# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/21 "2015-05-10T23:23:08Z")
I reminded my 16 year old son two or three times about Mother’s Day in the last ten days and, as of last night, he had done nothing about it. I wound up giving him something I had bought so he could give her a gift. I realize that’s “enabling” but the other option was her getting nothing from him. I did send him out to buy a card though. Why? No idea. Laziness I guess and he blows through money on sodas and chips so he hears about it, decides that he has no money, getting money sounds like work, admitting he has none sets him up for “what about that $30 you earned last week?” so his master plan is to ignore it until it goes away. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/22 "2015-05-10T23:29:53Z")
There’s a lot of sad Mother’s Day threads on the internet right now. People upset because they hate their mothers and the day just reminds them of the estrangement. People sad because they are infertile and the day reminds them how they will never get to be anyone’s mother. People sad because their mothers didn’t like their very special Mother’s Day gifts. People grieving over dead mothers. People sad because they’ve been forgotten yet again. It’s enough to make me wonder if there’s anyone who isn’t bummed out. It’s crazy how something that should be a happy occasion is so fraught with negative emotions. **tapu** , I don’t have any advice for you, but I sympathize. Teenage boys aren’t always the most lovable creatures in the world, and it certainly sucks to not get a special acknowledgment. But your son may think he doesn’t have to show his love if you’re already close. A card is just a piece of paper to a typical teenager. It may feel like a silly display in the absence of peer pressure–which siblings are great at providing (I’m assuming he’s an only child. Correct me if I’m wrong.) I know this is a strange idea, but did you do anything for your wife for Mother’s Day? Maybe if he could see the two of you making a big deal over it, he would see why overt displays of love and appreciation are important. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/23 "2015-05-10T23:30:11Z")
I think mother’s day is a made up holiday. When I was a kid my remembering was my dad dragging my somewher and telling me to get my mom something. Once I went off to college I forgot about it completely until I met my wife and she at least gets me to call and say happy mothers day. By the way im the same way with fathers day. My guess is that without a dad to “help” him remember he’s just not into enough to do it on his own. You two are probably both thinking he’s old enough now that you should both get to sit back and enjoy your day my guess is this thought coincided with him forgetting. It’s an interesting problem that would be unique to same sex couples. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/24 "2015-05-10T23:33:21Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I was thinking something like this, too. If I’d forgotten Mother’s Day as a teenager, and my mom had tried to shame me into remembering it next year, I would have been goddamned if I’d done anything for her. That’s not to say that’s the right attitude, but as a teenager I was really sensitive to any hint of emotional manipulation. A straight up conversation with him, in which you tell him how you feel about Mother’s Day and why it’s important to you and what you’d like for him to do, would have been a good starting point last yeaer; at this point, I’d think it a very good idea. Even straightforward conversations can feel like emotional manipulation at that age–truth and honesty are no defense against the crime of making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. If anything, it’s a low blow. Honestly, I’d either just let it go, and/or next year tell him exactly what you want him to do, and why (“I need you to bake us a cake and get each of us a card. I need you to be the one who picks them out. This is because it will make us feel loved and appreciated”). Then, if he doesn’t do that, accept he’s got a weird quirk, ignore it, and hope he comes around. If he’s otherwise affectionate, I think you’ve just got to live with this. If this is yet another thing that makes you feel unloved, it’s different. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/25 "2015-05-10T23:34:42Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Even straightforward conversations can feel like emotional manipulation at that age–truth and honesty are no defense against the crime of making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. If anything, it’s a low blow. That’s a good point. However, the bit about teasing him and embarrassing him last year stood out to me and could possibly contribute to his blowing it off this year. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/26 "2015-05-10T23:35:04Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > There’s a lot of sad Mother’s Day threads on the internet right now. People upset because they hate their mothers and the day just reminds them of the estrangement. People sad because they are infertile and the day reminds them how they will never get to be anyone’s mother. People sad because their mothers didn’t like their very special Mother’s Day gifts. People grieving over dead mothers. People sad because they’ve been forgotten yet again. > > It’s enough to make me wonder if there’s anyone who isn’t bummed out. It’s crazy how something that should be a happy occasion is so fraught with negative emotions. It’s a family thing. People sometimes expect families and related topics (pun intended) to be filled with love and happiness, and don’t know what to do if it’s not. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/27 "2015-05-10T23:36:01Z")
