# My Boyfriend's Moving In, Roommates Demand More Rent **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 22, 2012, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538 "2012-10-22T16:30:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/41 "2012-10-22T21:28:49Z")
If you two getting your own place isn’t an option, then 4 ways. It’s both what they’re asking for and it’s pretty darn fair. Yeah, you two may be paying 50% together, but presumably he’s not going to sponge off you and can contribute his own 25%. If he’s not and you’re paying for all 50%…well, let’s just say that’s a red flag, shall we? ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/42 "2012-10-22T21:31:53Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But it’s even more fun share two rooms with someone you are having sex with. Think about how much nicer it is to have two closets, the option to have a private living room space, places to be quiet and loud, together and alone, etc. Not to mention the risk mitigation having an extra bedroom brings if something goes wrong in the relationship. Think how much nicer it would be for each room to have its own jacuzzi, too. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. OP: imagine I’m your roommate. “No, that doesn’t sound like a good arrangement to me. Propose something else.” With any luck, this response will clue you in to the fact that your roommates have no incentive to worsen their own living situation by taking on another housemate unless their rent goes down. It’s unfortunate for you, but you’re in a lease, and the other people on the lease effectively have veto power over changes, so you have to make it worth their while. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/43 "2012-10-22T21:41:03Z")
The idea that each person on the lease is locked in with no hope of negotiating her way out of this bad living arrangement is wrong. Just come to an arrangement with the partying roommates to the effect that the OP doesn’t like living there, and will be moving out on such-and-such date with plenty of advance notice. The roommates can then look for a third party girl to move in on that date. Meanwhile, OP and boyfriend can find their own place and live happily ever after. But if OP and boyfriend want to stay in the same crap-hole as the other two, everyone pays roughly a quarter of the rent. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/44 "2012-10-22T21:59:50Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I do think it’s a bit weird that your boyfriend wants to move in with you and two drunk chicks. I’m sure if you thought about it for a moment, you’d think of a motivation. :dubious: > [@Ludovic](#): > > I agree that both master suite occupants should not pay more than one share for the privilege, depending on how big the master suite is. > > One objective way to do this would be to calculate the square foot difference between the regular bedrooms and the master suite, and call that $100. Then, calculate how many square feet of private space each person will get under the new arrangements, and divy it up from there. > > It would be really easy if the master suite is 200 sf and each of the other bedrooms are 100 sf, that way everyone has 100 sf of private space, so in that case the rent should be split completely equally per person. Other cases would require more math. One way to objectively figure out how much the extra room is worth is to bid on it. Someone having deeper pockets than another shouldn’t matter, as each person values the room and their money at their own level. Say the rent is $1000. Surely each girl would be willing to pay $333 for the master suite and have everyone else pay equal. One girl might want to pay $340 for it, and another $400, and so on. If one of the other girls bids really high, then that’s enough motivation for you to consider taking the small room with your boyfriend and wiping your tears with your monthly savings. Once you win the big room (because you have two people paying), tell them that’s evidently what it’s worth to them and that how you come up with the payment is between you and the boyfriend and none of their business. Then you go 50/50 with the boyfriend. This system ensures the everyone’s value is optimized, even if they’re not completely happy with the result. I predict you’ll come out with something like a (20/20)/30/30 split, as you and the boyfriend collectively will definitely have to pay more than 1/3 but likely less than 1/2, i.e. split four ways. If someone outbids you even once you’ve bid for half the rent (1/4 you, 1/4 boyfriend), then they _really_ want the room and you can let them have it. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/45 "2012-10-22T22:08:31Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But it’s even more fun share two rooms with someone you are having sex with. Think about how much nicer it is to have two closets, the option to have a private living room space, places to be quiet and loud, together and alone, etc. Not to mention the risk mitigation having an extra bedroom brings if something goes wrong in the relationship. > > Two bedrooms is better than one, and two people sharing one bedroom should not pay the same as two people sharing two bedrooms. But you also have to take into account that the couple–as opposed to two roommates sharing a single bedroom–function as a household in a way that roommates do not. They will be pooling finances to some degree, and, most importantly, will vote in a block. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/46 "2012-10-22T22:44:45Z")
