# "My Daughter Was Dress-Coded For Wearing Shorts" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450 "2014-06-10T01:03:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![OurLordPeace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e8c25b/32.png) [@OurLordPeace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OurLordPeace)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/81 "2014-06-10T20:23:57Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I wish - I hate hats indoors and sagging. Unlike shorts that hit - say mid palm or even at the wrist - or spaghetti straps - which I have no problem with, hats indoors and sagging are against my values (but I’ve lost that battle with my son). So he defies you to your face, or once he’s out of sight? If it’s the latter, apparently you were able to find out, so couldn’t he be punished accordingly? ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/82 "2014-06-10T20:24:06Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > We saw it coming as well. Which is why, when it came, we spoke to the administration and suddenly - our daughter was exempted from the dress code. Not much of a dress code, is it. Considering their lax stance on hats and sagging, probably not. At least they’re consistent about that much. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/83 "2014-06-10T20:37:09Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yep, but the point is, they are in favor of thinking about sex regardless of whether a girl is wearing a tank top or they are looking at a plate of potato chips. > > Thinking about sex all the time is not a crime - even if you are having impure thoughts about my fourteen year old daughter. If the way my fourteen year old daughter dresses induces you to any inappropriate action - you have a huge problem - and she can’t live her life in fear of the people who have no self control. And she carries pepper spray. There are degrees of thinking about sex. Put a hungry person in an empty room and they are thinking about food, put them in a room with some fresh baked cookies and they are thinking about it alot more. Sex, like hunger is a biological drive and it can be distracting and overpowering. I’m sure that middle school boys would love a chance to ogle at your daughter and don’t believe it will be a distraction. But that does not mean they are being honest with themselves or you that it will not be a distraction. As the Fresh Prince’s mother said “you go to school to learn, not for a fashion show”, anything that possibly harms that mission needs to go. ---
**Author:** ![Deeg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/deeg/32/2955_2.png) [@Deeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deeg)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/84 "2014-06-10T21:20:57Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > She’s wearing cut offs. And its appropriate because her mother believes it to be appropriate. She isn’t showing panty. She is showing some upper thigh. Oh, my god, ankles! > > I let my fourteen year old daughter dress like that all the time. (Including at school in violation of the dress code after I was told that my daughter was exempt from the dress code :)). I guess I don’t understand why a parent would go through the effort to fight what appears to be a reasonable dress code. Isn’t there a value in learning to deal with other people’s expectations besides responding with a big FU? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/85 "2014-06-10T21:39:44Z")
> [@puddleglum](#): > > There are degrees of thinking about sex. Put a hungry person in an empty room and they are thinking about food, put them in a room with some fresh baked cookies and they are thinking about it alot more. Sex, like hunger is a biological drive and it can be distracting and overpowering. I’m sure that middle school boys would love a chance to ogle at your daughter and don’t believe it will be a distraction. But that does not mean they are being honest with themselves or you that it will not be a distraction. > As the Fresh Prince’s mother said “you go to school to learn, not for a fashion show”, anything that possibly harms that mission needs to go. Great, can we get rid of sports and pep rallies - hate those things. How about spending the day watching movies? How about standardized tests - hate those things to. I homeschooled my son this year - takes less than four hours a day to cover the material they cover in ninth grade, we should be able to get rid of half the school day. How about other distractions - ugly children. I find ugly children very distracting, should we get rid of them as well. Dumb questions - I find dumb questions to be distracting - I know my daughter does - lets make sure any child who asks a dumb question gets shamed and sent to the office. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/86 "2014-06-10T21:43:22Z")
> [@Deeg](#): > > I guess I don’t understand why a parent would go through the effort to fight what appears to be a reasonable dress code. Isn’t there a value in learning to deal with other people’s expectations besides responding with a big FU? There is more value in teaching my daughter not to be ashamed of her body. She has a friend who is a cutter. She goes to school with an anorexic. Body issues in middle school girls is huge. And I find more value in teaching my daughter that she is not responsible for the misbehavior of others when it comes to her dress. That she is worthy of respect no matter how she chooses to dress, and that others are worthy of her respect even if they have tattoos (which I really dislike) or wear black to weddings (which I really dislike). I do not find the dress code reasonable. You do, I do not. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/87 "2014-06-10T21:45:09Z")
