# My b/f wants me to be a nudist... help! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 11, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473 "2003-03-11T03:40:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/21 "2003-03-11T17:54:01Z")
Tster, not a problem. Nudism isn’t for everyone. I have never been to a nudist organization that cares if some people wear clothes or not. Do what you are comfortable with but realize that nudism is not about sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/22 "2003-03-11T18:45:28Z")
I dont’ exactly “fault” him for wanting to go but I’m not comfortable with it. So, my entire goal is to be able to understand him better (and maybe learn about myself in the process). In every other way we are completely in synch with our thoughts & goals & desires. We just need to get past this minor obstacle… and I really think it’s possible. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/23 "2003-03-11T19:14:28Z")
**Tster** I’m not sure how good an idea this will be for you, but as I am a nudist my perspective may be of value. It may seem strange, but try going to the nudist club without your b/f first. Most good clubs will be geared towards helping new-comers and will be aware that people are shy and worried. Without your b/f you will not feel pressurised into staying if you do find it too uncomfortable, and you will be able to adampt to nudity at your own pace. Then if you find yourself able to relax and enjoy yourself there you will have no problems going with your b/f, but if you find the nudism too upsetting, you can tell your b/f with certainty that it is not for you, and you wont risk the dammage that might occur if you go with him first, and either stay there uncomftable and upset, or spoil his plans by insisting on leaving. Cheers, Bippy the Nudist ---
**Author:** ![viking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@viking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/viking)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/24 "2003-03-11T19:16:53Z")
well, have you talked to him about your misgivings? From what I hear, and what others are saying, many nudist camps are `clothing optional', rather than `clothing banned’… So could you not go along with him, and if you feel wierd taking your clothes off, keep em on. Either way, you’ll be expanding your mind and getting a first-hand look at what you call ``the mindset’’, and no-one really cares what, if anything, you’re wearing. Basically, you’re associating nudity with sex, and he’s associating it with not having clothes on. It’s really as simple as that. And I think that by visiting a colony, you’ll see that in that context, nudity is not associated with sex. Whether you’re nude, or whether you decide that that scene isn’t for you, seeing that for yourself would probably help the two of you work past `this minor obstacle’. Good luck! Disclaimer: I’ve never been to a formal nudist colony, but I like swimming and don’t like bathing suits. Often on hikes and what-not, lakes will become `clothing optional’ through the simple expedient of a bunch of us not wearing anything… And on these occasions, I don’t care what others are wearing and vice-versa. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/25 "2003-03-11T19:20:56Z")
The advice sounds very wise. However, I’m not even the kind of person that wants to go into a bar alone for one measly drink. I am fairly sure I would feel much more uncomfortable laying there alone. I “think” I feel more strange about others nudity than my own. I think I have a nice body & I’ve never been ashamed of showing anyone (one on one) before. I will feel strange having HIM look at other women, not that I would feel like he would be attracted to them but more of an intimacy issue. Bippy… please help me. I think you can. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/26 "2003-03-11T19:57:51Z")
Well I’ll see what more I can add, this’ll be a bit of a flow of conscious thing so sorry if it doesn’t read too well. I find the most embarrassing thing about nudism as seeing others nude, not being nude myself. I might liken this embarrassment to the embarrassment you get when you are dealing with someone with a physical deformity that you are not yet used to or comfortable with. If you haven’t seen many different people nude in real life, and only really seen the bodies of lovers, and on t.v., then the shock of how ‘ugly’ people are naked is a bit strange. But nudism (well here in central California anyway) is a lot about body acceptance and relaxation. When you start to let go of the fashion inspired body image ideas that we all get peppered with through the media you will find that you view others bodies not as ugly, but as beautiful in the same sort of way that an animal is beautiful. It will help you appreciate your own body, and to understand what in another persons body you find sexually and/or aesthetically pleasing. Some good things about nudism are… what I said above plus, sunbathing is far nicer nude, swimming is just so much more comfortable that you may never want to swim in a costume again. Nudist clubs often have social events, to be honest I do find these kind of weird, like dances, or volley ball competitions, I find the weird just because I can’t see the point of being nude as opposed to being clothed at such events. But if your club is anything like the clubs I know here, there is no need to get involved in these social events. Cheers, Bippy ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/27 "2003-03-11T20:06:14Z")
Excellent feedback. The thing I’m trying to get past is the idea that nudity is a private thing. I want to get past the irritation at the thought of him _not caring_ if a strange guy walks up to my while I’m taking my clothes off. I’m all for being naked & swimming naked (the best swimming of my life, for sure. It’s the other people involved that makes it tough. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/28 "2003-03-11T21:52:35Z")
