# My boyfriend might go to jail for up to sixty days **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916 "2011-04-19T02:14:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/81 "2011-04-21T03:28:40Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > [False confessions are bigger problem than you think](http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=1783918&page=1) I do not accept that this study provides any insight into the rate of occurrence of miscarriage of criminal justice: (from link) > [@](#): > > Pressing a computer key is clearly not in the same category as committing murder, and the students also didn’t face the kind of hostile atmosphere that suspects in criminal investigations often endure. > [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Further you make the assumption that every law a is good one, No I do not. For example I think pot should be legalized outrigtht, subject to the same restrictions as alcohol, and I might easily go along with legalizing cocaine. > [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > or that every one indiscretion represents someone’s entire being. No I do not: even douchbags have their good moments. However, They are almost always going to wind up showing their worst colors again, and that is why decent people should avoid them. > [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Something like rape or murder, yea I agree that’s a bad person who has some serious bad karma. Public intoxication, or minor defacement, regrettable, but well not so much. Anyone who becomes so publicly intoxicated as to draw attention from the police is a douchbag. So is anyone who would commit defacement, no matter how minor. > [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Someone shoplifting food because they don’t have any? Well that’s a problem, but not a bad person so much as a troubled person. With all the public and private charity availbale I do not see how anyone could be forced to resort to shoplifting food. If, however, someone is hungry through no fault of his own (that excludes drunks who spend their welfare checks on Thunderbird wine) AND is unable to obtain charity I would make an exception. I think it is reasonable to guess that such people make up much less than 1% of the inmate population at any time. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/82 "2011-04-21T03:30:12Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > One might argue that not all mistaken convictions of an innocent person necessarily constitute miscarriages of justice. My premise is that all such cases by definition involve miscarriage of justice. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/83 "2011-04-21T03:30:20Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > From what I’ve seen in the movies, the smartest thing to do when you get inside is to pick out the biggest, meanest dude in the jail and kick his ass. The OP should probably pass that advice along to her boyfriend. I bet it would help him out a lot. Seriously, do not do this. You definitely don’t want to go into a prison with the attitude that you’re a tough guy because there will be plenty of people who will want to prove you wrong. The best thing to be in prison is the quiet guy who does his time and nobody notices. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/84 "2011-04-21T03:54:17Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Obviously that’s not usually going to be the case if somebody’s being questioned about a murder - most suspects aren’t going to be in a situation where they think it’s possible they may have killed somebody and they’re just not sure. Japan has been running an experiment on false confessions. OK, it’s not really an official experiment, it’s the reality of how it can be fairly easy to get people to confess to crimes which will put you away forever. Unlike the States, suspects do not have the right to having an attorney present during questioning and although there supposedly is a right to not incriminate yourself, try that without an attorney there. A lot of people cave in, especially when held without contact of the outside world. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/85 "2011-04-21T03:56:03Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > I refused to tell him who owned some pot that was in a communal area, Did you smart-ass him or did you not smart-ass him? Cops have had me dead to rights I don’t know how many times, and THEY LET ME GO EVERY TIME because I was POLITE. These two phrases make up the vast majority of words you should ever need to use when a policeman is addressing you in the line of his duty: “Yes Sir” and “No Sir” (M’am if it’s a female officer). I speak from extensive experience, I assure you. > [@gurujulp](#): > > so he took back the ticket he gave me for $250 that I got because _he walked me into the park to discard the glass bottle_! I am losing you when you say “he took back the ticket”. Otherwise this is a dishonest set-up by a policeman, and falls under the “miscarriage” category. That does not necessarily absolve you of douchebaggery, though. > [@gurujulp](#): > > I was infuriated, and I had more than enough money in my wallet to pay the ticket, but could not as there were ‘unspecified charges’ that disappeared the next day. I was all self-righteous for the first fifteen hours, but it was cold, smelly, and disgusting. So- yeah, I suck… :dubious: You haven’t told me anything to change my mind about you, which is that you could have saved yourself all the trouble by showing a little respect. > [@gurujulp](#): > > The only bright side is that by pleading no contest to an ‘infraction’ they waived the fine for time served, so I didn’t have to pay the ticket. And it was interesting. Hope you learned enough to avoid a repeat performance. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/86 "2011-04-21T04:13:36Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Seriously, do not do this. You definitely don’t want to go into a prison with the attitude that you’re a tough guy because there will be plenty of people who will want to prove you wrong. > > The best thing to be in prison is the quiet guy who does his time and nobody notices. Or you could just become somebody’s bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/87 "2011-04-21T05:48:14Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Or you could just become somebody’s bitch. That’s Step #2 after those people prove you’re not a tough guy. