# My daughter (teen) is lesbian or bi, but she hasn't told me. Should I bring it up? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2017, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657 "2017-03-20T22:48:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![KatTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@KatTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KatTP)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657/61 "2017-03-22T09:51:46Z")
When my daughter told me she was gay I wasn’t surprised. However, we’ve always had an open dialogue about absolutely everything so it was only a matter of time before she just came out and told me. I think she needed to come to terms with her own sexuality before she could share it. She knew I wouldn’t be bothered but that wasn’t the issue. Up to that point she’d only had boyfriends, and at the time she was living with her boyfriend so she was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions. Over the last few years, and prior to her telling me, I suggested she do some deep thinking on her sexuality. It was frustrating for me knowing she was doing things she clearly didn’t enjoy(sex with men). Thinking it was normal, or ok. So frustrating. As to her dad, my ex-husband, I told him for her. He was quiet about it, and hasn’t ever said anything to her directly, but he treats her no differently than before. I don’t think his is the best approach, but he is who he is. She brought her girlfriend over to her grandparents, but never actually had the talk with them about it. They must suspect it at this point. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![davida03801](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@davida03801](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davida03801)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657/62 "2017-03-22T12:15:00Z")
My (at the time) 23 year old told her sisters and mother a good 2 years before she got up the courage to tell me, her father. She was scared of what my reaction would be. My response was “Oh good lord Em, I’ve known that for 4 years at least if not more” “\*\*WHAT…\*\*why didn’t you tell me that??” ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657/63 "2017-03-22T18:31:32Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Actually, most parents feel compelled to give their kids The Talk… The Talk is a different discussion than “let’s talk about your sexual preference- daddy and I think you might be gay”'. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657/64 "2017-03-22T18:52:29Z")
13 years is not too young for sex education. Teens experiment and they are curious. They need to know what is safe and not safe with regards to practices and relationships. They also need to know the law with regards to distribution and possession of erotic imagery of themselves and peers. I would have a frank, non judgemental, supportive talk. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657/65 "2017-03-22T19:11:03Z")
@ the OP: It’s possible that your daughter is interested in LGBT issues but isn’t LGBT herself, in which case it might be very angering to her if you were to give her the assumption, “the talk”: “We know you are very interested in LGBT, so you must be LGBT yourself” (OK, probably not in those words, but you know what I mean). Best to let her bring up the issue herself on her own. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-teen-is-lesbian-or-bi-but-she-hasnt-told-me-should-i-bring-it-up/782657.md?page=3)