# My butthole itches! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 13, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592 "2002-12-13T19:56:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/21 "2002-12-14T06:22:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*Please tell me there is a full moon out there, because otherwise I have no explanation for either the existence, or my opening of this thread. > > Thank you… \*\* Sorry, no can do. There’s a half-moon out tonight. At least on Planet Earth. I suppose you could try Mars. Send for **TheBad Astronomer** and ask him if any of Mars’ moons would be full tonight (as seen from the surface of Mars, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/22 "2002-12-14T07:18:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*Please tell me there is a full moon out there, because otherwise I have no explanation for either the existence, or my opening of this thread. > > Thank you… \*\* It wouldn’t have to be a _full_ moon, since only a small part of the moon itches sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/23 "2002-12-14T07:34:47Z")
Butt I’m being _drawn_ to this thread, itching to arrive just like the flow tide. 😛 It MUST be the moon…Martian or otherwise!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/24 "2002-12-14T08:12:10Z")
- - - As said, it could be pinworms. ~ ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/25 "2002-12-14T10:33:30Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE? Well, at least you didn’t offer to lend me your toothbrush. WHY?!? WHY DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!? WHY WHY WHY?!? YOU REGISTERED MARCH OF THIS YEAR!!! THE TMI THREAD WAS _LAST_ YEAR!!! AAAARRRGH!!! Stupid lurkers… ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/26 "2002-12-14T13:00:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*WHY?!? WHY DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!? WHY WHY WHY?!? YOU REGISTERED MARCH OF THIS YEAR!!! THE TMI THREAD WAS _LAST_ YEAR!!! > > AAAARRRGH!!! Stupid lurkers… \*\* And a fine, fine thread it was! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chanticleer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/65b543/32.png) [@Chanticleer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanticleer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/27 "2002-12-14T20:09:54Z")
If a man is not a hypochrondiac but he thinks he is…is he one or not? ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/28 "2002-12-14T20:17:59Z")
Great name for a band: “The Itchy Bungholes” ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/29 "2002-12-14T20:39:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chanticleer \* > \*\*If a man is not a hypochrondiac but he thinks he is…is he one or not? \*\* Hmm? Not sure what you mean by this question. Could be I’ve been whooshed… Clinical depression and migraine are _not_ psychosomatic conditions, and they have in the past and continue to cause me _significant_ problems. I truly would love to “snap” out of them…or apply salves with names like “Feel-like-death-warmed-over-ol,” and “Damn! Life-Can-Royally-Suck-For-No-Reason-When-Things-Are-Really-Going-Well-ol.” However, these options aren’t available. Bummer. One thing I’ve found very effective (against the depression, anyway} is to joke. Sometimes the crudest, most “childish” humor, along with talking to people and following my doctor’s instructions, can help head off some serious emotional pain. Too bad it doesn’t work for migraine though. Then I just “batten down the hatches,” because I’m gonna be _very_ sick for a few days. Again, bummer. So could you explain your “hypochondriac” comment? I’d really like to know what the fuck you meant by that. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/30 "2002-12-14T20:45:46Z")
You were goodly whooshed **P. T. Smegma**. The joke being that hypochondria (the belief that you are ill in the absence of any organic disease) is in fact a recognised _disease_ in itself. So considering oneself a hypochondriac means that you ARE sick…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/31 "2002-12-14T21:02:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*You were goodly whooshed **P. T. Smegma**. The joke being that hypochondria (the belief that you are ill in the absence of any organic disease) is in fact a recognised _disease_ in itself. > So considering oneself a hypochondriac means that you ARE sick…😃 \*\* :o :smack: Thanks, **kambuckta**. Sorry, **chanticleer**. ::pulls head out of itchy butt:: ---