OP, don’t worry about the haters. For some people renting a house without roommate is the only accomplishment they have to lord over others. The rest of us recognize that the young, the broke, and even the immature have to live _somewhere_. and realistically it’s probably some less-than-optimal shared situation. Roommates are tough, but such is life. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/47 "2012-10-22T23:24:59Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think I saw this episode of “Judge Judy” - no, wait, this is every episode of “Judge Judy.” And the thread is officially won, in a unanimous decision, by Cat Whisperer. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/48 "2012-10-23T00:53:07Z")
> [@jders1](#): > > Ok, so I’m currently living with two other girls, we’ve been living together for about 3 month and I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of been hell for me. We all knew each other before we moved in, but as it’s their first time living away from their parents they’ve kind of gone insane. I’m talking late nights every night with music blaring and the drinks and drugs pouring. I’ve talked to them but nothing’s worked. We’re stuck in a lease so I can’t leave, my boyfriend is the only reason I haven’t gone completely insane. > > So now he wants to move in, he’s already over all the time and my roommates don’t care, mostly because they’re either never there or otherwise intoxicated, so I discussed it with them and we agreed that him and I would split the rent I’m paying. To give you a little insight, I have the master, it’s a bit bigger than the other rooms and has a bathroom with a toilet and sink in it and I pay about $100 more. It’s been established that we pay for the rooms and then share the rest of the place. So now that he’s been approved by our landlady to move in my roommates are saying we need to split the rent 4 ways. I don’t think this is fair because we haven’t been doing that from the beginning, we’ve been paying for the rooms. They say if he doesn’t move in our rents would stay the same, which makes even less sense to me because if we’re going to be splitting it 4 ways if he moves in shouldn’t we be splitting it 3 ways even if he doesn’t? Not to mention that most nights I have to sleep with ear plugs and I had to buy a lock for my bedroom door. > > I have no problem splitting utilities 4 ways, we’ve all already agreed on this. Is it really fair to have to split the rent 4 ways when we already established we were paying for the rooms? My humble opinion is that you would be better served focusing on things that matter (i.e., likely reactions of your roommates to your demands, ability to convince roommates of your position or otherwise get your way, ability to move out or kick other roomates out, etc.) instead of things that don’t (e.g., whether one particular arrangement or another is “fair”). ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/49 "2012-10-23T01:21:59Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But it’s even more fun share two rooms with someone you are having sex with. Think about how much nicer it is to have two closets, the option to have a private living room space, places to be quiet and loud, together and alone, etc. Not to mention the risk mitigation having an extra bedroom brings if something goes wrong in the relationship. > > Two bedrooms is better than one, and two people sharing one bedroom should not pay the same as two people sharing two bedrooms. On the other hand, in my experience, sharing an apartment with another couple who is having sex is no fun at all, regardless of how many bedrooms they use. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/50 "2012-10-23T03:24:37Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > For some people renting a house without roommate is the only accomplishment they have to lord over others. I think you might be bringing some baggage from outside this thread, because this sounds pretty nuts. Maybe I honestly missed some “lording” in this thread, but most of the responses seem to just be pointing out that the OP’s expectations seem unrealistic to most. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/51 "2012-10-23T05:35:17Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’m going against the grain here. Sharing a room is not as pleasant as having a room for yourself and people sharing a room should not have to pay the same as people who have the luxury of their own personal space. That said, he also has an impact on the common space, and your rent should reflect that. > > What I’ve seen is people typically tack on an added $100-$200 for a shared room- enough that everyone gets a nice little discount. That’s just asinine. You act as if the OP had the burden of _her_ boyfriend moving in forced upn her. She did not. This was _her choice._ ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/52 "2012-10-23T05:38:03Z")
> [@CannyDan](#): > > I’m curious to know if there are contingencies worked out for two months from now when the boyfriend moves out, or is caught sleeping with another of the roommates. Whose rent goes up, whose rent goes down, and who gets the master bath? LOL Astute. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/53 "2012-10-23T06:22:51Z")
This seems all backwards but OK… 1. Isn’t this your landlords decision? 2. Wasn’t this sort of thing anticipated in the rental agreement? 3. You don’t want to live there anyway, probably better to ask them to find a replacement roommate who fits in with their lifestyle better, and get a new place with the boyfriend. 4. Utilities should be split per person. Rent should be by space. If you all got along you might have been able to do it by room. It might be easier to just split it evenly, to avoid a hassle. If you are absolutely committed to fairness though, just divide the square footage by the rent and charge each person based on the size of their personal space and proportion of shared space. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/54 "2012-10-23T08:57:20Z")
