# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/101 "2015-05-11T13:12:58Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Or, you could decide to drop “mother’s day” from the holiday schedule, or just the two of you celebrate on your own by going out and doing something YOU like to do and leaving your son to fend for himself. Tell him, “this year, your mother’s day present to us is to fix your own supper, we are going to a fancy restaurant. We’d appreciate it if you have cleaned up and done the dishes by the time we get home.” (or whatever you’d like to do together.) This is excellent advice. It’s what I always tell people to do when they’re sad about their forgotten birthdays. It’s YOUR special day, so you’ve got to orchestrate it yourself if you want a big to-do. That way, there’s no pressure on anyone and you won’t be disappointed by what you get. Plenty of people take a day-off from work on their birthdays. So it’s fair game for Mother’s Day to be a day off from mothering duties. If son has a problem with this, then maybe he needs to make someone a chocolate cake. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/102 "2015-05-11T13:24:19Z")
I disagree. It’s completely up to parents to decide what is and isn’t important in their family. If the parents decide that Mother’s Day is an important day, then it’s an important day. Plus they are teaching their child to think of others ahead of themselves. A difficult task to do with a teenager, but a worthwhile one. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/103 "2015-05-11T13:32:54Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > This is excellent advice. It kinda sounds like passive aggressive bitchiness to me. “If you aren’t going to acknowledge this holiday in the way I demand, we are going to abandon you and enjoy ourselves immensely!” Inevitably followed by crying. The day is celebrating motherhood, right? Maybe we should invite the reason for the season? Maybe…we should look at this from a different perspective. Mother’s Day is a day to reflect and appreciate your kids. Maybe that would lower the drama and hurt feelings. Hey, I _ **know** _ I’m under appreciated. X 5. I have days where I feel sorry for myself, feel unloved, bemoan the fact that they’ll never know how much I’ve sacrificed, and want to kick these ungrateful entitled brats in the shin. Welcome to motherhood. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/104 "2015-05-11T13:46:57Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Tell him, “this year, your mother’s day present to us is to fix your own supper, we are going to a fancy restaurant. We’d appreciate it if you have cleaned up and done the dishes by the time we get home.” (or whatever you’d like to do together.) This goes completely against what a present should be. “Hey kid, you owe me a present and this is what its going to be”. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/105 "2015-05-11T13:50:12Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > This goes completely against what a present should be. > > “Hey kid, you owe me a present and this is what its going to be”. Sometimes you gotta prime the pump. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/106 "2015-05-11T13:53:13Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > This goes completely against what a present should be. It’s not as much the opposite of a present as no present is. If the kid needs to learn, he needs to learn. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/107 "2015-05-11T13:55:45Z")
Hey, I totally told my kids what their Mothers’ Day present for me was going to be this year (it was making me a chocolate cake, as it happens). Mind you, this was in the context of absolutely forbidding them to buy overpriced tchotchkes from the school Mothers’ Day stall (six years is at least three too many, I’ve decided) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/108 "2015-05-11T13:58:12Z")
> [@fisha](#): > > It kinda sounds like passive aggressive bitchiness to me. > > “If you aren’t going to acknowledge this holiday in the way I demand, we are going to abandon you and enjoy ourselves immensely!” Inevitably followed by crying. > > The day is celebrating motherhood, right? Maybe we should invite the reason for the season? > > Maybe…we should look at this from a different perspective. Mother’s Day is a day to reflect and appreciate your kids. Maybe that would lower the drama and hurt feelings. > > Hey, I _ **know** _ I’m under appreciated. X 5. I have days where I feel sorry for myself, feel unloved, bemoan the fact that they’ll never know how much I’ve sacrificed, and want to kick these ungrateful entitled brats in the shin. > > Welcome to motherhood. **Tapu** taking herself and her wife out for a fancy dinner does not preclude their son from giving them a gift, fer chrissakes. It’s just insuring that the two of them have a great time regardless of what the son does. Everyone is responsible for creating their own happiness. I’m starting to think Mother’s Day should be called “Martyr’s Days.” I’m all about teaching kids to be thoughtful and caring, but guilt tripping and shaming should be reserved for religious holidays. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/109 "2015-05-11T14:05:57Z")
Martyr’s Day would be a great name. 😃 I am not that fond of mother’s day either. I sent a card to my mother in law, and to my aunt (both my mothers are dead and she is like a mother to me). My mother in law is the nicest sweetest lady ever and I don’t mind…but I’m 39 and I resent being forced to show my love in this manner. If we don’t send anything her feelings will be hurt. But we already do so much to show we love her - now we have to be a performing monkey on this day, too? I honestly don’t blame the kid. All that being said, the best thing to do is just have each mom buy something for the other mom and make the kid sign it. He’s 16, he’s a good student and a good kid, this is just one thing too much for him. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/110 "2015-05-11T14:39:56Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > It’s not as much the opposite of a present as no present is. If the kid needs to learn, he needs to learn. Yes, that was the “no present, but moms get a day off to have fun anyway” option. I assume at 16 that he is capable of feeding himself and ordinarily responsible for cleaning up after himself. Calling that a “present” wasn’t serious. And it wasn’t meant as a guilt trip, just as something fun the moms could do to celebrate. That’s pretty much what I do for mother’s day – I go off to a park and enjoy the spring. I tried dragging the kids along once, but I find that I have a better time enjoying spring flowers and greenery without dragging along people who would rather not be there. When the kids were smaller and required more care, it was a treat for me to be able to do that on my own. Now it’s just a fun tradition. I was pleasantly surprised that my 21 year old son thought to call me and wish me a happy mother’s day on his own. Somehow, despite not making him do much of anything for Mother’s Day when he was a teen, he seems to have picked up the idea from somewhere (breakfast in bed when he was little? society at large?) that he’s supposed to remember me on Mother’s Day. I guess I’m not really into Hallmark holidays, and don’t really understand on an emotional level the need to have a present from the kid. ---
