# My Chinese food fortune is the WORST ever! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114 "2003-12-10T06:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/21 "2003-12-10T23:54:48Z")
I just got one that said “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” What a freakin’ rip off. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/22 "2003-12-11T00:01:48Z")
I got one that said “You’re path is difficult, but you will be amply rewarded.” i posted it on my pc monitor at work, about 7 years ago. It has yet to come true. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/23 "2003-12-11T00:47:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wonko The Sane \* > \*\*Didn’t this come up in an Outer Limits remake where a restaurant reviewer was made to spend his eternity reviewing bad restaurants? \*\* _The New Twilight Zone_, actually–the critic was played by Elliot Gould. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/24 "2003-12-11T00:48:34Z")
My Great-Grandfather once got one that said “Jesus is coming and is he mad at you!” ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/25 "2003-12-11T01:02:04Z")
Is it me, or are they making all fortune cookies now with fortunes that no longer work with “in bed” appended? ---
**Author:** ![Sonyadora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Sonyadora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonyadora)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/26 "2003-12-11T01:51:56Z")
“Support literacy, buy a box of fortune cookies today.” I’m not making this up, I have this one laminated and hanging on my wall. “You know how we said we didn’t put MSG in your food? We lied.” ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/27 "2003-12-11T02:09:14Z")
I have one that says “The greatest danger could be your stupidity.” ---
**Author:** ![funions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/34f0e0/32.png) [@funions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funions)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/28 "2003-12-11T02:11:46Z")
I once got one that said “You and your wife will be very happy”. That would have been great, except for the fact that I have a husband. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/29 "2003-12-11T04:14:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Rieux \* > \*\*_The New Twilight Zone_, actually–the critic was played by Elliot Gould. \*\* I was going to say Twilight Zone… Really. Dr Rieux- you are scary good. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/30 "2003-12-11T04:18:59Z")
“When you push your cart to the mountain, a path will appear.” I really think Bill Gates wrote the one about, “When a door closes, a window opens.” Maybe it was, “…a window crashes.” ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/31 "2003-12-11T04:58:32Z")
“You will fall completely to pieces by the end of the month” ---
**Author:** ![BrentLumkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@BrentLumkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrentLumkin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/32 "2003-12-11T05:07:01Z")
My (male) cousin got one the other day that simply said “You are very pretty today!” I about died. ---
**Author:** ![Thunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@Thunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunder)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/33 "2003-12-11T06:11:49Z")
“Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.” Ok, I’m a Rocko fan. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/34 "2003-12-11T07:12:14Z")
While doing the “in bed” rule, I got this little gem: “You will recieve great wisdom from a child.” ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/35 "2003-12-11T15:05:41Z")
Worst ever? “You love chinese food!” I’ve gotten that one a couple of times. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/36 "2003-12-11T16:46:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Tim \* > \*\*My little brother got “Be careful walking alone in the dark.” Until then I’d never seen a fortune cookie that could be considered threatening. “The cookies know where you live. Tip your server well.” ---
**Author:** ![Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smashed_Ice_Cream)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/37 "2003-12-11T17:23:11Z")
My husband’s company recently closed down their Oregon site, and the employees there knew for a few months that they were about to lose their jobs. About a week before their last day, they went out to chinese food and my husband got: “You are soon to be promoted at your job.” Niiiiiiiiiiice. He kept it taped to his office door, next to his upside-down name placard. ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/38 "2003-12-11T17:30:47Z")
“Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day” “Woman who fly upside down have crack up” “Man who walks through metal detector sideways is going to Bangkok” ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/39 "2003-12-11T17:33:40Z")
There was a restaurant where Mrs. Uvula and I were regulars and eventually we got to be friends with the owners and staff. One Saturday we went in for lunch and the place was packed; by the time we were finishing our meal the line was out the door. The waitress brought the check and fortune cookies over to the table and scurried off giggling. When I looked up, the staff was all huddled behind a partition at the back of the restaurant looking at us and laughing. We couldn’t figure out what the hell was so funny… …until I opened my fortune cookie and found a handwritten fortune: “WE NEED TABLE!! YOU GO NOW!!” ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114/40 "2003-12-11T18:08:03Z")
My strangest one was: “Birds become entangled by their feet, and men by their tongues.” Gets even more interesting if you add “in bed.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-chinese-food-fortune-is-the-worst-ever/218114.md?page=3)