# My boyfriend doesn't dig me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2014, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237 "2014-05-12T03:05:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/61 "2014-05-18T18:08:29Z")
It’s simplistic to say a relationship is about sex. but I’ll say it again. Without it it’s basically a really good friendship. So with that said I’m going to relate my experience. I found out the love of my life, the one that got away, was ignored by her husband for the greater part of 35 years. Don’t be her. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_York](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f6c823/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_York](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_York)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/62 "2014-05-19T03:06:55Z")
Many years ago when I was in my twenties I went out with a girl who was always keen and eager for it. I soon lost interest because it was too easy. There was no challenge. It was just wham,bam,thank you ma’am. That’s why guys climb mountains,not hills. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/63 "2014-05-19T11:01:24Z")
> [@Duke\_of\_York](#): > > That’s why guys climb mountains,not hills. Speak for yourself. I’d happily ride the monorail. Weeeeeee! What a view!! ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Pedant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/64 "2014-05-19T14:08:06Z")
I suspect he needs to sacrifice more to please you. ---
**Author:** ![dublos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@dublos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dublos)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/65 "2014-05-19T15:38:24Z")
> [@huitzilopochtli](#): > > We had sex lots like you do when we first got together. Have you _always_ had to initiate sex? If not, how long ago was the last time you can recall his initiating sex? ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/66 "2014-05-19T18:01:45Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > This isn’t a boyfriend. It’s a friend without benefit. You can go to ANY bar and ask nicely and get laid. > > Find someone who will love you and get on with enjoying life. Yes, good advice … yell it out at the door. Why waste time lol ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2014, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/67 "2014-05-20T07:41:28Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > As a general point (not directed at you, Malacandra), please remember that it can be much more demoralizing for a woman to _have_ to ask for sex than it would be for a man. This is due to social conditioning and widespread cultural beliefs about how males and females approach sex. We can fight the conditioning, but it goes really deep, and having to fight it is another way the whole situation is demoralizing. After all, what man would turn down easy sex unless the woman was a real dog, right? Or as a female character in _Dilbert_ put it, “Men have it easier. You’re conditioned by years of rejection and denial”. For which reason most men, however kind and sympathetic their intentions, are always likely to have a slight hint of “Welcome to Planet Earth and enjoy your stay, sister” in their reaction. None of us, I suspect, ever think we would get away with a mindset like “I shouldn’t have to ask, even with a promise that I’ll always get what I ask for; I should be getting it handed to me on a plate!”. **kayaker** : room for one more on that monorail? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/68 "2014-05-21T15:15:39Z")
**Huitzilopochtli** , I feel for you. ‘Specially since I’m in a similar situation, except it’s my wife of 15 years that doesn’t dig me. Or rather, she doesn’t even want to be around me. Even she can’t explain it. It sucks to love someone and not be loved in return. I still hope we can somehow fix things and be happy together, but she doesn’t think it’s possible. Only getting occasional nice, polite sex when you ask for it? Yeah, I can see how that would be a bummer. But right now I’d be happy just to get a “Welcome home Honey. How was your day?” ---
**Author:** ![huitzilopochtli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e99b99/32.png) [@huitzilopochtli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/huitzilopochtli)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/69 "2014-05-22T02:33:03Z")
Yeah, Not Carlson, I can’t imagine how that feels. I have a great relationship, all things considered. We all have a need to feel loved and desired. I’m sorry to hear about the situation you are in. ---
**Author:** ![huitzilopochtli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e99b99/32.png) [@huitzilopochtli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/huitzilopochtli)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/70 "2014-05-22T02:38:28Z")
I probably never should have posted the OP. Thank you all for the advice. It was admittedly posted after too much wine and in a moment of self pity. It’s still a problem that we are working on but I recognize that it is not a relationship ending problem. I’m not sure how to handle it, but I will post any solution we manage to come to. ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237/71 "2014-05-22T23:54:38Z")
FWIW, I have dated some very, very attractive women and I got bored with sex with all of them. Cheated on all of them. My wife is also frankly, smoking hot and we still have to make an effort. For many men, I think, it’s the chase. I know it was for me. Now that I am married it’s different but in many ways the sex is better (though it took a while to be overtly sexual with the mother of my children!). My advice is to say it’s a issue but not a deal breaker (unless it is). Put another way, throw it out there but don’t pressure him about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-doesnt-dig-me/688237.md?page=3)