# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/361 "2015-05-18T15:14:23Z")
Curse you, autocorrect! ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/362 "2015-05-18T16:16:01Z")
Blackberry, thank you. That’s an insight I appreciate. Asa is a bit of a perfectionist (not about his room, say, but about other things for sure). I can see where he might be paralyzed by the idea of getting not just one gift “right,” but two! Now here is an explanation that makes sense for your kid (presumably raised in a hetero family). For my kid, the situation may actually be heightened by having \*two \*moms. Will the cards/gestures/gifts seem equal? That kind of thing. This takes all possible factors into account _without making it seem like 2 moms is the problem_. You have made me so happy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/363 "2015-05-18T16:51:11Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > …My apologies **for my role** in their threadshitting–I truly thought I could enlighten them. (post shortened, underline and bold added) Hahahaha. If you wish to apologize to **tapu** for YOUR strawman of my position, go right ahead. It’s people like yourself, who can only resort to lying and mischaracterization of other’s opinions in order to force your particular groupthink on them, who deliberately create the type of friction meant to derail any problem-solving process. And it failed. _Groupthink is a phenomenon that occurs when the desire for group consensus overrides people’s common sense desire to present alternatives, critique a position, or express an unpopular opinion. Here, the desire for group cohesion effectively drives out good decision-making and problem solving._ > **[MindTools | Home](https://www.mindtools.com/awb7i63/avoiding-groupthink)** > > Essential skills for an excellent career ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/364 "2015-05-18T17:00:34Z")
> [@doorhinge](#): > > It’s people like yourself, who can only resort to lying and mischaracterization of other’s opinions in order to force your particular groupthink on them, who deliberately create the type of friction meant to derail any problem-solving process. And it failed. No. It didn’t fail. **tapu** got plenty of good advice. What failed is your contribution, because your ideas are shitty and you don’t understand how an advice thread is different from a shitty corporate exercise. And all the self-help links in the world won’t change that. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/365 "2015-05-18T17:19:05Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Blackberry, thank you. That’s an insight I appreciate. Asa is a bit of a perfectionist (not about his room, say, but about other things for sure). I can see where he might be paralyzed by the idea of getting not just one gift “right,” but two! > > Now here is an explanation that makes sense for your kid (presumably raised in a hetero family). For my kid, the situation may actually be heightened by having \*two \*moms. Will the cards/gestures/gifts seem equal? That kind of thing. > > This takes all possible factors into account _without making it seem like 2 moms is the problem_. > > You have made me so happy. 🙂 My two cents about this whole thing is most 16 year olds have someone to cajole, goad, remind and guilt into doing it. It’s simply an operational thing that he doesn’t have in your family (which would be the same if you were a single parent or if he had a father that was clueless about making Mother’s day happen.). ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/366 "2015-05-18T17:24:16Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > No. It didn’t fail. **tapu** got plenty of good advice. What failed is your contribution, because your ideas are shitty and you don’t understand how an advice thread is different from a shitty corporate exercise. And all the self-help links in the world won’t change that. Hahahaha. Is English your second language? I was referring to Paul Tibbets’s mother’s attempt to mischaracterize my position that failed. And your Groupthink is very weak, also. Better luck next time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/367 "2015-05-18T17:29:58Z")
Wait. I’m still marveling that the thread “My 16yo son forgot mother’s day” ended up in the pit. What exactly is being pitted? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/368 "2015-05-18T17:46:06Z")
> [@doorhinge](#): > > Hahahaha. Is English your second language? I was referring to Paul Tibbets’s mother’s attempt to mischaracterize my position that failed. And your Groupthink is very weak, also. Better luck next time. 😃 And this, friends, is why using your irony meter on the Internet voids the warranty. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/369 "2015-05-18T17:48:08Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > There are a shit-ton of different ideas that were discussed respectfully in this thread. The one idea that wasn’t is your bigoted dumbshit idea that gay families are inferior to straight families. If you’re not enough of an adult to participate in adult conversations, quitcher fuckin whining about brainstorming or diversity or whatthefuckever and grow up. I’ve said many things but I never said gay families were inferior. Your thinking someone else. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/370 "2015-05-18T18:15:03Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I’ve said many things but I never said gay families were inferior. **Your** thinking someone else. For the love of Mike, it’s **you’re** , not **your**. You do this is almost of all of your posts that use it and it’s makes me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/371 "2015-05-18T18:40:56Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Wait. I’m still marveling that the thread “My 16yo son forgot mother’s day” ended up in the pit. What exactly is being pitted? A pair of tone deaf dorks. