# My Divorcee Aunt is ruining my family! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 6, 2014, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833 "2014-05-06T20:04:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/21 "2014-05-06T23:14:23Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > Divorcees _ **are** _ hot to trot. > > Anyway, if your father was so concerned about the grandmother’s money,OP why didn’t he ask for an audit of her estate? No one can complain about that (unless, of course, they are misusing funds under their control) and there would be no need for accusations. He would have to pay for this out of his own pocket; but then again, what’s piece of mind worth? > > Get the audit. > Find out the truth. > Apologize if necessary. > File lawsuits if necessary. > Go from there. She’s not dead yet. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Wow, unless Grandma expressed concerns to your Dad he was way out of line to accuse your Aunt, not to mention stupid and cowardly for only doing it while drunk. Chances are good that your Aunt has assumed the role of primary caregiver and is doing a hell of a lot more for Grandma than just helping with her finances. Your Aunt is probably your Grandma’s “rock” now that your Grandpa is gone, get it? My no good siblings were a beyond unhelpful when my dad was sick and dying. I had a lot of anger for them when they questioned the way I took care of my dad, but wouldn’t actually do anything to help him themselves. And as the decent sibling, you’re trapped - you can’t throw your hands up and walk away because nobody else will step in. If my siblings had the gall to accuse me of misappropriating money after letting me do all the work I would’ve lost it. ---
**Author:** ![TigerLily5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TigerLily5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TigerLily5)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/22 "2014-05-06T23:19:17Z")
I wish he’d just come live with me… I’ve got to go… Thanks All! ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/23 "2014-05-06T23:32:53Z")
As close as your family may be, you should stay out of this one. This is a problem between siblings and you’re not one of them. They’re all wrong if they’ve involved you in any way. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/24 "2014-05-07T00:25:12Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Do people really still say “divorcee?” Does this take place 1961 and is Ralph Malph involved? I can’t believe ex-husbands are still expected to support former wives. Child support - most definitely. Alimony?? No way. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/25 "2014-05-07T00:26:05Z")
> [@TigerLily5](#): > > Errr my hands feel so tied, and being from a distance makes it all worse. Your hands are tied because you’re busy fussing about the wrong things! Stop worrying about minor family squables and how uncomfortable they make you feel – get off your behind and get you father into treatment before he drinks himself to death! He is your father, getting him help when he needs it should be your first priority. Do it! ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/26 "2014-05-07T00:50:30Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > I can’t believe ex-husbands are still expected to support former wives. Child support - most definitely. Alimony?? No way. Even if she left the workforce to run the house by mutual agreement? ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/27 "2014-05-07T01:14:55Z")
> [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](#): > > Even if she left the workforce to run the house by mutual agreement? Yes. If there are children involved, she’d get child support. Or does she expect to remain out of the workforce forever, based on a decision which was made when there were dependent children involved? ---
**Author:** ![nevadaexile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nevadaexile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevadaexile)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/28 "2014-05-07T01:29:03Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > She’s not dead yet. You don’t have to be dead to have your financials audited by a professional. Especially if fraud or elder abuse are suspected. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/29 "2014-05-07T01:42:00Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > You don’t have to be dead to have your financials audited by a professional. Especially if fraud or elder abuse are suspected. You have to be dead to have an estate. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/30 "2014-05-07T02:20:20Z")
> [@TigerLily5](#): > > Also, Grandma complains about everything, and yes she has said things to my Dad about money. > > And, all my Dad wanted was to not feel betrayed by my Aunt, whether he made that up in his head or not, she’s not willing to show him records, and my Grandma is 81 and too far gone to know what’s what. He’s not worried about money, he makes plenty of his own. First you say your grandmother has mentioned things about money to your father. But then you say your grandmother is “too far gone to know what’s what”." So it doesn’t sound like she’s a very reliable source. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/31 "2014-05-07T02:30:22Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but given the subsequent postings, I feel like the OP knows that her father is having issues, but instead of addressing them, she’s projecting the guilt / blame onto the Aunt and other family members. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/32 "2014-05-07T02:33:05Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > Yes. If there are children involved, she’d get child support. Or does she expect to remain out of the workforce forever, based on a decision which was made when there were dependent children involved? Not forever, but how realistic is it for someone who has been out of the workforce for a decade or more to get a decent paying job? She sacrificed her career while he advanced his. I think it is only fair for him to support her while she gets retrained in order to reenter the workforce. (Of course genders can be reversed and the same applies) ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/33 "2014-05-07T03:06:08Z")
I believe it’s usual for the court to award spousal-support for a limited amount of time or until the recipient of support gets remarried. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833/34 "2014-05-07T17:09:11Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > You have to be dead to have an estate. [Nuh uh,](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar-A-Lago) don’t neither! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-divorcee-aunt-is-ruining-my-family/687833.md?page=1)