# My dad has really poor social skills **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 27, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325 "2012-12-27T23:02:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325/21 "2012-12-29T19:20:57Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I stayed out of it, until my mother got on the verge of tears. Normally, I stay completely out of their fights. But since my mom had a very rough year, I wanted her to be happy on Christmas. Yeah my mom is equally messed up, and should’ve accepted whatever my dad got her. But she didn’t. Because of the situation she’s in, I felt the need to take her side. If someone is on the verge of tears over getting a dress instead of a restaurant gift card i seriously doubt there was a way to make them happy. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2012, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325/22 "2012-12-29T22:51:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes, it is gracious as a gift-receiver to accept gifts politely and with gratitude. However for a gift giver it is incredibly ungracious to give someone something they have clearly expressed they do not want. It is far, far worse than giving nothing, it’s an insult that says, “your feelings and preferences don’t matter”. It says “you don’t really matter to me”, IMO. > [@DigitalC](#): > > If someone is on the verge of tears over getting a dress instead of a restaurant gift card i seriously doubt there was a way to make them happy. Sure there was a way to make her happy. She wasn’t mad about getting one thing instead of another. She was mad because her husband wasn’t listening to her and taking her wishes seriously. If the guy had given her ANYTHING close to what she wanted, then she would be happy. However, he had made up his mind that her wishes didn’t matter. And then he followed through by not giving her anything at all. The man is a control freak, and isn’t willing to let his wife have any preferences other than his own. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2012, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325/23 "2012-12-30T03:32:25Z")
Or the wife was acting like a spoiled teenager and the husband treated her like one? Sorry but i have zero sympathy for people who bitch about presents. ---
**Author:** ![Altivu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@Altivu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Altivu)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2012, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325/24 "2012-12-30T05:30:04Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Or the wife was acting like a spoiled teenager and the husband treated her like one? Sorry but i have zero sympathy for people who bitch about presents. Pretty sure you’re taking things a bit too seriously there. If she had already expressed her dislike towards a new dress, who’s to force the opinion that said dress is absolutely necessary on her? It’s only natural to express interest in things that others may not exactly expect. Does that mean that the wife is whining then? The “verge of tears” comment does irk me a bit, however…How serious was this argument exactly? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2012, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325/25 "2012-12-30T08:20:27Z")
If this is a pattern of behavior on his part, it could have been the last straw. She asks for something, he completely ignores her wishes, and only gets her what HE thinks she deserves or needs. And as for acting like a spoiled teenager, I’d say that deliberately not getting someone ANY present because she has the nerve, the absolute NERVE, to have her own preferences is far more childish. From what’s been reported, it’s pretty clear that this guy wasn’t getting his wife a gift in order to make her happy. He was getting her a gift because it was expected, and he thought that he could kill two birds with one stone. Maybe she’s not a clothes horse, but she does like to go out for a dinner now and then. His primary goal in giving a dress as a gift was to please himself, not her. He was trying to give a necessity as a gift. Now, maybe he’s had financial problems, and he could afford one OR the other. But if she’s willing to forgo a new dress in order to get that gift card, then she’s made her priorities clear. And it’s completely possible that he sucks when it comes to picking out clothes for her. I used to work in a dress shop, and while some men are very good at picking out clothes for their wives, most of them have no notion of what would look good on her and what wouldn’t. This is complicated by the fact that most women’s clothing really has to be tried on to see if it fits correctly. I’m sort of laughing, because last night my husband mentioned that he wanted new socks for his birthday (in a couple of months). He likes a particular brand and style of socks, which apparently aren’t carried in retail stores around here, so I researched them a few years back, found the website, and ordered him three dozen. Now he’s running low on them, and he wants more. As a present. It’s certainly not something that _I_ would think of as a present, but it’s what he wants, and it will make him happy. And that’s what’s important when giving a gift. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dad-has-really-poor-social-skills/645325.md?page=1)