# My Beloved... Death gave us no warning. Let me honour you. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 15, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484 "2004-06-15T15:21:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/41 "2004-06-17T05:39:54Z")
I am so sorry, **Aldebaran**. Please accept my condolences. Her beauty really shines through your words. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/42 "2004-06-17T05:43:17Z")
Thank you for sharing your love with us:) Know strength. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/43 "2004-06-17T05:53:07Z")
Aldebaran, you did a wonderful job expressing yourself in this language you modestly claim to not know. I know your beautiful words will do little to fill the enormous hole in your heart this must have left but please know that we are all thinking of you, and we wish you the best. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/44 "2004-06-17T06:06:42Z")
I think we’ve all learned something about **Alde** today. My thoughts are with you. ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/45 "2004-06-20T17:24:09Z")
To all: Thank very much for your kind words. > [@Necro Romancer](#): > > When you’re ready, fill us in on how you’re doing, ok? I really can’t give an answer on that. I know that I can not escape this and there is no room for denial, but I can not find a way place this. It is especially hard for my children to understand. I wish I could have done something to avoid that they came so young aware of this cruel side of love and attachment. Whatver you say or do, you don’t know what goes on in a child’s mind while listening to your words. Salaam. A ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/46 "2004-06-20T17:37:33Z")
I have nothing more to offer than my condolences and thanks for such a moving piece of writing. Peace. ---
**Author:** ![Necro\_Romancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@Necro\_Romancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necro_Romancer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/47 "2004-06-21T07:55:13Z")
First of all, your tribute was beautiful. You’re blessed to have the love of such a remarkable woman. I can’t speak as a parent yet, and I don’t know how you’ve chosen to cope with this as a family (and individual), but my own experiences tell me that it is important for a parent to be open with their children. Be honest with them, and don’t be afraid to grieve with them. My father always seemed unaffected by loss around the rest of his family, and even though I know he mourned in private, it felt like he was depriving us of what we needed to deal with the situation. It’s important to see that grieving, especially for someone you love, is natural and a tribute in it of itself. You’ll get through this; it will get better with time. The greatest tribute you can give to her is the life you lead and family you raise. God be with you, **Aldebaran**. ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/48 "2004-06-28T12:58:56Z")
> [@Necro Romancer](#): > > My father always seemed unaffected by loss around the rest of his family, and even though I know he mourned in private, it felt like he was depriving us of what we needed to deal with the situation. It’s important to see that grieving, especially for someone you love, is natural and a tribute in it of itself. In my opinion it is better for the children to talk with them calmly, wihtout giving in too much to your own emotion. They are both under ten years old, but they asked very pertinent questions about life and death and the reasons why. Of course I can fall back on religion like the people surrounding me did when I was a child. Yet _because_ I can rely on my own experience I don’t see that as the best way to deal with the fear children might have for loosing someone again. “God wants it to be” is in my view the most easy way out for not answering anything a child may think or ask. It certainly didn’t help me much at the time. It would be interesting to hear how people who are not religious try to beat the fear of children that whenever you leave them it could have been the last time they saw you. I don’t know if it can be answered here, or if it would be a good idea to make a thread about this. Salaam. A ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/49 "2004-06-28T13:46:31Z")
Alde, I was not aware english was not your first language. Hell, you write better in a second language than I write in my own natural language. There are some wonderful books to help explain to children about what happened or why or where the deceased went. Trying to help my 6 year old son understand why his very ill uncles have died is nearly a daily challenge. [Badger’s Parting Gifts](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688115187/qid=1088429945/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-9599692-7575352?v=glance&s=books) by susan varley. Lovely, non-religious story of how an ageing badger who dies has taught the younger animals little things that mean so much. [Mountains of Tibet](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0064432114/qid=1088430061/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-9599692-7575352?v=glance&s=books) by Mordecai Gerstein. Deals beautifully with reincarnation. [The Next Place](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0931674328/qid=1088430156/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/102-9599692-7575352) by Warren Hanson. I just found this book at an independant book store. It is simply lovely, non-religious about where the spirit or deceased goes after death and how they leave behind the human faults and frailities without forgetting the love and friendships. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/50 "2004-06-28T13:50:58Z")
That was a beautiful tribute **Aldebaran**. I am very sad at your loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/51 "2004-07-04T14:49:35Z")
Thank you for your kind posts. I still have no idea how to deal with this. If you picture life as a question mark returning always to the dot on which it floats, she was the dot of mine. I started a thread about the meaning of life and death asking atheists to give their views. > **[Atheists views on life. And on death.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=264783)** > > Questions I would like to open a debate on. What do you expect of your life. What does it take for you to consider your life to be what you expect of life. What does death and the fact that everyone has to face this means to you. How would you... I have the impression there are a lot more atheists who are regulars on this forum then there are on GD. Your input would be much appreciated. Thank you. Salaam. A ---
**Author:** ![Epoxy\_Moron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@Epoxy\_Moron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epoxy_Moron)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/52 "2004-07-04T18:19:50Z")
May peace be upon you. And your beloved reside in Paradise ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/53 "2004-07-06T18:02:50Z")
Seeing this thread just about to fall off MPSIMS, I’ll bump it, and hope **Alderbaran** and family are doing well. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/54 "2004-07-07T00:56:30Z")
I am saddened by your loss, My thoughts and prayers are with you. My you God go with you, and bring you peace and hope. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/55 "2004-07-07T01:05:55Z")
I have no idea how I missed this thread for so long. I’m so sorry for your loss, **Aldebaran**. She sounds like a wonderful, loving, generous lady. I’m wishing you comfort and peace. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/56 "2004-07-07T01:22:19Z")
What was the relation to you? A grandmother? I missed my grandmothers terribly when they died. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/57 "2004-07-07T05:46:24Z")
My condolences to you and your family. In you the gift of her love lives on. ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484/58 "2004-07-07T06:06:41Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, Aldebaran. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beloved-death-gave-us-no-warning-let-me-honour-you/250484.md?page=2)