> [@OurLordPeace](#): > > So he defies you to your face, or once he’s out of sight? If it’s the latter, apparently you were able to find out, so couldn’t he be punished accordingly? Yeah, my son doesn’t respond to punishment. He’s fifteen and doesn’t give a damn. So he got homeschooled this year. Not over the pants. But even removing him from school, taking away his electronics, and having him under house arrest hasn’t made an impact on sagging. But it got rid of the use of weed - so we will take that win and not fight the sagging. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/88 "2014-06-10T21:53:25Z")
> [@puddleglum](#): > > There are degrees of thinking about sex. Put a hungry person in an empty room and they are thinking about food, put them in a room with some fresh baked cookies and they are thinking about it alot more. Sex, like hunger is a biological drive and it can be distracting and overpowering. I’m sure that middle school boys would love a chance to ogle at your daughter and don’t believe it will be a distraction. But that does not mean they are being honest with themselves or you that it will not be a distraction. > As the Fresh Prince’s mother said “you go to school to learn, not for a fashion show”, anything that possibly harms that mission needs to go. If your drive is so overwhelming that you have proven yourself to behave inappropriately when presented with a temptation, you need to be locked up - not not tempted. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/89 "2014-06-10T22:01:47Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > A bikini is, objectively, very little clothing. If I showed up to school or a work meeting in a bikini, not only would it be inappropriate- it might earn me a psych eval. But if I show up to swim day at gym class or the hotel pool on work travel in a bikini, that’s absolutely normal behavior and not even worthy of comment. Same people, same outfit, same body…different context. It’s matching the clothing to the context that matters, not some male-boner-potential to skin ratio. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/Vyd0ey_FXB8/hqdefault.jpg "Togs or Undies? Trumpet Ice-cream commercial") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyd0ey_FXB8) Whenever this subject comes up I think of this commercial for ice cream which is inexplicably about the issue of togs versus undies. When you’re near the water they’re togs but as soon as you get out of sight of water it’s suddenly underwear. Context is important. I can’t think of a single instance where I witnessed a student getting in trouble for wearing inappropriate clothing due to physical characteristics like length of skirts or shorts, bare shoulders, etc., etc. I do remember students getting into some trouble for wearing shirts with drug or alcohol themes (Spuds McKenzie was popular at the time) or had bloody violent imagery though. I always felt the rules for my school were pretty reasonable save for the one that restricted boys in athletics from wearing shorts while everyone else was allowed. But we’ve got 13,500 separate school districts here in the United States so it probably isn’t hard to find someone making some stupid decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Deeg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/deeg/32/2955_2.png) [@Deeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deeg)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/90 "2014-06-10T22:03:35Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > There is more value in teaching my daughter not to be ashamed of her body Totally worthy goal. But that can be taught without having to fight every dress code. I don’t like wearing ties but when I go to a wedding or certain restaurants I wear one. One can decide to abide by dress codes without feeling ashamed of their body. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/91 "2014-06-10T22:25:54Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > Then she needs to get the dress code ended, not complain when it’s enforced Sometimes complaining is the first step ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/92 "2014-06-10T22:28:57Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > And if it is all gender neutral, Will a boy get in trouble for wearing code passing female clothes? At my daughter’s school, they also had a rule against “cross-dressing”. She was not allowed to dress as Willy Wonka for Halloween! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/93 "2014-06-10T23:28:30Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > If your drive is so overwhelming that you have proven yourself to behave inappropriately when presented with a temptation, you need to be locked up - not not tempted. I didn’t read Puddleglum’s post to say that anyone was behaving inappropriately. Just that they might be distracted, whether they choose to admit it or not. And it is fair to say that young people (both boys and girls) do not have fully developed self-control and self awareness- this is recognized by the Supreme Court in their rulings on the death penalty for crimes commited by minors, for what that is worth. I find that people are often disingenous about this clothing issue. They pretend that clothing can’t be provocative, when they know fully well that it can be. They may even attempt to capitalize on that (sometimes even to try to make the point that it “shouldn’t be provocative”). ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/94 "2014-06-11T00:07:10Z")
