# My Chinese food fortune is the WORST ever! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114 "2003-12-10T06:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/1 "2003-12-10T06:59:02Z")
So I get some sweet and sour pork for dinner (with fried rice, if you were curious. Probably you weren’t). And I open my fortune cookie. Here’s what it reads, I shit you not: “Where there is a will, there is a way.” WTF? Can anyone top that? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/2 "2003-12-10T07:06:11Z")
It seems simple enough to me… ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/3 "2003-12-10T07:12:20Z")
I don’t think that should really qualify as a fortune, since I think it was my niece’s first words. That’s my point. It’s too commonplace to be a fortune. It’d be like a fortune reading “no shirt, no shoes, no service.” ---
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/4 "2003-12-10T07:13:02Z")
I can top it. I got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. My dining partners that day just backed away from me and muttered something about the seventh sign. ---
**Author:** ![AK-Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@AK-Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK-Dave)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/5 "2003-12-10T07:43:43Z")
When I was in Bethel several years ago, some kid told me I was supposed to put “in bed” at the end of my fortune. I don’t know where the Snack Shack got their fortune cookies from, but I hurt my back I was laughing so hard from some of them. I can’t remember any of them now, but adding “in bed” to the end almost gave me an aneurysm. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/6 "2003-12-10T12:13:43Z")
It’s better than getting “Boo!” or “You were adopted” or “Today everyone’s meals are on you!” ---
**Author:** ![CaptBushido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@CaptBushido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptBushido)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/7 "2003-12-10T12:22:19Z")
“Stick with your wife” ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/8 "2003-12-10T13:12:54Z")
My circle of erudite, sophisticated[?] friends plays that game too. Instead of adding the words “in bed” at the end of the fortune, we add " with your pants down". Hilarious hijinks do not ensue, but smiles and chuckles have been known to occur. ---
**Author:** ![TommyTutone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@TommyTutone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TommyTutone)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/9 "2003-12-10T14:48:56Z")
“That lump is cancer” ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/10 "2003-12-10T14:53:47Z")
On two consecutive days I got the following fortunes in this order: ‘Someone can read your mind’ ‘It was nice talking to you’ wtf? ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/11 "2003-12-10T15:01:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LlamaPoet \* > \*\*“That lump is cancer” \*\* Another Penn & Teller classic: “The chef spit in your food.” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/12 "2003-12-10T15:13:56Z")
That wasn’t chicken. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/13 "2003-12-10T16:11:34Z")
Second worst: “You are going to die.” Worst: “You are dead.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jenny\_Haniver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Jenny\_Haniver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenny_Haniver)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/14 "2003-12-10T16:25:01Z")
I once got, “This is a good biscuit.” ??? Adding “in bed” didn’t help that one. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/15 "2003-12-10T17:44:24Z")
I once got that “Someone can read your mind” one, too! But I think my favorite was “Do not let pleasure make you forget responsibility.” Which is Fortune-Cookie-ese for “Wear a condom.” ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/16 "2003-12-10T18:04:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RealityChuck \* > \*\*Second worst: “You are going to die.” > > Worst: “You are dead.” 😉 \*\* Didn’t this come up in an Outer Limits remake where a restaurant reviewer was made to spend his eternity reviewing bad restaurants? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/17 "2003-12-10T18:27:13Z")
“Pepsid-AC: its still not too late.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/18 "2003-12-10T18:44:20Z")
My little brother got “Be careful walking alone in the dark.” Until then I’d never seen a fortune cookie that could be considered threatening. I once got “You show people there are other sorts of beauty in the world.” which I interpreted as an insult to my appearance. Freakin’ judgemental Chinese. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/19 "2003-12-10T18:48:12Z")
Many years ago, while dining with my grandmother-in-law, we told the group about the “in bed” rule. A few moments later, she cracked open her cookie and read “New business opportunities await you”. We were all ROFL. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/20 "2003-12-10T19:54:25Z")
I got one that says “Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.” It’s good advice. I keep in in my wallet next to the picture of my hero, Rick Baker. My mother went to college when I was a kid, and she had just decided on her major (Health Information Technology, which is a fancy way of saying coding) and we went out to celebrate mom’s new path with Chinese food. She got “You will go far in the field of health information”. We were all rather creeped out by that one. How specific can you get? I have another that says, “You have friends and you know it”. That just sounds like a taunt to me. (Though, if you put the “in bed” after “friends”… it sounds like a good time!) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114.md?page=2)