# My Dog: She's Not Real Smart **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116 "2004-09-20T11:19:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/81 "2004-09-21T18:54:53Z")
> [@welby](#): > > We had a problem with the goats after **Exgineer** came on board. > I could lay my hands on a donkey though. Yes, I’m sure, but will the goat be able to walk after. And any meaning you take from the above is alright by me. I’m just saying, is all. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/82 "2004-09-21T19:17:45Z")
We used to tie yarn between the bedroom doorway and call our dog Blackie. He of course, would trip and fall, then continue to come toward us. When we would then step over the yarn, he would then run to us and trip over and fall over the same yarn again. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/83 "2004-09-21T19:23:48Z")
Aerin the Loud Kitty is a bengal, **Kallessa**. Before you get one (if you do) you should consider whether you like having a very vocal (“Meow! Meow! Meow!”) cat who climbs on everything, gets lonely after about two hours, especially at night, and won’t let you go to the bathroom alone. It’s almost like having a Ragdoll, and that’s like having a small insecure golden retriever. They’re very loving. I am starting to prepare for a Doper houseguest. I think I’ve mentioned it, but in case I haven’t, **Osgie** (used to be **Octavia Bunion Smythe Esq.** ), is coming to visit in a few weeks. I’m very excited. So are the cats, although they’re having their late-mid-afternoon naps right now. I have just eaten some cerlery in the fond hope that it will counteract the three pounds of cheddar scalloped potatoes I ate for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/84 "2004-09-21T19:30:57Z")
A big MMP howdy to **5-4-Fighting** and **Ouryl**. **5-4** we don’t ask what **Ex** and **welby** do with their goats. We feel it’s better that way. **Ouryl** that’s mean! Funny, but mean! **Lissla** three pounds of cheddar scalloped potatoes? Trying to cut back are we? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/85 "2004-09-21T19:36:09Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **Ouryl** that’s mean! Funny, but mean! It’s worse then that. We found out later the reason our dog did that was that he had cataracts - discovered when he kept running into walls when he used to chase us. :eek: :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/86 "2004-09-21T20:29:33Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > Aerin the Loud Kitty is a bengal, **Kallessa**. Before you get one (if you do) you should consider whether you like having a very vocal (“Meow! Meow! Meow!”) cat who climbs on everything, gets lonely after about two hours, especially at night, and won’t let you go to the bathroom alone. > > It’s almost like having a Ragdoll, and that’s like having a small insecure golden retriever. > > They’re very loving. > . I don’t think I’d mind having a vocal kitty, and I don’t mind having company in the bathroom as long as there’s no pointing and laughing (as the mother told her daughter as she was leaving for her honeymoon–you can point, or you can laugh, just don’t point and laugh). I do need a cat that will be okay on her own while I’m at work all day, but not so independent as to ignore me when I am alone. My bed’s got plenty of room (unfortunately), so she won’t need to sit on my face–as if a cat needs an excuse to do that. Has anyone ever met a secure golden retriever? When did the donkey get sick? Is the parrot okay? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/87 "2004-09-21T20:48:28Z")
Thanks for the welcome, Swampbear. I wuz just _saying_, wuz all. And I _was_ concerned for the goat (they’re almost like dogs, you know, and you know how us Merkins feel about our cats and dogs (as attested to by this thread). Can I see your lavender garter belt sometime? And I want me at least _one_ of them cabana boys that’s being passed out. I want a brawny one, not a burly one, since we had this kid named Burley Lee in my jr. hi school and I didn’t like him too much 'cause he was so . . . oh, ahhm, nem’mind. Hijack. Anyway, glad to be here among such interesting, smart and funny folks! ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/88 "2004-09-21T20:54:24Z")
> [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > Thanks for the welcome, Swampbear. > > I wuz just _saying_, wuz all. And I _was_ concerned for the goat (they’re almost like dogs, you know, and you know how us Merkins feel about our cats and dogs (as attested to by this thread). > > Anyway, glad to be here among such interesting, smart and funny folks! Well, except for Ouryl. He’s mean to living creatures, just like Burley Lee was and that’s why in jr. high . . . oh, nem’mind agin. Hijack. Just kiddin’ Ouryl, you’re funny too. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/89 "2004-09-21T20:55:04Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > When did the donkey get sick? Is the parrot okay? Oh, kalley, don’t you remember? I think it was the last initiation…The parrot’s feathers got, erm, singed so he quit. Rumor has it the donkey is now clinically depressed. ☹ (so there, **rue**! :p) ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/90 "2004-09-21T21:20:59Z")
> [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > Anyway, glad to be here among such interesting, smart and funny folks! 😃 Boy, we sure got you fooled. _::: stumbles over throw rug and whacks head on doorframe on the way out of the thread … again :::_ ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/91 "2004-09-21T21:49:46Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Oh, kalley, don’t you remember? I think it was the last initiation…The parrot’s feathers got, erm, singed so he quit. Rumor has it the donkey is now clinically depressed. ☹ (so there, **rue**! :p) So the parrot’s not dead? I’ve long thought Eeyore was clinically depressed, and Tigger is obviously manic. Piglet suffers from a surfeit of fears, and may be paranoid as well, (even for a Very Small Animal) while Rabbit is obsessive complusive. Roo may well grow up with Oedipal issues because Kanga is by turns overprotective or negligent (who would let their child go into the woods alone with a Tigger?) and Owl is overcompensating for something. Christopher Robin is delusional, which leaves us with Winnie the Pooh, the only emotionally healthy one in the bunch (okay, so he has some food issues, but healthy doe not mean neurosis free). Is it any wonder these books are classics? