# My direct report is dating a C-level above me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 13, 2014, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590 "2014-03-13T02:19:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/141 "2014-03-18T03:56:20Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Mods …derailing…thread… posts …OP. What’s all this, some kind of obscure innernets lingo? How is anyone supposed to know what you are talking about? Talk like a normal person, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/142 "2014-03-18T04:18:27Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > **Mods** , why are you allowing the derailing of this thread, without saying anything? This is not the topic or forum to ask about mod decisions or questions. Please take this question to ATMB for further discussion. I realize you have a topic in there now, but that doesn’t seem to be about this issue, it seems to be more of a suggestion for something else. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/143 "2014-03-18T04:31:28Z")
Okay, this issue is getting more out of hand. Everyone take your problems with other posters to the Pit and stop the hijack entirely now beyond this post. If anyone wants to further debate English language or definitions, make a new topic. Let’s get back to the OP. Further hijacking this topic over the definitions may result in warnings. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/144 "2014-03-18T05:51:44Z")
> [@Melchior](#): > > It’s up to the \*poster \*to make himself clear. No shit. How hard would it have been for anyone in the know (not necessarily the OP, who apparently hasn’t returned) to type “C-Level = A guy at the top”; and I’ve never dated anyone that high up in any job. ETA: Hope this comment doesn’t violate **Idle Thoughts** ’ instructions, which I only saw just now. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/145 "2014-03-18T13:39:33Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I’m a copywriter (although not necessarily a good one). I see issues with your options > > 1. The lady he’s talking about is not his “employee” - he does not pay the salary, nor is there any indication that he hired her. I am a business owner, I have employees - however a “wage slave” or an ant in the corporate hierarchy does not. > 2. Many, myself included, don’t like the term subordinate. Even assuming they do broadly the same job function, and one is more experienced than the other - subordinate is a rather demeaning term. If they have different job functions - as many will in a reporting relationship (like, for example, I have a web-programmer reporting to me - but he is far superior at his job than I am) then the term “subordinate” becomes even more inappropriate > 3. Superior - not as bad as subordinate (in my mind anyway) but I would rather not have the phrase “I am his superior” in anything that I wrote - I would much much rather write “he reports to me” (otherwise known as “he’s my direct report”) > 4. Boss - hmm…can get away with this, and it would be a marginal substitute. Although it must be said - just because he is my “direct report” doesn’t necessarily make me his “boss” - ‘Subordinate’ is not ‘demeaning’. How utterly absurd an assertion! It is a fact that there is a hierarchy in every organization of more than two people, and there is nothing wrong with being Vice President. What \*is \*demeaning is calling people ‘reports’! ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/146 "2014-03-18T13:58:01Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The specificity of “direct report” or “C-level” is irrelevant to the OP’s post. The OP may have thought these terms were well-known in the public at large, but he was mistaken. Sorry, but the identification of both parties as “C-Level” and “direct report” is _very relevant_ to the OP’s situation and it’s quite a different situation than saying “a person who works for me is screwing one of the bosses.” The identification of the people as “c-level” (which means you’re not going to be able to do a damned thing about this guy) and “direct report” (which means you’re directly responsible for guiding the CxO’s fuck-buddy’s career development and dealing with any potential HR issues caused by their new, erm, “position”) is germane to the discussion. ETA: And now I see the Mod note, so that’s that on this discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/147 "2014-03-18T13:59:24Z")
> [@Melchior](#): > > How utterly absurd an assertion! You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/148 "2014-03-18T14:28:02Z")
To get back to the topic of the thread. One possible legal issue here is a subset of sexual harassment called sexual favoritism. Catherine Broderick, with the Securities and Exchange Commission, won a lawsuit over 20 years ago because Senior employees were having relationships with junior employees and rewarding them with raises and promotions. Here is a cite (which I’ll admit right up front I haven’t read in detail) [http://www.niu.edu/law/organizations/law\_review/pdfs/full\_issues/30\_1/Best.pdf](http://www.niu.edu/law/organizations/law_review/pdfs/full_issues/30_1/Best.pdf) There are other possible issues - what got Brian Dunn (IIRC) was not favoritism or the inappropriate relationship, but that he expensed some expenses of his subordinate but not direct report girlfriend to travel with him - she didn’t have a justifiable business purpose to be on the trip (I think several trips, but I’m not sure if that is gossip or published details). ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/149 "2014-03-18T14:29:56Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > To get back to the topic of the thread. One possible legal issue here is a subset of sexual harassment called sexual favoritism. Catherine Broderick, with the Securities and Exchange Commission, won a lawsuit over 20 years ago because Senior employees were having relationships with junior employees and rewarding them with raises and promotions. > > Here is a cite (which I’ll admit right up front I haven’t read in detail) [http://www.niu.edu](http://www.niu.edu) > /law/organizations/law\_review/pdfs/full\_issues/30\_1/Best.pdf > > There are other possible issues - what got Brian Dunn (IIRC) was not favoritism or the inappropriate relationship, but that he expensed some expenses of his subordinate but not direct report girlfriend to travel with him - she didn’t have a justifiable business purpose to be on the trip (I think several trips, but I’m not sure if that is gossip or published details). Life isn’t fair, and I don’t see the issue here. Boys will be boys! ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/150 "2014-03-18T15:04:54Z")
It’s about the power imbalance, not cliches. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/151 "2014-03-18T15:11:21Z")