**Author:** ![jomsmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c68b51/32.png) [@jomsmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jomsmomma)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/111 "2015-05-11T15:01:50Z")
My 15 yo son didn’t get me a card. Again. And he knows how important cards are to me. I never expect them to buy me gifts, but a card would be nice! I wish people would stop citing the gay thing as an excuse.:smack: My son has both father and mother and is doing the same thing. And it’s breaking my heart, just like yours, Tapu! HUGS ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/112 "2015-05-11T15:10:35Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am not that fond of mother’s day either. I sent a card to my mother in law, and to my aunt (both my mothers are dead and she is like a mother to me). My mother in law is the nicest sweetest lady ever and I don’t mind…but I’m 39 and I resent being forced to show my love in this manner. If we don’t send anything her feelings will be hurt. But we already do so much to show we love her - now we have to be a performing monkey on this day, too? I honestly don’t blame the kid. I have a small brain and am far too amused with the stupid ‘funny’ cards usually but sometimes I’ll just get a nice blank card or some floral stationery and write my own message that references the day or not as I choose. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/113 "2015-05-11T15:23:19Z")
I too have a 16 year old son who flaked on Mother’s Day….Again. I didn’t get upset at all because he’s overall a great kid. I haven’t read every post in the thread, but I’m guessing this is your oldest child (perhaps only?). He is 16. This is (very) normal behavior for a 16 year old boy. Don’t try to overanalyze–no mortal can begin to understand the brain of a 16 year old. My advice: Let it go and use Mother’s Day as an opportunity the count your blessings for all of his wonderful qualities. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/114 "2015-05-11T15:32:56Z")
Blasted through the thread… yikes. How does the kid act every other day of the year? That is his testament of his love and honor in a meaningful way. Singling out a Hallmark Holiday to base your definition of honor is ill advised. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/115 "2015-05-11T15:37:40Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I have a small brain and am far too amused with the stupid ‘funny’ cards usually but sometimes I’ll just get a nice blank card or some floral stationery and write my own message that references the day or not as I choose. I know, it is sooooo hard to find appropriate cards. The flowery sentiments are ridiculous. I send my dad father’s day cards and maybe it’s minor but I don’t want to send him cards that say “You were the best dad ever” or “I love you so much”. Frankly, he wasn’t the best dad ever. Where are the cards that say You were an adequate dad or thanks for giving me your name and making me legitimate or thanks for showing me everything about my car so as an adult I can take care of it 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/116 "2015-05-11T15:43:05Z")
**Anaamika** , there are plenty of father’s day cards that don’t extol your dad’s virtue. [Consider sending your dad this one](http://www.americangreetings.com/printable-cards/fathers-day/happy-farters-day/pn/3170830). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/117 "2015-05-11T15:50:30Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **Anaamika** , there are plenty of father’s day cards that don’t extol your dad’s virtue. [Consider sending your dad this one](http://www.americangreetings.com/printable-cards/fathers-day/happy-farters-day/pn/3170830). I like it! I can just see the confused look on his face. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/118 "2015-05-11T16:13:27Z")
In my experience, the really hard part is finding a Father’s Day card for a dad who doesn’t play golf. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/119 "2015-05-11T16:20:48Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > In my experience, the really hard part is finding a Father’s Day card for a dad who doesn’t play golf. 🙂 Or drink beer to excess. It’s a whole other topic but the greeting card industry fails miserably in cards for men. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/120 "2015-05-11T16:32:02Z")
I don’t know how to express this with the depth I am feeling it, but there are so many thoughtful, caring, insightful–and funny, light-hearted–posts in this thread that I am overwhelmed. I want to respond to all of them individually but it would take a day or more and probably feel pretty excessive to those reading them after a while. The insights I’ve gotten from this help me see that it is not as big and ominous a deal as I was thinking. Asa IS a great kid and is affectionate and thoughtful and respectful in ways that I suspect a lot of teens come nowhere near yet. Maybe that’s why it hit me this hard – it’s so uncharacteristic of him. But hey, he can’t get it all down right. None of us ever do. For my part in it, it’s not exactly my favorite holiday to start with so I was in oversensitive mode. My mother died 2 years ago within a week of Mother’s Day. Also, my father, of whom I am his only child and mother of his only grandchild never says a word about it even if we’re on the phone that day. I don’t think I would have taken Asa’s omission anywhere near so gravely as I did if all that were not affecting me, too. (Especially the my mother part.) So thank you to everyone who listened and so thoughtfully replied. I feel so much better. ~tapu [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=7)