# My ears are making me blue **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 20, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767 "2010-10-20T12:51:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/21 "2010-10-21T04:02:36Z")
My father in law was very deaf most of his life. Recently he got [cochlear implants](http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/hearing/coch.asp) and his life really changed. I don’t know a whole lot about it, but just from seeing his results I would recommend anyone with severe hearing problems look into it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/22 "2010-10-21T08:15:49Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > It’s one thing when it happens at work. But my wife is constantly going, “Honey, could you mumble mumble mumble…” as she’s walking away. How many times do I have to go, “What? What? Dearest wife, you do realize I can’t hear you? And we’ve talked about this 500 times? If you want me to hear you, stay in the same room, and look at me when you’re trying to talk to me!” The bros and I don’t even have hearing loss (I think, I have an appointment this Saturday to check my hearing as part of regular checkups), but one of our oft-repeated lines to Mom is “I can’t hear your nape when it talks.” There’s also “Mom, we’re on the phone, screaming into it won’t make me hear you better” and “Mom, talk to the phone, not to your flowers. Please leave the floral arrangements for later” (she keeps a flower vase beside one of her telephones; if she’s on that one, she’ll start working on the flowers while telling you about her second-best friend’s latest round of money troubles with the family). I don’t need to look at people to hear them, but I hear them a lot easier when they look at me than when they talk through their shoulders. Your descriptions sound similar to the situation of being with a group of people who speak a language I do not. I’ve told before the story of how two coworkers of mine were speaking in German (I can read it and I understand Angela Merkel’s speeches, but I don’t speak it or understand Suddeutsch) when one turned to me and asked, in English “what do you think?” “What do I think about what?” “What we were talking about!” “The reason you’re adressing me in English is that you know I don’t speak German. So why do you think I understood what you were talking about?” He had the good grace to blush. Having to ask for repeats is a PITA; sometimes you just have to, but yeah, it’s so much nicer when you don’t need to! ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/23 "2010-10-21T10:41:26Z")
Thanks to all of you for the advice and the words of encouragement. I’m nearly 35, so the thought of years and years more of this is a little hard to face sometimes, but I’l certainly be going back to the company that supplied my hearing aids and see if they can’t re-tune or re-programme them to make things a bit clearer. I have digital in-the-ear ones that are quite discreet, but it feels as though my hearing has deteriorated since I first got them about 3 years ago, so it’s time to get them looked at. If I’ve already reached teh limits of what these particular hearing aids can do, then I’ll need to start saving up for new ones as they’re certainly not cheap. Unfortunately we don’t have IM at work, and our office layout is such that people can mostly chat back and forth while still sitting at their desks (in our team at least), so there isn’t any opportunity to lure people over to my workspace with cookies. Talking on the phone is also hard, as I have a regular phone. Whenevr we get cold-callers asking if we’re interested in doing XYZ, I usually ask them to just email their proposal through as it’s far easier dealing with them that way that making an ass of myself trying to guess what they;re talking about over the phone. this email approach also has the added advantage of apparently weeding out time-wasters, which is always good. I’ve also become fairly adept at picking up non-verbal cues and smiling/nodding/chuckling in group conversations, even when I haven’t the faintest clue what the joke is. It’s feels as fake as hell, like I’m play-acting, but the alternative is to sit there all stony-faced while others laugh and thus gaining a reputation as a rude or miserable git. I think the only thing for it is to keep pushing myself into conversations and develop a thicker skin. It’s embarrassing and I feel like an attention-seeking child when I do it, but the alternative is social isolation, and given that I spend more of my life at work than anywhere else, that’s not a long-term option. Thanks again all. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/24 "2010-10-21T11:50:15Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > I’ve also become fairly adept at picking up non-verbal cues and smiling/nodding/chuckling in group conversations, even when I haven’t the faintest clue what the joke is. It’s feels as fake as hell, like I’m play-acting, but the alternative is to sit there all stony-faced while others laugh and thus gaining a reputation as a rude or miserable git. Those abilities will come in handy should your life take a Dexter Morgan turn. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/25 "2010-10-21T14:22:42Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > Seriously though, this is really getting me down. Anyone have similar experiences? If so, how do you cope with them? I have a collapsed ear canal on one side, and I wore a hearing aid from ages 6 to 9, or thereabouts. I didn’t actually think I was hard of hearing, but my mother and my teachers did, and an audiologist agreed. I distinctly remember my mother telling the audiologist she was concerned because “he really misses out on the small talk at school.” I desperately wanted to point out that the people making small talk at school were _also_ 6 years old, and had nothing worthwhile to say, but she was just trying to help. Anyway, one day my hearing aid broke, and I just sort of stopped wearing it. I really don’t know how I’ve gotten along since then, but as far as I can tell my hearing is as acute as most people’s. I guess that doesn’t help you at all, does it? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Shecky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/26 "2010-10-21T16:54:07Z")
I’m in with your lot, but I can’t afford the hearing aids. I’ve become pretty good at reading lips, but if you don’t call my name when I’m not looking at you, I can’t hear you. My current 6-month coworkers think that I’m aloof and don’t give a crap, meanwhile I’m struggling to get a hold on what’s going on because I hear nothing but white noise when a few of them have a convo near my desk. At least my friends know to call my name so I can turn my head or speak in a clear tone towards “the Good Ear”. It’s maddening. I used to be this outgoing dude, but lately I’ve become rather introverted, and more recently, slightly paranoid. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767/27 "2010-10-25T03:06:42Z")
> [@Bibliovore](#): > > Thanks **Lionne**. I try to tell myself that all the time - tomorrow will be different. But on those bad days, it’s so depressing that, like you, I’ll resent the people around me and sometimes even resent their carefree interaction. Sometimes I’ll think “Sod the lot of you, you heartless bastards! Just FUCK OFF with your lighthearted banter and witty quips that I can never be a part of.” > > And then on a good day. i’ll have a really good chat with somebody one-to-one and it will be fine. I just wish there was a way to make people understand how isolating it is, or better yet, for a way to fix my hearing once and for all so I can be the life of the party again instead of the sad and angry little mushroom sulking in the corner. So get out of the corner. I always make sure I sit in the middle of the group, near loud people. Even if I have to run to the restaurant early or jog in from the parking lot while everyone else strolls. if I’m on the end of the table, or surrounded by quiet people with good hearing, I’m lost. And my wife understands this-- she’ll grab me a good seat if she gets to the table first. Better yet, I sometimes skip going out if I know it’ll be a loud place, and wait for the quiet interactions that i have to hope will come another time. My hearing --and situation-- sounds like yours. So being a “sad and angry little mushroom sulking in the corner” would be a valid choice for me. But I fight that victim thang as hard as I can. That’s your choice, too. You may not be able to do much about the poor hearing (and in my case, loud tinnitus), but you can refuse to feel sorry for yourself. At least I HOPE you can! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ears-are-making-me-blue/557767.md?page=1)