# My Beyoncé died ........ **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 16, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243 "2002-08-16T20:49:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/81 "2002-08-18T00:30:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*I have to tell you…I got laid ten minutes ago… \*\* OhFerChristSakes. You can tell I haven’t had any for a while. I read that as “I got laid **off** ten minutes ago”.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/82 "2002-08-18T01:01:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*I have to tell you…I got laid ten minutes ago and the first thing I thought of was letting all of you know. Sniff. I think I’m going to go order pizza now. 😉 \*\* Well??? What happened? Did you order the pizza? From where? What kind was it?? How long did it take to get there? Was it good? Did you order drinks or breadsticks along with it??? We need to know this stuff, DAMMIT!! Don’t leave us hanging! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/83 "2002-08-18T05:44:25Z")
Oh jeez. I haven’t LOLed so much in a while as I have at this thread and the threads it references. I’m C&Ping them into my “SD Wit” document, along with the drawstring-pants rant and BronzeLion’s condemnation of “doctors” and the businesswomen they service. **Opal** , good job! Did he by any chance say **why** he did this; why he thought it would be funny? I’m thinking a high-school kid, with a sense of humor from the heyday of **National Lampoon** (the magazine, not movies). He kept it up good, too. And :::Rilchiam looks around furtively::: it was humorous…kind of a performance-humor. Seriously. Originally, I thought Koko was simply disgusting. I was particularly disturbed by this sentence in the OP: “I’ve thought of killing my self but i know that won’t solve anything.” Suicide is no joke, I thought, and its an affront to people who have been clinically depressed to suggest that someone might contemplate suicide, then reject the idea, in the span of three minutes. But as I read on, and my laughter built to a crescendo, I realized that Koko could not possibly have expected to get away with this. It’s not a carefully crafted ‘work’ (in the wrestling sense) like **Skewbald** ’s courtship of PajamaGirl. It’s not the least bit plausible, unlike the bogus stories about dying loved ones that have been posted here ( **LitlTassie** and I forget the other one…the one who said her SO – also a Doper – had sustained a concussion in a car accident and woke up inquiring after his favorite team). It didn’t seem like a persona; more like he was doing an improv comedy sketch. Not that I think he should have been banned. But I just wanted to say that I’m proud to be in such company! Your extemporizing blew him out of the water! He probably wouldn’t come back even if he could. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/84 "2002-08-18T09:52:59Z")
Oh, no! My girlfriend is in the kitchen dying **right now!** Oh, shit! Should I go take the plastic bag off her head **now,** or should I finish posting first? Oops. Too late. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/85 "2002-08-18T09:55:56Z")
I’m over it now. Speaking of pizza, what does the pizza delivery guy have in common with a gynecologist? ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/86 "2002-08-18T10:51:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by peasea \* > \*\*And then he posts everyone’s favorite riddle about words ending in gry. Which is more likely? He got over the death of his fieonse in half a day and found a riddle he thought was so original he needed to share with everyone, or he did it because he knew the gry thing would get a reaction out of people here? \*\* ] That’s exactly what I thought. This guy **planned** his efforts. If it wasn’t for his obviously genuine correspondence with **Opal** I was starting to think it was the sock of someone here having a bit of a stir. I’m almost disappointed that it isn’t… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/87 "2002-08-18T11:02:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bob Scene \* > \*\* > Speaking of pizza, what does the pizza delivery guy have in common with a gynecologist? \*\* Erm… they’re both at yer cervix? They both spend the day looking at stuff they want to eat, but can’t? Their fionces died? They both make women spread their legs? (think porno movies: “Hey lady! Here’s your pizza, and HERE’S the pepperoni!” _ZIIIIP!_) They’re both named “Henri”? (Salvador Dali would get this one…) OK… I’m out of guesses… ---
**Author:** ![Squish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Squish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squish)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/88 "2002-08-18T12:23:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*I’m sorry. I didn’t explain myself properly. What I meant to say was we had started 10 minutes before. We’d finished 1 …let’s see. foreplay, 4 minutes, then 5 more…yeah. We’d finished 1 minute before. \*\* Foreplay? Whazzat? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Squish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Squish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squish)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/89 "2002-08-18T12:24:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bob Scene \* > \*\*Speaking of pizza, what does the pizza delivery guy have in common with a gynecologist? \*\* They both spit on your food if you don’t tip? [sub]No, that can’t be it…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/90 "2002-08-18T13:01:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \* > \*\* > ( **LitlTassie** and I forget the other one…the one who said her SO – also a Doper – had sustained a concussion in a car accident and woke up inquiring after his favorite team). \*\* Same person, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/91 "2002-08-18T13:27:53Z")
Oh. Well, then, who was the one who said her kid was dying? (Her house of cards fell apart when other Dopers who’d had ill children pointed out that a parent in that situation did not flit back and forth from hospital to home at the rate she claimed.) ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/92 "2002-08-18T16:00:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Squish \* > \*\* > Foreplay? Whazzat? 😛 \*\* “Brace yourself, Bridget!” ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/93 "2002-08-18T16:04:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Squish \* > \*\* > Foreplay? Whazzat? 😛 \*\* I think you got the right idea about what foreplay is. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/94 "2002-08-18T16:09:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \* > \*\*Oh. Well, then, who was the one who said her kid was dying? (Her house of cards fell apart when other Dopers who’d had ill children pointed out that a parent in that situation did not flit back and forth from hospital to home at the rate she claimed.) \*\* That was **LittleTassie**. That was around the time I joined the boards. I doubted her story from day one but I stayed out of it. I had a nephew die of cancer - my sister was lucky to get home to take a shower, much less post on a message board updates of his condition. Little Tassie was one of several socks for someone who doesn’t deserve to be named. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/95 "2002-08-18T17:06:32Z")
You guys are cruel. Kokoko has had a **lousy break**. He’s going through a **bad stretch** right now, and he could **snap**. Sometimes you just have to **cut the cord** and move on, though. I, for one, am glad to see him already **bounce back**. [sub]_(Sorry. But how many times in one’s life does one get an opportunity to go for bungee-cord death humor?!)_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/96 "2002-08-18T17:16:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bob Scene \* > \*\*I’m over it now. > > Speaking of pizza, what does the pizza delivery guy have in common with a gynecologist? \*\* I dunno, but I gotta terrible feelin dat da word “pie” shows up in da punchline. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/97 "2002-08-18T20:17:25Z")
I once met 2 guys on a bridge. the were carrying a large birdcage full of birds. The first guy opened the cage, put a bird under each arm and jumped off. the second guy took a chicken from the cage and jumped off. Both fell to their death. Moral of the story? Its not safe to go Budgie jumping. Or Hen-gliding. ---
**Author:** ![donkeyoatey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@donkeyoatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donkeyoatey)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/98 "2002-08-18T20:48:23Z")
[Elaine]Maybe the dingo ate your baby[/Elaine] ---
**Author:** ![coosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/99 "2002-08-19T06:15:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Squish \* > \*\* > Foreplay? Whazzat? 😛 \*\* We’ve met before, haven’t we? ---
**Author:** ![BurglarGenie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BurglarGenie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurglarGenie)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243/100 "2002-08-19T17:35:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KneadToKnow \* > \*\* > Oh, and **Scylla** , did you check “FRIGGIN PA,” cuz that’s where it said they “USED TO LIVE.” > > 😃 \*\* I think he meant _Intercourse, PA_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-beyonce-died/124243.md?page=6)