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/372 "2015-05-18T18:44:58Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I’ve said many things but I never said gay families were inferior. Your thinking someone else. My bad: I was thinking of the dumb asshole who hacked into your account and wrote: > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well maybe you should put yourself in his shoes. Does he have a Dad? I’m sorry but your 2 women, like it or not and you look at the world as women. > > Sorry to burst your gay bubble but your shoving alot of gay propaganda down the kids throat. The kid is probably confused but still loves you and hates to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. > > Please, step outside your gay circle and put yourself in his shoes. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/373 "2015-05-18T19:20:22Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > For the love of Mike, it’s **you’re** , not **your**. You do this is almost of all of your posts that use it and it’s makes me nuts. Yer killin’ me. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sinaptics](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Sinaptics](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinaptics)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/374 "2015-05-18T19:47:43Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > My two cents about this whole thing is most 16 year olds have someone to cajole, goad, remind and guilt into doing it. It’s simply an operational thing that he doesn’t have in your family (which would be the same if you were a single parent or if he had a father that was clueless about making Mother’s day happen.). tl;dr, but +1 In my family, my wife winds up getting the father’s day presents and I take care of the mother’s day presents. The kids are hardly involved at all, except to sign the card. Sure, we drag them along for gift shopping, but if it was on their own impetus, it’d never get done. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/375 "2015-05-18T21:07:32Z")
So they wouldn’t close my thread in IMHO (and I understand the reasons), but now it’s in the Pit, where bigots and anti-bigots are sparring and other earnest posters are still making suggestions directed toward me. Does anyone else think this is a mess? If it continues this way, can I at least have an answer to my question, \*\*\*What is being pitted in this thread? \*\*\* My original thread? Me? My 16yo son? Lesbians? People who posted anti-gay/bigoted remarks, inappropriately, in that thread? People who countered them? Unless it’s my original thread that’s the object of the pitting, could at least the title be changed to reflect whatever the fuck is going on here? (I’m sorry. I don’t usually get this way, but the whole situation is far worse now than when I felt hurt because my son forgot M’s Day. Please clarify. It’s excruciating.) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/376 "2015-05-18T21:16:44Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > If it continues this way, can I at least have an answer to my question, \*\*\*What is being pitted in this thread? \*\*\* Nothing. On occasion, when a thread in another forum becomes too heated, with too many different parties crossing the line on acceptable posts from too many different directions, it’s easier to just throw the whole thing into the Pit and let the participants rip into each other unfettered. The move isn’t a reflection on the worthiness of one side of the argument or the other, merely a recognition that the discussion has become too heated to stay in another forum. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/377 "2015-05-18T21:24:31Z")
Tapu, you’ve got no reason to pay attention to my advice, but if I were you, I’d make a note not to give my kid hassle next Mothers’ Day, and forget this whole thread ever existed. Seriously. It’s like you threw a party and now it’s 5am and most people have fallen asleep on your carpet, but there are still three or four guys who will. not. go. to. sleep and are arguing loudly on and on and on and on in circles, and every now and then someone else wakes up and joins in for a while and then passes out again, and no one is exactly sure what’s going on or who puked in the corner. The wonderful difference is that, what with this being the internet, you don’t have to stick around and clean up. If the thread’s starting to get to you emotionally, you can just leave. (ETA: Just to clarify that I’m not being bitchy and saying ‘Well, if you don’t like it, don’t read it!’ The fact that you can just wander away when stuff starts to get on your tits is one of my favourite things about the internet.) ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/378 "2015-05-18T21:25:05Z")
Quoting Miller: \*Nothing. On occasion, when a thread in another forum becomes too heated, with too many different parties crossing the line on acceptable posts from too many different directions, it’s easier to just throw the whole thing into the Pit and let the participants rip into each other unfettered. The move isn’t a reflection on the worthiness of one side of the argument or the other, merely a recognition that the discussion has become too heated to stay in another forum. - I understand that. So my thread is being pitted. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/379 "2015-05-18T21:31:11Z")
I figured I’d hear, “just leave; save yourself and get out; etc” but the damn thing is in every “new posts” display I get, and it’s grayed so I look, and–oh hey–it’s about me and my kid, and frankly it’s hard not to click. And then it’s hard not to get involved when the posts are even sometimes about ME. I guess if I were a stronger person, that would solve this all around. Hm. Guess I will just leave for now. I’ll check back occasionally until it looks like it might be over with. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it doesn’t seem to me that that resolves anything else about this issue, in its various threads. It just gets rid of me. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/380 "2015-05-18T21:31:46Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I understand that. So my thread is being pitted. No, that’s not what I said. Nobody is pitting your thread. Your thread was moved because the participants were spending more time fighting each other than engaging with the OP (which had pretty well been answered by that point), and it’s often easier to move such thread directly to the Pit, rather than waste time yelling at a bunch of angry people to stop being so angry at each other. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=20)