# My boobs are my Saviour. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197 "2003-09-08T01:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/41 "2003-09-09T03:12:01Z")
An lo, it came to pass, a deceiver amongst the pure Sisters of Boobage. Her name was called Pamela, from the tribe of the Bimbites, and she had not natural boobies, but those from a foreign land. And it was murmured among the Elders, “Yea, she smelleth of silicone.” The younger men of the camp, those not wise in the ways of natural mammaries, did giggle, saying, “Nice rack,” and performed abominations, even unto the spanking of monkeys. Until one day, anger was kindled in the heart of **AquaPura** and the High Priestess did rise up, eyes flashing fire, and nipples erect through her vestments, and cast out the bearer of false breasts called Pamela, saying “Get thy store bought titties out from before our eyes, and take thy doofus Lee of Tommy with thee.” And so Pamela went forth and was banished to the land of E! reruns and other portions of the wilderness. Then did the men of the land rise up, and they gazed upon the High Priestess, and saw that she was a hottie, and did rend the garments of their concubines asunder, and did fall every one upon his staff, and a mighty coupling was had in the land, and the people knew it felt great, and was good. Here endeth the lesson. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/42 "2003-09-09T03:22:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Papaveraceae \* > \*\*I too love my breasts. They are large, (42 DD), soft, silky, and supple. They also catch lost jems and pendants, provide a pillow for my daughter to rest her little head upon, and provide ample distracion for on lookers. They have even gotten me out of trouble a time or two. And they glow under black light. Truly amazing. > I worship them by buying pretty bras to support them, rubbing them with sweet oils to nurish them, and lavishing them with sunscreen when I go under the sun. \*\* You should be very proud, Papa. _Papa?_ ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/43 "2003-09-09T03:31:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hebesphenomegacorona \* > \*\*What about… > > 84354736716437746394637467639646364736477249763294613746937463274629373DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? > (Now, how big would those puppies be?..) \*\* Well, too big for _this_ forum. ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/44 "2003-09-09T03:44:46Z")
Bwahahaha … Well written, DancesWithKittys! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/45 "2003-09-09T04:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*Can smaller girls join as well? Is there a place in your house of worship for an apprentice? Yea though I may walk in the house of the 32C; still I need the support and structure that the sisterhood of boobs can offer. > > (Smaller girls, say AMEN!) > > Though my cups do not runneth over, I promise to hold my modest globes on high, if I may join your holy establishment and reap the rewards of crumb catching and man snatching. > > \*genuflects, finds necklace in cleavage, then presents tiny golden chain to \*\* AquaPura \*\* \* \*\* I’ve always preferred smaller. Perhaps I’m just not very religious? ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/46 "2003-09-09T04:44:31Z")
And the cleverness that is wrought from the hearts [sub]or perhaps a lower organ[/sub] of men when they doth harken upon the altar of boobage…it must be divine inspiration. **DanceswithCats** that was truly inspired. Hail Boobies, full of milk All eyes [sub]and a few hands[/sub] are with thee Blessed art thou amongst boobies And blessed is the Fruit of the Loom[sub]DDcup, extra support with padded shoulders and just a touch of lace[/sub] Oh, I can’t go on. Someone who is not an Italian, Catholic woman will have to finish it. I need to go bathe in guilt now. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/47 "2003-09-09T07:55:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lauramarlane \* > \*\*I haven’t found jewelry, but mine seem to catch a lot of food–especially at the movies where it’s dark and I can’t always see very well. Sort of a continental shelf just sitting right there, catching stray pieces of popcorn. > > So come forth and worship the bounty in my bra! I can guarantee you popcorn and maybe even the occasional M&M–and let me tell you, they may not melt in your hands, but they sure do melt elsewhere! \*\* I’m worshipping, I’m worshipping…honestly (any hamburger down there?) ---
**Author:** ![teleute12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@teleute12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teleute12)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/48 "2003-09-09T08:21:45Z")
Oooh, I _like_ this religion! I suppose that with my 34C’s I only qualify as an apprentice, but I will gladly join **Psalex** in the hallowed halls of learning. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/49 "2003-09-09T09:59:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spogga \* > \*\*I’m worshipping, I’m worshipping…honestly (any hamburger down there?) \*\* Sorry, no entrees–but I am rich in the bounty of movie theater snack foods! ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/50 "2003-09-09T10:12:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by leechbabe \* > \*\*I love my boobies 🙂 > > They can even make milk, so if I ever run out of food all I need to do is suck on my boobies for a nutritious meal. \*\* All well and good but what about the sprogs? do they starve or are you bountiful;) ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/51 "2003-09-09T11:40:18Z")
Wow… if 42DDD gets high pristess, what’s my 34FF get me? ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/52 "2003-09-09T11:49:26Z")
A complimentary flying butress. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/53 "2003-09-09T12:18:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > \*\*Wow… if 42DDD gets high pristess, what’s my 34FF get me? \*\* A backache? (And lots of massage offers, I would guess) ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/54 "2003-09-09T12:27:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > \*\*Wow… if 42DDD gets high pristess, what’s my 34FF get me? \*\* A backache? (And lots of massage offers, I would guess) ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/55 "2003-09-09T12:30:15Z")
That’s weird. I only hit submit once. I guess the hamsters wanted to drive that point home. Or maybe it was their way of offering a massage. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/56 "2003-09-09T12:36:45Z")
Yeah, but the massage offers are never for my back! ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/57 "2003-09-09T13:54:20Z")
Yep, **Salem** , lots of backaches; however, very few back massage offers. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/58 "2003-09-09T14:11:25Z")
Since your boobies are so good at finding things, can you help me find my lost ring at the beach? I could hold you like a metal detector. I’ll hold your ankles up while you crawl around on your elbows and your boobs drag on the beach. That way, they can attract my ring like a magnet. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/59 "2003-09-09T14:30:16Z")
Oh **knowed out** , you romantic fool, you. What woman could resist such an offer? Well, maybe me, but what do I know, all my boobs can seem to find is bad men. Well, **simple dreamer** , time to jump back in the hot tub, then! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197/60 "2003-09-10T04:19:17Z")
_raises hand_ **Salem** then, consider me Found!!!😃 oh … and back rubs seems like the Perfect tribute to the worship worthy leaders of this congregation! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-are-my-saviour/200197.md?page=4)