# My boyfriend wants me to talk more during sex... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453 "2010-02-10T18:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/41 "2010-02-10T20:57:15Z")
Some of the things that you may not want to say: “Watch out, that’s the light socket…” “You’re almost as big as John…” “Tell me when you’re going to start. You have…Oh, .” “That tickles…” “The guys at the office like to…” “It’s all right. Size isn’t that important…” ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/42 "2010-02-10T21:00:42Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > If he’s a Star Wars fan, all you have to yell is, “FASTER” and “MORE INTENSE!” However, you may wish to consider (and avoid): “Size matter’s not.” (in Yoda voice) “Ready are you? What know you of ready?” (in Yoda voice) “Powerful you have become” (in Yoda voice) “At that speed will you be able to pull out in time?” “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.” I 's’covered oily back dare. Needen it? (in Jar jar voice) ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/43 "2010-02-10T21:06:31Z")
(without having read responses) Don’t ask us. **Ask him.** ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/44 "2010-02-10T21:16:35Z")
> [@Queen\_Tonya](#): > > There’s no reason you can’t keep to one syllable stuff at first, just “ooh” and “mmm” and “ohhh” with maybe a classic “OMG” for particular emphasis. It’s feedback, but not quite as distracting as constructing sentences in your head and evaluating them for how silly they’ll sound. I agree, except I would say “OMG.” Probably better to say “oh my god.” Leave the 'Net speak out of the bedroom. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/45 "2010-02-10T21:17:02Z")
Don’t worry about not being loud enough - there’s nothing wrong with them having to lean in a little closer to hear you. I once got so caught up in the moment I started a stream of unrecognizable “oh my og, the colors, red, blue, four, five, seven, mon dieux, oh oh oh” that worked rather well for both of us. Of course, there was the one time I started swearing so loud in French that my partner stopped because he thought I was having a stroke. I think you just close your eyes and just focus on the good feeling - block everything else out - and just say what comes to mind. It’ll be hot - trust me. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/46 "2010-02-10T21:19:05Z")
Oh, fuck, Happy Lendervedder, _wipes tears from eyes_ your post had me laughing so hard my coworkers are looking at me funny. Awesome. _goes back to read rest of thread_ Ok, I’m dying here. Thanks, guys, especially bup. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/47 "2010-02-10T21:22:31Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > “Deeper!” > > 😕 Deeper is always good. If you do it DEEPEST, you can have an orgasm lasting 20 minutes. But you can only do it once and it may require a flux capacitor to do it right. And sorry guys and gals, but I am keeping my 14 k of… sexual technique a secret. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/48 "2010-02-10T21:23:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Talking dirty during sex IS ridiculous. You have no obligation to make yourself ridiculous. Sure, because sex is very serious business. ---
**Author:** ![fubbleskag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fubbleskag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fubbleskag)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/49 "2010-02-10T22:03:33Z")
This needs to be made into an iPhone app, stat. > [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Here’s Happy’s Dirty Talk Generator. > > Start things off with something nice from List A, grab 1-3 adjectives from List B, next up List C, grab a couple more adjectives from List D, then finish it off with something from List D. > > Generate a few of these before things get too hot and heavy so you’re not loading up the SDMB while you’re in the middle of getting tapped, and then write them on your hand for easy reference. Results 100% guaranteed! (Not recommended for use while fellating.) > A. > Fuck my > Do my > Bang my > Pound my > Ram my > Rub my > Split my > Slap my > > B. > Tight > Dirty > Little > Wet > Hot > Juicy > Fucking > Naughty > Hairy > Bald > Neatly trimmed > > C. > Pussy with your > Hole with your > Twat with your > Lips with your > Poonanny with your > Baby maker with your > D. > Big > Throbbing > Fucking > Hard > Sexy > Hot > Filthy > Veiny > Bad > Fat > Phat > E. > Cock > Dick > Love hammer > Member > Weenie ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/50 "2010-02-10T22:51:04Z")
He is trying to connect with you. When I can connect with my wife during sex it is great. Most of the time I have no idea what she is thinking. If she is glad at what I am doing or just putting up with me. Yes I have asked questions. But having to ask is a turn off for me. It leaves me felling like she is saying OK go ahead and do that if you must. Having sex with someone who has passion for you is far different from just having sex. The times that I have been able to connect with my wife have left a lasting effect. I want to do things for her to please her. Why do some men think of sex all the time. Because they are thinking of the one they love. Talk to him I think you will like the responce you get. And I doube that you will have to talk dirty. Just talk to him. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/51 "2010-02-10T23:06:47Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > This seems a bit…narrow-minded. Are you being serious? As it applies to all individuals and couples? Well, I’m not present during the activities of others, but in personal circumstances, I always find it ridiculous and juvenile, yes. I also think it sounds ridiculous in porn. That’s not say I think it’s evil or immoral. I just find it painfully silly. