# My daughter, 153 months old, just had her first period **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 9, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297 "2012-03-09T17:49:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/121 "2012-03-14T15:38:43Z")
I didn’t read that thread, but that would be equally inappropriate. It makes me cringe now to think that my mom might have shared with her friends some of the private conversations I had with her. And that people actually have no problem with that. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/122 "2012-03-14T15:44:50Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > Just a little follow up to my post- My son never made it out of the airport for his trip to DC. > > \ That’s a nice story and all…but did you get your son’s express written permission to tell it? There may be aspects of his experience he wouldn’t be comfortable with you sharing, even anonymously to strangers. If you didn’t gain his approval to share, I believe that means you’re a terrible parent. That is, if I’m properly applying the lessons I’ve learned from this thread. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/123 "2012-03-14T16:09:46Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I didn’t read that thread, but that would be equally inappropriate. Same here. Weirdly, I spend time doing other stuff so don’t actually read every thread on here. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/124 "2012-03-14T16:31:10Z")
> [@aerodave](#): > > That’s a nice story and all…but did you get your son’s express written permission to tell it? There may be aspects of his experience he wouldn’t be comfortable with you sharing, even anonymously to strangers. > > If you didn’t gain his approval to share, I believe that means you’re a terrible parent. That is, if I’m properly applying the lessons I’ve learned from this thread. Oh for pete’s sake.. you’re seriously comparing an airport snafu with a potentially embarrassing reproductive/sexual milestone?? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/125 "2012-03-14T16:38:29Z")
> [@saje](#): > > Oh for pete’s sake.. you’re seriously comparing an airport snafu with a potentially embarrassing reproductive/sexual milestone?? :rolleyes: No, I believe he was employing sarcasm to point out the foolishness of worrying about sharing embarrassing reproductive/sexual milestone information with anonymous strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/126 "2012-03-14T17:40:32Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I didn’t read that thread, but that would be equally inappropriate. > > It makes me cringe now to think that my mom might have shared with her friends some of the private conversations I had with her. And that people actually have no problem with that. Here’s the thing. Total anonymity makes your entire position silly. You can’t overshare something when you don’t have any personal information. All we know is some poster’s kid got her period. so what? There is nothing to tie that to anyone. It is no different then me telling a story about passing some fat guy in walmart who ripped a noxious fart. “Oh! but he might be mortified if anyone knew! He might have a condition!” :rolleyes: Who cares? You think he’s trolling the entire internet for days trying to find out if anyone noticed? Frankly, if his daughter was snooping on his accounts enough to even figure it out and thus become mortified, she would be invading his privacy to a far greater degree then his anonymous little story about parenthood. Even at that level of absurdity, a little embarassment never hurt anyone. No harm, No foul. ---
**Author:** ![Hbns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hbns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hbns)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/127 "2012-03-14T19:43:51Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > You think he’s trolling the entire internet for days trying to find out if anyone noticed? Frankly, if his daughter was snooping on his accounts enough to even figure it out and thus become mortified, she would be invading his privacy to a far greater degree then his anonymous little story about parenthood. Even at that level of absurdity, a little embarassment never hurt anyone. No harm, No foul. This is an interesting concept. Essentially you are saying that making data connections on the internet = invasion of privacy. Not that I disagree, but it sure puts Google, Facebook, ad services, and lots of other companies business models in the realm of creepy peeper. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/128 "2012-03-14T20:42:52Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Wow, this thread really took a turn for the weird. > > Ladies- this is not about you. You are not this little girl. Your relationship to your period and your body and your family has nothing at all to do with her world. You don’t get to own her (theoretical, and probably impossible) outrage. > > I think a first period is a much bigger deal for the parent than for the kid. For the kid, a first period is just the first of many times that you’ll have to deal with an annoying bodily function. It’s not particularly poignent, just messy and (maybe) embarrassing. > > But for a parent, it’s a sign that they have raised you into physical maturity…one of the primal goals of parenting. It means that the little kid they’ve built their life around has, with all the implications to come, taken one of the first steps away from childhood and into being a woman. A little girl doesn’t know much about being a woman so that step is kind of abstract, but the parents have a different perspective on the joys and challenges she has ahead of her. Likewise a kid doesn’t really do all that much to get raised- you pretty much just have to play a lot and not flunk out of kindergarten. But (most) parents put a lot into their kids, and they are deeply invested in their kid’s growing up in a way that kids have no way to understand. > > I think the OP is sweet. And yes, we have had threads here along the lines of “I washed my son’s sheets, and had a sudden realize that a dynamic had changed.” They’d been good humored and sweet commentaries on the the joys and heartbreaks of parenting. I agree with **azraiel** - this is very good, even, perhaps especially, for someone with no children. Well put, **even sven**. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![azraiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@azraiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/azraiel)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/129 "2012-03-15T07:10:20Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > Not sure about filthy. It seems more creepy and controlling to me. And completely lacking in respect for boundaries. > > That seems to be the general consensus amongst the people that think the thread was badly judged. It’s the “creepy and controlling” thing that really chaps my hide. (We can leave the appropriateness of sharing in an anonymous forum for another thread/post.) Knowing when any woman in my life is menstruating is a medical necessity. In the past three years, I’ve been present in the Emergency Room for a broken hand, a compound fracture of the arm, a deeply bruised and almost broken foot, and a traumatic car wreck with brain and spinal trauma. I don’t know why exactly, but I do know that every time the ER nurse asks when the last period was. I learned early on in my relationship with my ex that she, at least, didn’t track her menstruation. And I didn’t either, because I had no reason or need to. But, I would actually pay attention when she brought it to my attention. So I can tell you without a doubt that she was menstruating on February 1, 2003. How? Because we were on an overnight trip and she mentioned it when NPR broke in with the story of the Columbia’s destruction. And I _gasp_ remembered. I can tell you exactly when my youngest last menstruated. Why? Because of a contextual matrix. She had concert on a Thursday, and it was the first on that was able to attend in a while because of my work schedule. When I picked her up the next night, she was exhausted. We have a relatively regular tradition that when she’s with me on Fridays, we go to a friend’s and play board games. When I inquired what she wanted to do, she said that she wanted to stay in, and that she was “tired from the concert. And I started.” Note for the context impaired: she volunteered the information. She wanted to stay home and veg, and so I invited a (different) friend over to play a game. He’d never been to my current house, and both the getting of him here and the game was memorable. I can tell you the beer I drank (not my usual), how much I drank, the game start time and the game end time. How far into the game we made it, and exactly how it was resolved. Because the atypical is memorable. And I had the sniffles, due to either a head cold or allergies. My friend and I gamed that night (the first Friday ever, always ever Wednesdays otherwise), and then in a group the next night. I made it class on Monday, but felt worse on Tuesday, opting out of other class. My friend came down with his worst cold in four years, and cancelled regular engagements for the next two weeks. All of these are data points, and I can track them back in my mind. "What classes did I miss? Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays? Did I blog? We have quizzes on Thursdays… The study session was after we read A but before we read B. So if you ask me when my youngest will menstruate next, I count back in my mind, using what may seem random associations. It’s not that I’m fixated on her menstruation, but that it’s a data point in a complex matrix that can be retrieved. I know that she’s been regular so far. And I know that she’ll be menstruating in the next day or two. And for the next few months, if necessary, I’ll be able to count back to St. Patrick’s Day to get an estimation. And for those of you who will denigrate and disparage me, I’ll invite you to consider this. Five months ago my eldest (17) swerved to miss a deer, split a culvert and a telephone pole, and went airborne. I got the call and drove like hell to the ER. She was in a full-on neck and head brace, severely concussed, and a possible spinal injury. It was more than an hour before she could manage “yes/no”, another hour to be able to say “it hurts,” and an hour after that for her to string together a coherent sentence. We’d just taken her in to start birth control, but didn’t know if she had actually begun taking it. We knew that she smoked pot, but not whether she’d experimented with other drugs. In the barrage of triage questions about drugs, alcohol, medication, etc, there was only one question with a definitive answer. And that was “she last menstruated three weeks ago.” So go ahead and tell me I’m creepy and controlling. I’m going to ignore you (and keep noticing when the women in my life are menstruating). ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/130 "2012-03-15T09:57:49Z")
> [@azraiel](#): > > So I can tell you without a doubt that she was menstruating on February 1, 2003. How? Because we were on an overnight trip and she mentioned it when NPR broke in with the story of the Columbia’s destruction. And I _gasp_ remembered. > > I can tell you exactly when my youngest last menstruated. Why? Because of a contextual matrix. She had concert on a Thursday, and it was the first on that was able to attend in a while because of my work schedule. When I picked her up the next night, she was exhausted. We have a relatively regular tradition that when she’s with me on Fridays, we go to a friend’s and play board games. When I inquired what she wanted to do, she said that she wanted to stay in, and that she was “tired from the concert. And I started.” You must be quite a hit at parties: ASK THE AMAZING MENSTRUO. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/131 "2012-03-15T11:21:29Z")
> [@azraiel](#): > > Knowing when any woman in my life is menstruating is a medical necessity. What the actual fuck? I think you may actually be scaring me now. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/132 "2012-03-15T12:43:00Z")
> [@azraiel](#): > > (snip) > Knowing when any woman in my life is menstruating is a medical necessity. In the past three years, I’ve been present in the Emergency Room for a broken hand, a compound fracture of the arm, a deeply bruised and almost broken foot, and a traumatic car wreck with brain and spinal trauma. I don’t know why exactly, but I do know that every time the ER nurse asks when the last period was. > > (snip) > So go ahead and tell me I’m creepy and controlling. I’m going to ignore you (and keep noticing when the women in my life are menstruating). It’s because when they have to do x-rays, they don’t want to potentially damage a developing child and get their asses sued for malpractice nine months later. It’s not because a woman on her period is in a precarious state healthwise :rolleyes: ETA: also, if a woman goes in with abdominal pain they need to know to rule out potential ectopic pregnancy. Anyway, you keep doing that thing you do, Kommander Kotex. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/133 "2012-03-15T12:48:51Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > Anyway, you keep doing that thing you do, Kommander Kotex. _Snort!_ ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/134 "2012-03-15T13:06:18Z")
> [@azraiel](#): > > So go ahead and tell me I’m creepy and controlling. I’m going to ignore you (and keep noticing when the women in my life are menstruating). I think you’re ovary acting. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/135 "2012-03-15T13:54:15Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > I think you’re ovary acting. Period. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/136 "2012-03-15T14:32:57Z")
Well, you hadn’t dinged my Creepy and Controlling alarm until you posted about your data points and such. I do love the phrase contextual matrix, though. It’s not “wrong” or bad or odd for a dad to know when his daughter has her period. I think it’s ill bred to bray about it (at length and _ad nauseam_) on a message board on in RL. But “the only definitive answer” in the ER is when her last period was? :dubious: There’s some really sucky docs in that ER and you as parents aren’t coming off too great in that scenario, either. I think you probably know if she has any allergies, if she takes prescription meds, if she’d had any surgeries or chronic health issues. So, I call BS on all of that. (and I’m glad she’s ok). FTR, I absolutely deplore the father/son masturbation thread–I’m sorry to have missed it. Well, not all that sorry. :dubious: I’m all for gender equality but in this case, I do hope equal time is not given to father/daughter masturbation thread… ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/137 "2012-03-15T15:10:24Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > FTR, I absolutely deplore the father/son masturbation thread–I’m sorry to have missed it. Well, not all that sorry. :dubious: I’m all for gender equality but in this case, **I do hope equal time is not given to father/daughter masturbation thread** … (bolding mine) :eek: **Eleanor** , for heaven’s sake **don’t encourage them!** ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/138 "2012-03-15T15:53:11Z")
