# My children's school principal: Go to hell and burn. Slowly. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010 "2010-11-17T18:53:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/201 "2010-11-22T18:34:27Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Nobody cares about you. Nobody is going to do shit for you. Maybe you are just a worthless piece of shit who fucking deserves to be bullied. False. This is how you FEEL, but it isn’t necessarily the TRUTH. I guarantee you that there are countless adults around that child who care DEEPLY for them and would take a bullet for them if some asshole came careening through the school with a gun. Adults not related to the child, some who may not even know the kid but would. And that’s the point here: the victim’s perceptions of reality are no doubt colored by their experiences. Lots of people care about them. Lots of people will do everything in their power to help them. They are valuable and important and deserve to be protected. But guess what? We can’t help if we don’t know-- and the attitude YOU are putting out here is the same one that causes victims to NOT tell us they need help. The others are right: kids need to know how to cope, they need to know how to ask for help. Your attitude is the most dangerous one in this thread so far. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/202 "2010-11-22T18:34:35Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Yup. I call bullshit. It’s POSSIBLE, but it’s also tremendously unlikely. > > Sure, there are some assholes who are teachers, but the vast majority are GOOD PEOPLE who would do ANYTHING to protect their students. I think your school is full of good teachers. Probably because of a good environment for those teachers, but probably there are other schools where most of the teachers are, in fact, assholes. Maybe the environment of that schools attract them, or maybe it turns them into assholes. But your total dismissal of the dopers telling their stories here sort of disproves that (the vast, vast majority) of teachers are total angels about this. Of course we are talking about stuff from 10, 20, 30 years ago. Maybe longer. Were you teaching in the early '70’s? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/203 "2010-11-22T18:41:15Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I think your school is full of good teachers. Probably because of a good environment for those teachers, but probably there are other schools where most of the teachers are, in fact, assholes. I wasn’t even alive in the early 70s. Clearly, I’m talking about what happens NOW in education, since the OP is about a child that is in school NOW. And if that stuff did happen back in the day and not now, that goes to show that things HAVE changed and that people DO care- so everybody’s blanket dismissals of teachers as sociopaths can stop right now. I just counted: I’ve worked at three different schools (two public, one private) and I have friends that work at 19 different campuses in three different cities. It’s not just my one school. And did you just try to sneak in a little dig at me with this bullshit? > [@Zebra](#): > > But your total dismissal of the dopers telling their stories here sort of disproves that (the vast, vast majority) of teachers are total angels about this. You’re right, I’m one of the bad ones. That’s me! No doubt you’re working every day to help kids and protect them from bullying though, so good for you for doing that. BTW: in my classroom, calling somebody a cunt is bullying. Guess that makes you one of the bullies. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/204 "2010-11-22T18:41:28Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > False. This is how you FEEL, but it isn’t necessarily the TRUTH. I guarantee you that there are countless adults around that child who care DEEPLY for them and would take a bullet for them if some asshole came careening through the school with a gun. Adults not related to the child, some who may not even know the kid but would. > > And that’s the point here: the victim’s perceptions of reality are no doubt colored by their experiences. Lots of people care about them. Lots of people will do everything in their power to help them. They are valuable and important and deserve to be protected. But guess what? We can’t help if we don’t know-- and the attitude YOU are putting out here is the same one that causes victims to NOT tell us they need help. The others are right: kids need to know how to cope, they need to know how to ask for help. Your attitude is the most dangerous one in this thread so far. I fucking well know it isn’t’ the ‘TRUTH’ but is it truly the way the child fucking feels! Their experiences are reality. Get that through your thick fucking skull. Quit dismissing the experiences and the feelings of those being bullied. And since you don’t get what the fuck I’m saying, you really must be a teacher. I’m not saying the victims should suck it up and deal. I’m not saying that they should just do “this” and that will solve all their problems with bullies. I have not posted one fucking thing about what the victims of bullies should do to end it. What works for one may not work for another. Each must find their own path. Adults should fucking help them and bullies need to have their behavior ‘corrected’ in whatever fashion will work. