# My complaint **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2000, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772 "2000-08-10T01:07:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/1 "2000-08-10T01:07:19Z")
What I am about to say is strictly off the record. On that understanding, I shall give you candidly and without circumlocution the best estimate of our present plight that I have been able to make. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. I like to think I’m a reasonable person, but you just can’t reason with perfidious apostates. It’s been tried. They don’t understand, they can’t understand, they don’t want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to advocate power-drunk contrivances. There’s a lot of talk nowadays about Straight Dope Message Board’s sadistic belief systems, but not much action. Straight Dope Message Board’s cronies can be stereotyped as postmodernist tools of prepackaged political ideology and dotty mudslinging wimps to boot, as evidenced by the way that Straight Dope Message Board will desecrate religious objects because it possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses subhuman ruffians with disruptive and uncontrollable rage. We must worry about two sorts of delusional ignominious bureaucrats: lethargic and disorganized. Straight Dope Message Board is among the former. For the record, that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. “Thinking” is the key word in the previous sentence. A central fault line runs through each of Straight Dope Message Board’s prophecies. Specifically, someone has been giving Straight Dope Message Board’s brain a very thorough washing, and now Straight Dope Message Board is trying to do the same to us. In a sense, Straight Dope Message Board’s lackeys all look like Straight Dope Message Board, think like Straight Dope Message Board, act like Straight Dope Message Board, and undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of uncompromising conspiracies, just like Straight Dope Message Board does. And all this in the name of – let me see if I can get their propaganda straight – brotherhood and service. Ha! My point may be made clearer by use of an allegorical tale. Suppose a hypothetical group of three people is standing in a room. One of those people realizes that Straight Dope Message Board’s henchmen don’t see the chaos that will be unleashed if they get their way and extirpate the things I cherish. Another goes on and on about Straight Dope Message Board’s cantankerous subliminal psywar campaigns. But the third can’t understand why human life is full of artificiality, perversion, and misery, much of which is caused by the most witless blockheads I’ve ever seen. In this hypothetical situation, it should be obvious that when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they’re right. And Straight Dope Message Board is to blame. Straight Dope Message Board’s sexist brain-damaged solutions engage in or goad others into engaging in illegal acts. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to overcome the obstacles that people like it establish. Just because uncouth parasitism exists and has for a long time, there is no reason for us to accept it from Straight Dope Message Board. Straight Dope Message Board is not as irritating or churlish as you might think. It’s more so. The account I have just given of Straight Dope Message Board’s smears undoubtedly shows that there can be no argument that its assistants remain a small isolated minority, except during times of economic or social stress, when a mass following develops to blame testy fetishism enthusiasts for the problems besetting society. And if that seems like a modest claim, I disagree. It’s the most radical claim of all. Should we blindly trust such obnoxious authoritarians? Straight Dope Message Board’s helpers are the carrion birds of humanity. Equally important is the fact that the really interesting thing about all this is not that it is not too far-fetched to claim that Straight Dope Message Board publicly disavows its ties to anti-intellectualism while secretly encouraging its toadies to reopen wounds that seem scarcely healed. The interesting thing is that if you look back over some of my older letters, you’ll see that I predicted that it would incite racial hatred. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Straight Dope Message Board could have made the same prediction. In a recent essay, Straight Dope Message Board stated that profits come before people. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn’t true. Not only that, but someone once said to me, “The intent of this letter is certainly not hatred, but a probing look into an obviously significant issue.” This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. The moral of the story: Straight Dope Message Board’s blatant indifference towards the feelings of others is due to intense misunderstanding, suspicion, and fear. Courtesy of [Scott Pakin’s Automatic Complain Letter Generator](http://www-csag.cs.uiuc.edu/individual/pakin/complaint). ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/2 "2000-08-10T01:14:35Z")
Hilarious. Jesus, I thought that was all you until I got to the bottom. I was going to make a crack about spraining your typing fingers whipping out all those fancy $5 words. Now if Mr. Pakin can just add “felching” and “squicking” into his program, we’d really have something to work with. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/3 "2000-08-10T01:37:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\* Now if Mr. Pakin can just add “felching” and “squicking” into his program, we’d really have something to work with. \*\* Agreed. According to [this page](http://www-csag.cs.uiuc.edu/individual/pakin/complaint-info/fame-fortune.html) one complaint letter made its way into a newspaper’s “Letter to the Editor” column. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/4 "2000-08-10T02:13:39Z")
**Friedo** , did you used to be **concrete**? He was another that was very fond of Mr. Pakin’s generator. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/5 "2000-08-10T02:38:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ChiefWahoo \* > \*\ ***Friedo** , did you used to be **concrete**? > \*\* Nope, I’ve never been concrete. I imagine that would be quite painful, what with beeing so brittle and everything. Sex would not be fun. That’s for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-complaint/28772/6 "2000-08-10T02:50:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ChiefWahoo \* > \*\ ***Friedo** , did you used to be **concrete**? > > He was another that was very fond of Mr. Pakin’s generator. \*\* Yes, and it was tired that time, too.