# My Dog: She's Not Real Smart **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116 "2004-09-20T11:19:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/61 "2004-09-21T11:36:15Z")
> [@TheFaerie](#): > > And that’s my introduction to MMP. How was it? I dunno, **Faerie** … you really didn’t use _any_ of the previous topics. That knocks your score down to a 8.4. You could have gotten a solid 9.2 if you threw in the dog annecdote you used just a couple of posts later, but you didn’t, so there’s nothing I can do about that. Sorry. You probably could have scored higher in the 9’s, but there were the smilies. You loose Posting Points for smilies. I’m a tough judge that way. (That’s why no one else _ever_ uses smilies in the MMP.) (Yes, I know what I’m asking for with that.) P.S. When you “got in touch with your Inner Goddess”, did you wash your hands first? You could get a sinus infection if you didn’t. Yeah, a _sinus_ infection. > [@swampbear](#): > > **lightingtool** I caught a garter at a wedding once. I put it on and wore the rest of the evening. But _where_ did you wear this garter? With you, **Swampy** , we _have_ to ask. > [@Kallessa](#): > > …not wanting to show or breed myself… Tra la laaaaa… I’m not sayin’ _nuthin’_ about this one… Aaaaaannnnnd… I got nothing to add to things. But then, that would be a surprise exactly how? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/62 "2004-09-21T11:41:23Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > You loose Posting Points for smilies. I’m a tough judge that way. (That’s why no one else _ever_ uses smilies in the MMP.) (Yes, I know what I’m asking for with that.) :eek: We’re not supposed to use smilies in the MMP? :smack: No one ever told me that. ☹ Now I feel like a :wally And here I was feeling like one of the Cool Kids for once. 🆒 Guess I’ll slink off into oblivion. :o ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/63 "2004-09-21T11:53:13Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > But where did you wear this garter? With you, Swampy, we have to ask. It started out on my right thigh just above the knee. It then progressed to my right arm as an armband. For a while it was a wrist corsage (quite lovely, I might add as it was a nice shade of lavender) and ended up as a headband by the end of the night. Did I mention this was at a wedding reception where adult beverages flowed freely? Those things are amazingly stretchy. I still have it. It’s in a box of stuff up in my attic. I saw it a couple years back when I was rummaging through said box. Speaking of wedding receptions, y’all know, of course, that all gay men are natural dancers. Well, we’re supposed to be anyways. Well, since I will dance, I have no shortage of dance partners at wedding receptions where there’s a band. All the ladies whose husbands will not dance will keep me on the dance floor all evening if I let em. Even when I’m wearing a garter on my head. 😃 -swampbear ( 🙂 :rolleyes: :dubious: 🆒 :smack: 😛 :wally 😉 ;j 😃😕 :o :eek: ☹ :mad: ) ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/64 "2004-09-21T12:26:35Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > No ruffling here - ignore **vunderbob** - he’s just trying to stir something up. I’m mellow. I don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll be your friend even if you don’t send chocolate, 'cause I’m nice and all that crap… 😃 **FCMom** , I was just lookin’ out for you. **Lynn Bodoni** would not object in the least to shaking someone down for [chocolate](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=276645&page=1&pp=50), especially if she was on the receiving end… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/65 "2004-09-21T13:11:16Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Ginger does that with my throw pillows. She also raises her leg like a boy dog when she pees. I think she may be transexual. It’s a dominance thing. She’s just showing those pillows Who Is Boss. (seriously - she’s demonstrating her dominance and Top Dog-Ness to all and sundry who will pay attention.) But it is rather amusing at times…Kai will try that with assorted throw pillows as well. He always looks embarassed when he’s caught at it. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/66 "2004-09-21T13:21:53Z")
I am in **PAIN!!!** But I now have a story that ties into the dumb dog theme. Hang on, I’ll get to how it all ties in shortly. This morning as I got out of the shower a [Wolf Spider](http://www.ento.okstate.edu/ddd/insects/wolfspider.htm) the size of a Yorkshire Terrier came running out behind me. Now I’m not all wigged out when I see a spider but this sucker nearly startled the doody out of me. Natcherly, I jumped higher than a 56-year-old broad oughta and (you guessed it…or maybe you didn’t) took a seriously ungraceful swan dive on the ceramic tiles. I managed to smack every joint on the right side of my body and my head in the process. As I lay there trying to remember the number for 911, I turned to see where that arachnid had got to…And there it was :eek: perched on the back of my pug, Chang Lee, like Mowgli on an elephant! And what did Lee do??? Nothing. Just lifted his head and looked at me as if to say “Good Show, Mom. How bout an encore.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/67 "2004-09-21T13:27:25Z")
