# My daughter is developing a weird complex. Help! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621 "2005-06-16T23:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/21 "2005-06-17T09:02:03Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#): > > Same thing. In fact, waxing can eventually damage the hair follicle enough that it won’t grow back so quickly, and the tips will be softer since they weren’t chopped off by shaving, making them blunt and scratchy. So stubble is nicer. Do you have a cite for that? My doctor says that removing them by plucking or waxing stimulates additional follicles to grow hair and that it often comes in more course and dark than before. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/22 "2005-06-17T11:10:04Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > Do you have a cite for that? My doctor says that removing them by plucking or waxing stimulates additional follicles to grow hair and that it often comes in more course and dark than before. Well, my own experience shows it - less hair on my calves since I’ve begun using an epilator to rip the hair out, and since it’s not chopped through the hair, the feel is softer. Your hair color isn’t changed by pulling a hair out. [http://www.answers.com/topic/waxing](http://www.answers.com/topic/waxing) - > [@](#): > > New hair growth in waxed areas is soft and fine, not sharp and coarse like shaved hair. After repeated waxing, hair regrowth is less common and eventually some hair never regrows. [http://dermatology.about.com/cs/hairremoval/a/hair\_removal.htm](http://dermatology.about.com/cs/hairremoval/a/hair_removal.htm) - > [@](#): > > Physically pulling the hair out of the follicle is a common and fairly inexpensive method of hair removal. None of these methods changes the color, texture, or density of the hair. The hair takes longer to grow back because it must grow to the surface of the skin before it is noticed. Because hair grows at different rates, some of the hair that has been physically removed may take more time to grow back in. Repeatedly pulling hair out of the follicle may damage the follicle enough over time to keep it from producing more hair. [Mayo Clinic comparison of hair removal methods](http://www.mayoclinic.com/invoke.cfm?objectid=E8D91398-BC83-4411-B43E5F6022D8336D) - none of the listed disadvantages include thicker or darker hair ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/23 "2005-06-17T11:28:38Z")
Question from male: Do little girls have more body fur? This was something I noticed a few weeks ago was that several little girls seemed to have fairly fuzzy arms while as all the grown women seemed to be arm-hair free. I doubt that women are shaving their arms (and have been keepin it a secret all these years)–but it might just be that I just happened upon a dirth of furry little girls. (You notice odd things on the train.) ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/24 "2005-06-17T11:54:23Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > I noticed a few weeks ago was that several little girls seemed to have fairly fuzzy arms. . .but it might just be that I just happened upon a dirth of furry little girls. [nitpick] _Dearth_ means “scarcity” or “rareness”. If you see many furry little girls, there’s no dearth of them. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/25 "2005-06-17T12:01:22Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > I doubt that women are shaving their arms (and have been keepin it a secret all these years) I know of some women that do shave far more than legs & armpits. It’s just quite a taboo topic - they normally need alcohol to stimulate such conversations in mixed company! (And no, none of this is connected in any way to my username 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/26 "2005-06-17T12:51:57Z")
I find hairy women kinda attractive. IMO, it speaks of a certain self-confidence and a willingness to ignore some of society’s stupider norms. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/27 "2005-06-17T12:54:50Z")
Let her shave. What harm can it do, aside from the possibility of a minor nick? It will make her feel better about herself. I’ve been through that battle with my own daughters, I believe if they’re old enough to care about hair on their legs then they’re old enough to shave. If she gets any truly nasty cuts then you’ll have to use some other method. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/28 "2005-06-17T13:12:14Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > [nitpick] > > _Dearth_ means “scarcity” or “rareness”. If you see many furry little girls, there’s no dearth of them. > > [/nitpick] :smack: Plethora \<- ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/29 "2005-06-17T13:40:01Z")
