# My engagement dilemma **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307 "2010-05-13T15:54:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/1 "2010-05-13T15:54:40Z")
My soon-to-be fiance (how’s that for confidence?) is a few days from getting the ring of her dreams (not interested in your opinions of diamond dealers, capitalism, etc). I want opinions of some real ‘girly girls’… and hopeless romantics and traditionalists. First off (I feel this is relevant): She is 38 year old widow. She was engaged when she was 22… on the beach (in Delaware). She was widowed at 34. Now, the beach is very important to us, and we spend many days at my condo on the beach, and we run on the beach and along the beach, and take our kids and boat there… and it is calling me. But I don’t know if I should just write off the chance to get engaged on the beach near Cape May, NJ at sunset since she was engaged that way the first time (on a beach anyway). I decided to transcend the beach and get engaged at the top of the Cape May lighthouse… but the darn thing closes at 6pm, and I wanted to do it during sunset. So… I am stumped by my over thinking. Maybe I should go ahead with Plan A and get engaged on the beach near Cape May, NJ… at sunset… and just not worry about anything else. So, that’d be this Saturday. A nice two-hour cruise; dinner in Cape May a stroll through some Victorian homes and gardens and then over to Cape May Point for sunset. Just thinking out loud… ---
**Author:** ![luv2draw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@luv2draw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luv2draw)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/2 "2010-05-13T16:09:49Z")
You’ve given thought and planned a nice evening for your lady in the kind of setting you both enjoy. All that will come through to her when you pop the question at your chosen moment. She won’t be comparing now with then and neither should you. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/3 "2010-05-13T16:13:30Z")
Can you call the lighthouse and explain you want to propose there at sunset? They may open it up just for you. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/4 "2010-05-13T16:13:50Z")
Why don’t you contact the lighthouse and see if you could arrange (for a little $) a “private tour” of the lighthouse at sunset. They might be willing to do something like that knowing that it’s a special occasion. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/5 "2010-05-13T16:43:40Z")
How about at sunrise, new beginning and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/6 "2010-05-13T16:56:12Z")
Propose next October 30? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/7 "2010-05-13T17:58:01Z")
> [@luv2draw](#): > > You’ve given thought and planned a nice evening for your lady in the kind of setting you both enjoy. All that will come through to her when you pop the question at your chosen moment. She won’t be comparing now with then and neither should you. That insight actually makes me feel much better. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/8 "2010-05-13T17:59:29Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Can you call the lighthouse and explain you want to propose there at sunset? They may open it up just for you. I think I will do that today. They need donations to maintain the site, so maybe a small donation will help. That would be truly awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Heckity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Heckity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heckity)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/9 "2010-05-13T18:06:37Z")
If they turn you down (and I don’t think they will - with a donation and good will - you’ll probably return frequently) - can you change your cruise and propose “at sea” at sunset? It’s not precisely the same as the beach but does reflect that you both enjoy activities on/near water . . . And your confidence is very attractive 🙂 Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/10 "2010-05-13T19:26:31Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > How about at sunrise, new beginning and all that. I like this - very poetic and romantic - but how is the lil’ lady about rising early? Cuz I’m kinda groggy at sunrise and wouldn’t be feeling too poetic at all at that hour. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/11 "2010-05-13T19:28:27Z")
“Cruise” in my OP refers to the car drive, which will be a nice experience as we both love a good car ride, but does not refer to a sea cruise! Sorry 'bout that! ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/12 "2010-05-13T19:35:58Z")
Well… the little old ladies that run the lighthouse cannot accommodate me. Looks like it’s gonna be on the beach… very near the lighthouse, but not at the top. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/13 "2010-05-13T19:59:44Z")
Don’t drop it in the sand. I am a klutz and would probably do that. It will be fine and good luck to both of you for a very happy life! ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/14 "2010-05-13T20:05:21Z")
What’s the deal with sunset? You go on and on about how the beach is important but you don’t mention anything about the sunset. Go to the lighthouse and propose at noon. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/15 "2010-05-13T20:20:52Z")
Having done this myself quite recently, I can offer this nugget: she’s not going to care if you do it in a lighthouse or on a beach. When you explain your thought process to her afterwards, she’s only going to care that you stressed about this for days. Making a big production of it lets her gab to her friends about it, but it’s just like the diamond - if it’s the right kind of girl, it’s not going to matter to her how big it is as long as your personal shopper didn’t choose it. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/16 "2010-05-13T20:38:06Z")
😃 I was about to ask if there were any restaurants overlooking the water so you could just have dinner and propose at sunset whilst gazing at the sea… And then I realized that Cape May is on the _East_ coast and no, you won’t be looking over the water at sunset. D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/17 "2010-05-13T20:56:54Z")
Damn… this is kind of sweet. I sure hope things work out well fro y’all. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/18 "2010-05-13T21:08:46Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > 😃 > > I was about to ask if there were any restaurants overlooking the water so you could just have dinner and propose at sunset whilst gazing at the sea… > > And then I realized that Cape May is on the _East_ coast and no, you won’t be looking over the water at sunset. D’oh! I didn’t even realize that until you said something. I’ve been on the west coast all my life, so I automatically assumed he wanted to watch the sunset over the water. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/19 "2010-05-13T21:46:59Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Go to the lighthouse and propose at noon. Side benefit is that she won’t be expecting it since the typical thing is sunset. But, yeah, go up in the lighthouse, propose, she says yes, have a picnic blanket and wine in the car, go get it, take her to the beach to watch the sunset and celebrate. Done. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > When you explain your thought process to her afterwards, she’s only going to care that you stressed about this for days. Mama was right when she said it’s the thought that counts. > [@RandMcnally](#): > > I didn’t even realize that until you said something. I’ve been on the west coast all my life, so I automatically assumed he wanted to watch the sunset over the water. Me too. That makes the whole beach at sunset thing kind of weird to me, now that I think about it. I guess you just kind of look at things while it gets dark. ---
**Author:** ![PhiloVance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e19adc/32.png) [@PhiloVance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PhiloVance)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307/20 "2010-05-13T21:56:43Z")
[Gah! OP sounds like a Bridezilla rerun.](http://www.wetv.com/bridezillas/) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-engagement-dilemma/539307.md?page=2)