# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/341 "2015-05-17T22:45:16Z")
Also, [this guy you’re citing is a fucking lunatic](http://www.glaad.org/cap/robert-oscar-l%C3%B3pez-aka-bobby-lopez). > [@Robert Lopez](#): > > The scars inflicted on the survivors of slavery are tied to the fact that our ancestors were bought, sold, and robbed of a link to our biological roots. This is precisely what gay parenting does to kids through baby farming, adoption on demand, insemination, and surrogacy. > … > Slavery is the buying and selling of children. In US history, people whose families weren’t large enough to work their own land paid slave owners to breed their male and female slaves, then bought their babies and raised them, presumably as beloved members of their family. Gay couples are no better when they arrange such things, even if they lie to themselves and say it’s for love. > … > If you are on the Left you suffer from a severe mental disorder…To Hades with all of you. Go play in traffic. > … > The gay community is now entirely allied to the cultural genocide practices once used against blacks and Indians, since they are determined to say that, in the words of Nancy Polikoff, genetics doesn’t matter as long as an adoptive couple can sway the powers that be to award them children. It all feels new and shiny to the gay community, because to them it’s a way to overcome past inequality. But they are repeating the same genocidal practices of the past. > … > support for gay marriage means supporting the view of children as COMMODITIES FOR PURCHASE, otherwise known as SLAVES. Plenty more where that came from. In order to come even close to the cite I requested, you’ve got to turn to a hateful nutjob. Does that tell you anything? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/342 "2015-05-17T22:47:40Z")
I EATING YOUR DOG!! Sorry, Lhand, I had to use that. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/343 "2015-05-17T22:51:59Z")
These guys are jokes. They probably hate all women, not just lesbians. You’d think by now, they could just give it a rest. If I come back here next year at this time, and they’re still threadshitting–and by now could anyone, including the Mods, think this is anything but threadshitting… well, I probably won’t have the patience to stick around. Too bad. I love this place. And that’s why I felt I wanted to bring my situation here and get good advice. That ran its course pages ago. Now it’s just a few of us trying to make sense of what bigots and haters spout for the joy of spouting. But they’re the unteachable. We’re wasting our time. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2015, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/344 "2015-05-17T23:45:55Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > These guys are jokes. They probably hate all women, not just lesbians. You’d think by now, they could just give it a rest. If I come back here next year at this time, and they’re still threadshitting–and by now could anyone, including the Mods, think this is anything but threadshitting… well, I probably won’t have the patience to stick around. Too bad. I love this place. And that’s why I felt I wanted to bring my situation here and get good advice. That ran its course pages ago. Now it’s just a few of us trying to make sense of what bigots and haters spout for the joy of spouting. But they’re the unteachable. We’re wasting our time. Listen lady, I’ve never called you a name, an insult, or shit in this thread. I suggested yesterday at 6pm that the topic of lesbian parenting in general be taken to another thread as a hijack of this topic. Your supporters kept up with their nonsense, directly quoting me and asking me direct questions, and I responded. Apparently, you think you are persecuted any time you are contradicted. That’s fine; some people are like that. I’ve written nothing bigoted, nothing homophobic, and nothing anti-lesbian (except for my opinion that I prefer my father as a parent to a my-mother’s-lesbian-lover.) I never called you a “joke,” a “bigot,” or a “hater,” claimed you stayed at the bar too long, or went crying to ATMB about how heterophobia isn’t treated harshly enough for your direct insults to me. Your problem is you want to eat your cake and have it too: you like people saying that gay parents are just as good as straight parents, but it’s threadshitting if someone points out that no study has ever shown that for biological parents. Its not; it’s the scientific method, until someone proves it wrong. Then you have **LHoD** begging for an unhappy child of lesbians. So I found one. (And it took some doing, too, because searching “lesbian mothers” brings up all kinds of gross porn.) Presumably, calling for an unhappy child was not threadshitting, but posting one was. Well, be careful who your friends are, because he introduced that topic, I didn’t. He also introduced all the nonsense of comparing gay and straight parents; I didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/345 "2015-05-18T00:03:40Z")
LOL Man, you sure get overwrought about this. I see a therapy issue. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/346 "2015-05-18T00:48:19Z")
For better or for worse, I think the tone of this thread has (perhaps long ago) shifted into Pit territory. I have relocated it. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/347 "2015-05-18T00:56:40Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > For better or for worse, I think the tone of this thread has (perhaps long ago) shifted into Pit territory. I have relocated it. Thanks for that, at least. But I had no idea my request for advice about a teenage son would have ever turned into this. It’s appalling and disheartening and I won’t bring anything like this up again because, gay. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/348 "2015-05-18T01:01:06Z")
