# My daughter is the best pooper in the history of Earth **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375 "2013-11-20T20:41:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/1 "2013-11-20T20:41:48Z")
She’s only 2 1/2, and has been potty trained less than six months, but I’m ready to call this competition on her behalf already. She is the winner. Every poop she’s taken in a toilet since becoming potty trained in July/August has been a no-wiper. Her buttocks have been completely devoid of feces each and every time she’s voided her bowels. Nary a dingle nor a dangler to be found. I can’t prove it, but I suspect her butt cheeks are somehow cleaner \*after \*a shit than before. I simply don’t know she does it, but that’s how champions separate themselves from the rest of us. So I declare, on the twentieth day of November in the year of our Lord two-thousand and thirteen, my daughter, Boo-Boo Lendervedder, is the best pooper in the history of the Earth. No one can beat her. If there are no challengers by 9pm tonight EST, I’m ordering the trophy and sash. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/2 "2013-11-20T20:51:12Z")
Are you getting the regular two-ply sash, or are you springing for the pillowed three-ply? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/3 "2013-11-20T20:54:38Z")
Pillowed. Nothing but the best for my little girl! ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/4 "2013-11-20T20:56:52Z")
Bookmark this thread so you can show it to her SO in 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/5 "2013-11-20T20:59:52Z")
I’ve already got it queued in the printer. I’m thinking father-of-the-bride speech. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/6 "2013-11-20T21:06:49Z")
I want to write something witty but every time I try I Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there. Congratulations on your daughter’s achievement! Do you have plans for a trophy ceremony yet? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/7 "2013-11-20T21:08:22Z")
Something simple and elegant. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/8 "2013-11-20T21:30:11Z")
With a marching band? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/9 "2013-11-20T21:32:25Z")
And this year’s Nobel Prize for Pooping goes to… ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/10 "2013-11-20T21:33:33Z")
> [@Iggy](#): > > Bookmark this thread so you can show it to her SO in 15 years. And when she see’s it, she’s gonna _shit!_ ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/11 "2013-11-20T21:38:37Z")
2 1/2? Late bloomer? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/12 "2013-11-20T21:39:05Z")
You should leave a copy of this thread to each of your grandchildren in your will. It’s the only right thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/13 "2013-11-20T21:46:59Z")
Tinkle tinkle, little star. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/14 "2013-11-20T22:25:38Z")
You’re saying there are no Klingons orbiting Heranus? ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/15 "2013-11-21T00:09:13Z")
O.K., I know I’m going to regret putting this out here, since I’ve thought about it many times while reading the Dope and always decided it was TMI. I am essentially a clean pooper. I do use toilet paper after a poop, and there might be a tiny bit of residue, but in general, my poop goes from me into the bowl without leaving much of anything behind. Until I started reading the Dope, I had no idea that this was in any way unusual. I remember one thread that asked how blind people know when they’re through wiping, and I couldn’t understand the question at all. Why would you even need to look at the TP? Reading many additional threads has lead me to the conclusion that many (most?) people have more of an issue with cleanliness in this area than I do. Oh, yeah, the other thing I never understood was “skid marks.” I always associated them with accidentally pooping your pants, since I couldn’t figure out any other way that you could get poop on your underwear. I can’t recall ever having a skid mark in my life, unless I was suffering from a bowel disturbance due to illness. I’m not going to challenge Boo-Boo for the title, since I can’t imagine the verification procedures (and really don’t want to). Suffice it to say that while she may be a champion pooper, she is not alone. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/16 "2013-11-21T00:15:06Z")
Man, the PSATs are gonna be nothing for this girl! (Poop Sanitation Achievement Tests, that is.) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/17 "2013-11-21T04:26:12Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > And when she see’s it, she’s gonna _shit!_ And if that’s anything like I’m seeing now, it’s going to be _spectacular_! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/18 "2013-11-21T04:27:28Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > 2 1/2? Late bloomer? What can I say-- she was working on her technique. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/19 "2013-11-21T05:46:29Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > O.K., I know I’m going to regret putting this out here, since I’ve thought about it many times while reading the Dope and always decided it was TMI. > > I am essentially a clean pooper. I do use toilet paper after a poop, and there might be a tiny bit of residue, but in general, my poop goes from me into the bowl without leaving much of anything behind. Until I started reading the Dope, I had no idea that this was in any way unusual. I remember one thread that asked how blind people know when they’re through wiping, and I couldn’t understand the question at all. Why would you even need to look at the TP? Reading many additional threads has lead me to the conclusion that many (most?) people have more of an issue with cleanliness in this area than I do. > > Oh, yeah, the other thing I never understood was “skid marks.” I always associated them with accidentally pooping your pants, since I couldn’t figure out any other way that you could get poop on your underwear. I can’t recall ever having a skid mark in my life, unless I was suffering from a bowel disturbance due to illness. > > I’m not going to challenge Boo-Boo for the title, since I can’t imagine the verification procedures (and really don’t want to). Suffice it to say that while she may be a champion pooper, she is not alone. Yea count me as a clean pooper too, except for when I’m sick of have diarrhea or something. I mean I rarely need to use toilet paper, but I have seen people say how they need big fat wads or wrap their entire hand in it and …I don’t even know if I want to know. Then there was this chick on TV that used a toothbrush to scrub out her anus after every poo, til she was bleeding.:eek: [http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2009-06-10/woman-on-aes-obsessed-literally-scared-shtless/](http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2009-06-10/woman-on-aes-obsessed-literally-scared-shtless/) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375/20 "2013-11-21T10:03:17Z")
I’m jealous. I’m the anti poop champion. I’m the champion of needing the most toilet paper to get myself clean. I’m properly jealous. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-is-the-best-pooper-in-the-history-of-earth/674375.md?page=2)