# My bittersweet anniversary **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2002, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246 "2002-11-27T23:42:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/21 "2002-11-28T13:56:43Z")
Thank you, **Denise, Zoe, SCSimmons, dreamer, cherry, and White Lightning**. Another great thing about this place and others like it is that no matter what one has gone through in life, the chances that others have done the same are excellent. I certainly didn’t begin this thread just to see who else had been down this road, but it’s nice to know I am not alone. Which, of course, one never really is on here. **Zyada** , I always wondered about that. As I was taking it, I didn’t know what the result would be, but I figured a lot of anything couldn’t be good. It’s very nice to see people posting in here with whom I have not interacted much at all; that says a lot about them, I think. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/22 "2002-11-28T14:02:31Z")
Happy Thanksgiving, mate. Glad you carried on. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/23 "2002-11-28T14:03:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*Thanks for posting your story here, Dan. I’ve always liked you–you know that. But reading this here, well…in the long run, I don’t suppose it matters much, but it elevated my opinion of you even higher. > > ((((Dan)))) \*\* Aw, ((((((Cristi))))). And you’re one of my favorite people on here, for sure. No, scratch that, favorite anywhere. Thank you. It’s not too surprising, as I said, that others on here have been through this before. And perhaps this thread will encourage other people to face up to their own decisions, whether they were long ago or recent. (That is, assuming they need to face up to anything; perhaps they have already reconciled.) Anyway, Cristi, of course your opinion matters. It matters very much. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/24 "2002-11-28T14:14:04Z")
Wow, thanks, Cheri. Coming from you, those are quite the compliments. I agree with your position on suicide. It’s a very personal decision, and perspectives will vary tremendously from person to person, but for my money it’s just the wrong way to go. One reason we consider it, though, is that it represents the unknown. I remember wondering what would happen. Was there something beyond death? One factor that virtually ensures that I’ll never even consider this again is that there are so many other people suffering through far worse lives than I could even imagine, and somehow they pull through - they don’t choose that path. If they can do it, then by God, so I will. For me, it’s selfish to the extreme to assume that my problems are insurmountable when other, worse problems surely are not. Anyway, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cheri}}}}}}]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/25 "2002-11-28T14:26:50Z")
Flami! Thank you. I’m very glad I’m on here, too. And I’m especially glad you’re still here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/26 "2002-11-28T14:29:43Z")
Crap, I knew I’d forget someone. Thanks, **jjimm**. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/27 "2002-11-28T14:42:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*Crap, I knew I’d forget someone. Thanks, **jjimm**. \*\* Don’t be silly - I didn’t post to be thanked. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/28 "2002-11-28T15:10:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Thank you all for being here. Remember, even if people don’t post every aspect of their lives, they may still be learning through the experiences of others; that is why message boards like this can be very important. Yep, and as someone else (a total sweetheart, btw) once told me; We’re a family. Glad you made it pal, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/29 "2002-11-28T15:42:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > I just considered it an unresolved issue. This thread has provided me some closure. > > On the other hand, it’s not something I’ll ever forget entirely, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just not something I think about frequently. Ah, okay. Completely understood:) (hey, it’s not like I have a mental checklist consisting of “suicidal years? Check. Family history as it related to pedophilia, child abuse, alcoholism and associated psychological problems? Check. Double lives? Check. Okay, I can _yawn_ go to bed now.”:)) ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/30 "2002-11-28T22:04:19Z")
As I enjoy Thanksgiving dinner here with my family, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/31 "2002-11-28T22:49:55Z")
**dantheman** , **iampunha** , **Zoe** , **Persephone** , and others who have not spoken. I am glad you are all still with us. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/32 "2002-12-01T03:02:34Z")
You guys are failures. Utter and absolute failures. At suicide, that is, and I’m profoundly grateful. If there is one thing in life to screw up, it’s a suicide attempt. You chose the right thing to louse up. From what I’ve seen of those of you who have confessed attempts, you’re not a failure in any other way. ---
**Author:** ![BGo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@BGo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BGo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/33 "2002-12-01T03:44:08Z")
In 1973, I tried to drive my car into a river to kill myself. I got stuck in the mud instead. By the time I got the car out (3 hours later!) I just went home to bed. Never felt that bad again. ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/34 "2002-12-02T16:36:36Z")
I’m glad you’re here. It takes a lot of guts to post that. (((((hugs)))))) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/35 "2002-12-02T16:52:16Z")
**dan** , It’s a good thing you didn’t succeed - else you’d have never gotten to know me! 😃 And I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you - both here and chatting on IM. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you before, but you’re on my list of folks I want to meet. I owe you a real-life big hug. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/36 "2002-12-02T17:08:52Z")
Pshaw! Glad tidings all, but it’s good to remember that any problems I have in life were likely caused by me and therefore are best solved by me. Like now… dagnabit. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/37 "2002-12-02T19:17:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > … it’s good to remember that any problems I have in life were likely caused by me and therefore are best solved by me. [couch psychologist] So we see here that our participant **dantheman** wants to feel control over those aspects of his life that he doesn’t like. He wants to take charge of it and make it better. If he felt the things he’d like to be different were out of his control, he wouldn’t be any happier. The problem with this, class, is that sometimes certain things _are_ beyond your control. You can’t change everything bad in life. And sometimes we go far crazier trying to keep everything in order than we would if we left everything well enough alone.[/couch psychologist] 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/38 "2002-12-02T19:22:35Z")
No, but I sure as hell can change everything bad in my own life. Besides, it’s a lot worse to assume that that which is bad is beyond one’s control. There’s a word for that, methinks. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/39 "2002-12-02T21:11:58Z")
All of our lives, I think, are a mix of things we can change, and things we can’t. In my twenties, I changed myself from being the prototypical ‘nice guy’ who had lots of woman friends, but could never get a date, to a guy with a reasonable romantic life who eventually found the one he was looking for. In my professional life, I’ve done various things at various times to take control of my career and improve my situation to one I was happier with. OTOH, I will never be able to change the reality that when I was growing up, my parents didn’t so much pick favorites among me and my sisters, so much as pick one _un_favorite - me. Even now, I know it’s unlikely that I will ever receive the acceptance from my father that my younger sister has known since she popped out of the womb. I have no control over these things, nor do I have much control over the reality that I will always crave that acceptance, even if it never comes. I have a certain amount of control over how I deal with this, and that’s about all. Life is like that. Much is within our control, but there are always a fair number of immutable elements. How does the old prayer go - the one that asks for the strength to change the things you can, the patience to accept the things you can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference? It’s a sensible prayer. That said, **dan** , I am very glad you’re here with us, in this life and on this board. And one of these days I hope to catch up with you in person; sorry I missed the last DC Lunch Bunch! ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246/40 "2002-12-02T21:29:05Z")
Hiya **dan**. Big skanky love. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-bittersweet-anniversary/139246.md?page=3)