It’s not everyone, tapu. As a wise man once said, don’t let the turkeys get you down. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/349 "2015-05-18T01:23:54Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > It’s not everyone, tapu. As a wise man once said, don’t let the turkeys get you down. Oh, I SO know it’s not everyone. And I hope that all the rest know that I don’t think it’s ubiquitous too. This is largely an intelligent, educated, moral group. It’s why I’m here and nowhere else. Thank you, ITD. And all the rest of you who have tried to counter the hate and bigotry. ~tapu ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/350 "2015-05-18T02:22:43Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Then you have **LHoD** begging for an unhappy child of lesbians. :rolleyes: Naw, ya fuckin’ moron, I was asking for evidence of your claims. The best you could come up with was a maladjusted asshole who grew up in a situation completely different from the one in question, but whose maladjustment goes far beyond anything that can be accounted for by his family situation. Meanwhile, you made one claim about the superiority of a certain kind of family, and despite yelling Jackpot or Bingo or Shazam or whatever the fuck you like to yell about how super you are, you never were able to show a shred of data to support your claim. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/351 "2015-05-18T03:05:17Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > These guys are jokes. They probably hate all women, not just lesbians. You’d think by now, they could just give it a rest. If I come back here next year at this time, and they’re still threadshitting–and by now could anyone, including the Mods, think this is anything but threadshitting… well, I probably won’t have the patience to stick around. Too bad. I love this place. And that’s why I felt I wanted to bring my situation here and get good advice. That ran its course pages ago. Now it’s just a few of us trying to make sense of what bigots and haters spout for the joy of spouting. But they’re the unteachable. We’re wasting our time. Yes I agree it is a waste of time trying to convince ignorant blowhard bigots like doorhinge & Grotonian that they are wrong, but please don’t let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. The rest of us probably should have stopped engaging those idiotic losers a few pages ago, but I sincerely thought that they were perhaps just ignorant rather than the trailer trash bigots that they clearly are. My apologies for my role in their threadshitting–I truly thought I could enlighten them. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/352 "2015-05-18T04:31:00Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > It would be interesting to compare children of gay couples with adopted children, or children of parents who needed medical help to conceive. I bet the gay families average “better” just because all their children were wanted. If you take a random assortment of heterosexual couples with kids, some of those kids were “surprise” babies whose parents weren’t ready for them, or worse. The problem in your scenario is your assuming every lesbian couple is like Tapu’s, meaning they had a child thru an anonymous sperm donor. I’ve known a lesbian couple where they had kids in the family but it was thru an outside relationship before the 2 had met. Also a variable is if the child’s father is still in the picture. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/353 "2015-05-18T04:37:49Z")
> [@doorhinge](#): > > Again - brainstorming provides a free and open environment **that encourages everyone to participate.** Everyone is included. Or more to the point, no one should be excluded, especially by the actions of wanna-be internet bullies. All tall, short, thin, and fat people can participate. > > You deal with the real problem – not its symptoms. You gather all input, no matter how silly. You then have a rational discussion as to whether each individual input is worthy of further consideration. Try to remember, one persons “silly” input might spark a better idea from another participant. Or you can mischaracterize, and try to shout down ideas you don’t like. Your choice. Well you would THINK people would be open minded and listen to others ideas, but some people prove that isnt the case. Some people only want a certain answer. This is an open board with lots of diversity. I’m curious, what would the response have been for the OP if she would have posted the same question on a gay parenting board? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/354 "2015-05-18T05:03:18Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well you would THINK people would be open minded and listen to others ideas, but some people prove that isnt the case. Some people only want a certain answer. This is an open board with lots of diversity. > > I’m curious, what would the response have been for the OP if she would have posted the same question on a gay parenting board? This is about as stupid as the KKK whining about people not listening when they blame black people for all their problems. Bigotry is not diversity. You start from the position that gay people are inferior. You were told multiple times that your “concerns” were not valid. You didn’t go away, you started bringing up the fucking “gay agenda.” And, let’s not forget, you have a fucking pit thread where we demonstrate how big of a fucking bigot you are. You related a story about your wife being scared when someone of a different colored skin bought a pressure cooker from you–so scared she called the police. Bigoted ideas are not diversity. The one group of people it is okay to discriminate against are bigots. You fucking hate being treated as inferior? Then stop doing it to others. If you don’t like being treated like shit, then stop treating **tapu** like shit. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/355 "2015-05-18T09:10:20Z")
