# My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 10, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727 "2015-05-10T21:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/141 "2015-05-11T20:05:33Z")
Just wanted to add that I have an 18-year old son who just completed the requirements for Eagle Scout a few months ago, gets good grades in all honors and AP classes, was inducted into the National Honor Society, and will be attending college in the fall. He completely forgot Mother’s Day. Again. He even has a car and money this year. :smack: I blame myself for not reminding him more. Anyway, after we got back from brunch yesterday, I picked up a gift and a card for him to give his mother that afternoon. (Normally, I would have insisted he come with me, but he had a ton of schoolwork and college orientation work to finish.) in his defense, he’s a lot like me: he can only focus on one (or two) things at once. If he’s busy with school, and Scouts, and college prep, etc., holidays tend to go by the wayside. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/142 "2015-05-11T20:13:46Z")
When I was a teenager, I always felt like I was avoiding land mines on holidays like Mothers Day. I don’t think I was a bad kid, but my mom and I did (and do) have very different personalities and priorities. Holidays like Mothers Day tended to remind her of how I fell short of being her ideal daughter. I don’t like conflict, and I especially did (and do) not like hearing all about how I’m not measuring up. I’d try to fly under the radar. I’d do something, but not something big enough to draw too much attention. I was mostly trying to get through the day without a fight with my mother. I don’t think I fell short in huge ways, and I think she came to realize later on that I could have been worse (we got along a lot better once she did realize this). It was that I dressed differently than she would have liked, preferred playing computer games to doing things that she liked, wasn’t popular, that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/143 "2015-05-11T22:25:17Z")
Perhaps somebody already said this: if this is the worst disappointment your child ever hands you, you’re way ahead in the game of life. Teens, regardless of achievement, are rebellious in some fashion. Let it go, leave him alone, he’ll figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/144 "2015-05-11T22:31:13Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Teenage boys are pretty useless. Filled with hormones, a developing brain, emotional upheaval, shyness, insecurity, it’s all a mess. Word. And girls are _worse_ IME. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/145 "2015-05-12T00:19:55Z")
How many kids independently decide to get a Mother’s Day present? I make sure to remind mine (who _usually_ remember). ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/146 "2015-05-12T00:26:11Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Actually, he ignored Mother’s Day for 2 years now. Last year, when he was just 15, we thought he was embarrassed enough by it that he’d never miss it again. We were wrong. > > This is a good, good kid: all honors classes, class co-president, Eagle Scout-bound, no drugs, drinking, sex, smoking… > > He has two mothers, btw. > > We were hurt. Just teased him last year. But this year, wtf?? And we spoke to him about it and about how hurt we were but he just sat and listened and never offered an apology or anything. > > **Note too that we are all very, very close** and there is hardly ever an angry moment among us. > > Anyway, I’m thinking this evening that **we need to find out from him why he would do such a thing.** It seems very passive-aggressive, and thus meaningful. My thoughts are to ask him directly what it’s about. Any experience, advice, anything? > > sad mama ☹ The parts I bolded seem contradictory to me. Skipping Mother’s Day two years in a row, having you point it out to him this year and him just listening to you and “never offered an apology or anything” — I’m sorry but that does not sound even remotely like you are “very, very close.” Also, your perception that there is hardly ever an angry moment among you may be technically true but it would not preclude him having some anger, resentment, other negative feelings or thoughts going on that he is choosing to keep to himself rather than expressing outwardly in the form of visible anger. If your family has never had any discussion about the validity or, say, silliness of certain holidays, and you otherwise acknowledge things like birthdays and Christmas, this seems like there is “something” going on. If I were in your shoes, the concerning part would not be that he ignored the holiday (I mean, it was created just to sell greeting cards, I think?!) but rather that he sat impassively, if I understand correctly, as you explained that you were hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/147 "2015-05-12T00:26:21Z")
Jim Jefferies on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Anal Sex Day — [- YouTube](http://youtu.be/uG2PyQ09VR8) ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/148 "2015-05-12T00:31:20Z")