> [@spinky](#): > > I think you might be bringing some baggage from outside this thread, because this sounds pretty nuts. Maybe I honestly missed some “lording” in this thread, but most of the responses seem to just be pointing out that the OP’s expectations seem unrealistic to most. Speculating that her boyfriend is immediately going to cheat on her? Completely uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/55 "2012-10-23T15:25:59Z")
Putting the shoe on the other foot: Do you think that one of your roomies could move their mom and dad into the apartment without some sort of rearrangement of the financial situation? Same thing, different scale. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/56 "2012-10-23T15:47:44Z")
Suggest to your flatmates you use the rent calculator that Whynot posted. It is fair that you pay more than you are now, for all the reasons the others have given, but since you’ll have half a room each it also doesn’t seem fair for you to pay the same as those with their own rooms. Of course, if your room is actually double the size of theirs then you’d end up paying a quarter of the rent anyway, but I’d have expected you to mention if that were the case. > [@leftfield6](#): > > Split 4 ways. But not evenly, since you and the BF enjoy the benefits of a master suite. > > My suggestion: You and the BF each pay 30% for a total of 60%, each other roommate pays 20%. 😕 Why would the couple with less space each pay _more_ per person? I don’t understand your reasoning at all. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/57 "2012-10-23T15:52:05Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I’m sure if you thought about it for a moment, you’d think of a motivation. :dubious: > > One way to objectively figure out how much the extra room is worth is to bid on it. Someone having deeper pockets than another shouldn’t matter, as each person values the room and their money at their own level. > > Say the rent is $1000. Surely each girl would be willing to pay $333 for the master suite and have everyone else pay equal. One girl might want to pay $340 for it, and another $400, and so on. If one of the other girls bids really high, then that’s enough motivation for you to consider taking the small room with your boyfriend and wiping your tears with your monthly savings. > > Once you win the big room (because you have two people paying), tell them that’s evidently what it’s worth to them and that how you come up with the payment is between you and the boyfriend and none of their business. Then you go 50/50 with the boyfriend. > > This system ensures the everyone’s value is optimized, even if they’re not completely happy with the result. I predict you’ll come out with something like a (20/20)/30/30 split, as you and the boyfriend collectively will definitely have to pay more than 1/3 but likely less than 1/2, i.e. split four ways. If someone outbids you even once you’ve bid for half the rent (1/4 you, 1/4 boyfriend), then they _really_ want the room and you can let them have it. I am inherently attracted to any solution that requires bidding instead of negotiation. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/58 "2012-10-23T15:57:12Z")
Start right NOW: pick your TV courtroom where the case will be heard. There simply is no other option for this mess. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/59 "2012-10-23T16:04:04Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Speculating that her boyfriend is immediately going to cheat on her? Completely uncalled for. I think that may have been a joke. But regardless, what does it have to do with the statement, “for some people renting a house without roommate is the only accomplishment they have to lord over others”? ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538/60 "2012-10-23T16:29:17Z")
From this, the linked thread, and my own experiences, it seems like there really is no definitive answer on what is a fair rent split arrangement for the “extra tenant” situation. There is no arrangement that is objectively fair or unfair. What’s “fair” in a given situation is what all the tenants agree is fair. You need to work with your housemates to come to an agreement that everyone thinks is fair. You thought you had done that, but then they changed their minds. I’d be annoyed if I had already come to an agreement and then the others changed their minds, but that is their prerogative (assuming that a lease has NOT yet been signed that outlines all tenants and their individual financial responsibilities). It was inconvenient and immature for your roommates to suddenly renege on the previous agreement, but all you can do now is deal with it and take measures to prevent further waffling in the future. Don’t agree to any new rent breakdown without getting all three of your signatures on a document outlining said agreement. At this point, it seems that your options are: [ol] [li]Move out. Either find a replacement for yourself (the mature option), or leave your roommates holding the bag (the immature option).[/li][li]Bite the bullet and agree to the new financial arrangement with your roommates, AND get them all to sign a document to that effect so they can’t try to change the agreement later.[/li][li]Attempt to convince your roommates to agree to the original deal or a different one. Perhaps one where you and boyfriend pay more rent but not as much as you would if you split the rent four ways. You could use some of the rent calculation tools and methodologies provided by other posters to build your argument.[/li][li]Cancel your boyfriend’s move in, assuming he’s not already at the point of no return. If the boyfriend is paying rent somewhere, this is likely to be a more expensive option than just agreeing to pay the extra rent.[/li][/ol] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-moving-in-roommates-demand-more-rent/638538.md?page=4)