# My Brother Is Dead To Me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 18, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076 "2011-01-18T16:03:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/21 "2011-01-18T19:32:35Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > If you don’t mind advice from a stranger, I think your mother would be safer if he did not live in her house. I have to agree with this. Mom would be safer if brother was out of the house. Maybe brother won’t do anything, but his friends are going to see her as a easy target. **BMalion** , you and the estate may also be safer if he is out of the house. Does brother know that he could claim a larger share of the estate for living in the house as mom’s “caretaker” in many states? He’s shown himself to be a jerk, if he’s clever at all, you need to make sure your ass is well-covered. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/22 "2011-01-18T19:55:07Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > I cannot legaly press charges against him until I have guardianship of my mother, which is not yet but soon. > > I am having the trust re-written so that when she moves out I sell the house. Ouch on the whole situation :(. The one thing with the trust though: is it something you CAN change without your mother’s signature? I’m assuming you’ve got appropriate legal help and I freely admit I don’t know the first thing about these things. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/23 "2011-01-18T20:17:46Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > I have to agree with this. Mom would be safer if brother was out of the house. Maybe brother won’t do anything, but his friends are going to see her as a easy target. > **BMalion** , you and the estate may also be safer if he is out of the house. Does brother know that he could claim a larger share of the estate for living in the house as mom’s “caretaker” in many states? He’s shown himself to be a jerk, if he’s clever at all, you need to make sure your ass is well-covered. Thank you, as far as cleverness is concerned, I am quite safe. He is not very clever. I would love to have him out of the house but he won’t leave and mom doesn’t want to kick him out. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/24 "2011-01-18T20:32:26Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Maybe he should go back to prison, but that should be because he belongs in prison, not because there’s a chance prison will give him a cold harsh awakening. He stole a big flat-screen TV with a built-in DVD player. Although the mom won’t prosecute, I’d say that his actions mean that he does indeed belong in prison, regardless of whether it gives him that much-needed awakening. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/25 "2011-01-18T20:46:52Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > He stole a big flat-screen TV with a built-in DVD player. Although the mom won’t prosecute, I’d say that his actions mean that he does indeed belong in prison, regardless of whether it gives him that much-needed awakening. Could BMalion press charges as the owner since he purchased the TV? Or, it sounds like the mother is (or will soon?) have a sort of guardianship arrangement with BMalion as guardian; could he press charges on the mother’s behalf? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/26 "2011-01-18T21:00:25Z")
Wow, what a sucky situation! I’m sorry you’re having to go through this! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/27 "2011-01-18T21:02:46Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Could BMalion press charges as the owner since he purchased the TV? > > Or, it sounds like the mother is (or will soon?) have a sort of guardianship arrangement with BMalion as guardian; could he press charges on the mother’s behalf? After weeks of court, and doctors, and mom hating me for taking “control” from her, then I can press charges. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/28 "2011-01-18T21:13:57Z")
> [@fuzzypickles](#): > > Your situation almost sounds like a trivial thing to become upset about, but I suppose that’s a matter of perspective. My best friend recently disconnected from his own brother, after a series of vicious arguments which led to him (the brother) sending back my friend’s passport & birth certificate via U.S. mail with NO tracking or protection whatsoever. Up until that point, I was attempting to defuse the situation – but that particular violation even pissed ME off to the point where I could no longer remain impartial. :mad: Yeah, returning someone’s property through the mail is FAR worse than larceny. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/29 "2011-01-18T21:23:47Z")
Sorry to hear things have got this bad Brian. I hope you can extricate him fully from your life. By the way thanks for the Christmas card! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/30 "2011-01-18T21:25:55Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Sorry to hear things have got this bad Brian. I hope you can extricate him fully from your life. By the way thanks for the Christmas card! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/31 "2011-01-18T21:57:06Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Yeah, returning someone’s property through the mail is FAR worse than larceny. Ok, I missed that part of the OP…sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/32 "2011-01-18T22:02:49Z")
Some people are hopeless. I’m sorry for your loss, **BMalion**. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Makeitstop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@Makeitstop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Makeitstop)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/33 "2011-01-18T22:15:12Z")