Not sure I understand why the thread needs to close. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/149 "2015-05-12T00:37:55Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > Blasted through the thread… yikes. > > How does the kid act every other day of the year? That is his testament of his love and honor in a meaningful way. > > Singling out a Hallmark Holiday to base your definition of honor is ill advised. I agree 100% with this. I said in another reply that if it were me, it wouldn’t concern or bother me to have the holiday ignored. The part that WOULD concern me is if my kid of that age just sat there and blinked (OP didn’t say blinked, but you know) when told they’d hurt me/my spouse. It’s not that I’d want or need him to say how sorry he was, that’s not the point. But to say nothing, not even something dismissive like “I didn’t know you cared about the holiday” (or something similar)… to me that suggests maybe there are other issues going on, as to be nonresponsive when someone says you hurt their feelings, EVEN IF YOU THINK THE REASON IS DUMB, is just not very kind. Say _something_, you know? It seems especially odd if OP says they are all “very very close.” It just doesn’t make sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![Lee\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aeb1de/32.png) [@Lee\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lee_Q)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/150 "2015-05-12T00:39:58Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > MOD? > > Could I get this thread closed? (I searched ATMB and didn’t see another way to request it.) > > I am happy with the wealth of responses I have gotten, and do not foresee getting novel input past this point. Conversely, negative input lurks, IMO. Thank you. > p.s. Thanks, Kayaker for your post. I am not requesting this because of it; the post order just fell that way. 🙂 Tapu, my apologies, I did not see this until I had posted twice! Won’t post again on the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/151 "2015-05-12T00:46:38Z")
> [@Lee\_Q](#): > > Tapu, my apologies, I did not see this until I had posted twice! Won’t post again on the thread. If there is still a legitimate discussion going on, I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize in this way. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/152 "2015-05-12T01:11:13Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > If there is still a legitimate discussion going on, I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize in this way. Yeah, I rarely see a mod actually close a thread as long as it isn’t breaking any rules (threadjacking, flaming, made redundant, etc). ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/153 "2015-05-12T01:37:40Z")
he’s a 16 year old guy. we can be inconsiderate (and even vicious) jerks when we’re that age. I know, I was one once. and back then, I was surrounded by others. Trust me, 16 year old guys treat each other far, far more horribly than your son failing to acknowledge you on a made-up holiday. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/154 "2015-05-12T02:17:19Z")
That guys can be “inconsiderate (and even vicious) jerks” is the problem, not the excuse. (Not necessarily the problem wrt the OP, but certainly a problem. Yet, it is often offered up as the justification for itself.) ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/155 "2015-05-12T02:22:56Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > That guys can be “inconsiderate (and even vicious) jerks” is the problem, not the excuse. if you think this is something you can fix, then you’ve lost the plot. and I said “16 year old guys,” not “guys.” I wonder why you had to excise that first part. you’re looking for a rational reason for irrational behavior. good luck with that, because irrational behavior pretty much defines teenagers. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/156 "2015-05-12T02:42:41Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > if you think this is something you can fix, then you’ve lost the plot. Nonsense. It’s one of the jobs of parents to teach their kids not to be jerks–possibly the second-most-important job, after keeping their kids alive. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/157 "2015-05-12T02:52:04Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > if you think this is something you can fix, then you’ve lost the plot. > > and I said “16 year old guys,” not “guys.” I wonder why you had to excise that first part. > > you’re looking for a rational reason for irrational behavior. good luck with that, because irrational behavior pretty much defines teenagers. Probably because you decided to be inconsiderate, calling it a made up holiday and were making light of her feelings. You’re also being rather clueless. There’s always an underlying reason, rational or not. She’s not looking for a rational reason, just a reason. And this thread, unlike you, has been very good at explaining those reasons. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/158 "2015-05-12T02:55:09Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Perhaps somebody already said this: if this is the worst disappointment your child ever hands you, you’re way ahead in the game of life. Teens, regardless of achievement, are rebellious in some fashion. Let it go, leave him alone, he’ll figure it out. I was never rebellious, and my sister was never rebellious. It’s a nice platitude, but it’s not true. Now whether it’s the parents’ fault or the kid’s fault is another story. But it is not something that always happens. It’s like that thing about how teens will have sex anyways. I didn’t, my sister didn’t, and most of my friends didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/159 "2015-05-12T02:59:55Z")
I did not intend for my remark to be restricted only to teenage males. It’s been my experience that many a male past 16 offer that “excuse” for their bad behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/160 "2015-05-12T03:03:09Z")
Or offer it as a shortcut explanation for why they don’t meet \*your \*expectations of their behavior. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727.md?page=9)