# My anus burns when I eat jalopenos **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2007, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268 "2007-11-30T02:29:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dubinsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@Alex\_Dubinsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_Dubinsky)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/1 "2007-11-30T02:29:51Z")
Is something wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/2 "2007-11-30T02:33:39Z")
What direction are you trying to “eat” them from? Jalapeno consumption will affect a chocolate starfish much like boiling a lobster will turn it from dark colors to red. There is no real remedy although you should avoid letting someone have anal sex with you right now because the urethra is even more sensitive than the bunghole. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/3 "2007-11-30T02:39:57Z")
I think this sort of thing is fairly common in some people with foods of a certain level of spiciness. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/4 "2007-11-30T02:50:51Z")
My claim to fame is winning the jalapeño eating contest at the first anniversary of the UCSB pub. My secret was to just swallow them down after minor mastication with a beer. I crushed everybody, including the Mexican guy. My roomate barfed his all up. I kept them down and I swear to God, my digestive system has never been right since. Talk about shitting acid, the pain was unbearable. ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/5 "2007-11-30T02:51:25Z")
That used to happen to someone I know. His solution was to NOT eat the seeds, claiming they were the source. Do you eat the seeds? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/6 "2007-11-30T03:20:31Z")
What happens if you eat tandoori chicken? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/7 "2007-11-30T03:36:26Z")
I tried to search for the famous “I have wolf ass” thread, but couldn’t find it. It contained some pithy explanations about what happens when one’s GI tract doesn’t break down the capsaicin molecules in the hot food, and they survive to reach the anal mucosa. My advice now is as it was then. Topical viscous xylocaine. If one is unable to procure a prescription for such, scrub one’s tushie with milk (caseine will bind the capsaicin). ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/8 "2007-11-30T03:37:09Z")
Tandoori chicken is spicy as in “contains spices,” not spicy as in “hot and burns.” Jalapenos are wimpy considering some of the East and Southeast Asisn peppers, though. And rats! Someone beat me to the suggestion that you feed them into your mouth instead. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/9 "2007-11-30T03:44:44Z")
When _ **I** _ make tandoori chicken, you notice it at both ends. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/10 "2007-11-30T03:47:41Z")
This sounds like whenever we have jambalaya served for dinner at the fraternity house. Only thing you hear the rest of the day is how much everybody’s anus is burning/bleeding/functioning highly irregularly. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/11 "2007-11-30T05:55:35Z")
My husband’s motto: “It’s not hot enough if you don’t need to put the TP in the freezer”. Has anyone flown from Europe to America with a bout of diarrhea after a night of FRICKING spicy Thai food? No?.. Ok. Won’t share. I thought it was normal that some food tasted the same at entrance and exit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/12 "2007-11-30T06:02:54Z")
I think the problem is you’re just not eating jalapenos regularly enough. No, really. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/13 "2007-11-30T07:59:47Z")
[QUOTE=Starving Artist] I think the problem is you’re just not eating jalapenos regularly enough. No, really. [/QUOTE] Yup. I eat chiles all the time and don’t get this problem. Man, now I wants me some cream-cheese stuffed jalapenos. A word of warning, however that should go in any chile thread: when you handle chiles, be careful about what you handle afterwards, whether alone or with a friend. I speak from personal experience (boyfriend+tepin chiles=ex-boyfriend). ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/14 "2007-11-30T08:21:26Z")
[QUOTE=Queen Bruin] \(boyfriend+tepin chiles=ex-boyfriend). [/QUOTE] :eek: :eek: :eek: You didn’t have him dip his junk in milk or sugar water to help? (Going on the premise of [Scoville Units](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale) are how many drops of sugar water it takes to neutralize one unit of the capaiscin.) ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/15 "2007-11-30T08:24:02Z")
My anus went mental while staying at my sister’s, drinking her rotten cowboy coffee and forgoing my daily two bowls of raisin bran, until I realized what was wrong. Don’t eat jalapeño peppers, simpler as that. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/16 "2007-11-30T08:25:30Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] :eek: :eek: :eek: You didn’t have him dip his junk in milk or sugar water to help? (Going on the premise of [Scoville Units](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale) are how many drops of sugar water it takes to neutralize one unit of the capaiscin.) [/QUOTE] It was his hands, and I hadn’t known he had been handling them. In any case, not a fun way to wrap up the evening. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/17 "2007-11-30T08:35:46Z")
[QUOTE=Alex\_Dubinsky] Is something wrong? [/QUOTE] Yes, something is wrong, but I couldn’t possibly say what that is - not in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/18 "2007-11-30T09:22:37Z")
[QUOTE=Alex\_Dubinsky] My anus burns when I eat jalopenos Is something wrong? [/QUOTE] Perhaps this is just a leading question, but my guess would be that yes, something is wrong. To be specific, your anus appears to be burning. I can guess to a possible solution as well… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/19 "2007-11-30T09:44:52Z")
Once, in bandcamp… …no wait, it was actually in Shark Bay, I once ate a pizza called “Fire-eater”. The aussies bragged about it burning as much on the way out as on the way in. Anyway, when it finally came out again, I’m sure the toiletpaper caught fire as well :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2007, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268/20 "2007-11-30T09:50:06Z")
[QUOTE=Queen Bruin] Yup. I eat chiles all the time and don’t get this problem. Man, now I wants me some cream-cheese stuffed jalapenos. [/QUOTE] I eat jalapeños all the time also, but the time I won the jalapeño eating contest, I ate something like 8 ounces of them. Perhaps you aren’t eating enough of them. [QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] My advice now is as it was then. Topical viscous xylocaine. If one is unable to procure a prescription for such, scrub one’s tushie with milk (caseine will bind the capsaicin). [/QUOTE] OK, next contest I’m going for a milk enema. I wonder how that will work out with my lactose intolerance. It already gives me the runs. . . [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-anus-burns-when-i-eat-jalopenos/428268.md?page=2)