Re:arm hair Many adult women use depilatory creams or bleaches to lessen it’s appearance. Some wax or epilate, some shave. Most little girls aren’t allowed near chemicals, and it wouldn’t occur to them to worry about arms. I used to shave EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) between the ages of about 14-17. Now I just shave the usual-bikini, legs and underarms. The hair on my arms doesn’t bother me most of the time…but I’m considering bleaching for my wedding. I’m one of those people who can shave daily and still never get cuts, rashes or ingrown hairs, so I personally don’t see the need to wax or epilate. The idea of waiting for hair to “grow in” so it’s long enough to remove doesn’t appeal to me. IMHO hair removal creams are messy, smelly, expensive and not particularly good at what they’re meant to do. What’s probably happened to the OP’s daughter is that one little girl is going through puberty earlier than the others, and actually needs to shave (or “needs” to shave, whatever you prefer), and this has started a trend among the other little girls who also want to appear grown up. Anybody else remember little girls wearing training bras well before there was anything worth training, just because one girl in the class was already a B cup, and everyone felt they had to play catch up? My guess is something similar is going on with this girl’s peer group, only instead of breasts, it’s leg hair. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/30 "2005-06-17T13:44:53Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Let her shave. What harm can it do, aside from the possibility of a minor nick? It will make her feel better about herself. I’ve been through that battle with my own daughters, I believe if they’re old enough to care about hair on their legs then they’re old enough to shave. If she gets any truly nasty cuts then you’ll have to use some other method. I agree with this. If it will make her feel better, you might as well let her do it. You have a year or two maximum before she decides to do it on her own whether you permit her to do so or not. Better that you show her the proper way to shave. As for just not shaving at all, I don’t really think that’s something you should try to convince her of. She’s not going to buy it. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/31 "2005-06-17T13:51:17Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > Alias, do you shave your legs? If so it’ll be hard to justify to her why she shouldn’t, if she’s starting to feel a little grown-up. I respectfully disagree with this. Eight is plenty old enough to understand that adults have different rules than children. If you’re going to say it’s hard to justify not letting her shave her legs because Mom does it, what about drinking a beer? What about driving a car? Nope, kids and adults have different rules. As to the OP, I just wouldn’t push wearing shorts. If she’s uncomfortable, let her wear other things. She might feel less strange about capris or something. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/32 "2005-06-17T13:52:04Z")
Eight did strike me as a little young, and then I remembered that the same thing happened to me at ten – most of the girls in my class started shaving their legs , whether they needed to or not, my mother thought this was nonsense and didn’t let me do it, and I have a complex to this day. Well, maybe not a serious complex. But still, I recall this whole thing as being very traumatic. Also, you would be amazed at the money I spend on various hair removal methods. In my case, issues included: wanting to be at the same pace as the other girls, wanting to do something that I saw older girls and women doing, and seriously, truthfully, having more leg hair than my mom was willing to recognize because she liked seeing me as a little girl. I think you’ve received good advice about talking to her in hopes of convincing her that she doesn’t need to shave just yet, but if she remains steadfast, would it be so terrible to teach her how? My solution to this problem was to sneak my mom’s shaving supplies (she of course shaved her own legs), and that was a mess, to say the least. It would have been much better for all concerned if she had (after a conversation about various options, including not shaving at all) shown me the correct way to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/33 "2005-06-17T14:04:58Z")
Do you know her friends’ moms? Can you make a few phone calls? Perhaps “everyone” is shaving their legs. And perhaps you can point out that Emily and Katie and McKenzie don’t shave their legs yet, and you’ve talked to their moms and you’ve all agreed they can when they are in fifth grade (or some other point you all agree on). ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/34 "2005-06-17T14:12:56Z")