There are some people that have been enabled so long they feel they are entitled to anything. I’m sorry to say, OP, but your brother sounds like one of those people. If this man is in his fifties and has never been any different, there is almost nill chance of him changing. The fact that you two have the same parents isn’t enough reason to keep him in your life. And if he gets kicked out of the house and ends up a homeless bum, not your fault, OP. You gave him every chance in the world. ---
**Author:** ![kath94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/67e7ee/32.png) [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/34 "2011-01-18T23:52:04Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Thank you, as far as cleverness is concerned, I am quite safe. He is not very clever. I would love to have him out of the house but he won’t leave and mom doesn’t want to kick him out. So sorry to hear of your woes, **BMalion**. But please do not underestimate your brother. All he needs is for some deadbeat friend to put a little bug in his ear & his situation puts him on the offensive. Suddenly he \*\*will \*\*become your mother’s “caretaker” and/or claim the house for himself. Beware. My mother is 78, very alert & mobile, but she’s still a sucker for any charity that asks & for any family member in need, real or perceived. Whether your mother considers the TV “stolen” or “given” to a son might be up for discussion. I have an older brother who is not dishonest but has taken advantage of Mom by borrowing money with nothing in writing, refusing to put anything in writing, and won’t commit to when it will be paid back. I know that in my mother’s house your situation would go something like this – Brother – “Hey, Mom, you don’t really need that new TV, do you?” Mother – “No, not really, Son. It’s so big & complicated, and there was nothing wrong with my old one.” Brother – “No problem. I know someone who could use it” -or- “I could really use the money. Do you mind if I take it?” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/35 "2011-01-19T00:04:03Z")
That would be my concern, too, that when your mom dies (and I hate how cavalier that sounds, but it is the cold, hard reality), your brother will expect the house to go to him since he’s living there, and will fight you tooth and nail to get it. It sounds like you’re aware of these possibilities and are having your legal-type people keep those loopholes shut, though (don’t forgot an old one - possession is nine-tenths of the law). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/36 "2011-01-19T01:07:10Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > This is the worst part. Mom can’t have any nice stuff because her son is a shithead? That’s just wrong. Reminds me of half the parents on the A&E show _Intervention_. Most feel more guilty denying the bad kids anything than over how they treat the good kids. Me, I blame The Bible. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/37 "2011-01-19T01:53:10Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That would be my concern, too, that when your mom dies (and I hate how cavalier that sounds, but it is the cold, hard reality), your brother will expect the house to go to him since he’s living there, and will fight you tooth and nail to get it. It sounds like you’re aware of these possibilities and are having your legal-type people keep those loopholes shut, though (don’t forgot an old one - possession is nine-tenths of the law). The brither does not “possess” the house. I’m not sure why you would think he does. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/38 "2011-01-19T02:23:26Z")
I’m gonna have to agree with the scorpion analogy. You know its in his nature to cheat and steal. Don’t give him any opportunity to take advantage of you. If you wanna give mom a gift, buy her cute fruit baskets or something else perishable and which has no street value. I have a poisonous scorpion brother and an enabler mother, too. I’ve told mama on several occasions that she better make provisions for him now, because when she’s dead I’m not caring for him. I’m changing my phone number and I’m never talking to him again. I know its in his nature to sting. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/39 "2011-01-19T02:58:09Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > The brither does not “possess” the house. I’m not sure why you would think he does. My line of thought is that the house belongs to mom, the older son will expect to inherit half of the house, and since he’s a piece of crap, he might think that he’ll just get the house since he’s the one who lives there. I’m not saying there’s any legal legs to stand on here, just wondering out loud about the thought processes of a piece of crap thieving freeloading ex-con. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076/40 "2011-01-19T03:36:58Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > My line of thought is that the house belongs to mom, the older son will expect to inherit half of the house, and since he’s a piece of crap, he might think that he’ll just get the house since he’s the one who lives there. I’m not saying there’s any legal legs to stand on here, just wondering out loud about the thought processes of a piece of crap thieving freeloading ex-con. Oh, I’m sure he’ll try everything he can think of, but he probably won’t have the means of the brains to hire an attorney. Plus, I get the sense that the OP may own the house at this point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brother-is-dead-to-me/568076.md?page=3)