# My children's school principal: Go to hell and burn. Slowly. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010 "2010-11-17T18:53:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/101 "2010-11-19T19:18:23Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > I wish she had instead said, “Filmore, it’s hard enough to go through life like this, please don’t make it any harder.” It would have had the same effect on me, but she hopefully would have felt empowered and not like a victim. I’m sure it’s possible, but I’ve never met any child who spoke this way. Heck, I don’t know of many teenagers who are able to speak this way in a public setting under teasing and public attention. You’re wanting the victim, a child, to react to situations like an adult. Yet the bully…? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/102 "2010-11-19T19:33:18Z")
And I’m sure the child filmore would have been all “You know, I’ve learned something today…” ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/103 "2010-11-19T20:01:01Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > And I’m sure the child filmore would have been all “You know, I’ve learned something today…” Ha! You mean, after he’d laughed himself silly at ‘It’s hard enough to go through life like this’? At least, isn’t that how most adult bullies deal with being told that their comments hurt/to stop it/not appropriate? _‘Ah, come on, I was just joking? Don’t take it so personally!’_ ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/104 "2010-11-19T20:03:58Z")
During elementary school classmates picked on me quite a lot: I was overweight, sometimes wore glasses (although just as often I had lost them somewhere), and my legs angled inward to a degree that later required surgery. Most the teachers liked me, but they couldn’t really seem to _do_ anything about the bullying. The part that always seemed odd to me was the anonymity of many of the bullies—one guy in particular was a complete asshole to me every time he saw me—but he wasn’t in any of my classes and I don’t remember ever learning his name (although I suppose I probably did). Thankfully the bullying was not usually physical. One such occasion does stand out as a turning point—in fifth grade, as I crouched on the floor to pick up a pencil that I had dropped, a boy (a neighbor who went to my church, no less) hit me atop the head hard enough to make me dizzy. I’d simply had enough by that point, so I waved the pencil threateningly in his face; he just goaded me on. So cut him across the face with it. Somehow I ended up with a mere _detention_, hah, I’m just glad I didn’t blind him or something. From that point on, when someone made fun of me, I often (for example) stabbed him in the hand with a pencil. Or did something else pencil-related. The bullying waned. By the time I started high school I wasn’t really picked on at all, but I was a fucking mildly sociopathic _mess_. Long story short: I really do believe that learning to defend oneself does more to mitigate bullying than anything. I don’t necessarily recommend it. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/105 "2010-11-19T20:04:39Z")
> [@AlienVessels](#): > > Walking away gets you hit in the back when you can’t see it coming. > > If actual police cannot prevent crime, you can be sure teachers cannot. > > Walking away will get you a beating. > > If you do not fight back, that just means the bully has more energy to beat the crap out of you. > > BTW, what planet ARE you from? Oh my Christ, you’re right. Everyone who walks away from a fight is going to get they’re ass kicked immediatly. The bully has more energy? Really? That’s the argument you’re going for? How about when a student walks away from a physical confrontation and goes to tell any of the numerous adults on campus, who are generally stationed for duty, about what’s happening, it gets taken care of? That the bully can have a non-contact order issued against them? Or be put on probabtion (if this is an ongoing thing) to be sent to Oppurtunity School or involuntarily transferred to another school? Fights happen, no one is arguing that. Bullying happens, again no argument. But this fucking attitude of ‘I’ll teach my kid to kick some ass’ is so out of touch with reality it’s amazing. Have you ever seen kids fight? They usually wrestle or slap at each other until someone shows up and gets it under control. Discipline is handle accordingly, especially if we have it on camera. Someone mentioned upthread about the difference between the adult and child consequences of fighting and that’s something I think alot of people are missing here. If you teach your kid to use violence, they will use violence. They are not Kane walking the Earth in Kung-Fu here; they are kids who will get a sense of control/power that they are missing by simply being kids and you can turn a bullied kid into a bully. People need to stop thinking about this in terms of when you went to school; it’s a different age. There are different rules today and many different procedures that we, as teachers, are fully aware of. That’s what I can not stress enough, if you believe your child is being bullied, GO TO THE TEACHER FIRST. There is a chain of command for a reason and starting with the person who sees them 5 plus hours a day is a great place to start. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/106 "2010-11-19T20:09:22Z")