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/92 "2004-09-21T21:53:13Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > We got a donkey that needs healing? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ``` The Baptist Dog ``` A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. “Fetch the Bible,” he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. “Now find Psalm 23,” he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, “Can he do regular dog tricks, too?” “I haven’t tried yet,” the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. “HEEL!” the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor’s forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Grief! He’s Pentecostal !!! ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/93 "2004-09-21T22:04:30Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > **mistee’s** gone Roman on us Hey, how did you know that I was walking around in the wilderness today/ Oh you didn’t mean roamin’ How is your mom? ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/94 "2004-09-21T22:27:16Z")
So… if you loose Posting Points does that make them free-range? Do they thunder in great herds across the message board plains? Is there a yearly round-up of some sort, something with cyber-gauchos perhaps? Are they then scored with ye old branding iron maybe? I certainly _hope_ that they’re raised organically. More nutritious that way you know. (And, no, actually I don’t have anything better to do at the moment… so, nyah.) ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/95 "2004-09-21T22:56:23Z")
I’m still worried about Rue’s dog. Rue, if your dog does go too long in the water dish, [here](http://members.aol.com/henryhbk/acpr.html) are instructions for Animal CPR. We are so violent this week. So far, we have biting dogs, cats, swampbears, and people. Among the bitten are people, burly men, toys, and apples. My ferrets don’t chase dots either, but then ferrets have notoriously bad eyesight. However, they act like they are chasing dots all the time. What is really funny is when you get one of those toys that look ideal for befuddling a ferret: the kind with a battery inside the makes it move. So, giggling and nudging, you start the toy and stand back to see the fun. The ferret will pick up the toy and dart under the couch or behind the TV cabinet. The ferret then giggles and nudges the other ferrets while you frantically try to move the couch or cabinet so you can turn the darn thing off. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/96 "2004-09-21T23:04:10Z")
Branding? " **This Post Is The Property Of Lissla Lissar So Hands Off"**? Free-range posts? Naw. I don’t think they can survive in the wild. Someone thinks we’re funny?! Yes, **swampy**. In the interests of weight loss, I am no longer going to eat deep-fried twinkies for breakfast. I actually want a ragdoll cat. Mr. Lissar says that Aerin is cuddly enough. He’s also nixed the [Manul cat](http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/26.shtml), because he’s mean, and won’t fly to Afghanistan to get me one. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/97 "2004-09-21T23:44:45Z")
Herding free-range Posting Points is a bit like herding cats–you may think they are going where you’re going, but you never know until you get there. And we don’t have to brand them, we just have to check the “Show your signature” box and they all get sorted out. **Lissla** , I’m confused. In other news, I also don’t completely understand your last post. Is it the Manul cat or Mr. Lissar that is mean? In addition to the Manul cat, are there powered cats as well? Where’s the motor? Is that why cats purr, because they’re motorized? What if you wanted a rotary engine cat? Would it go pip-pip-pip instead of purring? Oh, I know–I bet they’re solar powered–that’s why they spend so much time looking for patches of sun! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/98 "2004-09-21T23:56:20Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > **FCMom** , I was just lookin’ out for you. **Lynn Bodoni** would not object in the least to shaking someone down for [chocolate](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=276645&page=1&pp=50), especially if she was on the receiving end… 😉 oooooh, now I get it… silly me. Another beautiful Maryland day here. I spent most of it in a really confusing training class. I was confused - the chemical engineers were just lapping it all up. Ah well, I still get paid even if I don’t understand it all. In other news, we’ve been without a phone since some time last week. I know it was working on Weds, because I sent a fax. But we have no dial tone, and if anyone calls us, it just rings and rings and rings on their end, but nothing here. Verizon is supposed to show up tomorrow to check out their line. And, of course, we don’t get much cell signal here, so we can’t rely on that. So we’re incommunicado. Except for the computer. So don’t bother calling me… **swampy** , my mental images of you and your lavender garter were most, um, bizarre. Were you wearing a tux or a plaid sport coat?? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/99 "2004-09-22T00:49:29Z")
After I hit ‘reply’ I realized my grammar was all funny. My 1st husband cruely refuses to get me a Manul cat. Our cats may be nap-powered. They avoid the sun. Maybe they’re vampires! ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/100 "2004-09-22T11:47:46Z")
Thanks for the tip **merrily** , but I figger if she’s dumb enough to drown in her water dish, she’s just too stupid to live. It’s a harsh Darwinistic household I run. > [@BiblioCat](#): > > :eek: :smack: ☹ :wally 🆒 :o > [@swampbear](#): > > 😃 🙂 :rolleyes: :dubious: 🆒 :smack: 😛 :wally 😉 ;j 😃😕 :o :eek: ☹ :mad: > [plus later-] 😃 > [and yet more-] 😃 🙂 :rolleyes: :dubious: 🆒 :smack: 😛 :wally 😉 ;j 😃😕 :o :eek: ☹ :mad: > [@vunderbob](#): > > 😉 > [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > :eek: 😛 > [plus later-] ☹ > [and later yet-] 😃😃😃😃😃😃 🙂 > [almost as if **Puggy** was making a point-] ☹ 😛 > [@ouryL](#): > > :eek: > [plus] :eek: :eek: 😃 > [@BiblioCat](#): > > 😃 > [@FairyChatMom](#): > > 😃 It warms the cockles of my heart to know you, my True Friends, come through for me, ALL THE FREAKING TIME! My cockles are very warm now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=6)