**Author:** ![Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/2bfe46/32.png) [@Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xavier)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/32 "2002-12-14T21:23:07Z")
Always keep the happy thoughts. To recap: > [@](#): > > **cuauhtemoc:** My neck really hurts. I’m pissed about my sister getting fired. I’m depressed and have no motivation to do anything but go to work, go home, and go to sleep. Life sucks today, I’ll give you that. > [@](#): > > **Surreal:** I can’t help you with your other problems, but the itching is probably due to anusitis. > [@](#): > > **SPOOFE:** My toe hurts and this makes me absolutely terrified about the fate of the universe in seven trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion years. Black holes, everybody, fear the black holes!!! > [@](#): > > **Qadgop the Mercotan:** don’t overlook the possibility of a fungal peri-rectal infection. > [@](#): > > **Diogenes the Cynic:** I, too, suffer from chronic itchy butthole. > [@](#): > > **Billy Rubin:** Whatever you do, don’t confuse the Anusol with the Anbesol. > [@](#): > > **Surreal:** In my experience, these types of foods can exasperate the itching. > [@](#): > > **Icerigger:** Could be Pin Worms. Although on the plus side: > [@](#): > > **World Eater:** Suddenly life doesn’t seem so bad anymore. > [@](#): > > **Jackmannii:** A fascinating medical topic. > [@](#): > > **kambuckta:** Butt I’m being drawn to this thread, itching to arrive just like the flow tide. It MUST be the moon…Martian or otherwise!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Belowjob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/33 "2002-12-15T15:34:36Z")
Have your therapist toss your salad. Relieve your itching, cheer yourself up, and get the most out of therapy. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/34 "2002-12-15T16:52:09Z")
You are not unemployed because of a “reliability problem”. They fired you because you kept scatching your ass at work. At first, people thought it was funny but then people started to complain about hygiene issues and they had to do something. You can’t put “chronic ass scratcher” on the termination papers so they called it something else. You probably already know this deep down and the shame is what is making you depressed. BTW, your itchy ass conditionis most likely Anal Scurvy and not pin worms. ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/35 "2002-12-15T17:07:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belowjob \* > \*\*Have your therapist toss your salad. Relieve your itching, cheer yourself up, and get the most out of therapy. \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/36 "2002-12-15T17:08:02Z")
You probably lost the job because you don’t wash your hands good enough…😃 Hopefully you don’t pick your nose as well. The continuous scent may be what is causing the headaches. Which in combination would explain why you feel so depressed. As far as the itch goes…start using Charmin w/ Aloe. That’ll get rid of it more than likely. If not, a dab of OraGel will work, I guarantee it. BUTT please…wash your hands afterwards.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/37 "2002-12-16T06:22:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Haywood \* > \*\*When we lived in Honolulu we had a neighbor lady from Georgia. The neighborhood was having a luau and she was there. She kept looking uncomfortable and finally broke down and conducted a thorough scratching of the ol’ bung hole. This did not relieve her discomfort and she resorted to another attack on the crack. This did not work either, so she told my wife “That is it! I am tired of my ass itching! I am going in and putting on some Vicks vaporub!” She left the luau. went to her townhouse and emerged a short time later, reeking of Vicks vaporub. My wife asked her how putting Vicks vaporub on her chest helped her rear end. She replied “On my chest? I put it on my butt and it works everytime!” True story, so, try some Vicks vaporub on the butthole and advise us how it works. \*\* 1. Nobody I know would give their butt a thorough scratching at a luau. 2. Nobody I know would go back for a second go at it at a luau. 3. Nobody I know would announce that their itchy butt is driving them nuts and march off to annoint it. 4. Nobody I know would offer advice on how to cure itchy buttholes at a luau. 5. I don’t know anybody from Georgia. 6. We don’t have a lot of luaus around here. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/38 "2002-12-16T07:08:00Z")
Truly, butt scratching is the world’s most underrated pleasure. **featherlou** : If you think I wouldn’t partake in a good scratching at a luau, then you clearly don’t understand the subtle nuances of your husband’s personality at all! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/39 "2002-12-16T07:12:40Z")
Oh yes, forgot about hubbo’s butt scratching tendencies.:rolleyes: Could you please change those points to “Nobody I know **except my husband** would scratch their butts…” ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592/40 "2002-12-17T02:35:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shagnasty \* > \*\*BTW, your itchy ass conditionis most likely Anal Scurvy and not pin worms. \*\* What the hell did **Anal Scurvy** have to do with **P.T.Smegma** ’s ass problems? Come to think of it, **Anal** hasn’t posted for a few weeks… :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-butthole-itches/142592.md?page=3)