# My Dog: She's Not Real Smart **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116 "2004-09-20T11:19:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/121 "2004-09-22T22:43:42Z")
> [@welby](#): > > Hey **FCM** , you do know that Maryland is the Dark State, don’t you? I may be missing an in-joke, but no, it’s not. It’s the Old Line State, whatever that means. I think it has something to do with the Mason-Dixon Line. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/122 "2004-09-22T23:55:59Z")
> [@welby](#): > > Hey **FCM** , you do know that Maryland is the Dark State, don’t you? No, silly, Maryland is the Free State. But that’s a misnomer. There’s not much free around here. Although my water’s free since I have a well, not counting the electricity to run the pump. And the bridge to Virginia isn’t free - it’s costs ya $3 to cross the Potomac here from MD to VA, although it’s free coming in the other direction. Except for me, it’s just 60 cents a crossing since I have an EZPass. But we (my sweetie and I) call it a MultiPass, with the proper Fifth Element pronounciation. And at the moment, it is dark in Maryland, but I don’t think it’s a state thing. I think it’s a night thing. **Faerie** , don’t get too excited. Being my friend means you have to listen to me whine and stuff. It gets old pretty fast. I run thru a lot of friends that way… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/123 "2004-09-22T23:59:22Z")
Actually, it seems [Maryland](http://www.netstate.com/states/intro/md_intro.htm) has a lot of nicknames. And apparently I was taught incorrectly as a kid. We were told that Maryland was called the Free State because it guaranteed freedom of religion to everyone. But that’s not what the like I provided says. Another childhood illusion shattered. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/124 "2004-09-23T00:15:08Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > Of couse you should have your system inspected. It might have filled up with beer, ham, and cockies over the summer. Even if that stuff isn’t there, there’s nasty stuff like leaves, dust, and dead animals that can collect over the summer. \*The White Elephant \*had a furnace fire because of a dead bird and nest that that fell down the flue one summer. > > The HVAC guys say every year for a professional inspection, but IMAO that’s like asking a barber if you need a haircut. I say every other year IF you know how to look for dead birds yourself, and everything was working OK at the end of the spring. Thanks, but to look for dead birds and/or animals, I’d have to go under the house, and I’m not prepared to do that for less than an injured child. Okay, maybe an injured cat or dog, but only if none of my neighbors were home. I might have to go on the roof as well, which is almost as problematic. See, once I’m on the roof, or other high places, I’m perfectly fine. Can walk right to the edge and look down. But _climbing_ anything like a ladder is right out. I’m not all the fond of stairs to tell the truth, but ladders, ropes, pitons, just not where I want to be. What’s the “A” in IMAO stand for? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/125 "2004-09-23T11:43:11Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > What’s the “A” in IMAO stand for? WAG: asinine? annoying? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/126 "2004-09-23T11:51:01Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Thanks, but to look for dead birds and/or animals, I’d have to go under the house, and I’m not prepared to do that for less than an injured child. Okay, maybe an injured cat or dog, but only if none of my neighbors were home. I might have to go on the roof as well, which is almost as problematic. See, once I’m on the roof, or other high places, I’m perfectly fine. Can walk right to the edge and look down. But _climbing_ anything like a ladder is right out. I’m not all the fond of stairs to tell the truth, but ladders, ropes, pitons, just not where I want to be. > > What’s the “A” in IMAO stand for? IMAO: In My Arrogant Opinion. Would you expect nothing less in an acronym from me? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/127 "2004-09-23T12:18:18Z")
**Kalley** get your furnace inspected pronto. That way you will be toasty warm all winter. A toasty warm **Kalley** is a good thing. An icy cold **Kalley** would just be all grumpy in the MMP and we don’t want that, now do we? :dubious: Ok, no ham and no **5-4** last night but I did make a delicious homemade chicken pot pie. A certain burly gentleman assisted in the making and eating of the pot pie. Then we had dessert. Twice. 😃 I’m beginning to enjoy these little middle of the work week visits. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/128 "2004-09-23T13:00:50Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Ok, no ham and no **5-4** last night but I did make a delicious homemade chicken pot pie. A certain burly gentleman assisted in the making and eating of the pot pie. Then we had dessert. Twice. 😃 I’m beginning to enjoy these little middle of the work week visits. **swampy** , I think it’s time for a screen name for _a certain burly gentleman_. Maybe we could take a poll? Well, don’t it make ya wonder what in the heck is going on? This is what my [weekend](http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm11/projectedpath_large.html) is looking like right now. And what the hell happened [here](http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm11/index_large.html)? Is NASA experimenting with some kinda giant weather magnet? Guess I better hall out the hunkers. Oh, and the trees still ain’t cut down. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/129 "2004-09-23T13:01:56Z")
Hawl :smack: ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/130 "2004-09-23T13:12:25Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > No, silly, Maryland is the Free State. No, it’s the Dark State because for some reason, every other time I go there, a cop pulls me over. Well, okay, not EVERY other time, but of the 8 traffic violations I’ve had in my life, 7 of them were in Maryland, and none were for speeding. They’ll pull you (or maybe just me) over for damn near anything. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/131 "2004-09-23T13:32:19Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > **swampy** , I think it’s time for a screen name for _a certain burly gentleman_. Maybe we could take a poll? > > Well, don’t it make ya wonder what in the heck is going on? This is what my [weekend](http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm11/projectedpath_large.html) is looking like right now. And what the hell happened [here](http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm11/index_large.html)? Is NASA experimenting with some kinda giant weather magnet? Guess I better hall out the hunkers. Oh, and the trees still ain’t cut down. ☹ hey Hey HEY! Enough with the NASA jokes. I work for NASA, at the center that hosts atmospheric research (although that’s not my department), and I can tell you categorically that the weather guys are not behind this. However, NASA \*\*IS \*\* responsible, by the fact that they hired me and moved me and VunderWife to Virginny. She is a known hurricane magnet. It started when the was a teenager, and she lived with her dad on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. They got nailed many times more than usual in the early 80s when she lived there. She came back to Indiana, but whenever she visited him, they’d get another 'cane. We got married in '87. In September 1988, I had to go to MS for a job related task, and took her and the 6 m.o. VunderKind along so they could visit her dad. We flew into Meridian as Florence hit, and left Biloxi later with Gilbert out in the Gulf. A few years later (New Years 93), we went to Southern CA for a family reunion on her dad’s side, and her presence there broke a 5 year drought in the LA basin. The only time we didn’t have hurricanes or bad weather when she was with her dad was when he died. It was June, and the water wasn’t warm enough yet to create a storm. If you noticed the storms this year, they have a tendency to wind up over SE VA at some point in their miserable lives. It’s Flarduh’s bad luck that they make that screeching turn towards my wife over that part of the country. I can explain Ivan by saying that by the time he became a depression (Virginia again), the attractive force was lost, allowing him to go back to sea and now to the gulf. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/132 "2004-09-23T13:36:05Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > **ThFaerie** , you were reading for nearly a _year_ without contributing? How many other non-posting MMPers are there, hiding in the darkness? Posting to a MMP is easy. Somehow I think that should be ‘an’ MMP. Hmm. Anyway, if you read, you ought to post. > > Or I’ll make you do my dishes. Ack! Dishes! The bane of Fae everywhere! I’m sorry, whatever I did wrong I will never do again! (runs away and hides until the suds subside) Hey wait a sec. I post to MMP now, I’m safe. Whew! **FCM** Go ahead, whine away. I’ll listen and give you all sorts of crappy unsolicited advice. It’s my job. It’s amazing I still even have friends in real life because of it. And on a completely unrelated note. I was Phelped today. I am no longer a Fred Phelps protest virgin. My eyes are still stinging from the day-glo “God Hates F\*gs” protest signs. Considering I live in Kansas, it’s amazing I have never seen one of them before, just lucky I guess. They were picketing a rather large church near my home, but I’m not sure why. Freaks. For those who may not know what I am talking about, Fred Phelps is an insane “baptist” preacher from Topeka, KS whose church stands outside of gay funerals, gay-friendly churches, and anyplace else they think may be contributing to the downfall of his culture, holding signs about how God hate homosexuals and that everyone is going to hell or whatever. I’d give out the website, but I don’t want to encourage counter hits for the freaks. Google it if you want to know more. His congregation consists mostly of his extended, dare I say, inbred, family, and even little children hold up signs and yell at passerbys. Sad. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/133 "2004-09-23T13:40:20Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Hey, amid all these newcomers, aren’t we missing someone? Anyone hear from **tanookie** lately? I saw some cool Monopoly stuff the other day and it brought her to mind. Is she missing in action, or ignoring us? Sorry - life has been odd these past weeks and we’ve all been sick. What did ya find? I just got some cool new towels for my bathroom 🙂 > [@swampbear](#): > > Hmmmmmmmm… as I recall **'nookie** had a date last weekend. Musta been a real good one! 