# My Brother's Cancer Timeline **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 25, 2014, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200 "2014-02-25T05:20:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/21 "2014-02-25T16:23:39Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **VarlosZ**. That was a fascinating read. Thank you for sharing it with us. ---
**Author:** ![Av8trix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/90db22/32.png) [@Av8trix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Av8trix)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/22 "2014-02-25T16:31:12Z")
Went through something similar with my MIL. :🤗: My sympathies for your loss. My eyes are leaking after that read. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/23 "2014-02-25T16:51:32Z")
Your description of his commitment to others brought a tear to my eye. ☹ What a wonderful young man. I, too, am sorry that we as a society won’t get to witness his contributions to the world, for I’m sure they would have been many. I’m so very, very sorry that he’s now gone and I only hope that his sweet memory serves as comfort and peace to you and his loved ones. Bless him. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/24 "2014-02-25T17:30:30Z")
Fuck cancer. I’m waiting to hear the results of a friend’s PET scan, to see if the cancer has come back again. Cancer killed a dear sister-in-law in August. I’m so sorry about your brother. Fuck cancer. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/25 "2014-02-25T17:47:26Z")
I’m at a loss for what to say. Glad that sharing is helping you (maybe?) Hope you can someday find peace. What an awesome young man your brother was. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/26 "2014-02-25T18:28:31Z")
Thanks for all the kind words. The outpouring of love from friends and family (and, well, everyone) has been a real salve. I guess we already knew this, but John was extremely well-liked. We’ve been hearing from folks who hadn’t seen him in years but were nonetheless very distraught. He was always outgoing, precocious, and \*very \*well-spoken – adults loved him, and he was popular with his classmates, too. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/27 "2014-02-25T18:32:34Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, Varlosz. Thanks for sharing your memories of your brother. I read the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/28 "2014-02-25T18:34:29Z")
☹ ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/29 "2014-02-25T18:51:37Z")
Oh my god, I am so sorry **VarlosZ**. I read it all. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/30 "2014-02-25T18:51:51Z")
I hope the diary doesn’t make it seem like he had unceasing misery for 10 months, just because mostly only the bad parts are worth noting. The first six months or so of treatment actually went very well: the chemotherapy was working, the tumor was shrinking, and the side-effects were manageable (that’s why there’s a big gap in the middle of the timeline: not much was happening other than weekly chemo treatments). It’s only from October on that complications started multiplying, and once we found out about the metastases he spiraled down very quickly. Apparently – and we only found this out right towards the end – in these types of cases it’s not all that uncommon for the chemo to work great until one day it just doesn’t. Had we known that maybe we would have been a little more alert about a downturn, or been willing to go for surgery sooner. (Given the size and location of the tumor, surgery would have meant removing his prostate, bladder, and probably his rectum – while hardly being a guaranteed cure – and \*no one \*wanted to do that to a 19 year old kid.) Surprisingly, I don’t think any of us feel regret about the treatment choices we made, even if we’d make them differently if we could go back and do it again. At least, I don’t feel bad about it. We made the best choices we could given the information available to us at the time, and the the standard of care he received was excellent (we’re a medical family – Mom’s a nurse and Dad’s a doctor – so we did our due diligence on all his docs). Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital is highly recommended, despite the bad outcome. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/31 "2014-02-25T19:01:55Z")
Words are so useless…I wish there was some way I could really express my sympathy for the suffering that John went through & your sadness for the loss. I’m glad there were some better times _HUGS_ Thank you for sharing him with us. Praying for you. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_fun_ball/32/17664_2.png) [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/32 "2014-02-25T19:07:11Z")
Thank you for posting and I am so sorry that all of you had to go through this. Very sad. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/33 "2014-02-25T19:29:18Z")
He sounds very smart, **VarlosZ** , and he sounds like a very kind and thoughtful guy. And stubborn - I guess they all are at that age, but then again I think that comes in handy when something like this happens. Thank you for sharing him with us. ---
**Author:** ![Mikeisskeptical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@Mikeisskeptical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikeisskeptical)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/34 "2014-02-26T03:12:57Z")
It sounds like your brother was an amazing guy. It was powerfully moving to read about your experience. I really hope it’s been helpful in some way to share it. I am so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/35 "2014-02-26T03:25:04Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Fuck cancer. I’m waiting to hear the results of a friend’s PET scan, to see if the cancer has come back again. Another ‘fuck cancer’ for good measure. ☹ Thank you for sharing some of his story. He was quite the fighter. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/36 "2014-02-26T04:05:50Z")
Your timeline is so sad. It’s like reading “Flowers for Algernon.” My condolences. ---
**Author:** ![dada2fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ccd318/32.png) [@dada2fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dada2fish)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/37 "2014-02-26T05:50:25Z")
I read the whole timeline and thinking in my head like a cheerleader. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Hoping that what I knew was inevitable wouldn’t be true. I’m so sorry you lost your brother. Wiping away tears because I’ve been in your shoes, losing my sister and best friend to cancer also. It’s heartbreaking to wonder what your brother could’ve done in his life since he had such a love of helping others. Damn. My condolences to you and those that loved him. ---
**Author:** ![Woozy\_Pin\_Bin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Woozy\_Pin\_Bin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woozy_Pin_Bin)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/38 "2014-02-26T12:13:59Z")
I am so very sorry. My tears flow for you. My entire being is saddened. But I am so thankful that you shared your incredibly tough emotional journey. I will one day face this myself, as my younger 40 year old sister was diagnosed with stage IV lung adenocarcinoma 2 years ago, being treated with a targeted therapy that has a limited working life. Thank you for sharing. You are in my thoughts and prayers. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/39 "2014-02-26T14:23:22Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > I hope the diary doesn’t make it seem like he had unceasing misery for 10 months, just because mostly only the bad parts are worth noting. The first six months or so of treatment actually went very well: the chemotherapy was working, the tumor was shrinking, and the side-effects were manageable (that’s why there’s a big gap in the middle of the timeline: not much was happening other than weekly chemo treatments). It’s only from October on that complications started multiplying, and once we found out about the metastases he spiraled down very quickly. > > Apparently – and we only found this out right towards the end – in these types of cases it’s not all that uncommon for the chemo to work great until one day it just doesn’t. Had we known that maybe we would have been a little more alert about a downturn, or been willing to go for surgery sooner. (Given the size and location of the tumor, surgery would have meant removing his prostate, bladder, and probably his rectum – while hardly being a guaranteed cure – and \*no one \*wanted to do that to a 19 year old kid.) Surprisingly, I don’t think any of us feel regret about the treatment choices we made, even if we’d make them differently if we could go back and do it again. At least, I don’t feel bad about it. We made the best choices we could given the information available to us at the time, and the the standard of care he received was excellent (we’re a medical family – Mom’s a nurse and Dad’s a doctor – so we did our due diligence on all his docs). Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital is highly recommended, despite the bad outcome. My brother in law had bladder cancer - he chose to have only the tumor removed from his bladder - because the nuclear option was letting go of his prostate - and a guy in his 40s doesn’t want a sex free life. I don’t know if he had regrets or not - but in the end, I don’t think it would have mattered - I think by the time they did the surgery, the cancer had traveled. ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200/40 "2014-02-26T15:11:29Z")
Words can’t come close enough to express my true sadness by this. Best wishes to you and your family and friends. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-brothers-cancer-timeline/682200.md?page=3)