# My dad died a week ago **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2014, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292 "2014-10-14T11:51:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/1 "2014-10-14T11:51:20Z")
He was under hospice care at home for about six weeks and had pulled his feeding tube out a few days prior, so we knew it was coming soon. Based on what I saw over the last 12 years since his first cancer diagnosis: if you smoke, please work toward quitting. Sure, that may not be what kills you, but if it does, it’s likely to be drawn out and painful, not fast. And it will be bad for you and for those you love. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/2 "2014-10-14T12:06:42Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, Lsura. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/3 "2014-10-14T15:29:31Z")
Lost my Dad in January to COPD. He quit smoking about 25 years ago after seeing what it did to his brother. Still caught up with him, just took longer. The last four years were not good ones for him. My condolences to you, Lsura. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/4 "2014-10-14T15:59:43Z")
Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are completely worn out from the experience. Peace to you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Holdsworth_Effect)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/5 "2014-10-14T16:11:14Z")
Condolences, and sympathies. Good message, too. You might already know this- but grieving AFTER is different than the grieving done BEFORE. Take care. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/6 "2014-10-14T18:01:11Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are completely worn out from the experience. Peace to you. That’s a really good description. I made myself come back to work today, because otherwise I end up not doing much and I need to have things to do. **The Holdsworth Effect** that’s not something I knew before, but I do now. I thought I was mentally prepared - and I suppose in some ways I was, but I also know that part of me was not at all prepared for it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrlbrarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrlbrarian/32/4048_2.png) [@Grrlbrarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrlbrarian)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/7 "2014-10-14T18:05:15Z")
So sorry for your loss, **Lsura**. ☹ All sympathy and peace to you. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/8 "2014-10-14T18:13:10Z")
I’m truly sorry for your loss. I hope you’re able to treat yourself gently and find some comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/9 "2014-10-14T19:54:38Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. Gather around yourself those who love you. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/10 "2014-10-14T19:59:35Z")
I’m so sorry, **Lsura**. My dad died at age 57 from a heart attack as a result of smoking. Smoking sucks, and I won’t get close to anyone who does. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/11 "2014-10-14T20:08:59Z")
I’m very sorry, **Lsura**. My dad died too young as well. The hurt fades, it really does. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/12 "2014-10-14T21:23:18Z")
Lsura, I’m so sorry you lost your dad. I know how it can hurt, my dad was killed in an accident a little over a month ago. How much family is there to support you? That’s the key to getting on with things, I’m finding out. I will remember you in prayer tonight, and I hope you have help getting though the pain. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/13 "2014-10-14T23:44:44Z")
Lost my dad to prostate cancer, so my message is clear. Get yourself tested if over 50 or younger if it is in the family. Oh losing your dad is shit and it hurts but time and support is what is needed. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/14 "2014-10-15T02:15:49Z")
My condolences, **Lsura**. Hospice people are really angels though, aren’t they? Don’t be surprised if they follow up with you in the coming weeks and months, just to see how you are doing. (A friend of mine experienced something similar a month ago, and hospice has checked in on him twice so far) ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/15 "2014-10-15T03:01:31Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, **Lsura**. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/16 "2014-10-15T11:37:31Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Lsura, I’m so sorry you lost your dad. I know how it can hurt, my dad was killed in an accident a little over a month ago. > > How much family is there to support you? That’s the key to getting on with things, I’m finding out. > > I will remember you in prayer tonight, and I hope you have help getting though the pain. I saw your thread, Baker, and you’ve been on my mind a lot since then. Most of my family is a couple of hours away, where I was all last week. I do have good friends here, though, and they are a help. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. **Digital is the new Analog** , I expect they will check in on my mother, less so with me. I’m ok with that - at least I think so. Thank you all for your thoughts. Yesterday was rough for me because it was my return to work day - so a return to my normal life. I was worried about dealing with all the expressions of sympathy. And people were mostly good about letting me focus on catch up without pressing. And I had to go back yesterday - if I’d waited until today, I’d have been going in on a day when I had to be on my toes all day because of workshops I have to teach. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/17 "2014-10-15T12:47:32Z")
Thinking of you, Lsura. Sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/18 "2014-10-15T12:57:21Z")
Sorry for your loss Lsura, my dad died rather suddenly and I used to wonder if time to accept it would be better. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/19 "2014-10-15T17:08:36Z")
Even when it’s not cancer, smoking kills, and it kills in terrible ways. My father smoked 2-3 packs a day for nearly forty years until the day his heart started throwing little clots at his brain. He took it as his wake up call and quit smoking. Now, thirty years later, the cumulative damage he did to his cardiovascular system with all that smoking has left him with malignant, nigh uncontrollable blood pressure and vascular dementia. The man my father was has eroded away over the years, almost imperceptibly at first and now so quickly there’s no guarantee he will still be there a week, a day, or a few hours from now. He is, otherwise, terrifyingly healthy, and at 86 years old may last into his 90s with good care and decent “luck”. If you don’t smoke, don’t start. If you do smoke, make every effort to minimize the damage done by cigarettes (replace them with vaping, for instance) or quit. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292/20 "2014-10-15T19:42:52Z")
My empathy and condolences, **Lsura**. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-died-a-week-ago/701292.md?page=2)