😃 She’s a sweetie. We were iming each other on Yahoo Saturday afternoon and she asked me if I was gettin’ all googly eyed over a certain burly gentleman and I said sumpn to the effect that at least so far I haven’t read about him ax murderin’ the postman, so he might become a keeper and she agreed that’s a good quality. Me and **'nookie** we got our standards, we do! Are you confusing me with Twickster again? I’ve never IMd with Swampy _sniff_ but I have chatted with FCM! So I’m cool kid that way 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/134 "2004-09-23T14:37:33Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Hawl :smack: Haul. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/135 "2004-09-23T14:40:24Z")
> [@'nookie](#): > > Are you confusing me with Twickster again? I’ve never IMd with Swampy _sniff_ but I have chatted with FCM! So I’m cool kid that way :smack: I did it again. I get **'nookie** and **Twicks** all mixed up in my brain all the time. _sigh_ It’s like I do with Wally and Rippy the Gator. Before long it’ll be Wally the 'nookie and Rippy the Twicks or the other way around all floating around inside my head. **’nookie** is happily married. She does not go on dates with men who don’t appear to be serial killers. That’s what **Twicks** and me do. And **'nookie** the gator went chomp! chomp! chomp! ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/136 "2004-09-23T14:48:40Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > Did anyone else celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day? We did. Well, I suck at pirate-speak, so it was mostly Mr. Lissar. He’s really good at talking like a pirate. Driving Husband just likes rum. I missed it. I even had it marked on the calendar and all, and I forgot about it anyway. Had some rum to assauge my grief, though! ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/137 "2004-09-23T15:23:22Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > A few years later (New Years 93), we went to Southern CA for a family reunion on her dad’s side, and her presence there broke a 5 year drought in the LA basin. HOLY MOSES. I remember January of 1993. Why do I remember it? Because it practically rained EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH. And I was living on campus at college, taking an intersession course and working catering. So I got to push around a catering cart in the rain. And the street outside my dorm was constantly flooded from poor drainage. That was HER fault?!? ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/138 "2004-09-23T15:37:27Z")
> [@TheFaerie](#): > > _snip_ > For those who may not know what I am talking about, Fred Phelps is an insane “baptist” preacher from Topeka, KS whose church stands outside of gay funerals, gay-friendly churches, and anyplace else they think may be contributing to the downfall of his culture, holding signs about how God hate homosexuals and that everyone is going to hell or whatever. I’d give out the website, but I don’t want to encourage counter hits for the freaks. Google it if you want to know more. His congregation consists mostly of his extended, dare I say, inbred, family, and even little children hold up signs and yell at passerbys. Sad. I got picketed by this schmuck (or maybe just his family. I’m not sure what he looks like) once. What a tool. We were doing a show in Topeka and he came to yell at us for being gay, I think. His crew of idiots actually spat on some of our cast members as they were getting off their bus. In response, the biggest and burliest guys on the crew (To give some perspective, I’m 6’3" and about 220, and I was one of the medium-sized burly guys) all (about 5 of us) put on signs that said, “I’m gay” and walked over to say hi. They looked really nervous for a while, then left. Maybe not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but it sure was satisfying. I think we should call **swampy** ’s certain burly gentleman a Certain Burly GentleBoy, so then his initials would be [CBGB](http://www.cbgb.com/). Or not. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/139 "2004-09-23T15:45:10Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Haul. 🙂 Of course it is! I was waiting for somebody to pick up on that. Guess nobody got the joke. Yeah…that’s the ticket. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/140 "2004-09-23T18:41:17Z")
> [@welby](#): > > No, it’s the Dark State because for some reason, every other time I go there, a cop pulls me over. > > Well, okay, not EVERY other time, but of the 8 traffic violations I’ve had in my life, 7 of them were in Maryland, and none were for speeding. They’ll pull you (or maybe just me) over for damn near anything. Must just be you. Do you look like a drug runner or something? 😉 I’ve lived here since I was four, and now I’m nearly 40 _(gasp!)_. The two (2!) times I’ve been pulled over for speeding, I smiled nicely and batted my eyes at the nice policeman and he let me off. Well, that and the fact that I have fire department tags on my car 'cause Mr. BiblioCat is a volunteer fireman. Professional courtesy and all that. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=8)