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/88 "2011-04-21T14:04:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s basically impossible to know whether this guy deserves any sympathy without knowing what he’s going to jail for. The fact that the OP doesn’t want to say what it is would indicate that it’s not anything which would engender sympathy, and 60 days would indicate it’s not his first offense (or he’s in violation of some kind of probation and got a suspended sentence revoked). > > It’s not really possible to give helpful advice without knowing what he did. The best advice might be to DTMFA or it might not be. Not enough data. I’d bet on him not just being a victim of the system, though. It’s hard to get 60 days unless you really did something bad or did something a lot. In the county I work, this is 100% accurate. If it’s 60 days it’s a misdemeanor, and you don’t typically get 60 days for a first time misdemeanor offense unless it’s a bit more than your run of the mill DUI/drunk in public/drug possession case. Or you’re starting to build yourself a respectable little misdemeanor rap sheet. Of course, that’s just in my county. Different counties have different standards with respect to standard sentences for various offenses. Either way, no one can really give any useful advice about long term effects without knowing what he was convicted of and where you guys live, so asking these questions is pretty pointless unless you’re willing to give up some of that information. In my experience (I’m a public defender, btw) girlfriends and wives are typically very anxious to offer up any mitigating details about their men’s alleged crimes when asking for advice. Frankly, your failure to give any details whatsoever makes me assume the worst. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/89 "2011-04-21T14:51:14Z")
The OP was not convicted of any crime. So I feel free to offer her my sympathy for having a loved one in jail. ---
**Author:** ![storyguide3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@storyguide3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyguide3)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/90 "2011-04-21T15:12:47Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The OP was not convicted of any crime. So I feel free to offer her my sympathy for having a loved one in jail. Pretty much this. I suppose if one was determined to be judgmental you could read the OP to be asking for sympathy for her boyfriend, but every time I read it I see her asking for coping strategies and some sympathy for her. I don’t give a crap \*why \*her boyfriend is (possibly) going to jail for (up to) 60 days. That is completely irrelevant to the OP’s request for advice and sympathy for \*her \*situation. Unfortunately for the OP (and fortunately for me) I have never been in her situation so I cannot offer coping strategies beyond “keep busy, mentally and/or physically to make the time go faster.” My sympathy she has. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/91 "2011-04-21T16:27:38Z")
I love some of you. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/92 "2011-04-21T16:28:17Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Did you smart-ass him or did you not smart-ass him? > > Cops have had me dead to rights I don’t know how many times, > and THEY LET ME GO EVERY TIME because I was POLITE. > > These two phrases make up the vast majority of words you should > ever need to use when a policeman is addressing you in the line of > his duty: “Yes Sir” and “No Sir” (M’am if it’s a female officer). I speak > from extensive experience, I assure you. > > I am losing you when you say “he took back the ticket”. Otherwise this > is a dishonest set-up by a policeman, and falls under the “miscarriage” > category. That does not necessarily absolve you of douchebaggery, though. > > You haven’t told me anything to change my mind about you, which is > that you could have saved yourself all the trouble by showing a little respect. > > Hope you learned enough to avoid a repeat performance. The part that you are missing, in which I was indeed polite and ‘Yes, Sir!’ each time, was that as I was the oldest person involved, by about three years, they really really really wanted to believe I was a dealer, and the fact that I had no drugs on me, but was surrounded by a bunch of college kids who ALL had drugs, really pissed them off. I was walked into the park by an officer to discard the bottle after I finished drinking it, and obviously didn’t want to litter. He then wrote me a $250 citation for being in a park with a glass bottle- yes, I would call that miscarriage, but I don’t argue with cops- ever! The time for ‘first amendment’ rights is in the courtroom after the fact, unless you have a news camera on you. And to reference the thread about being pulled over- the only time I have received a traffic citation in California was when I personally knew one of the cops, and urged him to write me the ticket- but even egregiously running a red light (totally accidental- totally in the wrong- a cop pulled me over, and when I was all ‘yes, sir, no, sir’ and he saw me shaking when I realized I had run a red light, he let me off)- all of this to say, yes, I agree with your BE POLITE TO COPS! 'Tis great advice, and I have known quite a few great cops personally. But even non-smart asses who don’t wanna snitch on friends for pot in places that laws against it are enforced can go to jail. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/93 "2011-04-21T22:00:42Z")