I remember being a kid. What you just wrote has no relation to that memory. Ignore taunters - they become more and more obnoxious until they elicit a response. Run away from bullies to tell an adult - you become a tattletale snitch and someone to target for more abuse. Defend yourself - bullying you becomes less attractive. Take martial arts classes - you learn when and how to defend yourself. I remember three bullies in elementary. One stopped when he tried to hassle me on the bus and was rewarded with several stomping kicks. One stopped when he tried to attack me in the gym and I threw him into a locker. Only one actually did lighten up as a result of adult intervention. I’m fairly sure there were more, but certain memories do begin to dim. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/107 "2010-11-19T20:20:39Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > How about when a student walks away from a physical confrontation and goes to tell any of the numerous adults on campus, who are generally stationed for duty, about what’s happening, it gets taken care of? Oh my god, it’s like you didn’t even read the fucking OP. Here, let me refresh your memory. > [@Norse](#): > > Finally, after years of bullying, you find out what’s going on. Not because you’re told, but because the bastards have escalated the “fun” to the point that your child comes home totally wasted from having been beaten up. But the welts and the blue eye are just the top of the tip of the iceberg. You can’t see the mental scarring from all those small needlepricks he gets. Every. Fucking. Day. Of. His. Young. Life. You talk to the bastards’ parents. Nooo, my child never does things like that, and besides, I’m sure your little brat had to see it coming. I mean, he once even told my little angel to fuck off, so he’s no better. And boys will be boys, right? > > You take it to the principal. The principal is vewwy, vewwy concerned. But really, you see, children aren’t mean. Children can never be bad. Children are just natural angels, and we should really, really just talk to them. They’ll surely understand, right? And the principal talks to the [del]damn[/del] little [del]bastards[/del] angels. Everybody is happy. The principal is happy because the [del]damn[/del] little [del]bastards[/del] angels will never do such things again, and really, they didn’t understand the consequences. Right? The [del]damn[/del] little [del]bastards[/del] angels are happy, because they’re let off easy. Everybody is happy. Except your child. Because hell hasn’t ended. It has just become less visible. And boys will always be boys, right? > > At the end of the term, the principal gives a speech. We’re all a happy family. Except your little child who is, even in elementary school, quietly and quite seriously considering suicide. Yeah, telling the people running the school worked great! Solved that problem perfectly! You’re a fucking _genius_. We should listen to you about _everything_. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/108 "2010-11-19T20:26:19Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > I remember being a kid. What you just wrote has no relation to that memory. > > Ignore taunters - they become more and more obnoxious until they elicit a response. Actually, it always worked for me. I ignored the people trying to get a rise out of me, which was most of them at one point or another, and they really literally did get bored and move on…usually to the kid who would react immediately, or the one who would \*try \*to ignore it but not stick it out long enough and end up reacting, for which they were rewarded with escalating attention of the negative sort. I mean, I know my one anecdote doesn’t mean jack shit in the debate, but if so many people are sharing that their Mad Kung Fu Skillz made the bullies stop, I figure I should add that my Ignore the Asshats strategy made the bullies stop, too - without my risking suspension or expulsion or personal safety. I won’t claim it will work for every kid in every situation, but to say it won’t ever work isn’t accurate, either. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/109 "2010-11-19T20:33:10Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I won’t claim it will work for every kid in every situation, but to say it won’t ever work isn’t accurate, either. Absolutely, no argument there. Conversely, claiming that violence begets violence and defending yourself only escalates the problem is also not accurate. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/110 "2010-11-19T20:39:57Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Oh my god, it’s like you didn’t even read the fucking OP. Here, let me refresh your memory. > > Yeah, telling the people running the school worked great! Solved that problem perfectly! You’re a fucking _genius_. We should listen to you about _everything_. Ok. One last time. And I’ll speak very slowly for you. Taking it to the Principal, as the OP mentioned: IS NOT THE CORRECT COURSE OF ACTION. How the fuck are you missing that in what I’ve posted? Going right to the principal, who probably doesn’t even know who either of the kids are on a personal level, or at all, will accomplish nothing. That’s a goddam fact and this situation is my fucking cite. I realize the OP’s kid had been bullied for years and that’s a shitty thing to handle. Especially when it’s an extended period of time, but you have to follow the chain of command in this if you expect anything to be done. Is that clear yet? Or is your arrogance on this still blinding you’re common fucking sense? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/111 "2010-11-19T20:44:30Z")
Is your arrogance still blinding your ability to use the correct homophone for the situation? Sources say: yes. ---
**Author:** ![Kelby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a587f6/32.png) [@Kelby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelby)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/112 "2010-11-19T21:15:52Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Actually, it always worked for me. I ignored the people trying to get a rise out of me, which was most of them at one point or another, and they really literally did get bored and move on…usually to the kid who would react immediately, or the one who would \*try \*to ignore it but not stick it out long enough and end up reacting, for which they were rewarded with escalating attention of the negative sort. > > I mean, I know my one anecdote doesn’t mean jack shit in the debate, but if so many people are sharing that their Mad Kung Fu Skillz made the bullies stop, I figure I should add that my Ignore the Asshats strategy made the bullies stop, too - without my risking suspension or expulsion or personal safety. > > I won’t claim it will work for every kid in every situation, but to say it won’t ever work isn’t accurate, either. Win. The approach that teaches kids how to handle taunts and solve social problems on their own is best, in my opinion. There are so many problems with adults trying to police, judge, and render punishment it just doesn’t make any sense. