# My Brother Is Dead To Me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 18, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076 "2011-01-18T16:03:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/1 "2011-01-18T16:03:32Z")
My older brother, 53 years old. Lives with my mother. i see him once a week or so when I visit. I have, all my life, had a problem with his impulsive, violent, selfish behavior. Drugs and alcohol have taken a toll on him. Prison and jail have had their effect as well. He’s diabetic and not doing to well. Several years ago, I made a very concious effort to reconcile with him. I took him to lunch, I bought him ciggarettes, beer and groceries. I even had him over for Christmas last year. We had a good time. I had a trust drawn up that allowed him to live in Mom’s house until he died, after she’s gone. He has always stolen and I’ve made many provisions to protct mom. I am in charge of all the money and try as bets I can to limit his theivery. Mom feels still responsible to him, her first born, so she will not prosecute or kick him out. I have ceaswed to try and talk sense into her. But this last event has saddened me. I brought over mom’s Christmas present, a big flat-screen TV with a built-in DVD player. I thought they could both enjoy it. I even bought him a movie. 1 day later he stole it and sold it or gave it away. So I told him that if it wasn’t back in the house when I came down Saturday I would never buy him anything again. “You can’t do that!” he yelled. I laughed. I tried. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/2 "2011-01-18T16:17:40Z")
That really sucks, I’m sorry your brother is such a shit. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/3 "2011-01-18T16:28:44Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > That really sucks, I’m sorry your brother is such a shit. Thanks, he’s never been different, I don’t know why I thought i’d be a good influence. I find it sad. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/4 "2011-01-18T16:30:29Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Thanks, he’s never been different, I don’t know why I thought i’d be a good influence. I find it sad. Just remember it’s him, not you. Don’t take on guilt, regret, remorse, etc, and concentrate on what you can do for your mum. You sound like a good son. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/5 "2011-01-18T17:10:17Z")
Well, that truly sucks, but the thing that comes to my mind is the story of the scorpion. You didn’t really think a good tv would be safe in the house with him, did you? ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/6 "2011-01-18T17:20:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Well, that truly sucks, but the thing that comes to my mind is the story of the scorpion. You didn’t really think a good tv would be safe in the house with him, did you? True. I guess that hope springs forth now and then. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/7 "2011-01-18T17:27:37Z")
If you ever get a chance to do so, you should turn him over to the police. I’m not kidding. There comes a point at which people need a cold, harsh, awakening. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/8 "2011-01-18T17:36:14Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > True. I guess that hope springs forth now and then. Yeah, it does. It really does suck that you tried to do something nice for your mom and your brother managed to crap on it. Apparently your gifts to your mom have to be of a non-portable, non-resellable variety. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/9 "2011-01-18T17:37:33Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > If you ever get a chance to do so, you should turn him over to the police. > > I’m not kidding. There comes a point at which people need a cold, harsh, awakening. I’d probably cut the trust fund so he’s kicked out of the house when their mother dies. Free ride’s over, loser. Your brother is not your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/10 "2011-01-18T17:38:03Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > If you ever get a chance to do so, you should turn him over to the police. > > I’m not kidding. There comes a point at which people need a cold, harsh, awakening. Except the brother has already spent time in prison and it didn’t exactly straighten him out. Maybe he should go back to prison, but that should be because he belongs in prison, not because there’s a chance prison will give him a cold harsh awakening. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/11 "2011-01-18T17:42:02Z")
I cannot legaly press charges against him until I have guardianship of my mother, which is not yet but soon. I am having the trust re-written so that when she moves out I sell the house. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/12 "2011-01-18T17:54:24Z")
At least your mom got one good son out of the deal. Seriously, I’ve seen a serious alcoholic tell his mother to stop babying his chronically unemployed brother while his other drug addicted thief brother nodded in agreement. Make a hard copy of this thread and keep it with you at all times in case that hope starts springing again. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/13 "2011-01-18T18:06:59Z")
> [@](#): > > So I told him that if it wasn’t back in the house when I came down Saturday I would never buy him anything again. that’s a _really_ weak threat. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/14 "2011-01-18T18:10:02Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > that’s a _really_ weak threat. See post #11. There’s teeth there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/15 "2011-01-18T18:33:30Z")
If you don’t mind advice from a stranger, I think your mother would be safer if he did not live in her house. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/16 "2011-01-18T18:41:36Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > If you don’t mind advice from a stranger, I think your mother would be safer if he did not live in her house. > > Regards, > Shodan I agree, however she will not change her mind. She just turnwed 75 on Saturday and she still feels responsible for him. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/17 "2011-01-18T18:53:37Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > It really does suck that you tried to do something nice for your mom and your brother managed to crap on it. Apparently your gifts to your mom have to be of a non-portable, non-resellable variety. 🙂 This is the worst part. Mom can’t have any nice stuff because her son is a shithead? That’s just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/18 "2011-01-18T19:02:27Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > This is the worst part. Mom can’t have any nice stuff because her son is a shithead? That’s just wrong. Well, that and the fact she’s a hoarder. This is the first “thing” I’ve bought her in years. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/19 "2011-01-18T19:19:06Z")
If it makes you feel any better, the TV provides a good “Last Straw.” It was a demonstration of good faith in your brother which he absolutely broke. So now you have justification (as if you needed any more) to do what you have to do. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/20 "2011-01-18T19:26:07Z")
Your situation almost sounds like a trivial thing to become upset about, but I suppose that’s a matter of perspective. My best friend recently disconnected from his own brother, after a series of vicious arguments which led to him (the brother) sending back my friend’s passport & birth certificate via U.S. mail with NO tracking or protection whatsoever. Up until that point, I was attempting to defuse the situation – but that particular violation even pissed ME off to the point where I could no longer remain impartial. :mad: Some people really need to grow up…and sometimes the only way to get their attention is to wash your hands of the whole situation. Sad, but true. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076.md?page=2)