Well anover thought, do you get uncomfortable if a strange guy walks up to you whilst you are wearing your sexiest clothes? I would bet the strange guy if you met one at a nudist place would be completely trying not to make you uncomfortable, but was just trying to ask someone where the hot tubs are situated. Basically in any good club, anyone who makes life uncomfortable for others, especially who makes women or children uncomfortable, would be thrown out in allmoist no time at all. As for undressing and dressing, most clubs have at least some areas to dress and undress alone, if not the ladies toilets would be a ‘safe haven’ for undressing. As people often want to dissasociate their nudist self from their normal-day self, and nudists amy consider their choice of underwear to be a totally private thing, even though they are fully happy to go arround without a stitch on at the nudist club. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/29 "2003-03-11T22:00:38Z")
Well anover thought, do you get uncomfortable if a strange guy walks up to you whilst you are wearing your sexiest clothes? I would bet the strange guy if you met one at a nudist place would be completely trying not to make you uncomfortable, but was just trying to ask someone where the hot tubs are situated. Basically in any good club, anyone who makes life uncomfortable for others, especially who makes women or children uncomfortable, would be thrown out in allmoist no time at all. As for undressing and dressing, most clubs have at least some areas to dress and undress alone, if not the ladies toilets would be a ‘safe haven’ for undressing. As people often want to dissasociate their nudist self from their normal-day self, and nudists amy consider their choice of underwear to be a totally private thing, even though they are fully happy to go arround without a stitch on at the nudist club. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/30 "2003-03-11T22:02:47Z")
Darn you Freud, you got me with that “allmoist” misspelling 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/31 "2003-03-11T22:49:50Z")
**Tster** , does it bother you to be nude among other women? That might be a way to ease into it. By becoming more comfortable around other nude women, that might help you become easier with the general idea of nudity. I can definitely see the advantages to swimming or sunbathing nude, but unless I was engaging in those kinds of activities, I wouldn’t see any need to not wear clothes. And believe me, when you’re sunbathing with naked grandmas around you, sexual tension tends not to be a factor. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/32 "2003-03-11T23:14:52Z")
I am fine with being nude in general, I think, although I’ve never been in a group situation (showers in the lockerrooms don’t count!). I don’t see a “need” to not wear clothes either. Does anyone have an experience going to a nude beach/colony where they had a bad experience? And Bippy, I swear I was going to ask you about disrobing next!!! In fact, in the next month before I go (I don’t have any days off until then), I expect to have a few more. Such as, I have asked a girlfriend if she would consider going with me (instead of my bf). She thought the idea was good & will ask her (very openminded) husband tonite (he’s never been). Do you think that my b/f can offer any protest at this? I am sort of suspecting that he wants to go with me but I liked your advice about not doing that unless necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/33 "2003-03-12T00:15:42Z")
One thing that is obvious, but might not be at first, is that Nudist places are buisiest on weekends, and quietest during normal working hours mid week. So another thought if you are apprehensive is to contact the nudist place you wish to go to, and ask when they are at their quietest, and try to go then. But if it is a quiet time I would deffinately recomend bringing friends with you, as it would feel safer for you, and you would have someone to talk with. Getting a group together, with your b/f could be a very good idea, especially if the nudist place is near other places worth visiting, since if it gets too much for you or any of your friends, you could clothe up and go for a walk in nearby countryside… Also the places I know do not have a no-clothing requirement, and it is common for women especially to wear those tied-sheet things commonly worn over swimsuits (is kaftan the name ?) whilst moving about or just sitting, only getting completely nude to lie down on a sun-chair or to swim. Also usually best to bring light slip-on shoes, and remember a good sun hat, and lots of high factor sun screen (you are likely to be sunning flesh that is unused to direct sunlight 🙂 ) The only “bad” experiences I have got were the general “bad vibe” sent out to single males who go to such places, this is somewhat reasonable, and I belive saftey should be paramount, so any male nudist is expected to prove themselves to be serious and not there to observe naked people. This does not worry me greatly, as I am thick skinned, and really wouldn’t mind if there was no-one else arround as I am there to swim and sun-bathe mostly, not to socialise (I find socializing nude to be still a little uncomfortable). But this may explain why your b/f would be keen to have you join him, since it will remove any stigma he feels he is getting from others arround… … also some clubs won’t allow single male members, so if you became interested, it would make it possible for you two to join such a club together. Of course I am not a woman, and am big and ugly enough to put people off from causing me trouble. What I have heard about problems occuring to women have been of the form… One male nudist gets complaints against them for staring, they get a warning from club officials, then if there are any more complaints they are permanently barred from the site. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/34 "2003-03-12T00:24:50Z")
The group thing (including bf & others) won’t work. That’s a lot to ask. Either him & I or her & I. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/35 "2003-03-12T00:42:33Z")
Who (her or b/f) would you feel best about being cowardly/embarissed in front of? Once you’ve gone once I bet you’ll go again and again, unless it just freaks you out in which case you won’t ever want to go again. I don’t know about anyone neutral to nudism, they are either 1. tried it and loved it 2. tried it once and never again 3. havn’t yet had the nerve/opportunity to try 4. can’t imagine ever trying you clearly aren’t a 4 so do you want to be a 3 all your life? Good luck, Bippy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/36 "2003-03-12T00:56:36Z")