> [@Melchior](#): > > ‘Subordinate’ is not ‘demeaning’. How utterly absurd an assertion! It is a fact that there is a hierarchy in every organization of more than two people, and there is nothing wrong with being Vice President. What \*is \*demeaning is calling people ‘reports’! This is now a warning for you. Knock it off means knock it off. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/152 "2014-03-18T15:36:37Z")
The sticky widget in this discussion is the fact that the C-level executive is responsible for Human Resources (HR). So the one group that should be able to advise and guide a manager in this situation is effectively closed off as a resource. I agree with the others … documenting and transferring are the only viable options here. The problem with keeping the employee within your department / group is that if / when things blow up, it’ll look bad on you that you didn’t do anything beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/153 "2014-03-18T15:55:24Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > The sticky widget in this discussion Psst… [Sticky Wicket](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_wicket) > [@](#): > > Sticky wicket is a metaphor used to describe a difficult circumstance. It originated as a term for difficult circumstances in the sport of cricket, caused by a damp and soft pitch ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/154 "2014-03-18T16:05:40Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Psst… > > [Sticky Wicket](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_wicket) DANGIT! I KNEW I should’ve double-checked that. Thanks for the correction. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/155 "2014-03-18T16:13:12Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > The sticky widget in this discussion is the fact that the C-level executive is responsible for Human Resources (HR). So the one group that should be able to advise and guide a manager in this situation is effectively closed off as a resource. > > I agree with the others … documenting and transferring are the only viable options here. The problem with keeping the employee within your department / group is that if / when things blow up, it’ll look bad on you that you didn’t do anything beforehand. Yep - and it sounds like the HR exec is a peer to the OP - the OP also reports to the CEO - so the only place to document is up to the CEO and laterally to Cheif Counsel explaining why you think this might be a potential legal risk for legal to evaluate. But laterally to Chief Counsel depends on the size and nature of the organization. If this is small and privately held, about all you can do is document to the CEO and hold your breath that it won’t explode - or if it does explode, you won’t get hit with the shit. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/156 "2014-03-18T20:34:06Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > I agree with the others … documenting and transferring are the only viable options here. The problem with keeping the employee within your department / group is that if / when things blow up, it’ll look bad on you that you didn’t do anything beforehand. Or just ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/157 "2014-03-18T21:06:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Or just ignore it. Yeah, but see, the OP’s direct report actually hamstrung him here by telling him about the situation. If he ignores it, and then things go south in a spectacular fashion, the OP can’t claim ignorance. By doing nothing, he can be held responsible (at least partially) for whatever fallout occurs, because he didn’t act to protect the company’s interests in this obviously volatile situation. He can’t go to HR, because the relationship involves the head of HR (who really ought to know better). If he goes to the CEO, then he’s potentially creating a career-damaging rift between him and the head of HR. One thing that I would like clarification on, that I don’t think has been revealed in the thread – are either of these folks married? ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/158 "2014-03-18T21:19:07Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > Yeah, but see, the OP’s direct report actually hamstrung him here by telling him about the situation. If he ignores it, and then things go south in a spectacular fashion, the OP can’t claim ignorance. By doing nothing, he can be held responsible (at least partially) for whatever fallout occurs, because he didn’t act to protect the company’s interests in this obviously volatile situation. This is a really important point: the OP’s direct report could easily turn around six months ago and sue, pointing out that she even told her boss about it and nothing happened. Regardless of how consensual it appears (or is) right now, in court that could become a claim of _quid pro quo_ harassment. That aside, however, HR isn’t just one person…OP, isn’t there someone else in HR you could talk to? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/159 "2014-03-18T21:37:56Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > This is a really important point: the OP’s direct report could easily turn around six months ago and sue, pointing out that she even told her boss about it and nothing happened. Regardless of how consensual it appears (or is) right now, in court that could become a claim of _quid pro quo_ harassment. That aside, however, HR isn’t just one person…OP, isn’t there someone else in HR you could talk to? Or his other direct reports could - especially if any of their complaints end up in writing… ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590/160 "2014-03-19T03:34:52Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yep - and it sounds like the HR exec is a peer to the OP - the OP also reports to the CEO - so the only place to document is up to the CEO and laterally to Cheif Counsel explaining why you think this might be a potential legal risk for legal to evaluate. > > But laterally to Chief Counsel depends on the size and nature of the organization. If this is small and privately held, about all you can do is document to the CEO and hold your breath that it won’t explode - or if it does explode, you won’t get hit with the shit. I don’t think that is correct. The corporate-speak wording in the OP did nothing to make this clear, but I suspect that the OP is not a peer to the Chief Officer - but rather is outranked and worried about retaliation if he were to take action against the Chief Officer’s love interest. Retaliation is a concern regardless of where it comes from, but it is obviously more a concern if the person wishing to retaliate outranks the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-direct-report-is-dating-a-c-level-above-me/683590.md?page=9)