Teenage boys are pretty useless. Filled with hormones, a developing brain, emotional upheaval, shyness, insecurity, it’s all a mess. Just forget about this, it’s not indicative of the future. He’ll grow, he’ll change, and I’ve seen over and over again that good mom’s produce good sons. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/28 "2015-05-10T23:43:12Z")
Tapu, I don’t know you, but it sounds like you might be attaching too much significance to this. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/29 "2015-05-10T23:44:02Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Honestly, I’d either just let it go, and/or next year tell him exactly what you want him to do, and why (“I need you to bake us a cake and get each of us a card. I need you to be the one who picks them out. This is because it will make us feel loved and appreciated”). I wonder if **tapu** could approach it this way: “Why don’t this year, the two of us do something special for Mom. You know how she likes chocolate cake. She’d be tickled pink if you would make one for her. I’ll buy the card and you can help me write something clever.” Then the next year, the other mom can do the prompting. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/30 "2015-05-10T23:47:29Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Teenage boys are pretty useless. Filled with hormones, a developing brain, emotional upheaval, shyness, insecurity, it’s all a mess. Just forget about this, it’s not indicative of the future. He’ll grow, he’ll change, and I’ve seen over and over again that good mom’s produce good sons. This. My 14 year old nephew didn’t remember either. I went out and bought a card for his mother, gave it to him, and told him to sign it. He proceeded to write his name on the envelope, then handed it to his mom and said, “here.” We (jokingly) started shouting “What are you doing, for god’s sake!?” until all of us were in hysterics. He loves his mom, and shows it a lot of different ways. He’s just not good at having to express himself at designated times. I think he feels like it makes it sound forced and awkward. Maybe your son feels the same? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/31 "2015-05-10T23:50:13Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Really? Well if this is your reaction to an obvious joke, I can easily see how your son could associate the day with shame & guilt. Relax, I was (obviously) joking, too. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/32 "2015-05-10T23:52:00Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > It’s a family thing. People sometimes expect families and related topics (pun intended) to be filled with love and happiness, and don’t know what to do if it’s not. I know I am a bad person for wishing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day would lose some of their magical hold over people, but I don’t care. I mean, I understand that humans love “special” days, but it just seems like the calendar is full of so many land mines, obstacle courses, and things to get jealous and bitter about. I hate to say it, but I’m starting to think the Jehovas Witness’s know what they’re doing. I hope that doesn’t come across as belittling, **tapu**. Your feelings aren’t wrong. They just are what they are, and your son should respect that. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/33 "2015-05-10T23:54:46Z")
Not a big deal. The bigger concerns are your general attitude on this (mundane) holiday and the fact that you don’t understand why a boy raised by two women would have trouble dealing with “Mother’s Day” as a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![troubledwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@troubledwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troubledwater)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/34 "2015-05-10T23:55:41Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > This is a good, good kid: all honors classes, class co-president, Eagle Scout-bound, no drugs, drinking, sex, smoking… > > ( This is not enough? I don’t mean that to be snarky, I mean it honestly. Also, what does your family do at other holidays? All out, or low key? Are you/your partner on good terms with your parents? What do you do for them on Mother’s/Father’s Day? