# My boobs had an EVIL plan.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2006, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056 "2006-03-27T07:29:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/1 "2006-03-27T07:29:10Z")
But I nipped it in the bud. The evil plan involved them becoming… Armpit Titties!!! Oh, I saw how they pretended to be perfectly content as chest dwelling boobies by day. Then at night, after I lay down, they would yearn for the pits. Not quite ready to become fullfledged, Pit Tits. \*“Aha!” \*I said to my sneaky boobs. _“How dare you even think about straying, after I’ve treated you so well.” “You can’t wear lace and satin, if you live in the pits!” “Is this about that studded, fake leather, strap thingy from a couple of years ago? I swear, it looked more comfortable in the catalog.” “But, other than that one incident, I’ve pampered you and worn you proudly.”_ So, I began my quest for Boobs Of Steel. Then a couple of days later decided Boobs of Steel, would be just as weird as Armpit Titties. So I settled for Boobs of Perky Firmness. Now they once again sit proudly upon my chest. And at night, point towards the ceiling instead of the pits. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/2 "2006-03-27T07:42:36Z")
“pit tits” Way to damage a guy’s love of boobs for life. “Boobs of Perky Firmness” Well, for about 5 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Agnostic\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@Agnostic\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agnostic_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/3 "2006-03-27T07:53:01Z")
> [@Batsinma Belfry](#): > > So I settled for Boobs of Perky Firmness. Now they once again sit proudly upon my chest. And at night, point towards the ceiling instead of the pits. You know were gonna ask… Cite please!!! Gotta have some photographic evidence here. Pretty please!!! With strawberrys, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream, and, uh, yeah, anyways… AP ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/4 "2006-03-27T08:09:53Z")
So, come on- breast reduction? Uplift and augmentation? Wearing a bra at night? What was the solution? Curious minds would like to know! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/5 "2006-03-27T08:13:52Z")
Seems like your boobs like getting a lot of attention. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/6 "2006-03-27T09:12:09Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > So, come on- breast reduction? Uplift and augmentation? Wearing a bra at night? What was the solution? > Curious minds would like to know! Just lots of working out. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/7 "2006-03-27T09:18:54Z")
Wow, that OP was quite vivid. [sub]Anyone know how to get vomit out of carpet?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/8 "2006-03-27T09:59:29Z")
That reminds me of an old saying- Old age is when you don’t wear a miniskirt because you don’t want people to see your boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/9 "2006-03-27T17:40:57Z")
For those of you who aren’t aware of the ways of boobs… All non fake boobs that have any size to them will relax towards the side when the boob owner is on her back. _Unless_ there’s a strict workout plan involved or as **irishgirl** mentioned, surgical intervention. OTOH, armpit titties can occur in both men and women. And is visible when the wearer is standing. It’s that roll of fat that extends from the chest to the armpits. Mine weren’t trying to _hang off the sides,_ they just weren’t as firm as they once were and I didn’t notice it until I laid down. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/10 "2006-03-28T01:50:30Z")
I, for one, welcome our boobish overlords. They’ve had a hold over me for 24 years now… ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/11 "2006-03-28T13:53:14Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > So, come on- breast reduction? Uplift and augmentation? Wearing a bra at night? What was the solution? > Curious minds would like to know! Well, mine were reduced eight years ago, and they still go kinda sideways when I lay down. And kinda flat. It’s weird, but my SO loves them, so whatever. It’s just that they’re not big enough to become pit tits again. Yes, again. They were big. They’re still remarkably perky. Hooray for plastic surgery! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/12 "2006-03-28T14:06:13Z")
I just wanna note that Pepper Mill’s units do not disappear into her armpits when she lies down, even after all this time. And she’s had no work done on them. They may perhaps relax that way somewhat, but not by much. I, too, welcome our boobish overlords. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/13 "2006-03-28T14:22:48Z")
Pit tits beat perkless pendulums any day of the week. Breastages are so fickle. One year they’re your friend…the next year they look like something you dragged out of the GoodWill box. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/14 "2006-03-28T15:04:39Z")
Guys fully accept the influence gravity is going to have on boobs and, for the most part, have no problem with it… so long as it doesn’t include having little moon tits circling around the main tits. Cuz that would be kinda freaky. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/15 "2006-03-28T16:35:05Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Guys fully accept the influence gravity is going to have on boobs and, for the most part, have no problem with it… so long as it doesn’t include having little moon tits circling around the main tits. > > Cuz that would be kinda freaky. [TMI] If you want freaky, try pregnant boobs. I wasn’t aware until recently that sometimes they start performing their function (you know, producing milk) early. It took my husband a good 15 minutes to get me to stop running around the house yelling, “These aren’t supposed to work yet!” when I found out the hard way last weekend. [/TMI] And yes, gravity can sometimes be our enemy. But I’d rather have armpit boobs than the springboards produced by plastic surgery. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/16 "2006-03-30T05:15:02Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > [TMI] > If you want freaky, try pregnant boobs. I wasn’t aware until recently that sometimes they start performing their function (you know, producing milk) early. It took my husband a good 15 minutes to get me to stop running around the house yelling, “These aren’t supposed to work yet!” when I found out the hard way last weekend. > [/TMI] > > And yes, gravity can sometimes be our enemy. But I’d rather have armpit boobs than the springboards produced by plastic surgery. I introduced the UPS guy to the freakiness of pregnant boobs. I almost dropped the package he handed me, so I kind of clenched my arms to catch it. I looked down to see why my shirt was getting wet. When I looked up, his face was beet red, and his eyes were huge. Then he practically ran back to his truck. Poor guy. ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/17 "2006-03-30T16:52:03Z")
What kind of exercises are you doing to perk them up? Mine are cumbersomely huge and gravity-obeying too. My husband loves them, but he doesn’t have to carry them around all day! ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/18 "2006-03-30T19:06:15Z")
Lot’s of Butterfly Presses. One drawback is, it bulked up my armpit muscles. Although it looks good, I can’t wear cap sleeved tops anymore. I love cap sleeved tops. However, if I was brave enough, I can now wear a tube top without it making me looks like I have 2 sets of boobs. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/19 "2006-03-30T19:42:12Z")
> [@cbawlmer](#): > > What kind of exercises are you doing to perk them up? Mine are cumbersomely huge and gravity-obeying too. My husband loves them, but he doesn’t have to carry them around all day! Frankly, I’m a tad disappointed in my fellow Male Dopers. This post was put up on the boards almost 4 HOURS ago, and yet nobody has stepped up?? Shameful, I say. Here at the Straight Dope, we pride ourselves on being the kind of rugged individuals who see a need and throw themselves shamelessly in to create a solution. **cbawlmer** , allow me to be the first to offer my humble services. I will be delighted, nay honored, to carry them around all day for you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boobs-had-an-evil-plan/350056/20 "2006-03-30T19:58:04Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > **cbawlmer** , allow me to be the first to offer my humble services. I will be delighted, nay honored, to carry them around all day for you. > > 😃 I appreciate the offer, and wish to point out that my husband would like to do that as well, but he works on the other side of town. 🙂 I’ve often wished they were detachable though. It would make sleeping and exercising so much easier.