# My daughter entered a drug and alcohol rehab yesterday **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2004, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234 "2004-12-30T11:32:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/21 "2004-12-30T15:47:31Z")
Wow. Scary, hopeful, a relief, a question mark. I hope that she finds people with whom she can connect in this program – my sister, the psychologist, always maintains that it’s the relationship that matters. Sounds like the odds are good. I’m glad that your daughter recognizes her life is out of control and knows that she can do better. And I’m really glad that the rest of you can have a break from her problems. New year, new opportunities, new hope! {{{{{ **norinew** }}}}} ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/22 "2004-12-30T15:50:57Z")
> [@gum](#): > > Looking after an addict for years and years is exhausting. Could you check with the AA? There’s an Al-Anon group local to here on Sunday nights, but I really want to go back into therapy. I hope that soon we will have good insurance, and I’ll be able to go back to my own therapist, who was wonderful! Meantime, I have a couple of great friends, and a wonderful, wonderful husband, not to mention all of you great folks! > [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > My cousin just went into drug rehab a couple days ago. He is addicted to heroin, and this is his second time going to rehab. We hope he gets better this time. It is my understanding that heroin addiction is just about the hardest drug addiction to beat! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for him. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/23 "2004-12-30T16:32:23Z")
I was curious what had been going on since the last DopeFest. I’m glad she’s decided to enter a program like this voluntarily. Keep us updated! ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/24 "2004-12-30T17:09:40Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > New year, new opportunities, new hope! Yes, indeed! 2004 has sucked in more ways than one, and we have hopes _and_ plans in place for making 2005 better! > [@av8rMike](#): > > I was curious what had been going on since the last DopeFest. I’m glad she’s decided to enter a program like this voluntarily. Yes, we see it as a good sign that it was her decision! Update: I talked to her case manager this morning, and it turns out her uncle will _not_ be able to visit her, because it opens a whole can of worms they’d rather not open. They will make special arrangements, however, for him to talk to her on the phone. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/25 "2004-12-30T20:02:43Z")
{{{{norinew}}}} Nothing new to add, just more thoughts, prayers, good wishes, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/26 "2004-12-30T21:45:15Z")
We went through this (still are) with my stepson. The key words in your post were "\* At her own request\* "; that’s what gives me hope for her. We did the rehab thing with my stepson several times, but he never wanted it and it never worked. She apparently does, and the odds of success are much, much greater for her. Norinew, best of luck to you and her. ---
**Author:** ![SamIAm336](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SamIAm336](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamIAm336)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/27 "2004-12-31T00:10:21Z")
Now you can sleep ---
**Author:** ![SamIAm336](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SamIAm336](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamIAm336)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/28 "2004-12-31T00:11:24Z")
Blessings on your entire family ---
**Author:** ![SamIAm336](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SamIAm336](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamIAm336)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/29 "2004-12-31T00:12:29Z")
Arrgh! I hit submit too soon. Blessings on your entire family. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/30 "2004-12-31T01:34:48Z")
Wow. Good thoughts headed your way. I vote again for “not selfish.” I hope this works for your daughter; I’m glad she asked for it. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/31 "2004-12-31T02:52:04Z")
I remember your prior posts about her and I am glad to hear she is apparently ready to try to get better. I can’t imagine how stressful and harrowing it must be to have had to deal with this kind of scary behavior for so long, so I too agree that you dont sound selfish. Hope that things get better from here on out. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/32 "2004-12-31T03:01:16Z")
Good thoughts, prayers etc. Hugs all round for the **norinew** family. ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/33 "2004-12-31T05:43:23Z")
I’m glad she’s taking this step, Norine, and y’all will be in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/34 "2004-12-31T06:31:16Z")
I don’t have any words of wisdom for you, norine. But I want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Wishing you all the best for the new year! holly ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/35 "2004-12-31T11:53:36Z")
I’m also very glad she’s doing this on her own. If she takes after you, **norinew** , I suspect she’s quite smart and sensible at heart and she’ll do fine in the long run; the trick is surviving the short run. You’re in for a difficult few months, even after the rehab ends, but if you want my prayers, you’ve got them. You’ve had them for some time now, even though I couldn’t respond to your last thread. One word of caution. When I was sorting myself out years ago, I said some things to my family which were very hurtful. I regret them now, and I wish I hadn’t said them, but they came out of my attempts to desperately sort things out and get back on track. If your daughter does say horrible things about you and/or the rest of your family, even if she appears to believe them, she may not be able to see all the consequences of what she says or understand the harm she’s doing. Bear with her, please? That doesn’t mean let it slide or don’t tell her it hurt, but don’t let it permanently damage your relationship. I’m glad my family didn’t. It sounds like this year is starting on a hopeful, if painful note. May the promise of that hope be fulfilled and the pain fade. You’ve done a hard job well so far; I’ve no doubt you’ll continue to do so. CJ ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/36 "2004-12-31T12:13:10Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > I can’t imagine how stressful and harrowing it must be to have had to deal with this kind of