You convinced me in your first post that I would feel less stressed about going without him the first time. If he’s there, I will have other things to potentially consider (perhaps jealousy?) and I can save that for the possible second trip, when I’m not so freaked out about being bare-assed. ---
**Author:** ![Bindrah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Bindrah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bindrah)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/37 "2003-03-12T01:55:37Z")
look, you all are making it so complicated. heres what to do…just go for it, its no big deal. it will be a nudist camp,no? people are used to it, they’ll look, maybe they wont.no big deal…if its an issue, forget about it, don’t make it so hard, it isn’t. it’s like saying, do i want to see a movie or stay home and watch tv…either or, you wont lose… ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/38 "2003-03-12T02:04:03Z")
Life is complicated. I’m fairly sure it is acceptable to ponder a decision prior to making it and yes, on occasion, it’s even discussed with others beforehand. I suspect that many of the posts on this board have that exact purpose. If you’re offended with this decision making process, you are free to ignore the post. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/39 "2003-03-14T21:34:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tster \* > \*\*I told him… let’s go (he never really asked me, I just wanted to show him that I’m trying to understand him more)… I even started to look forward to it. > > Then… I started to get pissed off at the idea that he would WANT a bunch of naked old men to see me strip off my clothes and walk around strutting my stuff.\*\* As others have pointed out, particularly **dorkusmalorkusmafia** , this isn’t what nudism is about. It is about being natural and comfortable with who you are, not about sex at all. From a nudist’s perspective(i.e. your BF) it’s not about what the old men think, and it’s certainly not about “strutting [your] stuff”. It’s about being yourself and being unconditionally accepting of both who you are and of others. Most nudist camps are NOT filled with men walking around with eternal stiffies or oogling. In fact, oogling is generally considered rude. If your BF is a nudist himself, I’d guess the only thing he’d really WANT you to get out of sharing the experience is a degree of freedom and self-confidence you don’t get in other situations. Once you stop thinking of naked people as NAKED people and start thinking of them as naked PEOPLE it’s a lot easier to be open and accepting of them. I doubt your BF would be getting voyeuristic giggles out of seeing other men oogle you if you went to a nudist camp. Some may oogle you, but I’d guess that most will simply accept you.\*\* > [@](#): > > So, I’m very torn. I want to go really bad (for him) and then I’m mad that he wants me to go. The reason I want to go is that I’m afraid that our extremely different moral values in this area might lead to an eventual disaster in our relationship so I want to change those values. He’s really worth it but I don’t know how.\*\* Just parroting some of the advice you’ve been given already. Don’t do it “for him”. Nudism is about self-esteem and rejecting society’s shallow emphasis on outward appearances(so often dominated by our clothing choices). If this is a position you’d like to adopt, then do so. Obviously you already deeply admire this trait in your boyfriend, you just need to figure out if it is right for you. If it is, I’d say work on thinking of naked people as naked PEOPLE instead of as NAKED people. These are social gatherings, not mass orgies. I’d bet that, if you really examined them, your morals are NOT “extremely different” from your BF’s. I found an excellent, if not comprehensive, [site about the nudist/naturalist ideology](http://web.infoave.net/~pixman/NUDISM.HTM). I’d invite you to read through it as an overview of the ideology, and perhaps look up some other sites and then discuss them with your BF. Find out what he gets out of being a nudist/naturalist. I’d bet that sexual arousal/gratification/voyeurism/fantasies don’t even make the list. > [@](#): > > Nudism is not the type of lifestyle that promotes sexual promiscuity, lewdness, or exhibitionism. One of the reasons the “clothing optional lifestyle” was developed was to help people get away from the high stress and pressures of every day life. It was a way to release the pressure and stress of every life by getting back to a more natural state. It was their belief that by ridding themselves of the constraints society had placed on them, they could become a part of nature. > > The basic principles of Naturism is that society covers up the real person with its badges of honor with clothing and material things that display wealth, position, or power. By being in a most natural state, all barriers are down and they experience the real person inside, not the person society says they have to portray. Their belief is that they should have the right to practice social nudism, as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others. > … > Most nudist resorts provide a family oriented monitored atmosphere. This is in an attempt to assure that members can enjoy this wholesome lifestyle in a safe and relaxing atmosphere with their family. Facilities are often patrolled to deter gawkers, swingers, and voyeurs. These types are often removed before causing a scene, performing lewd behavior, or endangering members or their families. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473/40 "2003-03-14T21:41:47Z")
Well, Steven, what initially upset me was that (and he admitted to this) his entire goal for going initially was for “seeing naked women”. Years ago when he first went, it was just another way for him, as a single man, to see boobies. I can’t imagine a strait MAN going for the first (second, third…) time without that goal. In the last few days, I have decided to go with a girlfriend to the nude beach down in Miami instead for the first time (thought I’d blend in more). Knowing that men there will have the goal I mentioned above, it kind of shocks me that he doesn’t really care if I go or not…and whether he’s with me or not. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-b-f-wants-me-to-be-a-nudist-help/160473.md?page=3)