ouch! ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/68 "2004-09-21T13:34:44Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > . As I lay there trying to remember the number for 911 It is I - X - II, right? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/69 "2004-09-21T13:39:19Z")
Awwwwwwwwwwwww **Puggie**! You are hereby granted permission to lie upon the couch, eat ice cream, watch all the trashy daytime tv your heart desires and be waited on hand and foot by **Mr. Puggie** or oiled up nekkid cabana boys, your choice, for the rest of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/70 "2004-09-21T13:50:41Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Awwwwwwwwwwwww **Puggie**! You are hereby granted permission to lie upon the couch, eat ice cream, watch all the trashy daytime tv your heart desires and be waited on hand and foot by **Mr. Puggie** or oiled up nekkid cabana boys, your choice, for the rest of the day. Hmmm, the nekkid cabana boys could be a tad too exciting for my terminally tenderized torso so Mr. Anachi it is. Oh, and no Animal Planet for me today! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/71 "2004-09-21T16:00:25Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Hmmm, the nekkid cabana boys could be a tad too exciting for my terminally tenderized torso so Mr. Anachi it is. Oh, and no Animal Planet for me today! ☹ Ok, but will Mr. Anachi dance nekkid for you? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/72 "2004-09-21T17:23:30Z")
Okay, if I’ve put this all together correctly, **Tupug darlin’** used a smilie so **Rue** oiled her bathtub so she would slip, **mistee’s** gone Roman on us, while **vunderbob** shook chocolate all over **DogMom’s** and **FCM’s** throw pillows and **swampy** danced all nekkid except for a garter. Hmmm, it appears I am left with the cabana boys. Brawny cabana boys. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/73 "2004-09-21T17:43:13Z")
You know my brilliant detective **scout** , now that you mention it, it just might have been a costco promoting it’s fruity preparedness-- traffic in that area is lethal for small cars and I didn’t get the best look. I’m going to have to get lost around there and see if I can’t find it again, to be sure. Good apples make me a very happy girl when fall rolls around. Which it will be, officially, tomorrow. Poor **Puggie** , it’s quite a shock to fall, isn’t it? I suggest caution when watching nekkid mens dance about. Too much giggling can make your sore spots hurt even more. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/74 "2004-09-21T17:49:41Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Ok, but will Mr. Anachi dance nekkid for you? 😃 😃😃😃😃😃😃 Oh, yes!! He has and he will. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/75 "2004-09-21T17:51:00Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Okay, if I’ve put this all together correctly, **Tupug darlin’** used a smilie so **Rue** oiled her bathtub so she would slip, **mistee’s** gone Roman on us, while **vunderbob** shook chocolate all over **DogMom’s** and **FCM’s** throw pillows and **swampy** danced all nekkid except for a garter. > Hmmm, it appears I am left with the cabana boys. > > Brawny cabana boys. A **strategically placed** garter, if you please. And yes, **Kalley** the cabana boys are yours. I don’t think they make cabana boys in burly sizes. 😃 This is for **Rue** : 🙂 :rolleyes: :dubious: 🆒 :smack: 😛 :wally 😉 ;j 😃😕 :o :eek: ☹ :mad: ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/76 "2004-09-21T18:14:42Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Okay, if I’ve put this all together correctly, **Tupug darlin’** used a smilie so **Rue** oiled her bathtub so she would slip, **mistee’s** gone Roman on us, while **vunderbob** shook chocolate all over **DogMom’s** and **FCM’s** throw pillows and **swampy** danced all nekkid except for a garter. > Hmmm, it appears I am left with the cabana boys. > > Brawny cabana boys. You forgot the sheep for **TheFaerie’s** initiation… ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/77 "2004-09-21T18:32:44Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > You forgot the sheep for **TheFaerie’s** initiation… What, you aren’t using goats anymore? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/78 "2004-09-21T18:43:09Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > What, you aren’t using goats anymore? We had a problem with the goats after **Exgineer** came on board. I could lay my hands on a donkey though. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/79 "2004-09-21T18:51:02Z")
> [@welby](#): > > I could lay my hands on a donkey though. We got a donkey that needs healing? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/80 "2004-09-21T18:54:28Z")
> [@welby](#): > > We had a problem with the goats after **Exgineer** came on board. > > I could lay my hands on a donkey though. Wouldn’t we need an elephant as well? Let me go shake a couple of cherry trees and see if I can find one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=5)