scary behavior for so long, Harrowing is an excellent word that I’ve never mentally applied to this whole mess! Somehow, just apllying that word, in my own head, makes things a little bit better, if you can understand that. For some reason, it seems to be human nature that labeling feelings is helpful. Thank you! > [@Siege](#): > > If she takes after you, norinew, I suspect she’s quite smart and sensible at heart and she’ll do fine in the long run; What a very kind thing to say! (Not that I’d expect any less from you 🆒 ). But the fear that both hubby and I have is that she doesn’t take after either one of us. My mother was bipolar, and never got help for it. My father was an alcoholic, who did eventually sober up (when I was 14). But I have a neice who was very much like this at 17. She’s 35 now, and still really messed up, and a non-contributor to society (unless you count her contribution of four kids by three fathers and the fact that she doesn’t want the kids or the fathers :eek: ). But I keep reminding myself that the choices my neice made are not necessarily the choices my daughter will make, and that it is not pre-ordained that my daughter will end up like my neice! > [@](#): > > if you want my prayers, you’ve got them. You’ve had them for some time now, even though I couldn’t respond to your last thread. That’s probably why she’s in rehab right now 😉 . > [@](#): > > If your daughter does say horrible things about you and/or the rest of your family, even if she appears to believe them, she may not be able to see all the consequences of what she says or understand the harm she’s doing. Bear with her, please? That doesn’t mean let it slide or don’t tell her it hurt, but don’t let it permanently damage your relationship. I’m glad my family didn’t. She has said some pretty horrible things to us, but I think it’s all a matter of perspective. She thinks we’re terrible parents because, in her narrow world-view, she doesn’t have a _clue_ what terrible parents are really like! In time of course, her world-view will broaden, she’ll get a new perspective, and if somewhere down the line she wants to make amends to the people she’s harmed (including us), we’ll gladly listen. We’ve already made it crystal clear that there’s nothing in this world that she can do that would make us stop loving her, although her actions may cause us to do things that would feel like abandonment to her, if that’s what we feel is in her best interest. > [@WhyNot](#): > > Can you talk with her counselors? If so, give a call the day after you visit and find out if her behavior shifts. If she gets worse temporarily after a visit, you might consider giving her more space and not visiting for a bit. As a matter of fact, her Case Manager called me yesterday to clarify a few things my daughter had told her. While I had her on the phone, I asked her about this. She said she certainly can let me know if my daughter’s recovery seems to regress after visits, and if so, we can back off a little. So many thanks to all of you who have offered your support in so many different ways! ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/37 "2004-12-31T23:10:33Z")
I’m glad to see that your daughter is trying to move in a positive direction! I’ve read some of your previous posts and can’t imagine how you survive the stress. And no, you don’t sound horrible and cold. It sounds like this will be a much-needed respite for all. Prayers and good wishes for your whole family. GT ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/38 "2005-01-01T00:22:01Z")
Wow, what a terrible time that must have been when she was missing. Did you have any idea where she was or what was going on? I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m also glad that she was the one who suggested getting the help, and I hope she does well. The respite for your family will be helpful, too. If she’s at a facility here in Baltimore, let me know if I can help in any way. If you need somewhere to stop before or after a visit, or if she needs something that I can take to her, just let me know. I’ll be glad to help. I actually thought of you twice this week - we went out to Deep Creek the day after Christmas and just came back today, and when we went through Cumberland, I remembered that you lived there. I love driving through there. It looks like such a nice town. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/39 "2005-01-01T00:36:04Z")
**BiblioCat** , actually, while she was missing, we had a pretty good idea of where she _might_ be (well, we had it narrowed down to three or four places), but it turns out she wasn’t in any of those places. She was staying with a guy who kept buying her beer the whole time! The reason she finally came home is that she called the cops to get a police escort to come home and get her clothes, so we wouldn’t make her stay! The cop brought her home (because he found out there was a missing persons report filed on her) and told us if she left without permission again, to report her as a runaway. The hardest part about the whole time she was missing was trying to keep some sense of normalcy for the benefit of the younger two. She’s actually in a facility not ten minutes from here, but is only allowed visitors once a week, on Saturday or Sunday, for no more than two hours, and only parents/legal guardians and siblings under the age of 7 are allowed. But it’s very kind of you to offer your assistance! Deep Creek is a beautiful area, but a bit pricey for our blood. Gee, next time you’re coming through Cumberland, let me know ahead of time, and I’ll buy you a beer or sumpin. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234/40 "2005-01-01T00:46:46Z")
Oh Norine, I’m so glad to hear it! I went through a hospital detox/rehab program back in 1991, and I’ve been sober ever since. I know what she’s going through, feel free to email if you have questions or need anything. It’s good that you’re thinking about therapy or al-anon. It is so important for you guys to take care of yourselves while your daughter takes care of herself. You all need to get selfish! That’s what she’ll be hearing- that it’s now all about her and her recovery. Don’t take offense, it may keep her with you for years to come, once she gets over the hump. Oh, and if they recommend extended care/treatment well away from her current temptations, I can recommend a couple of facilities way out west here! I am thinking of one in particular that I know has had girls from Minnesota, Texas and down South in residence recently! You guys are in my thoughts, let me know if you need anything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-entered-a-drug-and-alcohol-rehab-yesterday/282234.md?page=3)