and to single parents, and found that lesbian parents were at least as good as both groups in all childhood welfare measurements, and better than both groups in some small number of childhood welfare measurements. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/302 "2015-05-16T22:45:02Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Who was included in the control group? Children of single parents! Boom! Just like I predicted. > > : **Grotonian** high fives the room!: WHere in the study is that mentioned? I mean, I can totally see yourself going around giving air high fives to everyone who’s looking at you in a mix of horror and embarrassment, hands in their laps. It’s not the image that’s the problem. But searching the study, I’m seeing that the data was compared to a nationally normed sample: > [@](#): > > To compare sexual behavior in the NLLFS adolescent sample with a national probability sample, the 6th Cycle of the NSFG was used (see Table 2) (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2005, 2006). The NSFG data were weighted to ensure that the sample was similar to the United States population in terms of gender, age, and race/ethnicity. The NSFG questions on sexual behavior were administered through Audio Computer-Assisted Self-Interviewing, which ensured privacy by allowing the participant to enter the responses directly into a computer. With permission of the National Center for Health Statistics (A. Chandra & G. Martinez, personal communication, December 4, 2009), the 17-year-old adolescents in the NSFG were selected, consisting of 235 girls and 199 boys. For these 17-year-old NSFG adolescents, weighted frequencies and means were computed for the variables in Table 2. Cross-tabulations and chi-square analyses were used to compare the 17-year-old NLLFS participants with the age-matched NSFG group (weighted data) on: (1) heterosexual contact, same-sex contact, and the prevalence of sexually transmitted infections (separately for adolescent girls and boys); (2) contraception and pregnancy (only for adolescent girls); and (3) impregnation (only for adolescent boys). T-tests were used to compare the NLLFS and the NSFG adolescents (weighted data) on the age of first heterosexual contact, separately by gender. Searching for the words “control” and “single”, I’m seeing no evidence to support your assertion. I suspect it’s something incredibly weaselly you’re going for, but I invite you to show your weasel, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Bouncer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2015, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/303 "2015-05-16T23:13:42Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Actually, he ignored Mother’s Day for 2 years now. Last year, when he was just 15, we thought he was embarrassed enough by it that he’d never miss it again. We were wrong. > > This is a good, good kid: all honors classes, class co-president, Eagle Scout-bound, no drugs, drinking, sex, smoking… > > He has two mothers, btw. > > We were hurt. Just teased him last year. But this year, wtf?? And we spoke to him about it and about how hurt we were but he just sat and listened and never offered an apology or anything. > > Note too that we are all very, very close and there is hardly ever an angry moment among us. > > Anyway, I’m thinking this evening that we need to find out from him why he would do such a thing. It seems very passive-aggressive, and thus meaningful. My thoughts are to ask him directly what it’s about. Any experience, advice, anything? > > sad mama ☹ Umm… get over this titanic disaster and assault on your august personage and move the fuck on? Okay that was kinda mean, Happy Mother’s Day. There, it’s been said. But consider for a moment, as opposed to acting entitled and upset about this, maybe you could weigh it against "all honors classes, class co-president, Eagle Scout-bound, no drugs, drinking, sex, smoking… " and be grateful for what you DO have. There are a ton of parents who’d trade that record against some flowers or a card any day of the week and twice on Mother’s OR Father’s day. So step back, be grateful, and stop whining about a made up over commercialized holiday. Regards, -Bouncer- PS: Do you have your children celebrate Father’s Day? If not, why not? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2015, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/304 "2015-05-16T23:14:58Z")
> [@Bouncer](#): > > PS: Do you have your children celebrate Father’s Day? If not, why not? What kind of dumbass question is that? Seriously, are you just fucking with us, or did you not take five seconds to think before you typed that? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2015, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/305 "2015-05-16T23:32:54Z")
