# My boyfriend just broke up with me and I'm heartbroken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 21, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912 "2010-12-21T03:02:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/41 "2010-12-22T17:08:43Z")
A dear friend of mine is going through a heartbreak (a death) of her own. She said to me that sometimes she has to just get through the next minute. Other times it’ll be a whole hour before the grief hits her. Just try to get through the next hour. The only thing that will truly help is the passage of time. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/42 "2010-12-22T17:12:00Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > A dear friend of mine is going through a heartbreak (a death) of her own. She said to me that sometimes she has to just get through the next minute. Other times it’ll be a whole hour before the grief hits her. Just try to get through the next hour. The only thing that will truly help is the passage of time. I read this quote in a book and it helped me enormously. Obviously, it’s about widowhood, but it doesn’t have to be: “I cannot live the rest of my life without my husband. But I can live without him for one day.”— Linda Feinberg (I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/43 "2010-12-22T20:35:08Z")
Give yourself a bit of time to grieve, but when it is time to get things together, there is a little CBT technique that helped me immensely through my last break-up. What I did is when I started dwelling on it…stuff like imagining what i want to say to him, going over things that went wrong in my head, just generally freaking out and feeling sorry for myself, etc. I would tell myself (aloud if possible) “NO!” That would generally snap me out of repetitive thoughts. I also had a lot of success putting the thoughts off. I would say to myself “I am not going to think about this now, but I’ll think about it at seven o’clock tonight.” Of course, when seven o’clock came around I was generally more rational and could generally shrug it off. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/44 "2010-12-22T20:43:12Z")
> [@dragongirl](#): > > Actually, I’m 39 and he’s 37. He got his girlfriend pregnant in high school and dropped out to get a full time job to support the child. He mother does not live in the house, she let him live there for the past 18 years since then. > > A few months ago, he had to have his appendix removed and during that time, his family never called him or spoke to him and hasn’t yet. He said that this has made him think about his life and that maybe he’s not something anyone could be proud of. So, he says he needs to go solo. > > But, I was there. I tool him to the hospital and I stayed with him. I have done all kinds of things for him over the past three years, including buying him a car when his broke down. > > None of this makes any sense to me at all. I’m hurting right now. Hmmmmmm… I was all ready to jump on the 'it’s not you, it’s me" bandwagon and say he was letting you down easy. However, looking at the 8 month old thread and this above makes me think he is seriously depressed. The breaking up with you is because he is contemplating suicide and doesn’t want you to be hurt… For his sake, I hope this is wrong. Probably is…but, damn, it could be right. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/45 "2010-12-23T02:06:24Z")
From all Doperville–consider yourself gang-hugged. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/46 "2010-12-23T18:12:10Z")
> [@dragongirl](#): > > A few months ago, he had to have his appendix removed and during that time, his family never called him or spoke to him and hasn’t yet. He said that this has made him think about his life and that maybe he’s not something anyone could be proud of. So, he says he needs to go solo. > > But, I was there. I took him to the hospital and I stayed with him. These two things may be connected. If he’s trying to get his act together, you may be a reminder of the time in his life when he was a “loser”. Not that that’s fair to you at all, it just may be how things are linked up in his brain. Take care of yourself, going out to treat yourself with your daughter is a great idea. And come talk to us whenever you need to. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/47 "2010-12-23T20:20:11Z")
[QUOTE=Dallas Jones] This sounds a bit like a mid-life crisis to me. [/quote] Sounds like a quarter life crisis to me. Just 15 years late. But his reasons for the breakup certainly sound reasonable. For a lot of men, it’s hard to maintain a relationship when they are not secure in their own shit. ie career, house, financial independence and so on. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > “I cannot live the rest of my life without my husband. But I can live without him for one day.”— Linda Feinberg (I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal) The thing is, you CAN actually live without a husband/boyfriend. Sure it sucks initially as it creates a big empty void in your life (both metaphorical and a real tangible void in terms of all this extra time on your hands). But you fill that void with other stuff you enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912/48 "2010-12-23T20:48:20Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > “I cannot live the rest of my life without my husband. But I can live without him for one day.”— Linda Feinberg (I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal) > > The thing is, you CAN actually live without a husband/boyfriend. Sure it sucks initially as it creates a big empty void in your life (both metaphorical and a real tangible void in terms of all this extra time on your hands). But you fill that void with other stuff you enjoy. That quote is not about _actually_ living without someone – which, of course, can be done. It’s about the mindset of someone who is grieving: contemplating the rest of your life without the person who is gone is too overwhelming, but the idea of getting through just one day is a much smaller goal. It’s the old “one day at a time” thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-im-heartbroken/564912.md?page=2)