Geez Louise, talk about a complete thread derailment! When I had menarche, my Mom was out of town, which means I had to tell …guess who? & There wasn’t sufficient protection in the house, & he had to take me out to get something. He didn’t know what to get. Unfortunately, neither did I. So I got something that looked more comfortable that the phone book they’d given me at school ( & yeah, that means I’d had to go into the office & ask.) I picked out panty liners & as I’ve always been a heavy bleeder, soaked right through em. When my Mom called that night, I told her what had happened. She got quiet, then… “Let me talk to your Father.” She very patiently explained to him that he had to get me something else… Daddy’s response “What, now?” Mom says “YES, NOW!!” To this DAY. Dad will not pick out pads or tampons. He’ll pay for 'em, but someone else has to grab them. Now, what is the point of this story? First of all, I was embarrassed by this incident. I got my period at **school**. I had to tell my **Dad.** I had a **leak.** Y’know what? I lived. Embarrassment doesn’t kill you. Secondly, I feel my Dad & I & shared this experience , albeit in a way that might not have happened if my Mom had not been out of town. But still we did share it. If he had (unbeknownst to me) told somebody else about it, (and he might have) well, so be it. I’ve certainly told the story to people. If I found out he had such a sweet sentimental attitude about the whole thing, (Awww, my baby is growning up!) I would have been very touched. Thirdly, if Dad had been better informed, or didn’t have such an uncomfortable attitude toward all things menstrual, it might have helped us both out. I think the OP and some of the other fathers in this thread have a very healthy attitude toward such things. I might also echo the observation that everybody talks about everybody else. There are literally thousands of threads on this board that share very personal details of other people’s lives that nobody got permission for. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/139 "2012-03-15T16:05:24Z")
> [@janis\_and\_c0](#): > > I might also echo the observation that everybody talks about everybody else. There are literally thousands of threads on this board that share very personal details of other people’s lives that nobody got permission for. Personally, I’d kind of forgotten about the privacy aspect. The weird got ramped up considerably when it turned out he had better control over the days than I do about, well, anything. And then came out the calculations. So who’s going to tell him there’s iPhone apps for it too? Fuck, he probably wrote it specifically for this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297/140 "2012-03-15T16:07:01Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > Ok the hyperbole in this thread is ridiculous. > > It was meant as a nice post… wow my little girl has grown up. At first all the mom’s and dads were going… “awwwwwww” and sharing similar stories. My first, last, and only son is now 8, I’m not allowed to hug him at the bus stop, and while he still sometimes likes to cuddle up next to me on the couch during story time, that is on his own terms and by no means a given. I was shedding a lot of tears reading this thread. Yeah, I thought it was cute. Menarche is a traditional “Little Girl Is All Grown Up Now” point; it hasn’t been so long since some groups here considered it the point at which a girl became marriageable. > [@](#): > > Yes, I would have been mortified if my mother had announced my period to the world. On the other hand, the intent wasn’t “speculate on what’s going on in my pubescent daughter’s underwear” it was.. “oh wow, kids grow up fast, don’t they?” > I thought some of the posts were really cute, in that saccharin sweet way that I never understood until I became a mom. I couldn’t wait to announce it to the world… maybe that’s why I don’t have a problem with it at all. Well, ok, not to all the world completely. I wasn’t particularly interested in telling the boys in my class (boys are yucky anyway. Well, most of them. OK, some). But I ran to the phone as soon as it was “decent phone hours” and told both of my grandmothers, and of course I told my female classmates, and my friends from other class groups. We didn’t so much have individual menarches as a whole year of playing “who’s got it already?” When I’m at Mom’s, Littlebro can tell I’m on my period because the toilet paper use goes waaaay up. He thinks it’s hilarious and that any guy who needs to be told when his wife is on it needs his eyes checked. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-153-months-old-just-had-her-first-period/615297.md?page=8)