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/205 "2010-11-22T18:44:22Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I wasn’t even alive in the early 70s. Clearly, I’m talking about what happens NOW in education, since the OP is about a child that is in school NOW. And if that stuff did happen back in the day and not now, that goes to show that things HAVE changed and that people DO care- so everybody’s blanket dismissals of teachers as sociopaths can stop right now. > > And I just counted: I’ve worked at three different schools (two public, one private) and I have friends that work at 19 different campuses in three different cities. It’s not just my one school. Fan-fucking-tastic, the world is perfect now. I guess all those news stories about kids killing themselves after being bullied at school are nothing to worry about. I’m sure every teacher at those schools did all they could to help them. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/206 "2010-11-22T18:47:32Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Fan-fucking-tastic, the world is perfect now. > > I guess all those news stories about kids killing themselves after being bullied at school are nothing to worry about. I’m sure every teacher at those schools did all they could to help them. Have you even read my posts in this thread? Seriously? I’m not even going to argue with you anymore- you’re clearly a very damaged individual because of what happened to you. I’m really sorry there wasn’t someone there to help you when you needed it, but it’s very dangerous to tell kids that they can’t trust the people around them. Teachers can’t know what we don’t know. It’s as simple as that. If you’d rather believe we’re a bunch of thick-skulled sociopaths, go right ahead and believe that. Again, I’m sure you’re volunteering with organizations to help these bullied kids, so I thank you for your work every day to help these kids- they need as many of us looking out for them as possible. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/207 "2010-11-22T18:50:08Z")
Can we stop with the abusive language, please? Thanks in advance. There are very few absolutely eternally powerless victims. Sure, the best thing to do for victims is to make the abuse stop for all of them without action on their part. Unfortunately, finding, stopping and preventing all bullying would be incredibly difficult for schools to accomplish and is astronomically unlikely to ever occur. So the next best thing to do for victims is to teach them tools to _ **try** _ and prevent being bullied, to _ **try** _ and stand up to bullying without damaging themselves, and to _ **try** _ and mitigate the effects of bullying, both in the short term and long term. Nothing is ever 100% effective. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/208 "2010-11-22T18:55:15Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > And did you just try to sneak in a little dig at me with this bullshit? > You’re right, I’m one of the bad ones. That’s me! No doubt you’re working every day to help kids and protect them from bullying though, so good for you for doing that. BTW: in my classroom, calling somebody a cunt is bullying. Guess that makes you one of the bullies. I’m glad you do what you do. I could never work with kids because if I saw one bullying another, I’d get so angry I’d probably go crack his skull. It is also why I choose not to have to children. When I thought about the possibility of my child being bullied, I would actually vomit. You see, I was damaged by my bullies. Yes, I should just get over it. It isn’t real that I was a worthless person, that was just made up bullshit in my mind. But I’m weak. I’m a big ‘ol pussy. I should have complained to the teacher, oh wait I did that, or fought back, oh wait I did that too, or I should have just ignored them but I was too much of pussy to do that either. So now I can’t stand to be around kids because seeing them only makes me afraid. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve taken the happy drugs, I’ve had successes in my life and still, deep down, I am damaged. I fear success or the spotlight because those things were either taken from from or used to humiliate me. I dont’ like to get presents because my brother would break mine the next day. No, he isn’t in my life anymore. That won’t happen. But hte dread fear that it will happen is what I feel when take the wrapping paper off a box. That is my reality. Don’t you dare say that it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/209 "2010-11-22T18:56:03Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That wasn’t hyperbole. Yeah, sorry. Turning a blind eye is one thing, but the pyramid-scheme bullying thing just doesn’t ring true, and you’re the Boy Who Cried “100-ft. Rocket-powered Fire-breathing Wolf!” where hyperbole is concerned. Or, **MeanOldLady** put it more succinctly. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/210 "2010-11-22T19:01:18Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > That is my reality. Don’t you dare say that it isn’t. Oh yeah? You gonna \*make \*me, pipsqueak? Nice lunchbox… guess it’s MINE now! Haw haw haw haw! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/211 "2010-11-22T19:01:43Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > That’s right, I called you cunt. But you won’t let that bother you since you don’t have that victim patterns that make others weak and to blame for everything others do to them. Oh, I hardly noticed. All I heard was “Waah, waah, waah.” Go run a lap, and simmer down. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/212 "2010-11-22T19:05:48Z")
This thread is a perfect example of what happens in the classroom. You’ve got people having a discussion, then someone takes something personally and escalates it because they assumed everyone was attacking them. Then they start screaming at their classmates that they are assholes and cunts. Guess who I have to send to the office? But I guess that’s just because I stick up for the bullies. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/213 "2010-11-22T19:07:47Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > But I guess that’s just because I stick up for the bullies. Ooh, me too! I love bullies! ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/214 "2010-11-22T19:12:08Z")