Grotonian and Bouncer are engaging in a little gaslighting, maybe? Or are these just the last guys at the bar, that we have still to throw out? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/306 "2015-05-17T01:00:37Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Grotonian and Bouncer are engaging in a little gaslighting, maybe? Or are these just the last guys at the bar, that we have still to throw out? Seriously. Like your not celebrating Father’s Day is a trick question? WTF? Calling your wife a step-father? Bwuh? On second thought, gaslighting is supposed to make you question your own sanity. I’m questioning some sanity all right, but not my own; this has got to be the least effective gaslighting ever. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/307 "2015-05-17T01:16:02Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > WHere in the study is that mentioned? > > I mean, I can totally see yourself going around giving air high fives to everyone who’s looking at you in a mix of horror and embarrassment, hands in their laps. It’s not the image that’s the problem. > > But searching the study, I’m seeing that the data was compared to a nationally normed sample: > > Searching for the words “control” and “single”, I’m seeing no evidence to support your assertion. > > I suspect it’s something incredibly weaselly you’re going for, but I invite you to show your weasel, so to speak. My cite is POST #301 above. BOOM! :Another round of high fives for the room!: ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/308 "2015-05-17T01:41:50Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > My cite is POST #301 above. BOOM! > > :Another round of high fives for the room!: Except that proves nothing except that the study was comprehensive. They compared lesbian parents to straight 2 parent families, and found that kids of lesbian parents were as good as or better than the kids of the other families in child welfare metrics. Boom! **Grotonian** ’s pre-conceived notions about gay parents DISPROVED! High fives all around! ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/309 "2015-05-17T01:47:55Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Really? Children of two lesbians do better than children raised by married, biological parents? I find that impossible to believe. Because its false. I think what you mean is that two lesbians do better than one, incompetent, single, heterosexual mother. > > Big deal. I am not surprised at the findings of these studies. My son has numerous school mates who have 2 moms. All the moms are concerned, involved, and dedicated to their boys & their sons are healthy, happy & well adjusted. My only criticism of Tapu is that she & her wife took normal teenage boy behavior way too personally. Their boy is just a typical teenage boy acting like a typical teenage boy. > [@iiandyiiii](#): > > There were three links, and there are many others, easily available via google. There were multiple studies discussed in those three links. > > I feel no need to spoon feed you – if you’re interested in challenging yourself, you’ll click the links, read the studies, and look for other studies. If you’re not, you’ll continue to provide excuses. > > Just consider the possibility that your pre-conceived notions, and what you’ve probably been taught all your life about gay people, might be as wrong as all those children of racists from early last century – they were taught all their lives that black people really were inferior, really were dangerous, really were less intelligent… isn’t it possible that what you were taught about gay people was wrong too? I’m willing to bet that he also thinks black people are inferior, dangerous, & less intelligent ☹ ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/310 "2015-05-17T02:18:03Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Really? Children of two lesbians do better than children raised by married, biological parents? I find that impossible to believe. Because its false. I think what you mean is that two lesbians do better than one, incompetent, single, heterosexual mother. > > Big deal. I am SO happy you don’t teach either of my kids. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/311 "2015-05-17T03:07:48Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Except that proves nothing except that the study was comprehensive. They compared lesbian parents to straight 2 parent families, and found that kids of lesbian parents were as good as or better than the kids of the other families in child welfare metrics. > > Boom! **Grotonian** ’s pre-conceived notions about gay parents DISPROVED! High fives all around! No, they didn’t. You told the truth the first time, now you’re changing it. The comparison was controlled for age and gender of children in the general population. There was no disaggregation by married, biological parents. Single parents were included in the control group. Sorry but YAHTZEE!!! ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/312 "2015-05-17T03:41:38Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > No, they didn’t. You told the truth the first time, now you’re changing it. The comparison was controlled for age and gender of children in the general population. There was no disaggregation by married, biological parents. Single parents were included in the control group. Sorry but > > YAHTZEE!!! "In a study of nearly 90 teens, half living with female same-sex couples and the **others with heterosexual couples,** both groups fared similarly in school. Teen boys in same-sex households had grade point averages of about 2.9, compared with 2.65 for their counterparts in heterosexual homes. Teen girls showed similar results, with a 2.8 for same-sex households and 2.9 for girls in heterosexual families. " Small sample size, but seriously? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/313 "2015-05-17T04:51:39Z")
