My Campaign Promises to You, the American People

… why just New York City? What, Boston doesn’t deserve mass transit improvements?

Yes. Under the terms of the Camp David Accords for every dollar we give Israel, we must give a certain amount to Egypt. We have been buying peace for decades.

Boston got the Big Big. Now it is New York’s turn.

Australia has mandatory voting. It works fine.

  1. What in the world is a “do not buy” registry, and what do you think it will accomplish?
  2. How did you not know Opal died six years ago? Six years.
  3. What will the ATF do after all their functions are done by the FBI? Will you fire all the ATF? Will you not need to hire an equal number of FBI agents to man the FBI division that is now in charge of firearm laws… an “ATF” division, if you will? Or do you expect the FBI to pick up all the slack without an increase in man power?
  4. Are these things in order or priority? 4 of your top 5 items are pointless fluff.
  5. Why would you “force” citizens to vote, and how would your punish them for noncompliance? Do you not believe in freedom?
  6. Why would you waste time asking states to legalize marijuana when it is still illegal at the federal level? Why not lead by example?
  7. Hire veterans to do what exactly? What certifications are you going to waive?

Will voting be required of all Congressmen as well? Or will they still be allowed to abstain?

I must be a very great disappointment to you.

No, just bewilderment.

If elected president, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your country to cinders!

(an aide whispers to me “The mic’s on”)

I KNOW IT’S ON!

Instead of mandatory voting, just move Election Day to Sunday. WTF are we still having elections on Tuesdays? People have to work!