I started shaving my legs at about 8 (without mom’s permission - I just used one of her razors one day - by the time she noticed, I’d already been doing it for a few weeks, so she just let me continue). I was an early bloomer, and got my period when I was barely 11, so I DID have more hair than most of the other girls. Also, my hair is very dark and my skin is very pale, so it shows up quite well. It’s not that weird of a complex, especially if she really does have more visible hair on her legs than her classmates. If you really don’t want her to shave her legs, let her wear pants if she wants - if she really does get too hot, she’ll wear shorts on her own. However, I don’t see it as a big deal - she’s not asking to wear a lot of make-up or slutty clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/35 "2005-06-17T14:33:32Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > Question from male: > > Do little girls have more body fur? This was something I noticed a few weeks ago was that several little girls seemed to have fairly fuzzy arms while as all the grown women seemed to be arm-hair free. I doubt that women are shaving their arms (and have been keepin it a secret all these years)–but it might just be that I just happened upon a dirth of furry little girls. > > (You notice odd things on the train.) Well, I did realize recently that I have a lot less noticible leg hair than I did when I was younger. **Bird Man** doesn’t really mind body hair, so I only shave when I’m going swimming or something, and it ends up growing all winter. Even after that whole time it’s still less dark and think and scary than when I was in high school and shaved weekly. I don’t even shave above the knee anymore, except for special occasions. So, IMHO, it seems that all the crazy hormones and whatever I got in puberty that made my face all breaky-outy, my skin like an oil slick, etc, also made my body hair darker and thicker. Now that I’m mostly out of the puberty woods (and it’s about damn time, too) it would seem my body is just easier to keep looking nice! ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/36 "2005-06-17T14:37:30Z")
I’m having a hard time seeing what is wrong with letting her shave her legs. A few nicks here and there, of course, but no big deal. I am the father of a highly neurotic (read: normal) daughter who, among other things, has curly hair. She was fine with the curly hair until someone in middle school said it looked like pubes. She wore her hair in a bun for years after that, until she found out how to straighten it. She also would lie on the couch and pull out strands of hair. She’s now 20, and shows no sign of letting her hair go curly. My point is that peer pressure is huge. We all know that. Parents do a lot of harm by trying to hold to abstract and arbitrary principles. If we’re talking about drugs and alcohol, that’s one thing. But shaving? Come on. Try to make your daughters life easier, not harder. You will not win with your present approach, you’ll just contribute to making her more miserable. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/37 "2005-06-17T14:56:45Z")
How is wanting to shave a “weird complex”? Most of us share it, even if we’re now sorry we ever picked up a razor in the first place. I have to agree with **kelly5078**. This is a classic case of Pick Your Battles. There is absolutely no harm that can come from removing her leg hair, and possible good (self-esteem, peer acceptance, etc.). Do I think that an 8 year old needs to shave? Of course not. Frankly, I don’t think a 28 year old needs to shave. But reasons like “I don’t get it.” and “Dear god, I hope not. They’re 2nd graders, for God’s sake!” as well as the general tone that she’s your baby and too young to be grown-up enough to shave, while I completely understand, are your issues, not hers. Her issue is that she needs to make some change in her appearance to fit in. Rather than focusing on whether or not she needs to shave, ask yourself why, in your eyes, she needs to NOT shave. She’s already told you her need, so to say there is no need at all is ignoring her need in favor of your own. When this conflict of needs is dangerous, like teenage drinking or skipping school, than you have a responsibility to thwart her need. But I can’t see the danger to her here. But yes, I’d have her use an electric shaver, rather than a blade, for safety’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/38 "2005-06-17T15:15:09Z")
It’s a weird complex when adult women do it, too. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/39 "2005-06-17T15:23:33Z")
> [@kelly5078](#): > > I am the father of a highly neurotic (read: normal) daughter who, among other things, has curly hair. She was fine with the curly hair until someone in middle school said it looked like pubes. She wore her hair in a bun for years after that, until she found out how to straighten it. She also would lie on the couch and pull out strands of hair. She’s now 20, and shows no sign of letting her hair go curly. Poor girl. I used to hate my curly hair, now I love it. I don’t even have to style it, just run some gel through it and it looks like I spent hours. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621/40 "2005-06-17T15:25:36Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > …and it looks like I spent hours. …looks like you spent hours doing what? 😉 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-developing-a-weird-complex-help/308621.md?page=3)