# My brother committed suicide **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2008, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145 "2008-12-30T00:59:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/41 "2008-12-30T04:49:07Z")
I’m so sorry, **carlotta**. My prayers are with you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/42 "2008-12-30T04:51:08Z")
:(:(:(☹ I don’t even know what to say. I wish I could help you. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with whatever you need to to get through this. I can’t imagine your pain, but wish that we could all take a piece of it for you. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/43 "2008-12-30T05:39:45Z")
Very Very sorry to hear this… ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/44 "2008-12-30T05:49:26Z")
I’m so sorry, **Carlotta**. I lost my sister to suicide in 1988. It was a complete surprise to us, even though in retrospect it was obvious she was in extreme pain. Please PM or email me if you need to talk. {{{ **Ca3799** }}} and {{{ **broomstick** }}} too. ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/45 "2008-12-30T06:36:02Z")
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to happen. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/46 "2008-12-30T07:20:47Z")
Unfortunately this seems to be something many of us have in common here. My own brother took his life many years ago. Several years ago I began to work as a volunteer at a suicide hotline, and this has been my little bit I have done to try to keep others from going through the same suffering we have. I know for certain that there are a few folks out there who lived another day because we talked on the hotline, and it seems to help my own feelings about my own loss. Regardless, I hope that, as I have, you are one day able to remember a fun experience with your brother and smile. Anyone with questions about this type of volunteer work, send a PM. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/47 "2008-12-30T07:38:47Z")
This is so sad. ☹ What a terrible time the wife must be having. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/48 "2008-12-30T09:57:11Z")
So sorry. So sad. None of us can fully know anyone else, or their pain. You mentioned he’d been sick. Was he on any meds? I wonder because sometimes an illness and/or the medications involved can affect state of mind. Regardless, he must have been in severe misery to take that action. I’ve never dealt with a suicide, but I’ve known some who have, and know from them that it is esp. difficult. There tends to be guilt and anger beyond the typical greiving process. ---
**Author:** ![SomeUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@SomeUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SomeUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/49 "2008-12-30T10:57:40Z")
I first want to say I am so sorry for your loss. > [@Broomstick](#): > > He may have deliberately hid this from others. Sometimes, when someone has decided to kill themselves but have not yet actually done the deed their mood _improves_ for a period of time prior to the suicide, making their death all the more shocking. The fact you didn’t know he was hurting that bad or that he was planning this _in no way_ means you weren’t close. My brother did this. He was cooking dinner. It was so long ago now, 24 years, I can’t remember what he was making other than he was joking around about a can of peas. He was laughing and making jokes. He took his own life two days later. It took me a very long time to stop asking why and even a longer time to let go of the anger. I still cry about it sometimes. I wish he could see his niece and nephew. My son is now older than he will ever be. He even looks a little like him. My brother will always be 18 years old and that hits hard sometimes. The hardest part was letting go. I felt if I let go of the anger then I would let go of him. It was like it was all I had left. It took me a long time to realize that I had the good memories to hang on to but I could not see them. Take care of yourself and your family. You need each other now more than anything. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/50 "2008-12-30T11:53:45Z")
Words fail, **carlotta** , you and your family will be in my prayers. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/51 "2008-12-30T12:16:18Z")
I’m new to the scene here, but I will hold you and your family in my thoughts, **carlotta**. Take good care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/52 "2008-12-30T12:46:39Z")
I’m so very sorry, for you, **carlotta** , and for all who have lost a loved one to suicide. As someone who attempted suicide in the (very distant) past, I can honestly say that I did not understand at the time how it would have impacted those who loved me, but now I get it and I am thankful even on my worst day to be here. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/53 "2008-12-30T13:21:41Z")
I have nothing of any use to say, but…(( **carlotta** )) ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/54 "2008-12-30T13:31:15Z")
I can offer little beyond my condolences to you and your family. Not nearly enough, I know, but please accept it and know that you are surrounded by those that care. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/55 "2008-12-30T13:45:40Z")
{{{{{ **carlotta** }}}}} ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/56 "2008-12-30T13:53:11Z")
There’s nothing to feel but sorry for the person who felt so profoundly unhappy that this seemed his best solution, but that’s how it does seem to severely depressed people, an endless spire of pain and misery. He hoped, I’m sure, that after a mourning period, which would have come inevitably anyway whenever he died, everyone who loved him would have gone on to live more pleasant years than those they would have had enduring him. Misguided though it may be, it might help to consider that as his desired goal, and to allow that to happen, as best you’re able to. Sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/57 "2008-12-30T13:55:52Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/58 "2008-12-30T14:02:03Z")
I am sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Redfrost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@Redfrost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redfrost)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/59 "2008-12-30T14:02:53Z")
Deepest sympathies. I offer you cyber hugs. I wish I could ease your pain but only time and friends will do that. The sadness will fade and then show up again at unexpected times. As a grieving father I only hope that someday I will remember my son with joy and instead of sadness. I offer the same hope to you. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145/60 "2008-12-30T16:22:29Z")
I’m so very sorry. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-committed-suicide/479145.md?page=4)