> [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](#): > > I didn’t read Puddleglum’s post to say that anyone was behaving inappropriately. Just that they might be distracted, whether they choose to admit it or not. And it is fair to say that young people (both boys and girls) do not have fully developed self-control and self awareness- this is recognized by the Supreme Court in their rulings on the death penalty for crimes commited by minors, for what that is worth. > > I find that people are often disingenous about this clothing issue. They pretend that clothing can’t be provocative, when they know fully well that it can be. They may even attempt to capitalize on that (sometimes even to try to make the point that it “shouldn’t be provocative”). Of course it can be provocative. But that isn’t the point. Lots of things in life are distracting. And a lot of things are distracting when you are young. The kid behind you in English who hums as he reads. The kid in Algebra who thinks by drumming his pencil against the desk. But I’m not sure how a girl wearing a tank top with straps TWO fingers wide is so much more distracting than a girl wearing a tank top with the approved of THREE fingers width. Or why a girl wearing shorts that hit mid palm are that much more distracting than girls whose shorts hit their fingertips. Or why a tight sweater, tight leggings and bright red lipstick on a fifteen year old girl is apparently not distracting at all according to the dress code (which, is not about distraction in my district anyway - its about respect - our principal specifically explained to us that this had nothing to do with the female students sexuality or the behavior of the boys in school. However, once again, why are shorts suddenly respectable when they hit the tip of the index finger, but not if they only reach the pinkie?) ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/95 "2014-06-11T01:15:29Z")
If you couldn’t wear it in the workplace, you shouldn’t wear it at school. WTF is up with this mother that she would allow not to mention encourage this outfit? And sorry to the PC crowd, but boys are more distracted by bare girl bodies than vice versa. It’s biology. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/96 "2014-06-11T01:25:51Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > If you couldn’t wear it in the workplace, you shouldn’t wear it at school. WTF is up with this mother that she would allow not to mention encourage this outfit? > > And sorry to the PC crowd, but boys are more distracted by bare girl bodies than vice versa. It’s biology. I wouldn’t wear jeans and a tshirt in the workplace, but that is what kids wear to school. School is a much more casual environment than most workplaces. The teachers at school dress far more casually than I’d ever dress for work. And frankly, some people work at Hooters -that certainly wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/97 "2014-06-11T03:29:08Z")
I’ve never believed these dress codes were about the kids. Adults are the ones who find it distracting. That’s why they are always like a generation behind or further. When my dad went to school, there was a rule against facial hair on students. He fought against it and got it overturned. And now there’s actually a statement in the handbook about how it’s illegal to discriminate based on hair. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/98 "2014-06-11T03:46:41Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > When my dad went to school, there was a rule against facial hair on students. He fought against it and got it overturned. And now there’s actually a statement in the handbook about how it’s illegal to discriminate based on hair. When I went to college, I was really surprised to learn that there were still high schools that prohibited facial hair as of about ten years ago. At one school, students who showed up with unacceptable stubble were told to get off the property or buy a razor (at an inflated price) from the secretary and shave in the bathroom. In the 2000s. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/99 "2014-06-11T12:27:23Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I wouldn’t wear jeans and a tshirt in the workplace, but that is what kids wear to school. School is a much more casual environment than most workplaces. No reason why that has to be the case though, if they choose to be more in line with workplace dress codes then I’d hope you’d support them instead of making their life harder. Dress codes for school seem perfectly reasonable to me. A portion of the day you can dress how you like, the time spent at school you dress how they tell you. As long as it isn’t overly draconian (and from what you say the code is far, far looser than anything I ever encountered) When your daughter has her first job and signs up to abide by the relevant dress code, will you expect her to be able to go against it as and when it suits her without consequences? You are part of the reason why schools have difficulty enforcing dress codes, you are making life harder for the teachers. You could teach your daughter a lesson that sometimes we have to abide by rules that we don’t like but are there for the greater good. Teenage girls and boys dress for the _explicit reason of distraction_ it is a sexual display and it is not surprising that schools try to keep a lid on it for a few hours a day, I support them in their efforts. Shame you don’t feel you can. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450/100 "2014-06-11T13:47:22Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Or pantyhose. What on earth is the rationale for pantyhose being more formal than no pantyhose? They are fake see-through legs we wear over our real legs. Because…? > > These things are pretty much arbitrary. Hose evens out imperfections in female legs (varicose/spider veins, skin tone differences, freckles, scars, blemishes, wrinkles, skin which is naturally sallow, etc.) and makes legs appear more youthful and therefore “sexy.” So one can say it’s a sexist male-oriented kowtowing. However, some women really do like to look good for the sake of looking good. I have awesome legs but I do have spider veins, and my legs are somewhat pale (SPF50 all summer long). Hose gives me a color scheme which is less contrasting to the skirt suits I wear every day. Pale white legs contrast too much with a black or charcoal suit, and are visually jarring, so going even with “barely there” hose creates a better look. Pale white legs can work with some colors (green, for example) but it depends again on skin tone and imperfections. Plus they’re warmer. I run my space heater year-round in my office, as does my secretary and many other women. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-daughter-was-dress-coded-for-wearing-shorts/690450.md?page=6)