# My 5 year old stepson, the beatnik poet... (iPhone humor) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855 "2012-03-15T13:08:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/1 "2012-03-15T13:08:42Z")
After years of hanging on to her iPhone 3, and though she was holding out for an iPhone 5, my wife’s old phone finally gave up the ghost and we ended up getting her a a 4S. With Siri. Which my wife LOVES. But you know who also loves Siri? Our 5 year old little boy…as we found out when a number of friends asked us about the strange text messages they were getting. Apparently, our boy was playing with the phone, accidently activated Siri, and the following are his triumphant voice-to-text compositions, as received by our stunned (and laughing) friends…mind you, he’s autistic, so Siri was doing her best to interpret his sometimes difficult to understand speech… How that’s just the energy monster and and and mother are very yeah add add a love doll where is the day ha ha ha ha ha Are Cheewall about that Jason or mayonnaise stain remind me know I don’t know what to say but I need to lose the Listow was doing a what are you going to be ready by his attitude and well wet babe poop in the air by happening Pinot Noir F5 F5 I’m hungry and five Colleen I message you receive and make how you dad yet is watching you mad linstock ready for why I are at five and again right now I’m mad and I’ll raining wow or are you or are you doing Onekea? Where are we right back by itself Siri Daniel and have your name is built through not images of a nap or any and get it (the best Bonnie that means soon as he needed a nap Blairmont me a behind) I show you how you’re going to Tintop is and keeping about her note or or or or or and love that… are you stinky or somebody Gay yeah Are you home or are you did not pay you eight or are 😉 You are Aulenbach you always wanted Lemonds up on a black on and onit when I say and wow ha ha ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/2 "2012-03-15T13:21:48Z")
Absolutely magnificent. I’m wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. Can you _imagine_ being the recipient of one of those masterpieces? Priceless. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/3 "2012-03-15T15:35:27Z")
I didn’t hear it so much as beat poetry as hip hop, which tends to make as much sense to me. Copyright it and shop it around to various artists! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/4 "2012-03-15T15:39:04Z")
Beck pretty much made a career out of setting that to music, so there’s that! ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/5 "2012-03-15T17:31:37Z")
“Pinot Noir F5 F5” could be a treatise about alcohol abuse in the internet age. It’s fabu! ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/6 "2012-03-15T17:54:22Z")
_“You are Aulenbach you always wanted”_ A language poet! And a fabulous one. Please let me know when the book comes out. ---
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/7 "2012-03-15T18:28:22Z")
He was home with a tummy ache today, and again managed some new compositions. I’ll start with the least controversial… Are I need hi hi mom I love love you a lot yeah yeah Are you up by the way you me at the bottom line by…shut her leg up her Baghdad or add her I am mad I am an alien or or are we mad Ice cream or or or or and or and I’ll know not let you know when you like and I don’t make any narrow mind their wound back. And then there is this one…which went to my very religious (and thankfully, very well humored) sister-in-law… Honey have name is Angela, I cannot I named you five or Karok funny or Galistat doors are yeah You, yeah now what we get a copy of all machine and please lodge Dallas I love you Hello are you gone me by by f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck f#ck And no, Siri did not add in the # sign - I simply replaced the U’s since this isn’t the pit 😉 Near as we can tell, that’s Siri’s translation of the sounds an autistic 5 year old makes when pretending to be a transformer changing shape. My sister-in-law’s response? “Xan has your phone again. I hope.” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/8 "2012-03-15T18:44:09Z")
Best yet, to the best of my understanding, you can’t even passcode-lock the phone in such a way to block access to Siri. So even with a password on the phone, anyone can have Siri read your text messages or E-mail, or… let your wannabe poet send out his missives to anyone in your address book. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/9 "2012-03-15T19:26:24Z")
Crazy, baby! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/10 "2012-03-15T19:38:22Z")
This is prime T-shirt material. Although I see it more as scrolling by in a window in the heads-up display of Baby Terminator. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/11 "2012-03-15T19:40:13Z")
: snaps fingers in rhythm : ---
**Author:** ![SticksAndString](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@SticksAndString](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SticksAndString)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/12 "2012-03-16T00:44:57Z")
OMG so funny…sitting here with big fat tears rolling down my cheeks. This line: \*\*wet babe poop in the air \*\* had me just rolling over laughing, though I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s the twelve year old in me that’s giggling over the word ‘poop’. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/13 "2012-03-16T02:09:36Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Best yet, to the best of my understanding, you can’t even passcode-lock the phone in such a way to block access to Siri. So even with a password on the phone, anyone can have Siri read your text messages or E-mail, or… let your wannabe poet send out his missives to anyone in your address book. Settings \> General \> Passcode Lock (enter passcode) \> in the next screen is an entry for Siri, switch that to “off” and you won’t be able to use Siri from the lock screen anymore. Re: the OP, the “poems” are damn cool. I’m jealous. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/14 "2012-03-16T03:05:39Z")
> [@Sleel](#): > > Settings \> General \> Passcode Lock (enter passcode) \> in the next screen is an entry for Siri, switch that to “off” and you won’t be able to use Siri from the lock screen anymore. > > Re: the OP, the “poems” are damn cool. I’m jealous. Ah, excellent, thank you. I’d only read about the existence of the security hole and not the solution/fix. And to echo the others - _snaps fingers, adjusts her beret_ ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/15 "2012-03-16T18:05:31Z")
/fingersnap ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-5-year-old-stepson-the-beatnik-poet-iphone-humor/615855/16 "2012-03-16T19:01:29Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > So even with a password on the phone, anyone can have Siri read your text messages or E-mail, or… let your wannabe poet send out his missives to anyone in your address book. Actually, though Siri can send email and text messages when the phone is locked (unless you disable it as described by **Sleel** , it can’t read your email. I leave Siri on, because when I want to use voice commands, I don’t want to have to unlock. If I ask Siri to read my email, it tells me it can’t do that while locked, and it pulls up a lock screen.