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/52 "2010-02-10T23:09:08Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Sure, because sex is very serious business. Not so much that I think it’s serious, just that I think it’s already embarrassing enough, Why add to it? ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/53 "2010-02-10T23:23:13Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Not so much that I think it’s serious, just that I think it’s already embarrassing enough, Why add to it? Because it helps one and/or their partner get off harder. What other reason is there to do anything during sex? \*\*May not apply to you in particular ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/54 "2010-02-10T23:24:24Z")
The fact that you think sex is embarrassing disqualifies you from giving advice about it. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/55 "2010-02-10T23:25:57Z")
I’m not telling anybody else what to do. My advice to the OP was just not to do it _if she didn’t want to_. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/56 "2010-02-10T23:35:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m not telling anybody else what to do. My advice to the OP was just not to do it _if she didn’t want to_. On that point, I’ll disagree. I believe in the Dan Savage GGG School — it’s good to be good, giving and game. Unless it’s something she has serious discomfort in doing, she should put forth a good faith effort to cooperate, just as her man should do the same with something that makes the experience better for her. I will say that I too find “dirty talk” in the style of porn movies kind of silly but I don’t think that that’s representative of ALL dirty talk, especially if it’s linked to some form of positive feedback. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/57 "2010-02-10T23:41:00Z")
What’s the difference between not wanting to do something, and having discomfort with it? I say, don’t badger anyone into doing shit they don’t want to do. It’s not even any fun if the other person isn’t really into it. I don’t like the suggestion that a person doesn’t have a right to say no. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/58 "2010-02-10T23:55:18Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m not telling anybody else what to do. My advice to the OP was just not to do it _if she didn’t want to_. Sex is a two person act. While what you want is important, so is what your partner wants. You’ve got to figure out something that makes you both happy. If you want it to be all about you, go solo. On preview: > [@](#): > > What’s the difference between not wanting to do something, and having discomfort with it? > > I say, don’t badger anyone into doing shit they don’t want to do. It’s not even any fun if the other person isn’t really into it. > > I don’t like the suggestion that a person doesn’t have a right to say no. Ah, I see where communication is breaking down. Discomfort is not an all or nothing thing. The fact that the OP asked for help means she does not think it to be something she absolutely doesn’t want to do. She wants to try it, so we’re helping her figure out how to do so. There’s also the fact that, just because something is uncomfortable now, it doesn’t mean it always will be. Ofttimes, the reason you find something uncomfortable is just because it is different. It may actually be better once you get used to it. And of course she has the right to say no. That’s considered so obvious as to not need to be spoken. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/59 "2010-02-11T00:02:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What’s the difference between not wanting to do something, and having discomfort with it? > > I say, don’t badger anyone into doing shit they don’t want to do. It’s not even any fun if the other person isn’t really into it. > > I don’t like the suggestion that a person doesn’t have a right to say no. I’m not suggesting a person can’t say “no.” Boundaries need to be respected — but this situation doesn’t sound like a boundary issue so much as something she just typically hasn’t done. The difference is a matter of degree. Something not being something that just doesn’t flip you switch is lightyears away from something that you’re morally opposed to. I’m sure we agree that sex is a give-and-take activity. The GGG thing is an extension of that. But not to a degree in which someone feels molested, taken advantage of, or any other kind of harm. By my estimation dirty talk is nor only not harmful, but pretty tame. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453/60 "2010-02-11T00:11:23Z")
OP, when my boyfriend and I have sex, he talks a fair amount while I don’t really say much of anything. In the beginning of our relationship he tried to encourage me to talk more, and I did try, but like you I find it incredibly awkward and embarrassing. We talked about it and I figured out that what he really wants from me is some kind of sign that things are going good, or maybe that one thing he does give me more pleasure than another. You don’t need to SAY anything to indicate that. You can moan, sigh, gasp, tighten your grip on his arm, squeeze your thighs around his head . . . you get the idea. Maybe the talking dirty thing will work out for you, but I just wanted to let you know that it’s possible to find a solution that doesn’t force you to talk dirty and also may keep your boyfriend happy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriend-wants-me-to-talk-more-during-sex/528453.md?page=4)