It would be interesting to compare children of gay couples with adopted children, or children of parents who needed medical help to conceive. I bet the gay families average “better” just because all their children were wanted. If you take a random assortment of heterosexual couples with kids, some of those kids were “surprise” babies whose parents weren’t ready for them, or worse. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/314 "2015-05-17T05:43:26Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > "In a study of nearly 90 teens, half living with female same-sex couples and the **others with heterosexual couples,** both groups fared similarly in school. Teen boys in same-sex households had grade point averages of about 2.9, compared with 2.65 for their counterparts in heterosexual homes. Teen girls showed similar results, with a 2.8 for same-sex households and 2.9 for girls in heterosexual families. " > > Small sample size, but seriously? First off, the study was not limited to biological, married parents–the only group I ever claimed to have better outcomes than gays. But more importantly, single parents were included in the study. If a heterosexual couple broke up, the single parent was still counted. You apparently don’t understand how longitudinal studies work. Sorry but YAHTZEE!!! ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/315 "2015-05-17T05:53:24Z")
I’m nearly 50 and I’ve been ignoring Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day, too, for that matter) for years. Some people just aren’t into those made-up occasions. And yeah, when you’re a teenage boy admitting to your mom that you love her is tougher than it is when you’re 5. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/316 "2015-05-17T08:37:30Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > It would be interesting to compare children of gay couples with adopted children, or children of parents who needed medical help to conceive. I bet the gay families average “better” just because all their children were wanted. If you take a random assortment of heterosexual couples with kids, some of those kids were “surprise” babies whose parents weren’t ready for them, or worse. I’d also be willing to bet a few other things a) Gay Couples with children will tend to be in a more stable relationship than a random parent off the street b) People living together in a long term gay relationship that is stable enough to consider children will be better off financially than many c) Similar to b - gay couples that are living together and can consider / can afford having children (mostly via some form of surrogacy / IVF) will have better financial resources than many All of this would indicate towards better educational outcomes ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/317 "2015-05-17T08:59:55Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > No, this relation has a glaring similarity to other step relationships: mom #2’s connections to the boy-- maternal, legal, and emotional,–derive solely through her relationship with mom #1. At the boy’s birth, the women could not have been married, nor was mom#2 an adoptive mother. If since then, the women have married or an adoption has taken place, those events occurred solely through the encouragement of the birth mother. They only occurred because she CHOSE them for her son. > > The effect of those choices on her son, and the interpretation of those choices from a 15/16-year-old mind are beyond the scope of this thread and the OP has made it clear that any such speculation, unless it be laudatory, would be unwelcome. > > But as to why he may choose Mother’s Day to be passive-aggressive, one reason certainly suggests itself. Yeah - As an adopted kid, let me also call bullshit on this. Through the lens of your post - my (adoptive) mum only had a legal relationship to me - which is patently false, She’s mum, and no other question about it ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/318 "2015-05-17T10:58:49Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > YAHTZEE!!! I just realized what you’re doing: you’re doing your Charlie Sheen impression, aren’t you? WINNING!!! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/319 "2015-05-17T11:09:06Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > First off, the study was not limited to biological, married parents–the only group I ever claimed to have better outcomes than gays. On a more serious note, this is indeed your claim. Your evidence so far of your claim has been a serious of vague criticisms of studies that may not control for this factor, that simply suggest children of gay couples (who may or may not separate) do at least as well as children of straight couples (who may or may not separate). And letting us know about your tiger blood. If your claim is that children of biological married couples have better outcomes than children of gay couples, cite your fucking claim. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/320 "2015-05-17T11:40:22Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > No, they didn’t. You told the truth the first time, now you’re changing it. The comparison was controlled for age and gender of children in the general population. There was no disaggregation by married, biological parents. Single parents were included in the control group. Sorry but > > YAHTZEE!!! You are incorrect. They were compared to straight parents, and they were also compared to single parents. This is a fact. But go ahead and SHEEN IT UP! I’m sure your delusions are as comforting to you as they were to Charlie! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=17)