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/113 "2010-11-19T21:15:55Z")
How exactly? Am I confusing the use of ‘bully’ here? PPlease, use your Magic 8-Ball of Insults to correct my linguistic ineptitude. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/114 "2010-11-19T21:22:34Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Horseshit. > > Have you spent any time as an adult (not a teenager, standing in the middle of the road, waiting to be hit by a truck of confirmation bias) around educators? > > Am I naive enough to say that no teachers try to befriend students? Na, of course some do. Some fuck kids, too. But most don’t. > > To the OP: I’m sorry to hear your child is hurting (and being hurt!). When I was a new teacher, I was so blindsided the first time I witnessed bullying. You have to make a snap decision to nip it in the bud and while that’s what I did, I can see how that’s a scary enough situation that another teacher might just try to ignore it. Is that the right thing to do? Absolutely not! I would rip into any of my teacher friends if I heard them suggest they even remotely ignored a kid in need of their help, especially in regard to bullying. > > It’s all worth noting that teachers are human. Nobody is psychic and unless the kids tell us what’s going on, we can’t step in and help. Realistically, very rarely do the bullies push around the victims in front of the teacher. It’s fortunate for me that kids feel comfortable talking to me-- and I’m more than happy to be there, even just as someone to listen–, but I can’t know what I don’t know. > > Hell, I coach high school debate now and the other day, a kid from a whole different team told me that some kids from a different school (not mine) were giving him shit at our last tournament for being gay. I gave him my cell phone number and told him that next time that happens, to shoot me a text and I will come resolve it immediately. Nobody needs to deal with that and luckily, I’m in a position that I can make it stop. That’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly. It sounds like you’re one of the exceptional teachers like in the story I quoted. I clearly stated that there are some (rare) teachers like you. If most teachers were like you (they’re not), bullying would not be endemic (it is). QED. ---
**Author:** ![Snake\_Plissken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@Snake\_Plissken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snake_Plissken)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/115 "2010-11-19T21:40:46Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > It sounds like you’re one of the exceptional teachers like in the story I quoted. I clearly stated that there are some (rare) teachers like you. If most teachers were like you (they’re not), bullying would not be endemic (it is). QED. I agree that that it would be a great thing if all teachers were like DiosaBellissima, but they are not. I dont think its even a teachers responsibility to handle shit that is the parents responsibility in the first place. This is a family issue period. Education is supposed to do just that. The fucked up society in which we live is what has, unfairly involved primary and secondary educators in policing the behaviors of our kids. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/116 "2010-11-19T21:45:30Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > How exactly? Am I confusing the use of ‘bully’ here? PPlease, use your Magic 8-Ball of Insults to correct my linguistic ineptitude. You used “you’re” instead of “your”. Forget about it\*. Seems like **Shots From Guns** is providing us with a real time bullying; whether it’s an example to illustrate his point or he’s just being contrary I leave as an exercise for the reader. \*Or take martial arts lessons and beat him up after class. Your choice. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/117 "2010-11-19T22:00:04Z")
Shit, I committed the number one sin of the Dope. I apologize not only to Guns, but to all of you reading the above material for my egregious offense. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/118 "2010-11-19T22:01:00Z")
1.) I’m sick of pointing out to this idiot why he’s wrong, so I decided it would probably piss him off more to just mock his grammar. 2.) Mocking someone in the Pit for saying stupid things isn’t being a bully. 3.) I’m not a “he.” ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/119 "2010-11-19T22:04:51Z")
Oh my aching balls. You haven’t pointed out jack shit yet, other than attempting to make your opinions fact. My entire point to the OP is that the way he handled the issue of bullying with his child was not done in the best way possible. That by going directly to the Principal, a person that is generally out of the loop in matters on this scale, was not the best option. I still do not understand how someone of your obvious intelligence and grammatical mastery, could not understand such a simple point from a lowly man such as myself. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010/120 "2010-11-19T22:19:54Z")
My point is that you’re claiming that (a) violence inevitably escalates to ridiculous levels, (b) walking away causes bullying to magically stop, and © talking to people in authority fixes the problem (but apparently only if you talk to the right people in authority, because the people over their heads not only can’t do anything about it, but are too retarded to direct you to the people you should have talked to in the first place, even though they totally exist and would have been able to stop the bullying). While there are no doubt situations where one or all of these assertions are accurate, they’re not anything remotely approaching universal truths. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-childrens-school-principal-go-to-hell-and-burn-slowly/561010.md?page=7)