# My bad election poetry rant against Ohio **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892 "2004-11-04T02:02:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/1 "2004-11-04T02:02:31Z")
With apologies to the people of Ohio WITH brains, and Cajun musicians everywhere: Oh me oh my, Oh me oh my, oh my Ohio Fuck your ass and stuff it with gress from the Florida Bayou You suck my dick, you stroke my prick, oh you Ohio Son of a bitch, you sleep with the fish, you’re dead Ohio ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/2 "2004-11-04T02:08:31Z")
Why pick on Ohio? The vast majority of the States preferred Bush. You’ve got a lot more writin’ to do to diss 'em all. Your apology should go to Hank Williams, Sr, whose music you parody. Judging from the results in Louisiana, Cajun musicians probably won’t be playing your tune anyway. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/3 "2004-11-04T02:40:56Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Why pick on Ohio? … Gotta blame somebody. Bush picked Iraq. I picked Ohio. The tune suggested itself from the name. I would do a rant against Florida based on Glen Gampbell’s _Galveston_. There’s a Neil Young song about Albama that could probably work unchanged. Not to mention _Southern Man._ ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/4 "2004-11-04T02:58:16Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > There’s a Neil Young song about Albama that could probably work unchanged. Not to mention _Southern Man._ Yeah, but Lynyrd Skynyrd ran Neil Young out of these parts… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/5 "2004-11-04T03:18:49Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Yeah, but Lynyrd Skynyrd ran Neil Young out of these parts… Yeah, but _somebody_ drove Lynyrd Skynyrd right into the ground. So there. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/6 "2004-11-04T03:25:21Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > There’s a Neil Young song about Albama that could probably work unchanged. Not to mention _Southern Man._ I seem to recall him being in a band with a song about…Ohio! \*Provisional ballots, grumblin, we finally got to vote, this November I hear the yawning, long lines in Ohio. Gotta get down to it, Lawyers are clogging our streets, Shoulda been home long ago.\* ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/7 "2004-11-04T03:29:33Z")
Here’s a poem I wrote this morning: **America, Oh Shining Beacon of the World** A suburbian paradise, the land of the free, A nice pretty pretty house to appeal to the senses, Bodies of niggers hanging from trees, And their severed heads stuck on the white picket fences. Let’s execute children who dare to wear black, They probably worship the Lord of the Flies, Now come over here and I’ll show you the back, The place where the faggots are all crucified. Round up the towelheads before it’s too late, They’re terrorists who hate us because we are free, Now let’s join together and all celebrate, The nightmare that is The American Dream. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/8 "2004-11-04T03:29:42Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > Yeah, but _somebody_ drove Lynyrd Skynyrd right into the ground. So there. It wasn’t so much _driving_ into the ground as it was _crashing_ into the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/9 "2004-11-04T03:36:18Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I seem to recall him being in a band with a song about…Ohio! > > \*Provisional ballots, grumblin, > we finally got to vote, > this November I hear the yawning, > long lines in Ohio. > > Gotta get down to it, > Lawyers are clogging our streets, > Shoulda been home long ago.\* Lovely! Bush-supporting state dirges are good. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/10 "2004-11-04T03:40:39Z")
So if we’d been a little quicker about voting, someone else would catch your ire instead? I blame those lazy kids at Oberlin who couldn’t get up early to vote, but had to straggle into line late, clutching their double espresso latte mochas and IM’ing each other. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/11 "2004-11-04T03:44:28Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > It wasn’t so much _driving_ into the ground as it was _crashing_ into the ground. What are you? Some kinds _fact-findie_ Democrat? Drove… crashed… like it matters. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/12 "2004-11-04T03:46:00Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > So if we’d been a little quicker about voting, someone else would catch your ire instead? I blame those lazy kids at Oberlin who couldn’t get up early to vote, but had to straggle into line late, clutching their double espresso latte mochas and IM’ing each other. Maybe they shoulda had the National Guard out prodding them with bayonets. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/13 "2004-11-04T03:54:57Z")
Hey, leave my alma mater out of this! They all voted absentee, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/14 "2004-11-04T03:59:00Z")
> [@Talon Karrde](#): > > Here’s a poem I wrote this morning: > > **America, Oh Shining Beacon of the World** > > A suburbian paradise, the land of the free, > A nice pretty pretty house to appeal to the senses, > Bodies of niggers hanging from trees, > And their severed heads stuck on the white picket fences. > > Let’s execute children who dare to wear black, > They probably worship the Lord of the Flies, > Now come over here and I’ll show you the back, > The place where the faggots are all crucified. > > Round up the towelheads before it’s too late, > They’re terrorists who hate us because we are free, > Now let’s join together and all celebrate, > The nightmare that is The American Dream. I am sure that your one man circle jerk was all that and more but your fantasies have no place in the current state of affairs. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/15 "2004-11-04T04:16:39Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I am sure that your one man circle jerk was all that and more but your fantasies have no place in the current state of affairs. I disagree. Depression is a perfectly appropriate response. Wasn’t that a depressing poem? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/16 "2004-11-04T04:20:09Z")
Okay, I’m going to bed now. Alone again. And when I get up, I want all of you to have put your toys away and get this mess cleared away. And we will be nice to Ohio all day tomorrow, or else. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/17 "2004-11-04T05:55:24Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > I disagree. Depression is a perfectly appropriate response. Wasn’t that a depressing poem? Uh, no. It was just :rolleyes: :rolleyes: -inducing. Like a mix up of shitty Goth poetry and the maniacal ravings of a street preacher. Zack De La Rocha wrote better, for crying out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/18 "2004-11-04T06:16:52Z")
I think it was a brilliant satire of goth poetry, and if you don’t agree with me you’re a close-minded _Showgirls_ hater. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bad-election-poetry-rant-against-ohio/272892/19 "2004-11-04T08:07:49Z")
> [@shagnasty](#): > > I am sure that your one man circle jerk was all that and more but your fantasies have no place in the current state of affairs. Wow, aren’t you clever! You have almost a third grade wit! > [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > Uh, no. It was just :rolleyes::rolleyes: -inducing. Like a mix up of shitty Goth poetry and the maniacal ravings of a street preacher. Zack De La Rocha wrote better, for crying out loud. I never claimed it was good. I’ve written better than that. I just honestly think that “The American Dream” is what fucks us all up. All of our social injustice has been carried out in its name. Besides, Zac de la Rocha never intentionally mangled words just for fun, so there.