> [@storyguide3](#): > > I don’t give a crap \*why \*her boyfriend is (possibly) going to jail for (up to) 60 days. That is completely irrelevant to the OP’s request for advice and sympathy for \*her \*situation. Sympathy, sure, but I think this may be overbroad as to advice. If the boyfriend is going to jail as a result of an untreated drinking problem, for instance, I think it’s legitimate advice to suggest that staying in the relationship, i.e., not setting consequences for him is hurting her _and_ hurting him. In that situation, it might be that the best and most loving thing she could do for him is make clear to him that she won’t tolerate being with him if he won’t get help. Of course, we don’t know if that bears any resemblance to his situation; that’s why I’m just putting it out there as a suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/94 "2011-04-21T22:08:52Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Sympathy, sure, but I think this may be overbroad as to advice. If the boyfriend is going to jail as a result of an untreated drinking problem, for instance, I think it’s legitimate advice to suggest that staying in the relationship, i.e., not setting consequences for him is hurting her _and_ hurting him. In that situation, it might be that the best and most loving thing she could do for him is make clear to him that she won’t tolerate being with him if he won’t get help. > > Of course, we don’t know if that bears any resemblance to his situation; that’s why I’m just putting it out there as a suggestion. This is a legitimate point to bring up. Yes, I am giving consideration to his actions, how I feel about them, if I should impose consequences, whether there is a larger problem that should be addressed. I have been talking this over with friends who know about our relationship history, who know him and me and what we want and deserve out of a relationship. Honestly, when it comes to this topic, I don’t feel that I can trust the advice of strangers with only a snapshot of my life. However, I _do_ feel that I can trust strangers with offering their suggestions on how to cope with not seeing your loved one for a while. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/95 "2011-04-22T00:29:32Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > The part that you are missing, in which I was indeed polite and ‘Yes, Sir!’ each time… If all occurred as you relate then there was nothing wrong with you except for your luck. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/96 "2011-04-22T00:32:56Z")
> [@storyguide3](#): > > Pretty much this. I suppose if one was determined to be judgmental you could read the OP to be asking for sympathy for her boyfriend, but every time I read it I see her asking for coping strategies and some sympathy for her. > > I don’t give a crap \*why \*her boyfriend is (possibly) going to jail for (up to) 60 days. That is completely irrelevant to the OP’s request for advice and sympathy for \*her \*situation. > > Unfortunately for the OP (and fortunately for me) I have never been in her situation so I cannot offer coping strategies beyond “keep busy, mentally and/or physically to make the time go faster.” My sympathy she has. My response was actually aimed at her latter post specifically asking about the long term effects of his conviction. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Jay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@The\_Jay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Jay)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/97 "2011-04-22T15:28:17Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I don’t feel that I can trust the advice of strangers with only a snapshot of my life. However, I _do_ feel that I can trust strangers with offering their suggestions on how to cope with not seeing your loved one for a while. Why mention prison then? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/98 "2011-04-22T15:37:09Z")
Everyone has his or her own boundaries. Do we really need to badger her to justify hers? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/99 "2011-04-22T15:50:28Z")
Holy crap people. The OP said that the worst case scenario is 60 days. Lots of relatively minor infractions carry maximum penalties that are almost never awarded, but they do stand as worst case scenarios. First things first, LAWYER UP. I don’t care if things are tight and you’re living off of licking ramen wrappers for sustenance, buy the best attorney you can find. $1000 up front can be the difference between walking away scot free and doing the max. Find the money. Secondly, jail isn’t that bad as long as you don’t live in the middle of a large urban center. Rikers Island or Cook County are bad, but if you live in the burbs or even better out in the middle of nowhere then the worst thing about jail is…boredom. Endless, mindless boredom. Imagine sleeping in your bathroom with the lights on for most of the day, and then playing cards on the toilet when you’re not sleeping. That’s what a light bit in county usually ends up as. He’ll want to develop a schedule and stick to it, it helps the time pass. From x to x, sleep. From x to x watch TV, etc. And as **Little Nemo** said call ahead of time to find out what is and isn’t allowed in this particular jail. I know guys who couldn’t shower for a week because they had no money on the books and no shower shoes. You’ll want to give him a good couple of bucks in commisary money because the last thing you want to do - and if you remember nothing else, remember this - is borrow anything from anyone. Nothing is free in jail except trouble. You may be mad at him and you may want to break it off with him afterwards, but if you loved the dude enough to be with him now, don’t just screw him over so that his prospects are even worse. Other than that 60 days isn’t even considered a real bit. Just tell him to keep his head down and his mouth shut and he’ll get along just fine. Oh - Weekends can seem like a nice way to do a short sentance, but those guys usually end up getting pressured to smuggle things in, even in jail. And if he’s a smoker or does anything else have him quit before going. Detoxing in jail sucks. If he does have to go in, see if he can get work release. He’ll be in a pod with other dudes on work release and everyone doesn’t want to lose that ability so it’s the smoothest jail that there can be. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916/100 "2011-04-22T16:05:21Z")
**Update** He just had the court trial, and he is going to jail, but not yet. The judge is letting him take his final exams, and there’s another court date afterwards to determine how much time he has to serve, and whether they’ll let him go to a halfway house or just do weekends to keep his job. There’s a good chance that I’ll leave him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-might-go-to-jail-for-up-to-sixty-days/578916.md?page=6)