# My Dog: She's Not Real Smart **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116 "2004-09-20T11:19:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/141 "2004-09-23T19:17:36Z")
My morning was _horrible_, absolutely horriBLE! I thought my internet filter thingy had finally locked me away from this site. I dunno what went wrong and I’m not gonna pick at it because I’m just happy to be back. Annoying you guys, spouting insanity, you know, the usual. This post wouldn’t fall under the jinx effect would it? Today I’m jealous of **swampy** and his many dates, especially with the Certain Gentleman. I sit home alone way too often, which is mainly my fault because how can I meet people if I never leave my house. But still, is door-to-door dates too much to ask? May I borrow a cup of boyfriend? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/142 "2004-09-23T19:27:17Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Today I’m jealous of **swampy** and his many dates, especially with the Certain Gentleman. I sit home alone way too often, which is mainly my fault because how can I meet people if I never leave my house. But still, is door-to-door dates too much to ask? May I borrow a cup of boyfriend? How you doin’? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/143 "2004-09-23T19:35:41Z")
> [@Ashes\[sup](#): > > 2[/sup]Today I’m jealous of swampy and his many dates, especially with the Certain Gentleman. I sit home alone way too often, which is mainly my fault because how can I meet people if I never leave my house. But still, is door-to-door dates too much to ask? May I borrow a cup of boyfriend? Now, now I don’t have **many** dates. Well, I have had the opportunity to have some steady “playdates.” However, since I began seeing a certain burly gentleman on a sorta regular basis I have been declining “playdates.” Much to the dismay of said “playdates”, I might add.😃 Ok, there was going to be a point to this, now what was it? Oh yeah! See, \*\*Ashes[sup]2[/sup], I’m sorta like you. I tends to stay home a lot when I’m not at work. It’s comfy and cozy, so why leave, right? Well, I happened to accept an invite to a party oh, about four months ago, to which a certain burly gentleman also attended. I knew of his existence (and he of mine) but we had not ever met. Well, we met and hit it off. He asked me to dinner, I reciprocated. He came over for dinner and “dessert” one Friday evening and left the following Sunday aftenoon. I did the same thing at his house. Now, we generally see each other two to three times a week, one of them being Wednesday nights, for some odd reason. Let’s see now, the point… hmmm… Oh! I didn’t go out looking and seeking it just happened. I’m in extreme like but not sure about the love thing yet. I’m just gonna enjoy while it’s good. 😉 Sorry about the mean ol’ 'puter thingy. I hope it feels all better now. I’m gonna mow my yard when I get home. No certain burly gentleman tonight, just me and my mower and edger and blower thingy. And some leftover chicken pot pie. -swampbear (rambly) ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/144 "2004-09-23T19:37:02Z")
**Ashes[sup]2[/sup]**. See I really can code stuff. Hmmm… maybe a certain you know who is affecting my brain. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/145 "2004-09-23T20:04:36Z")
I didn’t get ham but I did get a 7-lb pork shoulder roast. It’s in the crockpot for the next ten hours, with garlic, pepper, and barbeque sauce. When I get home tonight from work I’ll shred it and freeze it. My throat hurts. I have another stupid low-grade cold. ☹ This is stupid. I never get sick, and yet I’ve had three colds in the last month. I’m contemplating Hallowe’een costumes. Do I want to wear my red silk again, my 12th century getup, a 1920’s dress, or make something new? I may have a 17th century bodice kicking around somewhere, too. Lissla[overelaborate Hallowe’een costumes girl] ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/146 "2004-09-23T20:11:40Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Today I’m jealous of **swampy** and his many dates, especially with the Certain Gentleman. I sit home alone way too often, which is mainly my fault because how can I meet people if I never leave my house. But still, is door-to-door dates too much to ask? May I borrow a cup of boyfriend? Ya know, door-to-door dates is an awfully good idea. I see bands of single men roaming the streets randomly knocking on doors and asking if there’s a single lady who would like a date with one of them (we must always have choices, darlin’, we are never so desparate that we would just go out with whatever). Each gentleman would have a certificate attesting to the fact that he is a genuine good guy and would be prepared to insist that the single lady in question looked absolutely adorable in the oversized t-shirt and baggy