I should also note something I’ve picked up from my far more experienced teacher friends (and other teachers are more than welcome to comment on this as well): For those of you who say the teachers don’t do anything, I’d say don’t be so sure. My understanding is that it’s generally frowned upon to make a spectacle of the kids in front of everyone else when it comes to punishment (heck, that might actually be BULLYING from the teacher). Instead, you’re supposed to privately speak to them and when that happens, it’s not like the rest of the class knows. I’ve had many-a-discussion with kids about their behavior that I’m certain other kids don’t even remotely know about. I mean, it’s rare that the kid I talk to runs out to his friends and goes, “OMG, GUIZ! Ms Bellissima totally just reamed me a new asshole for being such a douchebucket to everybody!” ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/215 "2010-11-22T19:12:53Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > That is my reality. Don’t you dare say that it isn’t. Serious suggestion: you need a better therapist. It took me a few tries. Have you done any cognitive behavioral therapy? It seems tailor-made for what you’re describing. For the record (and not in response to Zebra), my brother’s experiences as a teacher and mine as a student in the 80s and 90s seem to suggest several things that could account for discrepancies: 1. bullying is a lot more subtle and less school-centered today than it was a few decades ago–more of it takes place outside the confines of the school grounds. 2. rural schoolteachers and older teachers are both (in the lilbro’s experience) more likely to think that some varying degree of bullying is beneficial insofar as it toughens up the weak kids. Back in my day it cut both ways, and oddly. I once got into a full-on refereed wrestling match in the middle of 7th Grade Algebra (the teacher was also the junior high coach) over another smaller kid bullying me verbally, to which the teacher’s solution was that I take him to the mat. The gym teacher was basically a non-stop generator of cutting remarks, for that matter (calling out to the pudgy kid who missed a spike in volleyball “It’s like eating a sandwich, man, use both hands!”) At some point, I ended up stopping the bullying through a combination of authority (my dad let a few parents of older delinquents know they’d be unwelcome in the only grocery store for miles if their 12th-graders didn’t stop picking on 5th-grade me on the bus), negotiation (by 7th grade I had a few of the senior bullies who’d fall like a ton of bricks on people who bullied me, because I would edit their reports for 'em–oh, rural high schools), and fighting back when victory was attainable. I think it’s perfectly possible that both Diosa is right (modern teachers in more progressive/urban areas are fairly ferverently anti-bullying, doing everything they can) and folks like Der Trihs are right (that wasn’t always the case, and it’s not universal even now). –Zeriel ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/216 "2010-11-22T19:16:39Z")
I realize I’m contradicting my previous posts, but that? _That_ is someone who hasn’t dealt with his past issues, not just someone recalling unpleasant memories. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/217 "2010-11-22T19:18:00Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > 1. bullying is a lot more subtle and less school-centered today than it was a few decades ago–more of it takes place outside the confines of the school grounds. This is actually a really key point that hasn’t been brought up yet. A whole mess of bullying happens via text messages and Facebook. In my short career working with kids, I’ve had to step in several times on these matters. Each time, I had to be TOLD by the kids, but as soon as they told me, I was more than happy to do everything I could to stop it. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/218 "2010-11-22T19:23:12Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > This thread is a perfect example of what happens in the classroom. You’ve got people having a discussion, then someone takes something personally and escalates it because they assumed everyone was attacking them. Then they start screaming at their classmates that they are assholes and cunts. Guess who I have to send to the office? > > But I guess that’s just because I stick up for the bullies. nope, you’re not arguing with me, just making snarky comments about me and getting positive reinforcement from your cheering section. Wow, you really are such a better person than me. I’m going to take a bottle and a nap now cause I’m a little baby. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/219 "2010-11-22T19:26:54Z")
Way to be dismissive of the rest of her posts to this thread. \*\*Diosa \*\*deserves credit for articulating her thoughts to you, because I wasn’t even going to bother writing up a response to you frothing at the mouth like a goddamn lunatic. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/220 "2010-11-22T19:28:20Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Wow, you really are such a better person than me. Well, you could be a good person too: do something to help make the lives of kids better so they don’t suffer like you did. You obviously are clearly aware of how damaging bullying can be, so do something to help. Really, I’m not being a snarky asshole either- there are plenty of kids who need help and even if you only help make one life better, you’ve made a difference. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010.md?page=12)