# My Boyfriend's Parents are Coming to Visit... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399 "2011-03-03T19:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/1 "2011-03-03T19:41:34Z")
and they don’t like me very much. (Mostly because they think I’m too old for him–at least they’re OK the "gay thing.) So, basically, my weekend is ruined with an unexpected and intrusive visit. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/2 "2011-03-03T19:50:23Z")
Sounds like a bummer. Have you met them before? ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/3 "2011-03-03T20:14:22Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Sounds like a bummer. > > Have you met them before? Yeah–I’ve met them before. They’re nice enough to me, just a little “cool”. It would have been better if they’d have given notice–I could have taken time off work, and be a better host. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/4 "2011-03-03T20:15:29Z")
I don’t think I’d like you very much either, if that’s how you feel about “family” coming for a visit. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/5 "2011-03-03T20:18:29Z")
You should go camping… by yourself 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/6 "2011-03-03T20:38:29Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I don’t think I’d like you very much either, if that’s how you feel about “family” coming for a visit. I hate to sound childish, but they started it… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/7 "2011-03-03T20:43:25Z")
> [@TravisFromOR](#): > > Yeah–I’ve met them before. They’re nice enough to me, just a little “cool”. It would have been better if they’d have given notice–I could have taken time off work, and be a better host. Oh, god. That’s it? Ok, let me tell you a story to make you feel a little better. 😛 Years ago, when my SO was dating a different woman, he went to her house. Now, she was Chinese, and he was Chinese. Her parents literally _refused to talk to him_ the whole time he was there. I mean, they put food in front of their daughter but not in front of him. They wouldn’t shake hands or say hello. How about my parents? My dad is one thing, he offered my boyfriend milk. I am Indian and my bf was Indian. My mom went into a screaming fit and threw him out of the house. Please. Be happy with “a little cool”! ---
**Author:** ![TravisFromOR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cc9497/32.png) [@TravisFromOR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TravisFromOR)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/8 "2011-03-03T20:47:59Z")
Missed the window… To be fair, I’d still be off-put if it were\* my\* parents that called and said they’d be visiting with only a day’s notice. Oh, and they’re too cheap to get a motel room, so "we’ll be sleeping in the guest room\*, if that’s OK… \*We have no guest room. The extra bedroom is my office, which does have a futon, which we’ll be sleeping on while our guests enjoy a proper bed. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/9 "2011-03-03T21:20:30Z")
> [@TravisFromOR](#): > > Missed the window… > > To be fair, I’d still be off-put if it were\* my\* parents that called and said they’d be visiting with only a day’s notice. Oh, and they’re too cheap to get a motel room, so "we’ll be sleeping in the guest room\*, if that’s OK… Yeah, that does drive me crazy. Lack of notice is awful. But your SO should say something like, “We need more warning - we have plans.” Only more gently. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2011, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/10 "2011-03-03T22:46:05Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Years ago, when my SO was dating a different woman, he went to her house. Now, she was Chinese, and he was Chinese. Her parents literally _refused to talk to him_ the whole time he was there. I mean, they put food in front of their daughter but not in front of him. They wouldn’t shake hands or say hello. > > How about my parents? My dad is one thing, he offered my boyfriend milk. I am Indian and my bf was Indian. My mom went into a screaming fit and threw him out of the house. Wow. Feeling so grateful for my in-laws right now! ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/11 "2011-03-04T00:02:35Z")
Here’s hoping you have a good visit after all. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/12 "2011-03-04T00:11:18Z")
It’s one weekend! I have my parents coming for 2 1/2 weeks. Now that I am dreading. Last time I came home and all my last 6 months of bills (which I pay online mainly by direct debit) were opened up and stacked by company. And I give them my bedroom and end up sleeping on the futon in the basement. Do I need to grow a pair? Why yes, yes I do. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/13 "2011-03-05T11:04:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Now, she was Chinese, and he was Chinese. What is he now? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/14 "2011-03-05T12:08:59Z")
Well, if they’re so awful that them coming to visit ruins your whole weekend, be grateful they didn’t give you enough notice to take off work. That’s that much time you don’t have to spend around them. Out of curiosity, does your bf agree that they’re a bit cool to you? I wonder because my husband and mother went for _years_ each convinced the other didn’t like them over what amounted to nothing more than having different baseline family dynamics. And the more disliked one felt, the stiffer and weirder they got with the other, which just reinforced the feelings of being disliked on the other side, in this godawful feedback loop that damn near drove me to the top of a clock tower with a rifle. ---
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/15 "2011-03-05T12:15:21Z")
If your boyfriend’s parents really didn’t like you they wouldn’t have come at all. That they’d like to stay with you instead of in a motel may even be an effort to bond. So why not reciprocate the effort by welcoming them (that is not bitching about their visit being intrusive or about them not staying in a motel) and sleeping on that futon as one of many acts to make sure that their stay is pleasant (make them coffee, tend to their needs, ask how they’re doing). A weekend can’t be said to be ruined unless it was about to be fucking great and utterly fantastic which is unlikely. If you try to make it work, instead of treating it as a hindrance, it could. Even if it is in no way your responsibility to make sure that this visit will be a success it is least dissatisfactory to do it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/16 "2011-03-05T15:01:08Z")
Eh, you have my sympathy. Uninvited house guests suck. However, you need to start making them sleep on the futon. Seriously. They’re inconveniencing you–they get the crap bed. If they wake up sore, maybe next time they’ll spring for an $80 hotel room. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/17 "2011-03-05T15:49:25Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > How about my parents? My dad is one thing, he offered my boyfriend milk. I am Indian and my bf was Indian. My mom went into a screaming fit and threw him out of the house. I’m trying to parse this, but I have no idea what it means. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/18 "2011-03-05T17:30:46Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > Eh, you have my sympathy. Uninvited house guests suck. > > However, you need to start making them sleep on the futon. Seriously. They’re inconveniencing you–they get the crap bed. If they wake up sore, maybe next time they’ll spring for an $80 hotel room. Maybe that was my in-laws plan all along; we got the crap foldout couch whenever we visited, now we get a hotel. In a neighboring state, where it’s affordable. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/19 "2011-03-05T20:01:29Z")
How old are you and how old is he? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399/20 "2011-03-05T22:11:17Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I don’t think I’d like you very much either, if that’s how you feel about “family” coming for a visit. Why? I cordially detest my step monster in law, and she started it. I get along like gangbusters with my mom in law. Stepmonster in law - 3 years after we got married, and 6 years after we started to live together hubby was deployed when the fires hit the area around Yucaipa, so to be nice I called over to make sure they were ok … and she ‘didnt recognize’ me by name … and it wasn’t like hubs and I never called and chatted with them, and they have visited us all the way over on the east coast several times, and we visited them on the west coast twice. And oddly enough they always send candy and pastries for holidays and birthdays … and they know I am diabetic, his father and i had several long conversations about it when they visited, and we discussed it occasionally in phone calls [trading recipes and sources for odd foods] It has gotten so I essentially totally ignore her and just try to have a decent relationship to his Dad. I have deliberately planned my visit to my family around their visits here, I am not going to bother being nice to her any longer if she isn’t going to try and be nice to me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-boyfriends-parents-are-coming-to-visit/573399.md?page=2)