Ignoring all the bigoted nonsense in this thread, one question I haven’t seen brought up, **tapu** , is your son a perfectionist? From your description, it sounds like he might be. I know from experience that perfectionist tendencies can make gift-giving very stressful (it was a frequent source of stress to me as a teen, and even as an adult actually), and then avoidance is a common coping mechanism. I’m sure you’d have been happy with a nice card from him, but he may have felt that he needed to come up with something grander, but was unable to. I know that was the issue with my teenager daughter. She asked me several times what I wanted and I kept telling her that I’d try to think of suggestions, but that she knew what kind of things I liked, including any of her artwork (she’s a great artist). On Mother’s Day, she texted me when I was at work and said that she felt bad but she hadn’t gotten me anything yet because I never told her what I wanted. I was a bit hurt, in spite of myself and my disdain for these Hallmark holidays, and told her that that I would have been happy with anything, and then gave her a few little examples. When I got home, she was just giddy because she had gone to the store nearby and gotten me a nice gift, and said that she just meant she hadn’t had a chance to get me anything “big”. I, of course, played along and said I loved what she had gotten and it was plenty big (I mean, that part was true, I was just playing along with the story that she hadn’t just bought it right then). But I was torn because I know how the whole thing had been stressful to her, and that part of her giddiness was that she was proud she’d found me a nice gift, but the other part that she was relieved that the obligation was over (until next time…and the next gift-giving occasion is never far away). Again, I hate these holidays! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/356 "2015-05-18T10:27:40Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well you would THINK people would be open minded and listen to others ideas, but some people prove that isnt the case. Some people only want a certain answer. This is an open board with lots of diversity. There are a shit-ton of different ideas that were discussed respectfully in this thread. The one idea that wasn’t is your bigoted dumbshit idea that gay families are inferior to straight families. If you’re not enough of an adult to participate in adult conversations, quitcher fuckin whining about brainstorming or diversity or whatthefuckever and grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/357 "2015-05-18T10:32:40Z")
As for **Grotonian** , there’s an important take-away: when I asked him for a cite of a single dude resentful of the lesbian women who raised him since infancy, after he got done looking at porn he spent awhile digging through links, and when he found some shitty lunatic whose screed kind of sort of looked related to what I’d asked for, he posted it proud as could be. When I asked him several times for a cite of any research to support his claim about the superiority of straight married parents, crickets chirped. I thought maybe the lack of response was because he was too dumb to know what “cite” meant, or too lazy to visit Google. But that’s plainly not the case. No: the lack of response is because he knows his claim is false, taht no such cite exists. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity, sure. But now we’ve ruled stupidity out (well, in this specific case), malice is the only explanation left. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/358 "2015-05-18T13:42:21Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well you would THINK people would be open minded and listen to others ideas, but some people prove that isnt the case. Some people only want a certain answer. This is an open board with lots of diversity. > > I’m curious, what would the response have been for the OP if she would have posted the same question on a gay parenting board? This is rich coming from you. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/359 "2015-05-18T14:41:45Z")
Pretty much all the social occasions or traditions that are widely celebrated in America today in the way they are today are the result of marketing schemes—Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, Memorial Day, Valentines Day, Mothers Day … Diamond engagement rings were not a tradition before DeBeers told us so. Even our hygiene expectations have been set by marketing. We barge every day because Ivory soap told us we had to. Women shave their armpits because Gillette’s advertising made armpit hair unacceptable. We use deodorant because if deodorant companies. Herpes cold sores became repulsive because of advertising. That doesn’t change the fact that children and teenagers have to be taught to be sensitive to the expectations and feelings of the people in their lives. It’s part of becoming an adult and having healthy relationships and learning to live in society. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/360 "2015-05-18T15:12:10Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Even our hygiene expectations have been set by marketing. We barge every day because Ivory soap told us we had to. Speak for yourself–I barge every day for entirely different reasons. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=19)