pajama bottoms that make up her usual Saturday night attire. Works for me. I’ve jokingly said that for my birthday I was going to throw my self a party. It would be a “Bring a Date for Kallessa” party and all my friends would have to bring someone worthy of dating me. I think it’s a grand idea, and if I could think of a way to make money on it, I’d market it. We still haven’t decided on a screen name for this certain burly gentleman, although CBGB has its appeal. Since **swampy’s** always talking about dessert, we could call him _Cupcake_, but that’s a bit obvious, and _Mousse_ is reaching perhaps a tad too much. _Curly_ rhymes with burly, but it evokes the character Curly from _Oklahome_, and that’s not good. I suppose we could call him **swampy’s bearfriend**. Or would _barefriend_ be more appropriate? ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/147 "2004-09-23T20:13:37Z")
A cup of boyfriend? I… … …I can’t believe I can’t come up with something to say to that. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/148 "2004-09-23T20:41:16Z")
All righty then! I have a phone again! We were without for almost a week but now it’s working again, so I’m happy. You could call me if you had my number, but not too many of you have my number, so I’m not holding my breath waiting for calls. But I’ll be home all day tomorrow painting and waiting for my cabinets to be delivered, so you could call then, except you don’t have my number and I’ll be too busy to chat. But if I had the time, you could call. If you had my number. Which you probably don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/149 "2004-09-23T21:06:51Z")
First off, **vunderbob** , I was under the impression you were not of the single variety of male human. Do you mean I was supressing my lustful thoughts about you for no reason?! And if so, I’m doin’ just fine baby, how 'bout you? Sure **swampy** , rub it in how you found the BareCake while you were doing the dating equivalent of Newton’s sitting under an apple tree. Any minute you’re going to notice a pebble in your shoe and it’ll turn out to be a diamond. My problem is that all of my friends are terminally married and I end up being the only single person invited to the one party they throw each year. Socializing opportunities around here are awful, poor poor me, listen to the sad song of the violin… okay, wallowing over. Maybe I’ll go trolling for boyfriends at the mall. We have four whole stores there now. **Kallessa** , get outta my brain. That’s exactly what I envisioned, only the boyfriends would have little seals of approval stamped somewhere on theirselves (because they could fake a certificate you see) and the first date would involve an intense search to verify authenticity and such. My cats dress up for halloween (my favorite holiday, yay!) every year but this year I can’t think what they would like to be. Last year they were fortune tellers, with little scarves wrapped around their heads and gold coin necklaces. Any suggestions? I will be a demon, complete with high heeled goat’s hoof shoes, horns, and wicked wings, dressed in a red dress and matching coiffure. Should they be my minions or is that too cute and perhaps into crazy cat lady territory? Also, I need some small animal skulls, for decoration, I swear. Yes **scout** , a cup of boyfriend. The mind do boggle at that straightline, don’t it? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/150 "2004-09-23T21:19:22Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **Kalley** get your furnace inspected pronto. That way you will be toasty warm all winter. A toasty warm **Kalley** is a good thing. An icy cold **Kalley** would just be all grumpy in the MMP and we don’t want that, now do we? :dubious: > > Ok, no ham and no **5-4** last night but I did make a delicious homemade chicken pot pie. A certain burly gentleman assisted in the making and eating of the pot pie. Then we had dessert. Twice. 😃 I’m beginning to enjoy these little middle of the work week visits. Sorry, 'Bear: I was on my way out the door when I suddenly remembered you already had a certain burly guy in your life. Since I’m not a burly guy by any means, I decided to stay home so I wouldn’t cause any trouble (after all, it was Wednesday, your regular get-together night), or get beat up. I’m not burly but I do have muscles; or at least I have mussels glued to my puny body to that might look like the real thing to a blind man. And you never mentioned whether cbg was blind, so I didn’t want to take a chance. Actually, I wangled a date out you just as a ruse. Not really, but the last comment gave me a chance to use “ruse” in a sentence. I’ve always wanted to. P.S. Here’s hoping you and CBGB (I vote for that board name – it’s the name of a club here in NYC) get to him coming over on Wednesday and leaving on Sunday. Lemme know! ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/151 "2004-09-23T22:02:24Z")