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/35 "2015-05-10T23:56:21Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > There’s a lot of sad Mother’s Day threads on the internet right now. People upset because they hate their mothers and the day just reminds them of the estrangement. People sad because they are infertile and the day reminds them how they will never get to be anyone’s mother. People sad because their mothers didn’t like their very special Mother’s Day gifts. People grieving over dead mothers. People sad because they’ve been forgotten yet again. > > It’s enough to make me wonder if there’s anyone who isn’t bummed out. It’s crazy how something that should be a happy occasion is so fraught with negative emotions. > > **tapu** , I don’t have any advice for you, but I sympathize. Teenage boys aren’t always the most lovable creatures in the world, and it certainly sucks to not get a special acknowledgment. But your son may think he doesn’t have to show his love if you’re already close. A card is just a piece of paper to a typical teenager. It may feel like a silly display in the absence of peer pressure–which siblings are great at providing (I’m assuming he’s an only child. Correct me if I’m wrong.) I know this is a strange idea, but did you do anything for your wife for Mother’s Day? Maybe if he could see the two of you making a big deal over it, he would see why overt displays of love and appreciation are important. Good points, all. About the last one, yes, we honor each other at Mother’s Day and always have. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/36 "2015-05-10T23:58:07Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I think mother’s day is a made up holiday. When I was a kid my remembering was my dad dragging my somewher and telling me to get my mom something. Once I went off to college I forgot about it completely until I met my wife and she at least gets me to call and say happy mothers day. By the way im the same way with fathers day. > > My guess is that without a dad to “help” him remember he’s just not into enough to do it on his own. You two are probably both thinking he’s old enough now that you should both get to sit back and enjoy your day my guess is this thought coincided with him forgetting. It’s an interesting problem that would be unique to same sex couples. We remind him about Mother’s Day, for each other. LISTEN UP (everyone, not just you, oredigger): This is not a gay issue. Maybe it would be for how and where YOU live, but not here, for us. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/37 "2015-05-10T23:59:33Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > My dad (a single parent our mom died shortly after kid #6) said all 6 of his kids turned subhuman around 13, 14 or 15 and didn’t turn human again until 23, 24 or 25. > > I’d like to think he was joking, but maybe he was not. > > Personally, I don’t care about Mother’s Day or birthdays (mine or anyone else’s). I know my teens love me (almost) every day and I don’t think they have to show it on this particular day. > > So, I’m sorry your feeling are hurt. If you do think there is more to it than just cluelessness, then please do investigate. It may be better to wait a while until you are feeling less upset, though. We call it the larval stage. Its a good thing they are cute when they are younger, because the larval stage is bad. I got a hug and a kiss from my son - by asking for it - he’s sixteen. He’s also been fairly engaged (for him) for all of the day. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/38 "2015-05-11T00:03:55Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Even straightforward conversations can feel like emotional manipulation at that age–truth and honesty are no defense against the crime of making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. If anything, it’s a low blow. > > Honestly, I’d either just let it go, and/or next year tell him exactly what you want him to do, and why (“I need you to bake us a cake and get each of us a card. I need you to be the one who picks them out. This is because it will make us feel loved and appreciated”). > Then, if he doesn’t do that, accept he’s got a weird quirk, ignore it, and hope he comes around. If he’s otherwise affectionate, I think you’ve just got to live with this. If this is yet another thing that makes you feel unloved, it’s different. This is good, sensible advice, too. I think you’re right that if he’s generally affectionate and loving with us then this isn’t that big a deal. We’re not a traditional holiday family ourselves. We take Amtrak to Boston’s China Town for dim sum for Christmas. But still… ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/39 "2015-05-11T00:12:22Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Teenage boys are pretty useless. Filled with hormones, a developing brain, emotional upheaval, shyness, insecurity, it’s all a mess. Just forget about this, it’s not indicative of the future. He’ll grow, he’ll change, and I’ve seen over and over again that good mom’s produce good sons. Thank you for this. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/40 "2015-05-11T00:13:25Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Tapu, I don’t know you, but it sounds like you might be attaching too much significance to this. Yes, maybe. That’s why I’m soliciting the experience, opinions, and advice of other. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=3)