I think door-to-door dates are probably illegal. Sorry, just sayin’. Mother to son going door-to-door: How did it go? Any luck? Son: Some, I wasn’t arrested this time. Mother: Next time, tell the officer you were really just going to give a massage. The best idea for pet Halloweens I ever saw was when someone dressed up their ferrets as the Four Ferrets of the Apocolypse. Don’t you know it, all the good ideas are already taken. I wanted to be Pestilence! ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/152 "2004-09-23T22:23:37Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > First off, **vunderbob** , I was under the impression you were not of the single variety of male human. Do you mean I was supressing my lustful thoughts about you for no reason?! And if so, I’m doin’ just fine baby, how 'bout you? I’m straight, and I flirt with **Swampy** all the time. Why let my wife get in the way of a good thing? Besides, I may not be married too much longer. We’ve been approached by a secret cabal of homeowner’s insurance companies, who’ve offered us a lot of money to divorce so they can send the hurricane magnet to Iceland to live out her life, and thereby draw those 'canes away from the east coast. They figure it will be cheaper than paying all those claims. Then I will be free to pursue the trophy wife I so richly deserve. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/153 "2004-09-23T22:38:17Z")
Trophy wife? Who’d’a thunk you were so shallow… 😛 **swampy** , you gotta admit, tho, that while you may have a good time with your assorted burly gentlemens, you’ll never again have a date as cheap as I was! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/154 "2004-09-23T22:54:01Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Trophy wife? Who’d’a thunk you were so shallow… 😛 You’ve met me in person, and you know I’m not shallow. Especially through my midsection… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/155 "2004-09-23T23:30:07Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > I’m contemplating Hallowe’een costumes. The “African Explorer” is covered this year. I got my pith helmet at the Army Surplus store (a couple months ago) and I can’t let it go to waste. Pith helmet, my safari vest (or photo vest- whichever way you want- it has a lot of pockets and that’s what’s important), khaki shorts (man gams!), my khaki camp shirt and my boots and I’m ALL SET! I hope I get a BUNCH of candy this year! ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/156 "2004-09-23T23:52:24Z")
**Rue** , you talk like a hard guy, but someday you are going to thank me for that link. So, you are dressing as the Crocodile Hunter for Halloween? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/157 "2004-09-24T00:37:00Z")
For Halloween, I’m going to get a lot of those little boxes of Rice Crispies, Frosted Flakes, Wheaties, etc., randonly slash them and splatter them with red paint and then attach them on strings all over my body. Not that original, but I enjoy it. And it’s a lot more comfortable than being kicked by a bodice. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/158 "2004-09-24T01:39:27Z")
[ahem] cereal killer [/ahem] Okay, I can’t take credit for this, someone much more creative than I thunk it up, but anyway, get yourself a cheap raincoat with a zip out liner. The liner must be opaque. tear the zipper apart at the neck so that you can stick your head through. Wrap your head in cheese cloth and put on some sun glasses. Then work yourself up inside the raincoat between the coat and the liner and stick your head through where you broke the zipper. You’ll look like a rather prosaic invisible man wannabe until you open the rain coat and all the viewer can see is the lining. I guess you hadda been there. Okay, how’s about this one: I’m going out with nothing on but a pair of roller skates. _cough_ I’ll be a pull toy! _cough_ Hey **Nookie** , do you also collect the Monopoly games for various cities? Is anybody still reading this post? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/159 "2004-09-24T01:41:18Z")
If it is monopoly I collect it. Must update website! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116/160 "2004-09-24T06:55:50Z")
**Bumba** , darlin’, did you figure it out from my post, or are you familar with that costume? I giggled all night the first time I saw it (of course, a thermos of Long Island Ice Tea may have had something to do with that). **tanookie** , the cool stuff I saw was the bath towels you have already acquired. They also had both a Catopoly and a Dogopoly, as well as a Monopoly serving platter and a set of four appetizers plates. I suppose it would be the only platter that you’d ever use . . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-dog-shes-not-real-smart/265116.md?page=9)